Dealing with Racism

monkeymouse74

I'm from South Africa, a country that was built on racism, unfortunately, it is here to stay and it will always rear it's ugly head!!!
This kid is just passing down the ignorance he is exposed to in his home! Yes, he is young, there is hope, I do however think you should step in as it will eventually get out of control!

Also a South African....what a curse to live in this country.

I'm also from South Africa, and seeing how racisim has destroyed our beautiful country makes my heart break every day. But it'll take's generations to deal with racisim and unfortunately, I dont think I'll get to see it irradicated in my lifetime.:-( I agree that you need to step in or it will just get worse.

aamierra

I'm sorry to hear what happened to your daughter. Sometime being a kid can be though. I also have gone through some phase of racism and other form of discrimination I am Malaysian living in Australia and grew up in a very multiracial country. And the cause of people start become racist is just because of lack of knowledge. What I did when I was a child was I went to the kid and ask for a lunch together. Yes, this is a tough thing to do if the kid that always insult you never keep his mouth shut. But this could actually open his eyes and and to accept you for who you are. My advice is talk to your child and ask her what is it that is troubling her with his attitude. Maybe you could suggest to your daughter to invite him to your daughter's birthday party. Kids have mind of their own. And they are more blinded to racism than adults are. Once they got to know each other things may get better.

Not sure if this is a good advice. But this got me through my years of schools from the start and even until now. You might have a different approach than me. But it is important to break your own ice before you break others. Accept yourself for who you are then you wont have anything to worry about.

aliann30

Racism is disgusting and hateful and I think what is so difficult is that some racists hide their comments and seriously will befriend the very people they trash talk behind closed doors while others will just blatantly display it like nothing's changed in the past 50 years. I'm from San Antonio Texas - which is like Mexico and Texas had a baby and named him San Antonio, (seriously even the white people joke about how other whites pronounce quesadilla). Mind you, I am white white white, blonde hair, blue eyes, the whole shebang...so is my husband (even blonder and bluer than I am actually), and so my daughter of course is the same. I was about 8 months pregnant walking through the mall with the two of them when an elderly white woman rolling along on her scooter stopped me in the dead center of the main path and starting talking about how great it was that I was having another child and how beautiful my daughter was. Of course I smiled, and then couldn't hear the rest of what she said - it was so noisy so I just kept smiling and nodding. She rolled off and I looked at my husband who was standing there with his eyes as huge as saucers and this sour look on his face. He asked me "did you hear what she said?" I shook my head so he repeated the conclusion to her "compliment" which was: "It's so great to see folks like you continuing our population. With all these mixed people having kids, we're becoming extinct!" I seriously, still dead center in the middle of the mall, flung my head around and gaped as she rolled off. I was soooo tempted to yell out "I hate to tell you but this is my brother. My husband is in that store - he's black and we're gonna have ourselves a little mixed baby right here!"

I honestly never thought someone who felt so strongly would live smack dab in the middle of Tex-Mex city, but they do, and while we can only hope one day people like THAT will become extinct, the problem is they can have kids too.

The sad thing is, for a lot of people (at least in SA), I think it's been a huge cycle - I think the hatred towards minorities has caused some of them to hate whites...which just fuels the whites' hatred even more when comments are made against them or when they feel "left out" of special "privileges" that minorities get. The cycle goes on and on and while it may not be as surfaced as it used to be, the racism has been buried deep in a lot of people.

The reality is that while we've come a long way, we still have such a long way to go.

....sorry for the book...also a passionate subject for me because I've seen both sides of it.

3shirts

As is so commonly the case, education is the best answer. Teach her about race and how it used to differentiate people of different countries/origins but now, we are all integrated and live the same lifestyles. Try to make sure she knows that some people are ignorant to that change so still stereotype based on something that no longer differentiates us.
If she can see that the racists are to be pitied it will give her the armour to deal with them.

I do not envy you, this is not an easy subject to discuss with adults so putting it in a way a child can understand and be heartened by must be very hard BUT if you give her the knowledge, she will grow up as a tolerant individual; something of which there seem to be too few.

