Sabotaged at home

sjebert

Does anyone else feel like they are being sabotaged by the people they live with? My spouse just does not seem to get that I am trying to lose weight, she keeps buying the unhealthy stuff and the candies and junk food, even when I have asked her not to and to try to help me eat better. Anyone else having this problem and how do you deal with it?

stephaniev07

Hmmmm I am kind of in the opposite spot as you are. I am the one trying to lose weight and hubby and all the kids eat as normal. I am the stay at home mom, and hubby is the bread winner. I do the shopping and cooking so I can control a lot. But I am not making my family suffer with extreme diet food. I still buy the little debbie's, chips, soda, and candy as I did before because those are special treats for the kids and hubby takes them in his lunches daily. He knows he should lose some weight but he is not ready and I am not going to make him, when preparing meals I have eliminated a lot of fats and butters and unnecessary calories, but 90% of the time they don't even notice. It is hard having all those old comfort foods sitting around me ALL day long, and most of the time I can resist, but I do have my days where I slip, and then I start again the next day. I keep healthy options avail for me all the time, and I think that is what you need to do. If your wife won't buy "good" things for you to eat then You need to do it for yourself. If she isn't ready to be "healthy" Then that's ok, but you have made a decision and it will be hard with the junk there but go to the store and buy what YOU want. good luck

LabRat529

You just have to learn not to eat it. I know it's hard, but your wife has the right to eat what ever she wants to eat and it's not really fair to expect her to curtail her habits to match your desires. Would it be nice if she did? Sure. But you've asked her not to bring unhealthy food home, she's chosen to bring it home anyway, and you can either respect her choice or fight with her about it. In my personal opinion, it's best to let things be- you govern your choices, she governs her choices. You don't have to eat the bad food she brings home.

I don't have a wife (or a husband), but I do have a sweet roommate who is constantly making/buying goodies. She always offers them to me, and sometimes pleads with me ("come on, you've got to taste. It's wonderful") and I often do have a little bit of whatever she's offering... but not always. I am perfectly capable of saying, "Wow, that looks fabulous, but you know I'm trying to lose weight, so I'm going to pass. But thanks so much for offering."

I sometimes joke about people trying to sabotage my diet, but the truth is, I am the only one capable of sabotaging my diet.

cmriverside

Your life is going to be full of people who don't eat the way you want them to.

Just be a good example, and stop trying to control your wife.

Everyone will be happier. It's not her fault if you can't control your eating.

Jeff92se

Does anyone else feel like they are being sabotaged by the people they live with? My spouse just does not seem to get that I am trying to lose weight, she keeps buying the unhealthy stuff and the candies and junk food, even when I have asked her not to and to try to help me eat better. Anyone else having this problem and how do you deal with it?

I've been able to avoid eating 90% of the bad stuff. Chips tend to get eaten rather fast. BUT I'll try to allot them or limit them to cheat days

koosdel

I usually sabotage myself.

JennieAL

Not really, but he does bring home pizza sometimes. I can do without that, though I'm pretty good about controlling myself with the portions.

Jeff92se

cgrout78

ROFL....I totally have to youtube now

pholbert

I agree with the people that are saying to go shopping for things for yourself. You have to take control for yourself. Who knows maybe when she sees the success you have , she might join in.

cgrout78

To the OP...I do feel your pain. It is hard. My husband, while being supportive, is also really good at the "you're doing really well, one cookie won't hurt" and things like that. So it is hard, but I have to just learn to say no, and while he's laying in bed eating cookies and candy I'm either not eating or noshing on a fiber one bar and guzzling water and herbal tea.

Sorova

Being around people who are eating the foods you find tempting can be difficult, but it's true what others have said--part of this process is learning to say no to those foods, or to eat them only in appropriate amounts. You need to change the way you are thinking about it. You're not actually powerless around chips or sweets. At least, not technically. It sure can feel that way. But you need to remember that it is a choice, and you can develop the ability, over time, to be around those foods without being tempted to overeat.

Think about it this way...when you're in a grocery store, you don't buy every cake, candy, cookie, and bag of chips. You choose what to buy. Just because it's on the shelf doesn't mean it has to go in the cart. It's the same at home. Just because it's in the cupboard doesn't mean it's on your plate.

Give yourself a set of rules and then follow them. For example, "I will eat no more than 200 calories worth of non-healthy snacks per day" or whatever works for you. And when you feel a craving, pause your thoughts for a minute before you react. Why are you craving it? Are you hungry, thirsty? Stressed out? How will you feel after eating the food? Is there something else you could eat instead that would make you feel better?

In my house, there are always freshly baked goods, chips, and chocolate. I had to learn that eating them was a choice I could control. I have one chocolate chip cookie per day, or one small bowl of chips, or one small handful of chocolates. Balance is possible but it requires learning new habits and new ways of thinking about food.

