My Boyfriend has cyber "girlfriends"

sassiebritches

I think it's just a game and if it makes you feel insecure in your relationship then maybe there is another problem that isn't being addressed between the two of you. Its just a harmless game right?

I don't think it is harmless... I have a friend who discovered his wife talking dirty to guys on myspace... she eventually went as far as talking about meeting them... they are divorced now... that wasn't harmless.:mad:

Sadly this is happening more and more as people meet and form attachments through the internet. We always think it's harmless until it's gone to far.

For me, I'd have to talk with him and tell him how you feel. We all talk with guys on here. My DH talks with women on pogo when he's playing games. But he's playing chess, cribbage... Not games of a sexual nature. Yes I know what he's playing because I can look at his computer screen just like he can come on and look/read mine at anytime.

One thing we both have agreed on is to not put any hint of anything inappropiate in our marriage. We are both careful to think would I want my spouse to be doing this? We have talked about these things and agree that talking or doing things of a sexual nature even in virtual land is for us wrong and not want we want in our marriage.

I hope that if or when you talk to him you will be able to stay calm, not place blame. Just let him know your feelings. And I hope he is receptive to not only hearing them but understanding them.

My fiancee plays WOW daily, and yes sometimes into the night after I go to bed, but he would never think of playing a game that crosses the line........that line or any other. To him it would be disloyal to carry on any type of relationship past friendship either online or in a game/social network. It is not loyal whether it is in a game or in "real" life. Seeking sexual gratification or flirting in a game is not acceptable.......participating in porn online is inappropriate, watching the occasional movie....well come on now not so bad. Calling 900 #'s or paying to watch porn online via webcam......unacceptable.

I would REALLY have this conversation. And why in the world is this guy up all night playing games and sleeping all day? Does he have a job....or possibly this is a whole other issue.......

For those who think that it is harmless, the majority of the time it is not. I have seen cases with friends and even family that these type of relationships and "games" can become serious, breaking up families, marriages and friendships. At the end of it all, who will comfort those gamers when real life gets ugly.... If he enjoys online gaming...well then fine.....play a game, but when you start roleplaying yourself as a sex slave or acting out sexual behavior online, this is a problem............check your panty drawer.....when those start missing it's time to pack up his stuff including his laptop and put them on the porch with a Dear John letter and a bus ticket to his mothers.

My thoughts, good luck honey...I am sorry :huh:

sassiebritches

Consider this.....and I don't mean to be cruel here but....

If someone has to crawl into a game on a regular basis and assume an alter ego, or deviant character, to feel alive and fulfilled then they have some real issues with their self esteem and personal worth.

So, that's pretty much anyone who's ever played XBox Live, World of Warcraft, Warcraft, Dungeons and Dragons, Pretty Pretty Princess, or any type of role-playing or pretend? Why is it that, as adults, playing pretend means we're psychopaths? :huh: I like video games, I used to role play a lot, and I am fine with myself. I really think this whole thread is too judgmental and therapist-y.

I personally think gaming is great, its super fun and if done in a way that is responsible the internet is GREAT. I think that if the gaming gets in the way with "real" life is what the issue is. If someone would rather be online playing a game then outside throwing the ball with their son, or in the kitchen flirting with their signifacant other over dinner preperation, or not working because they stay up all night gaming......there lies the problems....as I type this my fiancee is flying around in WOW on 1 couch and I on the other playing in MFP. His days off he handles his honey do's and he gets up and away from the computer to "participate" in our lives.

I think this post is out here because she truley needs advice on how this makes her feel. :devil:

kerrilucko

I have to admit I think this shows just how many drama queens are actually on this site.

I think that was a bit harsh. I didn't think anyone was being overly dramatic. We all have different ideas of boundaries in a relationship and we all have different ideas of cheating. A lot of us have dealt with issues like this in the past and know it can get real ugly real fast. I don't think that makes us dramatic, I think it makes us realistic. I've seen and played this game and it's not "just a game" it's literally an alternate, online world. You can do anything you want. The difference between this "game" and an actual game is that fact that REAL people are involved. He's smacking the online tush of a real live woman. He's flirting with a real live woman. That would definitely bother me. Maybe it wouldn't bother some and that's ok, but it bothers the original poster and I can understand where she's coming from. I actually don't see this even close to "porn" as someone mentioned. With porn there is no interaction at all. YOu're looking... but nobody is looking back. you know? I don't mind porn. But I would mind this.

