Sabotaged at home

sjebert

Does anyone else feel like they are being sabotaged by the people they live with? My spouse just does not seem to get that I am trying to lose weight, she keeps buying the unhealthy stuff and the candies and junk food, even when I have asked her not to and to try to help me eat better. Anyone else having this problem and how do you deal with it?

stephaniev07

Hmmmm I am kind of in the opposite spot as you are. I am the one trying to lose weight and hubby and all the kids eat as normal. I am the stay at home mom, and hubby is the bread winner. I do the shopping and cooking so I can control a lot. But I am not making my family suffer with extreme diet food. I still buy the little debbie's, chips, soda, and candy as I did before because those are special treats for the kids and hubby takes them in his lunches daily. He knows he should lose some weight but he is not ready and I am not going to make him, when preparing meals I have eliminated a lot of fats and butters and unnecessary calories, but 90% of the time they don't even notice. It is hard having all those old comfort foods sitting around me ALL day long, and most of the time I can resist, but I do have my days where I slip, and then I start again the next day. I keep healthy options avail for me all the time, and I think that is what you need to do. If your wife won't buy "good" things for you to eat then You need to do it for yourself. If she isn't ready to be "healthy" Then that's ok, but you have made a decision and it will be hard with the junk there but go to the store and buy what YOU want. good luck

LabRat529

You just have to learn not to eat it. I know it's hard, but your wife has the right to eat what ever she wants to eat and it's not really fair to expect her to curtail her habits to match your desires. Would it be nice if she did? Sure. But you've asked her not to bring unhealthy food home, she's chosen to bring it home anyway, and you can either respect her choice or fight with her about it. In my personal opinion, it's best to let things be- you govern your choices, she governs her choices. You don't have to eat the bad food she brings home.

I don't have a wife (or a husband), but I do have a sweet roommate who is constantly making/buying goodies. She always offers them to me, and sometimes pleads with me ("come on, you've got to taste. It's wonderful") and I often do have a little bit of whatever she's offering... but not always. I am perfectly capable of saying, "Wow, that looks fabulous, but you know I'm trying to lose weight, so I'm going to pass. But thanks so much for offering."

I sometimes joke about people trying to sabotage my diet, but the truth is, I am the only one capable of sabotaging my diet.

cmriverside

Your life is going to be full of people who don't eat the way you want them to.

Just be a good example, and stop trying to control your wife.

Everyone will be happier. It's not her fault if you can't control your eating.

Jeff92se

Does anyone else feel like they are being sabotaged by the people they live with? My spouse just does not seem to get that I am trying to lose weight, she keeps buying the unhealthy stuff and the candies and junk food, even when I have asked her not to and to try to help me eat better. Anyone else having this problem and how do you deal with it?

I've been able to avoid eating 90% of the bad stuff. Chips tend to get eaten rather fast. BUT I'll try to allot them or limit them to cheat days

koosdel

I usually sabotage myself.

JennieAL

Not really, but he does bring home pizza sometimes. I can do without that, though I'm pretty good about controlling myself with the portions.

Jeff92se

cgrout78

ROFL....I totally have to youtube now

pholbert

I agree with the people that are saying to go shopping for things for yourself. You have to take control for yourself. Who knows maybe when she sees the success you have , she might join in.

cgrout78

To the OP...I do feel your pain. It is hard. My husband, while being supportive, is also really good at the "you're doing really well, one cookie won't hurt" and things like that. So it is hard, but I have to just learn to say no, and while he's laying in bed eating cookies and candy I'm either not eating or noshing on a fiber one bar and guzzling water and herbal tea.

Sorova

Being around people who are eating the foods you find tempting can be difficult, but it's true what others have said--part of this process is learning to say no to those foods, or to eat them only in appropriate amounts. You need to change the way you are thinking about it. You're not actually powerless around chips or sweets. At least, not technically. It sure can feel that way. But you need to remember that it is a choice, and you can develop the ability, over time, to be around those foods without being tempted to overeat.