MaximalLife

I have 5 kids - all boys.
My standing directive for bullies is ATTACK!
Look them in the eye, smile, then SUCKER PUNCH!

With girls, it's different.
I know if the school can't handle it, I'd take it up with the punk's father with either mutual respect or capitulation on his part.
The kid is just parroting what his idiot parents say behind closed doors.

teaching your kids to ATTACK? thats just wrong no matter what provokes your anger

That's the only language some people understand.
And guess which boys never - I mean NEVER get bullied?

No, I live in the real world, and on planet earth, jerks deserve a punch in the nose. And the times my kids were suspended for fighting, I took them fishing, to Hershey Park or some other reward for doing the right thing.

Bullies count on weakness and timidity.
When it was my boys' turn, they counted WRONG!

That's how kids should be taught to deal with bullies - not sniveling and crying while they shiver in fear for some teacher to come to the rescue. Please.....

CatchMom11

I would request a conference with the principal, the teacher, both kids, and the other kid's parents. That will get to the bottom of things!

twynzmom

unfortunately we will always have to deal with racism in some form. sorry she had to deal with it so early

MaximalLife

I have 5 kids - all boys.
My standing directive for bullies is ATTACK!
Look them in the eye, smile, then SUCKER PUNCH!

With girls, it's different.
I know if the school can't handle it, I'd take it up with the punk's father with either mutual respect or capitulation on his part.
The kid is just parroting what his idiot parents say behind closed doors.

teaching your kids to ATTACK? thats just wrong no matter what provokes your anger

Plus, love the sexism here. "It's okay for little boys ti beat the crap outa each other but girls should just cry and take it until a big strong man (daddy) can come and fix it"

First, teaching kids self defence against physical attacks is good, but teaching them to get involved with fights is gonna get THEM into trouble, plus it's a crap life lesson. And second, if you did have girls, you should raise and treat them the same as your boys, not treat them differently based on their gender (apart from obvious, necessary stuff).

If I had girls, I probably would teach them to bust the face of those who tried to bully them.

Again, that's a universal language these types understand.
America was founded upon the institution of violence, and we became a great nation through violence.
That does not validate the virtues of fighting but the reality of how the world is. Welcome to planet earth. It's easy to wrings your hands behind enemy lines, but up front, we fight.

I guess this is just an issue we'll never deal with, because people in our community know which family to bypass when they're in the foul mood to bully, exploit or tease. The Clerici Boys will hurt you from the father down the the youngest 7 year old.

Go bully somebody else unless pain is something you enjoy.
And it works!

jessrect

Quite honestly, she may be the first Mexican this kid has ever seen. At 10, he has been taught this behavior. We will deal with this...she's tough, this will only make her stronger!

I feel for your daughter. Being Puerto Rican in a predominantly white area growing up with absolutely no racial diversity was very hard for me. I was probably the first person who was not black or white that any of my classmates had ever seen. I went through similar things (and worse) as your daughter. I hope things get better for you all.

GTOgirl1969

I have 5 kids - all boys.
My standing directive for bullies is ATTACK!
Look them in the eye, smile, then SUCKER PUNCH!

With girls, it's different.
I know if the school can't handle it, I'd take it up with the punk's father with either mutual respect or capitulation on his part.
The kid is just parroting what his idiot parents say behind closed doors.

teaching your kids to ATTACK? thats just wrong no matter what provokes your anger

So they should just turn the other cheek, roll over, and take it? Not trying to stir the pot, but last time I checked, self defense wasn't a crime.

amymeenieminymo

a very racist/white privileged media...

I disagree with this portrayal of the media. If your point was valid we wouldn't have a bi-racial president.
[/quote

Agreed. I find the first comment to be pretty racist in and of itself.

joseph9

Cabaray - sorry for your daughter's experience, that really sucks. Kids are going to be mean to each other, but racism makes it so much worse.

Probably the Catholic thing is to respond with love -- keep being nice to the kid until he (hopefully) grows out of it, and hope that his experiences with positive kids like your daughter makes him less of an idiot at some point -- but that's a lot to ask a kid to do.