I also agree that you should take him up on his offer to quit playing. Aside from the online flirting it sounds like he's got a major addiction.... he plays an awful lot from what you said and getting sucked into something like that seems like a huge waste of time.

molsongirl

You know I have the same problem, hubby says I have a "chubby hubby" on MFP and that's why i'm on it so often....who knew? :laugh: .. I was always a drama queen. I remember playing in the kitchen, trying to get my mom to think I was dead and call the police. When she didn't, I would cry. I was always theatrical. . :laugh:


I declare today "Hug a drama queen day" if it weren't for us, who would you gossip about??

Dave198lbs

You know I have the same problem, hubby says I have a "chubby hubby" on MFP and that's why i'm on it so often....who knew? :laugh: .. I was always a drama queen. I remember playing in the kitchen, trying to get my mom to think I was dead and call the police. When she didn't, I would cry. I was always theatrical. . :laugh:


I declare today "Hug a drama queen day" if it weren't for us, who would you gossip about??

GO CUBBIES!!!!:laugh:

MattySparky

why is he playing second life past the age of 12?
and secondly... why are you dating someone who plays second life past the age of 12?!?!?!?

sounds like someone stopped having fun at the age of 12... what a shame.

MissGorgeous

my friend is married and she plays this game with other men
and she started chatting with them on messanger and on the phone
i think this game even though its virtual is BAD news:frown:

ChubbyBunny

oi.
:ohwell:

songbyrdsweet

I see plenty of people flirting and chatting here on MFP. I don't think we're bad people.

12by311

I agree with what Sassie said about the balance. Video games are fine...I'm not into them...neither is my hubby...no big deal. But when real life is being neglected, that's where I don't get it. I guess I can't imagine spending that much time playing a video game.

age1389

I see plenty of people flirting and chatting here on MFP. I don't think we're bad people.

That is sooo true!! Even forums like this can be bad news or it can be harmless, I really think it depends on the person on how far that individual takes things...
Bottom line if it bothers you then he should stop or at the very least back off of it a bit.

ricksnaustin

Consider this.....and I don't mean to be cruel here but....

If someone has to crawl into a game on a regular basis and assume an alter ego, or deviant character, to feel alive and fulfilled then they have some real issues with their self esteem and personal worth.

So, that's pretty much anyone who's ever played XBox Live, World of Warcraft, Warcraft, Dungeons and Dragons, Pretty Pretty Princess, or any type of role-playing or pretend? Why is it that, as adults, playing pretend means we're psychopaths? :huh: I like video games, I used to role play a lot, and I am fine with myself. I really think this whole thread is too judgmental and therapist-y.

I personally think gaming is great, its super fun and if done in a way that is responsible the internet is GREAT. I think that if the gaming gets in the way with "real" life is what the issue is. If someone would rather be online playing a game then outside throwing the ball with their son, or in the kitchen flirting with their signifacant other over dinner preperation, or not working because they stay up all night gaming......there lies the problems....as I type this my fiancee is flying around in WOW on 1 couch and I on the other playing in MFP. His days off he handles his honey do's and he gets up and away from the computer to "participate" in our lives.

Which is pretty much what I said. I never said gaming was bad. I said "IF"....one more time for clarification.....IF..... someone has to role play to feel good about themselves....then there is a problem. The same can be said about many things, not just gaming. When people use anything to mask or numb reality it is dangerous. Fantasy is great, but it should be the spice of life, not the main course. And yes, I have been a counselor. :glasses:

flcaoh

I agree with what Sassie said about the balance. Video games are fine...I'm not into them...neither is my hubby...no big deal. But when real life is being neglected, that's where I don't get it. I guess I can't imagine spending that much time playing a video game.

Well said. I think the point here isn't that he's playing a video game, but that he's allowed the video game to interfere with his real life.