Think about it this way...when you're in a grocery store, you don't buy every cake, candy, cookie, and bag of chips. You choose what to buy. Just because it's on the shelf doesn't mean it has to go in the cart. It's the same at home. Just because it's in the cupboard doesn't mean it's on your plate.

Give yourself a set of rules and then follow them. For example, "I will eat no more than 200 calories worth of non-healthy snacks per day" or whatever works for you. And when you feel a craving, pause your thoughts for a minute before you react. Why are you craving it? Are you hungry, thirsty? Stressed out? How will you feel after eating the food? Is there something else you could eat instead that would make you feel better?

In my house, there are always freshly baked goods, chips, and chocolate. I had to learn that eating them was a choice I could control. I have one chocolate chip cookie per day, or one small bowl of chips, or one small handful of chocolates. Balance is possible but it requires learning new habits and new ways of thinking about food.

Good luck! Remember, you can't control the world, or the choices other people make. And frankly, it's unfair to expect it. But you can control your choices.

Di3012

It is me on the diet, not my husband, I cannot expect him to not eat certain things.

I know I am trying to lose weight, but I also know that if I start eating crappy stuff and sweets, cakes and biscuits etc, then I won't lose it at all but will just put more on.

In my own opinion and from my own standpoint, I control my eating and just because there may be chocolate biscuits in the pantry, because my husband put them there for himself, does not mean I have to eat them.

spectralmoon

This seems to happen to me whenever I make any comment about wanting to start a diet or going to the gym. Within two days of the mention, the refrigerator is stocked up with microwave lasagnas, the cupboards have chips for days, and there's fresh loaves of pumpkin bread on the counter with a sh'ton of butter nearby. Hasn't failed in years.

The best thing I can hope to do if that happens again is to keep entirely focused on the calorie monitors on this site and not bother looking up how many calories each of those things will throw on me; even touching that pumpkin bread means that the loaf will be gone within a day or two, so best to just not even tempt fate.

I'm sorry that your house is making this difficult, intentionally or not. Constant temptation, especially from the norm of a previous lifestyle, is rough. I'm just glad that the holidays are over.

carleyfunk

When I lived at home with my mom I felt like that. She would always bring my favorite cookies into the house. I always felt irritated that she brought junk in the house and then she wanted to go out to eat all the time. Not good ways to loose weight.

cloud2011

It's very hard. I know, my husband buys bagels and cream cheese one day, donuts another. I indulge sometimes, but in general, he has helped me, as he now busy fewer donuts on Sundays. (Sometimes, he won't buy any). But, the other thing is, since I've been eating fairly healthfully, I feel more in touch with what I'm eating. So if I do eat it, I don't let it become the domino in a chain reaction.

But, when you're really having a tough time with tempation, it's something to sit down to talk about for a couple of minutes with your wife. As a wife, I would love it if my husband said, "I'd like to talk to you about something that's important. " Usually, I'm the only one who says that!

Good luck, it is hard.

spookystitches

I undersand this. I had to have an argument about why I wouldn't have some pie the other day. I didn't want to waste my planned dinner calories on junk. It was incredibly frustrating, but at the end of the day I was so proud that I stood up, said no, and I didn't eat it. Just stick to it, do some shopping on your own, and maybe have a discussion about it. (However I suggest not over the food in question, pick a calm moment. I was highly irritated about the pie thing - of course I want to eat some pie but I'm being responsible! lol)

buggin76

Yeah my spouse does the same thing, I confronted her on this situation and she stated to me that she wanted to see how serious I was on this process of changing my lifestyle to be healthy. Even though I have Yo Yo'd back and forth I have more determination to succeed. She may still make a plate for me for dinner, but now I will remove the excess and maintain what I set my servings too. She also said that If I drop weight to my current goal, she will join me....Honestly, I will continue on with or without her, but I would truly enjoy a more positive support from her now.

SFalconStorm

Hmmm...I wonder if it's just my mind set. If my husband picks up treats for himself, I think of those as 'his' and not for me to touch, so him eating that stuff doesn't bother me so much. Also, I make sure to allow myself certain snacks if I want them, just within moderation.

