The Opposite of Body Dysmorphia

mjbrenner

This thought came to me in a recent thread about body dysmorphia, and I felt like it would be inappropriate to bring it up there.

Do any other fat people look in the mirror and not see a fat person?

I am 100% serious and this is wicked not meant to be a troll post. When I look in the mirror, I don't see a fat man. I mean, I can see that huge ball of fat on my stomach, but it does not process in my self image. I look in the mirror and think, "Dang, you look good today." Rarely, my size will hit me and I will feel self-conscious, like when I was at my wife's company's Christmas party and I realized that out of 500+ people, I was the fattest in the room. I don't even hold onto that self-consciousness for long, though, before I'm back to thinking I'm all that.

Do any other fat men and women out there not see themselves as fat?

ybodwen

Hi!

Not sure if this is what your talking about- I don't think I'm considered "fat"- I'm just over the "overweight" line- but I gained about 20 lbs in a year and experienced some cognitive dissonance about the weight gain (i.e. total denial that my appearance had changed)

I finally saw a picture of myself in August and was like "WHOA! That's what I look like??" Apparently I hadn't been seeing that person in the mirror... And thus began my journey..

So yeah, I kinda know what you mean.

Tigermomma66

Hi!

Not sure if this is what your talking about- I don't think I'm considered "fat"- I'm just over the "overweight" line- but I gained about 20 lbs in a year and experienced some cognitive dissonance about the weight gain (i.e. total denial that my appearance had changed)

I finally saw a picture of myself in August and was like "WHOA! That's what I look like??" Apparently I hadn't been seeing that person in the mirror... And thus began my journey..

So yeah, I kinda know what you mean.

Sort of the same thing with me. I look in the mirror, and I see a fat person but not an obese person. I can acknowledge the weight is an issue... but it's like I minimize it. It's not that I think I look great, but that I am acceptable. I saw a picture of myself recently and I nearly died inside. I have really seen my obesity for what it is, and I am now ashamed that I have let it get this way.

So, yes, I know what you mean. And there are days that I dress with a certain hat, or favorite shirt, or something like that, and I think I look fantastic. Once I did that, and when I saw the photo later (this was recently too), I couldn't believe I looked like I did. I looked fat - that's all you would notice. Nothing else.

And THAT is when MY journey began.

BioQueen

That was a big problem for me. I never saw myself as "large", although according to my BMI at its highest I was just at the line of obese. I never thought I was necessarily "skinny", but I thought I could be considered "normal" or "healthy". Definitely not. It took a big wakeup call (the scale number) for me to see what happened. I also began noticing my jean size creeping up and feeling uncomfortable while sitting.

MaximalLife

This thought came to me in a recent thread about body dysmorphia, and I felt like it would be inappropriate to bring it up there.

Do any other fat people look in the mirror and not see a fat person?

I am 100% serious and this is wicked not meant to be a troll post. When I look in the mirror, I don't see a fat man. I mean, I can see that huge ball of fat on my stomach, but it does not process in my self image. I look in the mirror and think, "Dang, you look good today." Rarely, my size will hit me and I will feel self-conscious, like when I was at my wife's company's Christmas party and I realized that out of 500+ people, I was the fattest in the room. I don't even hold onto that self-consciousness for long, though, before I'm back to thinking I'm all that.

Do any other fat men and women out there not see themselves as fat?

This is common with men.

We don't see what the world sees.
Our delusion runs deep.

Samerah12

OOOO! me! me!

At my very highest weight I was starting to think I was fat. Otherwise, nope. I was a very active, very fit fat girl for most of my life and I very rarely thought I looked what I weighed. I only really started losing weight as something to focus on after a bad break-up. I managed to be fat (ETA: "obese" technically) most of my life and arrive at this point with pretty good self esteem. I have been very, very lucky.

Laura_Ivy

I don't think it's just men that do that....I knew that I was bigger but had no idea I looked as bad as I did until I saw a picture like 6 months after having my daughter. I was huge!

LabRat529

Interesting that you bring this up. I was noticing the other day that I have a mental image of myself that's different than reality. I know that I'm in the "obese" category, and I know how much weight I want to lose to reach a healthy BMI... but I usually don't realize how fat I am until I'm looking at pictures, and then I hate it. The other day I was shocked to find out that I'm a lot heavier than my roommate. For some reason, in my head, I think we're the same size. But when I looked at a picture of us together, it was like WHOA!

It's probably a good thing for me though. I have to maintain a confident front in my line of work. If I think I look thinner than I am... that's okay... so long as it doesn't effect my desire to lose weight and be healthy. Fortunately, I'm a numbers kind of gal, so the numbers rule more than my mental image.

ljcatch22

I just recently tipped the scales at "obese" BMI wise. I realized I was gaining weight, but I thought I still looked pretty good. Until one day I put on a turtleneck sweater I had just bought and noticed my double chin. It wasn't huge, but I definitely hadn't seen it before. Later, I got in the shower and noticed some new stretch marks on my thighs and breasts. I certainly hadn't had those before.

I pulled up some recent pictures and compared them to a few of me 30 pounds ago. My face looked swollen and just not good.
Finally, one day after going to eat with my parents, I commented to my fiance that I probably shouldn't have eaten so much. He patted my stomach and stated that I probably should have skipped dessert.

Before everyone says what a jerk he was, I firmly believe attraction is a large part of a relationship. He had gained some weight previously and it was starting to bother me. He eventually lost it, and I was much happier. You would think I would connect that to my weight gain being not so attractive, but I just thought mine was better distributed. (Har har). When we met we were both active and had promised to tell each other if the other gained too much weight. I would rather know that my partner was having issues with my appearance, and have them kindly tell me, then be in denial and expect them to be okay with it.

All of those things finally just connected. All those thoughts of "oh, my pants are getting too small" and "hmm, I weigh more than my fiance" and "wow is that really me in that picture? I must have just been the light or the angle" hit me all at once. I finally saw how fat I really had gotten, and decided to make a change.

I think it took so long because when I was in great shape at around 150, people always thought I weighed about 30 pounds less than I did. I had this image of a healthy, active person in my head and it took awhile to realize that that person wasn't the one in the mirror.

fabafter5

This is a problem for so many people. I am a photographer and If I put up a gallery and don't hear anything back I can almost always bet that the Mom was very dissatified with the way that she looks. Seriously the images could be stunning and Mom will only look at herself and hate the portraits. I think this is where the "camera doesn't lie" reality hits.

I on the other hand am 3-4 pants sizes smaller than when I got married 14 years ago and have had 5 children. I get compliments all the time on how I look when actually I am overweight. This makes me lack motivation in getting back to my goal. People say "you look great for having 5 kids" But you know what I don't want to look great for having 5 kids, I want to look great PERIOD! I talked to my Spinning instructor about this and she said "Ohhhhh I see you don't want to look good for having 5 kids, you want to look Nanny Good"! Now she calls me Nanny Good lol.

In general I don't realize how big I am by just looking in the mirror but it hits me when I go clothes shopping and things just don't fit right!
Oh and being 5'8 with an athetic build doesn't help. I can gain 15lbs and people for the most part don't notice.
Crys

squishycow7

1. I appreciate that you said "wicked."

2. I think that's definitely possible. Maybe more in terms of denial rather than ignorance, in my experience.. But could totally be possible! Another thing is, people just GET USED to situations, be that their weight or their level of hygiene or how clean their house is, etc. I had a friend in high school who's house always spelled like cat pee (reeked... So did all his clothes.. Ew) but he had no idea since he had just always lived that way. Maybe that's not the best example lol but my point is, I think it's more likely a comfort level thing than being disillusioned, for most people.

ckkh

Yup, I can relate. I never realized how big I was, until I lost the weight. Now I look at old picture and think wow - I was fat!

savlyon

Thanks for posting this. I wondered about it too. Until recently I thought I looked like how I do now. So when I was 75 lbs heavier, I thought I was size 11/12 or 14 in my head. I could not believe the pictures. However, now that I'm a little smaller I see a fatter person than is there. I just got into a size 9/10 and I still see a size 14. I wonder if it is common for our brains to see what we think is normal.
Hmmm.....

tmt2003

Yes I think that is true for a lot of people. I have been overweight my whole life. I've known it my whole life. I knew the numbers on the scale. My pants size. But I guess I thought i still looked 'ok' or I carried it well (LOL). I would see other overweight peop,e and think I didn't look THATbig.

I took my progress picture at 199. Felt great,but when I saw the picture I was disappointed because I thought I looked the same. See that is how I always thought I looked liked. Then I saw my before picture and could not believe it! Honestly I felt like a fool, I was so embaressed that all those years I thought I didn't look 'THAT big'

bonjour24

at my biggest (230lbs ish and 5'2"), i never thought i was fat. i never have. always thought i was pudgy though, and despite having lost 55lbs i still look in the mirror and see exactly the same pudgy person looking back at me.

skinnyjeanzbound

I don't see the same person in the mirror that I see in pictures. I don't view myself as thin, but it takes a photograph to really register how I look.