I also don't think it's fair that those of us that have a problem with said video games are being called drama queens. While millions of people play these games and have fun and use them for what they really are...as games; these role playing games have ruined countless marriages and relationships. I did A LOT of research when my ex was addicted to WoW and it is amazing how addictive and destructive these games can be when played by people who can't control themselves. Research it and please, no name calling.

havingitall

I have read these posts and discussed them with my husband, who I met on-line. We were both divorced when we met so that was never an issue.

We both agree that you should talk to your bf and make sure that he understands that it bothers you. My husband says that he may not stop immediately because men need time to process, but he will be thinking about what you said.

What I saw in your post was that you went to bed alone while he stays up and plays. There are two things here. My ex-husband and I never went to bed at the same time. I always went earlier than him. He would stay up and watch porn on TV ( we didn't have a computer) That bothered me, but he never changed( see why he's an ex?) Ben ( my husband now) and I go to bed together. We find this a good time to be together and be close ( not necessarily intimate) If he is away on business or I am, we both miss this time horribly. The second thing is, it comes across that he isn't wanting you to see what he is doing.

This is my two cents for what it is worth. It has backing in a failed marriage and a good one. I can truly appreciate the difference between the two

TROUBLE2

AGREED...

once that balance is shifted it is no longer something used as a stress releaver or for relaxation, it just ventured into the realm of ADDICTION. anything that causes you to intentionally miss or interfere with REAL LIFE, is an addiction. something that is serious... I have had a couple of friends who were ADDICTED to World of Warctaft, and only recently did they realize how much it was costing them... seriously they never went a day without at least logging on and playing for a couple of hours.

I noticed both of their social lives change including girlfriends, and Fience leave because of it...

if it is an addiction then you have cause for alarm... have you already spoken to him? I know I am a bit late on this topic and I did not read all of the posts, but what i read I agree with... it sounds more like an addiction and not a good one...

let us know what happens!

Manda86

once that balance is shifted it is no longer something used as a stress releaver or for relaxation, it just ventured into the realm of ADDICTION.

Amen!! Hubby and I are both gamers, but as a previous poster said, most nights (there is always the exception to the rule) we go to bed together - not necessarily so we can keep an eye on each other (although I do like looking at him, i must say ), but because we feel it's important to make that time to cuddle, or talk about the day with each other before we start a new one. I wouldn't say he's necessarily a bad guy or anything, but he definitely needs to prioritize. As far as the flirting goes, I know some other couples are okay with 'harmless' flirting, but we are both uncomfortable with it, so out of respect to each other, we avoid flirting with other people altogether. I think in some cases flirting outside of your relationship is a need for reassurance and can bely other more serious issues. At any rate, if you're uncomfortable with it, he needs to stop, IMO. And if he can't play without flirting, maybe he needs to decide what's more important, the game or his relationship?

nickybr38

I hate to jump into such a dramaful thread but I just wanted to say that emotional cheating is just as bad as physically cheating, in my opinion.

The fact that he invests time in these women (and let's face it, there are real people behind these 'avatars' he's flirting or who knows what with) but not in you is a huge warning signal.

That's just my two cents. Good luck hon.

wwwtheselion11

amunet07 wrote: »

I have lost 32 lbs, bought new clothes, new make up, and am using a fancy face creams to even my skin tone... all this and I'm still insecure!

My boyfriend Plays a video game called Second Life, last night he was "gesturing" (an action that you choose from the game where he spanked a girls butt and then she got on all fours sticking out her butt (that is when I noticed:noway: )... then he changed to his girl character and went shopping with her or another for lingeree and leather body suits...

Am I wierd that this makes me feel insecure??

WARNING TMI (we havent been able to have "relations" lately due to a medical issue I've been having and that has me wondering)

My ex called me a cheater when I was playing video games. It got to a point. Where i couldn't take the abuse any more. I suggest talking to him. Ask for a date night. Looking him in the eye's, asking him if hes happy still with the relationship. My ex i think was done with me. An was seeing someone else. However communication an eye contact. If eye contact is not made . Hes probably not interested in you anymore. Sorry

wwwtheselion11

CassieNic wrote: »

it could just be really girly men pretending to be girls talking to him.

There are those out there.