When I first started this, I had a friend that started it with me. We went to the store one day and I caught her eyeing the candy aisle longingly. I asked her if she was craving chocolate. She admitted she was but said she couldn't have any. I dragged her back to the aisle and showed her that a single serving of the candy wouldn't hurt her calories.

I believe that if you always tell yourself you can't have stuff, you'll just crave it more. It's a psychological truism that we want most that which we cannot have, whether it's the shiny new car that is beyond your budget or the bag of Hershey's kisses on the kitchen counter.

Now I'm not at your house or in your head, but it is true that you can't force your wife to change. The only person anyone can change is themselves. I can't say for certain what might work for you, but maybe thinking of those things as 'okay to eat in single servings' or like in my case 'that's not mine, don't touch without permission' might help. It's worth a try.

janessac

I'm in a weird/kinda opposite situation: my bf hasn't changed his eating habits, but he refuses to let me eat anything 'bad' lol. Just tonight he made this really delicious-smelling deluxe pizza and while I sat there drooling over it he moved the plate away and pushed my salad&tuna sandwich closer and told me that if I want to succeed I have to resist temptation. He does the same thing with cookies, candy, and anything else delicious around the house. I know he totally means well, and I REALLY appreciate it, but when I have 600 calories left over, I just want me a damn cookie! :grumble: lol

twhitney

I usually sabotage myself.

Me too

AMummysLife

I am a bit by my husband.

While I do the shopping etc and I respect that he isn't ready to loose the weight he has also put on and will buy him the treats that he likes, he quite often tries to force me to eat the stuff he is as well.

Di3012

I am a bit by my husband.

While I do the shopping etc and I respect that he isn't ready to loose the weight he has also put on and will buy him the treats that he likes, he quite often tries to force me to eat the stuff he is as well.

So you buy him treats he likes and rather than respect you for doing so, he tries to force you to eat it too???

I would stop buying him the treats.

GoCanada

Yes! Well not at home cause we don't live together, but my BF's attitude towards food is SO different from mine. I will do so well at home with my own food, but whenever I'm with him it's fast food all the time! He doesn't cook, and I don't feel like putting the extra time in cooking for both of us and trying to figure out meals.

The most frustrating thing is he doesn't gain weight from eating like that! He has the best fricking metabolism and can eat what he wants, unlike me. Since he's also not in the same frame of mind as me, I think he's getting annoyed with my obsessive weighing (of food) and logging (especially when sitting in the middle of a restaurant) :P.

etromb50

Yes I feel that way. I think some people fear changes, that somehow you will change. Hopefully you could encourage your wife to make the same healthy choices and you both can make the changes together.

Gracestar12

I was listening to an audiobook the other day where the person suggested unbuttoning your shirt and talking pointedly to your stomach while jiggling it with your hand and ask your stomach in a sing song voice 'Does jelly belly want some <insert food name here>. I don't think so'. Apparently it only takes one public instance of that and your nearest and dearest will stop with the food pushing...

BaconMD

Does anyone else feel like they are being sabotaged by the people they live with? My spouse just does not seem to get that I am trying to lose weight, she keeps buying the unhealthy stuff and the candies and junk food, even when I have asked her not to and to try to help me eat better. Anyone else having this problem and how do you deal with it?

When you make a major lifestyle change, you are often the only one who "gets it."

Even the most supportive people in my life right now, aside from my wife, will do things like, have a dinner and bring out a cake and offer me a piece. I have to say no now, and people are shocked. Why? Because a year ago, I would have eaten two or three pieces and taken the leftovers home, if asked.

I would not risk introducing stress into your marriage over this. Just drop the subject, and strengthen your will to eat well. Temptations will be around you everywhere you go, and if you can't resist it at home, you won't last long anywhere else, either. I'm certainly not saying it's easy, but it's really the only way.

In my own life, I've tried to get healthy multiple times over the past 10 years or so, and every time I failed after just a couple weeks or a month. People have seen that, and now they expect me to fail and don't take me seriously. Even now, I've been on the right track for 9 months, and people still offer me crap and don't think I can do it. That lack of faith in me actually fuels my drive and fortifies my willpower, for some reason.