Hungry_Tuna

I'm half Mexican as well - (Mom's from Ensenada, Mexico, Dad's an Irish boy).

Born and raised in Los Angeles, we didn't experience much racism as half the school was Hispanic, African American, Asian, etc.. I mean, my mother would get more of it than we would as children, so I really feel for your kid. That's bullsh*t to go through that at such a young age.

Also, you'd think people would be a better example for their children in this day and age. That's unacceptable on all accounts.

jessashcher

tell your child that this person that is making comments to her is doing that out of jealousy because she has the best of both worlds. And it is so sad that these kids learn it from their parents.

msemejuru

I'm African American and my husband is Nigerian. Honestly, he has never sent an email stating he was an exciled prince. Make sure your daughter knows about some Mexican role models. Tell her about some of the historic accomplishments of her father's country. My kids know about their heritage and think racist people are ill-informed.

catshark209

I've seen racism go the other way. My son is half White, and his first name and last name are "white", whatever that means...in other words other than when people see me, you wouldn't realize he's half Mexican. Anyway, we live in a city that is dominantly Mexican and when he was in the second grade he came home crying because the other kids were calling him "pinche guero", which means effing whiteboy and "white trash". The school wouldn't do anything until I made a stink. But if my son had called anyone a beaner.....the shizz would of hit the fan. Racism just isn't against those of us of color, it goes all ways and it is simply evil.

DWilbanks

I have 5 kids - all boys.
My standing directive for bullies is ATTACK!
Look them in the eye, smile, then SUCKER PUNCH!

With girls, it's different.
I know if the school can't handle it, I'd take it up with the punk's father with either mutual respect or capitulation on his part.
The kid is just parroting what his idiot parents say behind closed doors.

teaching your kids to ATTACK? thats just wrong no matter what provokes your anger

That's the only language some people understand.
And guess which boys never - I mean NEVER get bullied?

No, I live in the real world, and on planet earth, jerks deserve a punch in the nose. And the times my kids were suspended for fighting, I took them fishing, to Hershey Park or some other reward for doing the right thing.

Bullies count on weakness and timidity.
When it was my boys' turn, they counted WRONG!

That's how kids should be taught to deal with bullies - not sniveling and crying while they shiver in fear for some teacher to come to the rescue. Please.....

And what would you do if when the violence by hand didn't work, so then the bullies bring knives, guns?
I taught my brothers at an early age that they have the right to defend themselves, but under no circumstances are they to throw the first because that is being the bully not the bullied. Throwing a sucker punch, is just that... being the bully before the bully can be the bully.

lynheff

How awful! Your daughters are so beautiful and I know you tell them everyday to be proud of their heritages. Sadly I am sure that the upcoming election will bring a flood of hateful venom against the President and First Lady. Maybe saying to the kids at school " I have learned so much from my Mexican family and am very proud of them" will help. Most bullies move on to someone else when they aren't able to upset you and get the reaction they want. Prayers for all of you.

kmbrooks15

I'm so sorry your daughter experienced that. People can be so ignorant. As a Christian, I still see people who use the Bible as an excuse for their racism. I had a discussion not too long ago with someone who said mixed race marriages are forbidden by the Bible. Makes me so angry. Yes, God told the Israelites not to intermarry, but it was because they were marrying people who didn't share their religious beliefs. It had NOTHING to do with skin color. I could never marry someone who didn't share my beliefs, no matter what their skin color. And if someone did share my beliefs, it wouldn't matter what their skin color or nationality is. I don't base my political votes on skin color either, but on whether I agree on where that person wants to take our country and whether I think they will be a good leader or not.

This incident shows that while we have come a long way, racism is still alive and being passed on to the next generation. I don't know if it will ever truly be eradicated; there will always be people who stereotype based on a tiny percentage of a population. Yes, there are Mexican drug dealers, but there are also white drug dealers, and black drug dealers, and Asian drug dealers...doesn't mean that every Mexican or white person or black person or Asian is a drug dealer.

To me, we should do away with talking about race. We are all the HUMAN RACE. We each have unique traits that make us who we are, and some of those traits help categorize us as being from certain countries or areas of the world, but we are all still HUMAN BEINGS.

