Can he love me again

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  • ahinescapron
    ahinescapron Posts: 351 Member
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    I believe in marriage and that you should give it every chance to work, but I also believe that there comes a point that it is totally over and time to move on. I don't think you have reached that point. Since there are kids involved and you still love him, you gotta do everything you can to make it work before moving on, lest you have regrets later. Marriage is hard and it is easy to lose the affection in the day to day of working and raising kids. If there are things that you know in your heart that you can change and make things better, I would do them and let him see that you really are trying and that you want to make a new start. Give him some time, though. He may be hurt from being pushed away and be afraid to reallly trust the situation again. Give it a concerted effort from your end, keep the lines of communication open, be honest about how you feel and give him some time to decide what he wants. If he is still not open to another try several months from now, it may be time to let him go. Please, don't give up until you are absolutely sure it is over...that way you will always know that you fought for the things that you love!
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
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    Love is a verb, not a noun. The chemicals that made you feel dizzy and passionate in the beginning of your relationship have died down, and now, during the maintenance phase of your relationship, is when you need to actively love the person. Create romance. Love with your actions. Rely on your friendship to get you through. Just my .02. :flowerforyou:

    ^ Agreed.

    it is easy to fall in love and just as easy to fall out of love. Love is a choice you have to make. Every couple will go through seasons where it will be easy to love and when it will be difficult to do so.
    I feel so many couples call it quits because they come out of the honeymoon phase and think that they the love is gone and it's over. But love takes work.
    Perhaps some outside help could do you guys some good. Seek some couples counseling... that would be my advice.
    It is a shame that only one part of the "for better or for worse" part of the vows is taken seriously by many couples. And if the "worse" is doing some work to get back to being madly in love consider yourself lucky.
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
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    Love is a verb, not a noun. The chemicals that made you feel dizzy and passionate in the beginning of your relationship have died down, and now, during the maintenance phase of your relationship, is when you need to actively love the person. Create romance. Love with your actions. Rely on your friendship to get you through. Just my .02. :flowerforyou:

    ^ Agreed.

    it is easy to fall in love and just as easy to fall out of love. Love is a choice you have to make. Every couple will go through seasons where it will be easy to love and when it will be difficult to do so.
    I feel so many couples call it quits because they come out of the honeymoon phase and think that they the love is gone and it's over. But love takes work.
    Perhaps some outside help could do you guys some good. Seek some couples counseling... that would be my advice.
    It is a shame that only one part of the "for better or for worse" part of the vows is taken seriously by many couples. And if the "worse" is doing some work to get back to being madly in love consider yourself lucky.

    ^^^ These. At this point, it sounds like the ball is in his court, but that doesn't mean you have to stand by and wait. You said he has moved out. Invite him over for dinner a few nights a week. If you have to, tell him the kids would love to see him. Then, start showing him that it is HIM you love, not just the idea of being in love. Be kind, set the table nice, flirt with him, whatever. Feelings wax and wane - that's why you made a commitment. Okay, so you messed up, you slipped on your way to wedded bliss (whatever that is). Fix it. Yes, it's gonna be hard, yes, it may seem to take more work on your part than his, yes, it will get discouraging, and yes, people will tell you you're crazy for trying to win him back. But it is worth it. There are few things in life more satisfying than standing on the other side of a hard time with a spouse and being able to say, "Look what we came through together. We are awesome."
  • sherrirb
    sherrirb Posts: 1,714 Member
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    Love is a verb, not a noun. The chemicals that made you feel dizzy and passionate in the beginning of your relationship have died down, and now, during the maintenance phase of your relationship, is when you need to actively love the person. Create romance. Love with your actions. Rely on your friendship to get you through. Just my .02. :flowerforyou:

    ^THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

    This hits the nail squarely on the head. Love is an action. Love is making a conscious effort to appreciate your spouse for who he is; father to your children, main supporter of the family, head of the househould, decision maker, etc.

    The question isn't IF you love him, the real question is WILL you love him. Your vows said "Til DEATH do you part". Did you really mean this? If you didn't then you never should have gotten married in the first place. If you did then you need to go to him and tell him you realize that you've been pushing him away and ask him for forgiveness and ask him to come home. Do NOT wait. The longer you wait the more likely he will be to move on.

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