It takes time for people to adjust to any change, and you can't and shouldn't force anyone else to change with you. If you are too tempted, start by setting a small, achievable goal, such as have one small "bad" thing per day. Then when you feel ready, drop that down to every two days, then every week, then once a month, etc. This really worked for my wife when she was changing her eating habits, and now she rarely ever eats crap food. Myself, I found that I naturally, quickly, progressed away from even desiring bad food (most of the time) in order to protect the time and effort I have invested into exercise. And a good tip (at least it worked for me) is, after a while of eating clean, overindulge in junk a day to the point where you feel sick. The resulting nausea, stomach pains, cold sweats, and jitter is sure to put a stop to your temptations.

Just do your own thing. It's going to be hard, but you'll be better for it in the long run.

AlabasterVerve

Try crying. lol When I first talked to my husband about changing our diet he got all pissy about not eating whole wheat pasta and how he wasn't going to do it. I cried, he shut up and now he's all gung ho about losing weight and even joined MFP tonight. It does help that I make up the shopping list and am spending a lot of time finding (and cooking) new healthy, low cal dinners that taste great instead of trying to remake all of our old favorites.

That worked for me but a more mature approach might be to have another talk with her and let her know how important it is to you and then get involved with the shopping and cooking. If your schedule doesn't allow for that you can do small things to involve her like start looking for healthy recipes online and ask your wife what she thinks. When you find something that both of you would enjoy make a list and add those ingredients to the shopping list and cook dinner together on your day off. The same thing with snacks--there are tons of stuff that are more appealing than a bag of chips or what have you--see if you can find something you can both enjoy. Since this whole crazy eating-right-losing-weight thing is your idea the burden is going to be up to you to turn your wife onto it.

JackKsavestheday

Mom brought home krispy kremes tonight while I was at the gym busting my *kitten*. I came home to half a box left. If they're still there in the morning I'm throwing em away!

runnercheryl

My fiance is morbidly obese and an on-off dieter. He gets inspired, signs up to the gym, goes for a while then gives up, Each time, he keeps at it for longer but then the takeaways return to the house, as do the unhealthy snacks and large portions.

When this happens, I remind him I'd like my portions weighed out and he's fine with that (he cooks all my food, really, so it's in his control). If he has takeaway I sometimes say no, and sometimes I look for the best option and go for that. The unhealthy snacks, I just don't eat.

He's been back on it lately, with his exercise and eating. This week, he's been paying attention to me working to eat back the calories I've burned doing exercise. Walking home from work yesterday, he commented on how he'd been online at lunch time to see how many calories he was supposed to be having. He's on just over 1000 yet is a very big man, and I'd told him in the past it was too low but he'd said it had been working. Seeing it there online made him change his mind, and he realised he should be aiming for around 3000 with the exercise he does, and 2000 as a base level. He's now wondering how he can eat that back, so I made him a deal that if he uses the MFP food tracker for a week and takes into account calories, fat and sodium, I'd pay for the extra food he needs. Of course, that means the snacks and extras in our house will have to be healthier, because I'll be paying and refuse to buy packets of chocolate bars and big bags of sweets.

Also, I try and incorporate healthy options into our food. Last night, he had a mixed grill where I'd planned a chicken fillet, mashed potato and green beans. I bought one of those 'bake in the bag' flavourings for the first time, and we both loved it. 50p, and it makes my meal more interesting and will possibly encourage him to leave the rest of the meat aside in future and savour the chicken.

bexxgirl

I'm super lucky - my partner is amazing. He's really supportive of me and excited about the changes I am making. He is also grateful for anything I put in front of him for dinner.

It was funny tonight - I made baked potatoes, chicken breast stuffed with spinach and feta, with stir-fried green veges and a red wine jus. He was like "man, this is so delicious, it must be a billion calories". I laughed and told him it was actually really well-balanced, with almost no fat, and he was amazed. I even had room for dessert and a hot chocolate!

I'm grateful every day for my wonderful boyfriend, because I know that other people struggle with spouses who dig their heels in about food.