Why the hate?!

vinylscratch

Something I read about here, and think about a lot, is fat acceptance and how everyone has an idea of whether or not it's acceptable, responsible, healthy, or whatever to teach someone who is obese to be alright with themselves.

It's always "you're beautiful just the way you are" vs "cover up, spare the world the details of your grotesque body."

I literally want to cry when I read the latter! Shame on you who hate on people because of their appearance, who are so self-entitled at whatever weight you are to believe you have the right to tell anyone what's acceptable to wear in public.

How many of you hate on the look of fat because you fear your own? Do you realize so many of us got the way they are because of self-loathing, fear, and shame?

How many of you started out small and thought you were fat because you didn't love yourself, and would give anything to return to that weight?
How many of you never got a chance to see what small is because your learned behavior, through childhood abuse or whatever, was self-loathing?

PLEASE, I really truly think people have "fat acceptance" all wrong... The core of the movement should be self-love.
How could you ever find it in yourself to make the right lifestyle changes if you never learned to love yourself?

I don't mean settling into your lifestyle and continuing to make poor decisions or pretending obese is healthy.
I mean allowing anyone, at any age, weight, and height, the right to feel as though they belong and are worthy members of society, and that they can leave the house without those self-defeating thoughts. Because maybe they'd actually go for a walk. Maybe they'd get through their errands without running home to hide in the "loving" embrace of food.

Maybe they'd finally think they were worth it to change.

And how much harder is it to learn self-love when people are slamming on you left and right, especially members of a community who are supposed to be encouraging your progress, not competitiveness and hate!

Hate and shame will NOT melt the fat... Nor will accepting the fat's permanent presence make it any less dangerous!

I don't think anyone here is really asking for fat acceptance.
We're fat people looking for acceptance. That's different!

If you feel me, please add your two cents and let the struggling, self-loathing and self-esteem impaired here know that it's time to put your crown on the ground, drop the sword and shield (whether it's pointed at others or your own heart) and know that we are all in this TOGETHER, to love and support (and sometimes just tolerate) each other.

My two cents: I LOVE ALL OF YOU for who you are! Even if we've never spoken.

What's yours?

Phew! Thanks for listening!

lexibelk

Thank you! I've been flamed for trying to get this across, but you said it so much better.

If it's hard to love yourself, it's hard for people to love you. It's a vicious cycle, and I think everyone can be more supportive to overweight people trying to change their lives for the better, instead of using snark and venom. Some people may need that kick in the butt, but snark and venom don't work for everyone.

chanstriste13

well said! so true. thanks for sending this out there! :flowerforyou:

parys1

You ROCK, Vinylscratch! I you.
I agree with everything you said and my two cents were already (very well) written by you.

marylouise123

I feel you girl... I have been heavy most of my life. Well after like 5th grade.. There are so many judgemental people in this world.. I feel when they say negative stuff about me or anyone that does not look "perfect" to them then they are just not happy with themselves.. Usually those people are miserable.. I have been lucky enough to have friends who have never judged me.. Dated a few guys who did not care what my weight was.. They like me for me.. Then again there were a few idiots in there.. But we all have had those.. My current husband never cared what I weighed while he was super skinny.. Well not anymore because I beefed him up to.. He is now dealing with a weight problem & its hard for him.. The difference is that he needs to lose about 30 pounds while I need to lose 100+.. I guess in life we have to just ignore those people who judge overweight people & realize that at some point in their own life they will deal with issues like this or even worse.. I know there have been times I have seen the looks on their faces when I walk by.. I do get upset & it is hurtful.. They think because I am overweight I am lazy & must just sit & eat 12 meals aday.. Some people are just luck enough to be born with a great metabolism.. I just wish I could wave my magic wand & make people stop judging everyone... Life is to short to waste it on that stuff... Good luck & maybe we can change the world one person at a time...

norma67

As always sweetie you write very well and get your point across

vinylscratch

I just wish I could wave my magic wand & make people stop judging everyone... Life is to short to waste it on that stuff... Good luck & maybe we can change the world one person at a time...

We definitely can!! That's my goal anyway!

LoreleiWalks

Sing it, sister! I could not agree more with every word of that post. Thank you for putting it "out there."

I would love to add some like-minded people to my MFP friends - please send a message/request if you're interested.

cressievargo

I think you raise several excellent points.

I was rail -thin as a kid, put on some weight as a teen (although not heavy, more "curvy") and then when I was 19 I came home and found my Dad dead in our kitchen. He had brain cancer, we knew he was probably going to die, but I certainly hadn't envisioned it going down quite like that.