Also, when I was at my heaviest (pushing 250 lbs) I would think I could fit in spaces that, In reality, I couldn't. I teach hs and I would set a course to queeze between groups of desks to get around the classroom only to find it wasn't gonna happen. I began taking very circuitous paths around the room to avoid getting "trapped." Now, 45 lbs later, the opposite happens, I have to remind myself that I now CAN fit through spaces that were off limits before.

BrattyLori

Oh YEAH! That my life story! DENIAL!

But hey dude - I can see your picture and you ARE a cute guy. Hear me and believe this, you are cute now, but you will be a KILLER when you lose your weight.

You owe it to yourself to do that.

freeloaves

Yeah, when I was 50lbs heavier, I would look in the mirror and be like "yeah, you're a bit fat, but still looking GOOOOOOD today!"

Then I'd see a picture. And be horrified. Then I went on my first WL journey and lost 40lbs or so.

And now ... well, I look in the mirror and sometimes see my 250lb person, and feel depressed.

brian1229

There is such a thing as having too much confidence....

I know what you mean though. It normally takes a picture, especially where i am with someone of normal weight for me to see how fat I really am

teamlangston

So in my head I still have the same body that I had when I was 17...well that was 17 years, 3 kids, diagnosis of PCOS, and almost 100 pounds ago. *SIGH* I look in the mirror and think "How/When did that happen?" Funny thing is, is that most days I just see my face, even though my bathroom mirror shows almost my entire body. I just see me face...maybe because I'm applying make-up? On the rare occasion that the vision of my body actually materializes.....I am devastated! CrAzY thing......I am a RN working at a residential treatment facility for eating disorders!!!!!

Mybetterme

I think I look good til I see pictures. I don't like how big I look in pictures.

MFPfriend

I was actually wondering this!

I know I have weight to lose, so I'm not in denial or anything. But I actually feel amazing. I can look at myself and look past my weight and see all the beautiful things about myself. It didn't start happening until I lost a little bit of weight. But it's almost like a new sense of self-confidence. I can see myself skinny, see myself as a happy, beautiful person.

pussycat626

lol this post is funny because me and a friend were just talking about this.

I look in the mirror and think "Damn, I hid my body fat pretty good today" or look and think "Dang I look good in these jeans" then someone goes and takes a picture of me and shows it to me and I think OMG how did I get so fat in just a couple of hours? lol. I seriously don't see it until I see it in a picture.

thelovelyLIZ

Honestly, the first thing that comes to mind is those extremely overweight girls who try to dress like super skinny stripper. The skimpy clothing that is unflattering on their body type, and they think they look good. Don't get me wrong, I have known some heavier men and women who know how to dress themselves and look amazing, because they know how to flatter their bodies. But for most overweight women, a string bikini and booty shorts is not the most flattering look for them.

chrisdavey

I have a few overweight male friends who think they're gods gift to women. I'm pretty sure that is what you're getting at.

takehimaway

I just think I look healthy, not overweight like my BMI says that I am.

chrisdavey

BMI is BS. I'm overweight & aiming for obese.

busterbluth

I see myself as a tall person even though I'm 5'1".

takehimaway

BMI is BS. I'm overweight & aiming for obese.

I know that it is, but it still makes me sad.

shakybabe

I didn't feel so big but my family are all big and my best friend is bigger than me, even at my biggest I was still the smallest..both height and weight wise.

I had been bigger (16st at heaviest) and did get down to 11 st 7 then went back upto 12 st 7. It was only someone else's reaction when they had to weigh me for powerchair assessment that made me think ther people might see as bigger or that I weighed more than I should.

I actually didn't have any bathroom scales up to that point, but went and got some. THEN Ifet fat, at home when looked in mirror, then I'd go out with family and nt feel so bad as they were all bigger.

I'm down to 10st 2 now, from size 20 to just fitting in some 14's. My tummy still doesn't look right though, people say I'm thinner but I still see 10 st 2 and think I'm still fat. To me, I felt I'd feel thinner when I get into single figures like 9st 9, I'll have to see when I get there but I think it will depend on where my tummy is too at that point!

ComeAroundSundown

I understand where you're coming from. I had a similar mindset, then one day it just hit me. It wasn't that I was HAPPY with my weight - far from it, I just never saw myself as "fat". Seeing myself as fat is what helped me get to where I am now.