Good luck! Remember, you can't control the world, or the choices other people make. And frankly, it's unfair to expect it. But you can control your choices.

Di3012

It is me on the diet, not my husband, I cannot expect him to not eat certain things.

I know I am trying to lose weight, but I also know that if I start eating crappy stuff and sweets, cakes and biscuits etc, then I won't lose it at all but will just put more on.

In my own opinion and from my own standpoint, I control my eating and just because there may be chocolate biscuits in the pantry, because my husband put them there for himself, does not mean I have to eat them.

spectralmoon

This seems to happen to me whenever I make any comment about wanting to start a diet or going to the gym. Within two days of the mention, the refrigerator is stocked up with microwave lasagnas, the cupboards have chips for days, and there's fresh loaves of pumpkin bread on the counter with a sh'ton of butter nearby. Hasn't failed in years.

The best thing I can hope to do if that happens again is to keep entirely focused on the calorie monitors on this site and not bother looking up how many calories each of those things will throw on me; even touching that pumpkin bread means that the loaf will be gone within a day or two, so best to just not even tempt fate.

I'm sorry that your house is making this difficult, intentionally or not. Constant temptation, especially from the norm of a previous lifestyle, is rough. I'm just glad that the holidays are over.

carleyfunk

When I lived at home with my mom I felt like that. She would always bring my favorite cookies into the house. I always felt irritated that she brought junk in the house and then she wanted to go out to eat all the time. Not good ways to loose weight.

cloud2011

It's very hard. I know, my husband buys bagels and cream cheese one day, donuts another. I indulge sometimes, but in general, he has helped me, as he now busy fewer donuts on Sundays. (Sometimes, he won't buy any). But, the other thing is, since I've been eating fairly healthfully, I feel more in touch with what I'm eating. So if I do eat it, I don't let it become the domino in a chain reaction.

But, when you're really having a tough time with tempation, it's something to sit down to talk about for a couple of minutes with your wife. As a wife, I would love it if my husband said, "I'd like to talk to you about something that's important. " Usually, I'm the only one who says that!

Good luck, it is hard.

spookystitches

I undersand this. I had to have an argument about why I wouldn't have some pie the other day. I didn't want to waste my planned dinner calories on junk. It was incredibly frustrating, but at the end of the day I was so proud that I stood up, said no, and I didn't eat it. Just stick to it, do some shopping on your own, and maybe have a discussion about it. (However I suggest not over the food in question, pick a calm moment. I was highly irritated about the pie thing - of course I want to eat some pie but I'm being responsible! lol)

buggin76

Yeah my spouse does the same thing, I confronted her on this situation and she stated to me that she wanted to see how serious I was on this process of changing my lifestyle to be healthy. Even though I have Yo Yo'd back and forth I have more determination to succeed. She may still make a plate for me for dinner, but now I will remove the excess and maintain what I set my servings too. She also said that If I drop weight to my current goal, she will join me....Honestly, I will continue on with or without her, but I would truly enjoy a more positive support from her now.

SFalconStorm

Hmmm...I wonder if it's just my mind set. If my husband picks up treats for himself, I think of those as 'his' and not for me to touch, so him eating that stuff doesn't bother me so much. Also, I make sure to allow myself certain snacks if I want them, just within moderation.

When I first started this, I had a friend that started it with me. We went to the store one day and I caught her eyeing the candy aisle longingly. I asked her if she was craving chocolate. She admitted she was but said she couldn't have any. I dragged her back to the aisle and showed her that a single serving of the candy wouldn't hurt her calories.

I believe that if you always tell yourself you can't have stuff, you'll just crave it more. It's a psychological truism that we want most that which we cannot have, whether it's the shiny new car that is beyond your budget or the bag of Hershey's kisses on the kitchen counter.

Now I'm not at your house or in your head, but it is true that you can't force your wife to change. The only person anyone can change is themselves. I can't say for certain what might work for you, but maybe thinking of those things as 'okay to eat in single servings' or like in my case 'that's not mine, don't touch without permission' might help. It's worth a try.

janessac

I'm in a weird/kinda opposite situation: my bf hasn't changed his eating habits, but he refuses to let me eat anything 'bad' lol. Just tonight he made this really delicious-smelling deluxe pizza and while I sat there drooling over it he moved the plate away and pushed my salad&tuna sandwich closer and told me that if I want to succeed I have to resist temptation. He does the same thing with cookies, candy, and anything else delicious around the house. I know he totally means well, and I REALLY appreciate it, but when I have 600 calories left over, I just want me a damn cookie! :grumble: lol

twhitney

I usually sabotage myself.

Me too