Again, I'm so sorry that this happened. My advice would be for you and your husband to remain as calm as possible when addressing it with the school or the other child's family. You don't want to give them any fuel to use against you. If you stay calm and cool while letting it be known how this incident made your daughter feel, it will really help break the stereotype they've created. But if you or your husband go in and make a scene, screaming and hollering, you just reinforce their view. Don't give them that satisfaction! You may even want to write down some notes of things you want to be sure to bring up, and periodically in your notes, write the words REMAIN CALM. It will be a good reminder to keep your cool while stating your case. If the school doesn't help you resolve this issue, take it to the school board. You'll show your daughter that it's important to fight for what you believe in, and if you keep your cool, you'll teach her valuable lessons about how to handle conflict when it arises.

Good luck...and keep us posted!

myofibril

I think the best way to deal with casual racism is a light touch and humour. Obviously physical violence or sustained harassment is a completely different scenario.

Having said that I don't tend to engage with racists in a battle of wits because it's not really fair to beat on unarmed opponents...

I'm sorry your daughter is going this but I am sure with guidance she will learn to attach the appropriate importance to the words of people who clearly do not have her best interests at heart: that being none. Meh, the boy probably fancies your daughter and wants her attention as mixed race children tend to be very beautiful. She should tell him "listen, I know you find me attractive so just ask me out already? That way I can say no and we can both move on..."

cabaray

Meh, the boy probably fancies your daughter and wants her attention as mixed race children tend to be very beautiful. She should tell him "listen, I know you find me attractive so just ask me out already? That way I can say no and we can both move on..."

I have actually thought the same thing. At that age, picking on the opposite sex seems to be an ice breaker. Who knows.

I worked late last night and she had talked about this situation with my mother. I asked her about it this morning and she said the same thing until I mentioned calling the principal. She backtracked and said that she was talking about what happened a couple of months ago. I know she is covering for the boy (heck, she may like him for all I know), so I really have nothing to go to the school with as the previous situation has already been dealt with. Just keeping a watchful eye out for now and will continue to work with her as to how to confront racism on her own as it will be something she deals with off and on the rest of her life.

Thanks everyone for the support...It's nice to know you can count on your MFP family!

SirKevin

What filthy, bigoted, brain-dead, rat-*kitten* your daughter has for classmates! I am Roman Catholic myself and am a supply teacher in schools that are predominantly, nearly 97%, RC and Mexican-American. That classmate's parents are likely grammar-school dropouts and Godless dope fiends themselves! They obviously weren't brought up right and are bringing up their son wrong too. If they want to be bigots, they should move to the US states of Georgia or Mississippi...

Dave198lbs

What filthy, bigoted, brain-dead, rat-*kitten* your daughter has for classmates! I am Roman Catholic myself and am a supply teacher in schools that are predominantly, nearly 97%, RC and Mexican-American. That classmate's parents are likely grammar-school dropouts and Godless dope fiends themselves! They obviously weren't brought up right and are bringing up their son wrong too. If they want to be bigots, they should move to the US states of Georgia or Mississippi...

good grief dude......you learn that sunshiney disposition from the roman ccatholics?

sexforjaffacakes

I have 5 kids - all boys.
My standing directive for bullies is ATTACK!
Look them in the eye, smile, then SUCKER PUNCH!

With girls, it's different.
I know if the school can't handle it, I'd take it up with the punk's father with either mutual respect or capitulation on his part.
The kid is just parroting what his idiot parents say behind closed doors.

teaching your kids to ATTACK? thats just wrong no matter what provokes your anger

That's the only language some people understand.
And guess which boys never - I mean NEVER get bullied?

No, I live in the real world, and on planet earth, jerks deserve a punch in the nose. And the times my kids were suspended for fighting, I took them fishing, to Hershey Park or some other reward for doing the right thing.

Bullies count on weakness and timidity.
When it was my boys' turn, they counted WRONG!

That's how kids should be taught to deal with bullies - not sniveling and crying while they shiver in fear for some teacher to come to the rescue. Please.....

And what would you do if when the violence by hand didn't work, so then the bullies bring knives, guns?
I taught my brothers at an early age that they have the right to defend themselves, but under no circumstances are they to throw the first because that is being the bully not the bullied. Throwing a sucker punch, is just that... being the bully before the bully can be the bully.

This. Self defence is fine, sure if a kid tries to beat them up they should know how to kick that kids *kitten*. It's a lot funnier that way anyway. But violence as the first answer is wrong.
Like, hello, I'm Scottish, pride and strength are two of our biggest things, but they should be used when they need to be used, not just the instant some kid calls them a name. It also shows your ignorance towards bullying, you think it's as simple as calling a kid a name or beating them up? There's hundreds of ways kids bully; gossip, anonymous internet, stealing (secretly), sabotaging peoples stuff (secretly), "telling on them" to the teachers, exclusion... I mean, really, are your boys gonna go up to a kid and say "YOU PICKED ME LAST FOR GYM!" and punch them in the face?
Again, it's fine to defend yourself, and fine to kick the other kids *kitten* if they' start it, physically. But one day your boys will realise that some people are far bigger/stronger than them, or have weapons, and then that sucker punch won't count for ****. What they gonna do then? ;]

ironanimal

I love when white people try to use Obama being biracial as proof that things are 'better'.

Not even going to go there.

Clearly in your mind there is no such thing as Anti-White Racism. The road runs both ways.

ironanimal

I have 5 kids - all boys.
My standing directive for bullies is ATTACK!
Look them in the eye, smile, then SUCKER PUNCH!

With girls, it's different.
I know if the school can't handle it, I'd take it up with the punk's father with either mutual respect or capitulation on his part.
The kid is just parroting what his idiot parents say behind closed doors.

teaching your kids to ATTACK? thats just wrong no matter what provokes your anger

That's the only language some people understand.
And guess which boys never - I mean NEVER get bullied?

No, I live in the real world, and on planet earth, jerks deserve a punch in the nose. And the times my kids were suspended for fighting, I took them fishing, to Hershey Park or some other reward for doing the right thing.

Bullies count on weakness and timidity.
When it was my boys' turn, they counted WRONG!

That's how kids should be taught to deal with bullies - not sniveling and crying while they shiver in fear for some teacher to come to the rescue. Please.....

And what would you do if when the violence by hand didn't work, so then the bullies bring knives, guns?
I taught my brothers at an early age that they have the right to defend themselves, but under no circumstances are they to throw the first because that is being the bully not the bullied. Throwing a sucker punch, is just that... being the bully before the bully can be the bully.

To be fair, the attack tactic always worked for me. I was fat. People picked up on it. I was also much stronger than most people my age - they didn't realise that until I knocked a few of their heads off of walls or kicked their legs out from under them. Bullying stopped.

I also came out of school with very good grades and am a very relaxed, self assured person.

Dave198lbs

I have 5 kids - all boys.
My standing directive for bullies is ATTACK!
Look them in the eye, smile, then SUCKER PUNCH!

With girls, it's different.
I know if the school can't handle it, I'd take it up with the punk's father with either mutual respect or capitulation on his part.
The kid is just parroting what his idiot parents say behind closed doors.

teaching your kids to ATTACK? thats just wrong no matter what provokes your anger

So they should just turn the other cheek, roll over, and take it? Not trying to stir the pot, but last time I checked, self defense wasn't a crime.

throwing a sucker punch as this guy teaches his children is wrong and it is not self defense

scapez

I'm African American and my husband is Nigerian. Honestly, he has never sent an email stating he was an exciled prince.

You obviously have a great sense of humor...lol! :laugh:

brianz72

No excuse for racism, but when it comes to religion, why pick on Catholics? All religions are equally invalid and silly.

tig_ol_bitties

I, too, am half-mexican. I grew up dealing with very similar circumstances as your child. Feel free to send me a PM if you want to talk about what my family did to get my brother and me through it and into proud, happy adults. For all the hell we went through, even being considered "half-breeds" in our church, trust me, I know how hard it can be...