I stopped eating for a while. Not in an effort to starve myself - it had NOTHING to do with my weight or self-image. It was just plain ole depression. I didn't really give a crap one way or the other what happened to me. I was NUMB - because it was the only way I could avoid the pain of losing my Dad.

That screwed up my metabolism BIG TIME. I slowly put on some weight, but nothing bad. Then I moved back home (I was away at college) and made some poor diet choices. Because my metabolism had changed so dramatically, I put on weight. Then more weight...and now here I am at obese.

The reality is that when you see someone in the store, wherever - you DO NOT know their story. Don't be so superficial and only judge them by their fat. Yep, I'm fat - but you know what - I KNOW for a fact that I eat healthier than a lot of my "skinny" friends. I don't drink pop anymore, I have never smoked, I rarely drink. I rarely eat red meat (who can afford to?! LOL)...so, even though I'm "FAT" (or more correctly, OBESE), I am in better health than many. I do not have blood pressure issues. Or cholesterol. Or diabetes.

Does it bother me to see a heavy person on an Amigo with a basket full of frozen pizzas at the store? You bet your *kitten* it does. Not because I am judging, but because they are slowly killing themselves. I just want to say, "You are worth more as a person than THIS! Why are you doing this to yourself?" Honestly, it makes me sad for them. It also scares me - knowing that when I make poor choices, I am heading down that same path of self-destruction.

Losing weight is hard. Working out when you are fat is hard - mentally and physically. I was embarrassed to work out in front of my husband last night. Hello - we have 3 kids, he's seen the goods - but I was still embarrassed because I'm so out of shape. I have people ask me to go to Zumba - I'd love to do the workout, but I'd probably want to crawl in a hole and hide b/c I think people are staring at me, judging.

It's time to stop judging and start supporting - which is why I am SO glad I joined this site. I have read so many inspiring stories, seen so many awesome pics - that I KNOW I can do this, too.


(Oh, and original poster - when I say "you" in this post, I'm not speaking of you - it's more of an add-on to your post of sorts. LOL So PLEASE don't think I'm directing that at you! )

lexibelk

bump :flowerforyou:

mv0912

Great blog!! You hit the nail on the head!

mv0912

:flowerforyou: I can relate to you cressievargo 100%!!! I hate working out in front of people. I used to go to the gym and I hated the glares stares and the fact I knew people were talking about me. I have the same issues. I don't smoke, or drink. I eat rather healthy, but my metabolism is so slow. People assume I eat taco bell every night, or eat out every night for that matter when reality is I don't eat enough. It is already hard enough to deal with the self judgement but to add the judgement of others that don't know me, unbearable!

galegetsthin

Thank you!! If you dont love yourself and accept that this is the body you have now, you wont feel like it is "worth" all the work to make it better. It is entirely possible to love yourself and with that love understand that you have to make changes to be able to love it for a very long time.

vinylscratch

Yay!! No judgement here!! I wanted to add that I would love friend requests from like-minded people if you read this and go, OOH OOH! THAT'S ME!

RenaPink11

VERY WELL SAID!!!

LongMom

I like people who are trying to change the world for the better

gammybear

Okay so I was in the gym today and turned around and there was this "big" girl she had just started and actually I was/am happy for her. She had the self confidence in herself to get her rear in there and do something instead of hiding in her house like so many do. Proud of her and all those that don't hide because of all the ignorant people out there who feel a need to snicker or talk because they "think" their better.Why do some people always seem to feel a need to bring others down? What is it about themselves that they hate so much?

TheUniqueSilhouette

BUMP!!

Bonita_Lynne_58

You said this so much better than I ever could. I was a thin kid and thin as a teen. I only weighed 112lbs the day I went into labor with my youngest son. Then I began to gain weight. My eating habits were atrocious and I did not exercise. I have spent much of my adult life dealing with depression. I know some people can't eat when depressed. How I wish I was like this. Looking back on my life, I'd say I didn't love myself. And you know for some...for me weight is an armour to keep people at a distance. I'm working on me.

I remember as a skinny person being judgemental of the "fat" kid....I am ashamed of those thoughts now. Maybe I needed these extra pounds to teach me a bit about compassion. Lesson learned...time to shed this extra weight. I never want to stand in the way of another person loving themselves. I'm here to recieve support and to give the same.

Thank you for posting...you express yourself beautifully!

svalsonis

I couldn't agree with you anymore! This is so well said!

For_the_Last_Time

Totally get what you are saying but my view I am glad those kind of people don't have a filter it lets you know the people you wouldn't want to know regardless of your size.:flowerforyou: