Does anyone have family members who are NOT SUPPORTIVE?

Rockontoothpicks

:explode:

I have recently joined this site and I am loving it. It has taught me how to count calories and restrict a lot of bad food....HOWEVER my mother is always over my shoulder saying comments like
"You don't need to read the ingredients of everything." & "You can cheat every week" and so on.
I try not to say anything but it bugs me that she is so negative about what is actually working for me. I have lost 10 pounds so far and feel confident I can reach my goals thinks to this site and the support of my girlfriend who is also on the site but I am just disappointed in the negativity.
Does anyone else have this problem?

lovinmysoldier

Currently, no I don't have this issue. I live 2 states away from my parents. With that said at Christmas while I was visiting your mom sounds very familiar to me. In my case though I only see them once or twice a year so I keep my mouth shut. In your situation, it really depends on how you think your mom would respond but I would try to really talk with her. Not just in passing, like a serious, Mom we've got to talk, kind of talk. Tell her your goals and you respect the fact that she doesn't agree with how you are doing it but this is what you need to do right now for you. You could be doing a heck of alot worse things! With that said, I wouldn't bring it up around her and just make it something you both agree to not talk about. Hope this provides at least a little help. Don't let her negativity determine your outcome, you have to make the decision that is best for you. BEST OF LUCK!!

fetchfury

Yea I have that problem, my dad is north african and all my family over there are big, curvy girls, the 'way they should be'. but they eat so much as thats how they socialise is eating together AAAAALLLLLLL the time.
so my dad reckons my goal of 135 is ridiculous and is angry at me for trying, but hey, its not his fault its just the culture he's grown up in.

Pollyfleming

yes, and it's a tough one! I agree with talking to your mom. I'm a mom and I know I tend to harp on things with my kids. I don't want to make their decisions for them but I repeat stuff because I feel like they've not gotten my message! Sit your mom down and tell her that you've heard her, that you understand that what she's saying comes from love, and then kindly ask her to stop bothering you about it. I hope it works! Good luck!

CuppycakeKaren

I understand what you are going through....to certain people - often moms - food equals love. In generations past, we all sat around the table at meals, and that was our time to share our day, and be together as a family. We may not have had much else, but Momma always made big meals. I catch myself doing that myself when my kids and their spouses come for a family dinner. I make way too much food, and want to stuff them full to the brim before they leave!! Somewhere in the back of my head this is how I show them I love them, because they are all grown up now, and don't crawl up on my lap like they did as children.
My advice?? Tell your mom that it is important to you to make some healthy changes in your life because you want to live a long, productive and healthy life.If it was my momma, I would throw in - so I can take care of you some day. Moms want their babies to have the best life possible..and maybe if you put it that way she will understand.
P.S. don't forget to give her a big hug and thank her for understanding!!

nitterlyn

Is your mom overweight? Maybe it brings up feelings for her. Sometimes it is hard to see others doing things you wish you could do. Also if your from a family where everything revolves around food it is hard. It is almost like an alcoholic going to the bar and telling everyone they're not drinking anymore because its not good for them. We live in a world where food is involved in everything. Not to mention if your mom is a good cook and shows her love in that way....it just makes it hard. I know she probably wants the best for you...just give her time and try to have a talk with her (if you have that kind of relationship).

Lona728

My husband has not been the most supportive in the past. As soon as I would tell him, I want to lose weight and adopt a healthy eating lifestyle he would start bringing home my favorite "bad" foods, coke, etc. This time around when he brought home stuff I shouldn't be eating I had a long talk with him about him sabotaging me every chance he gets. So, now he is doing better. Good luck with your mom. It's too bad that the people closest to us, can't all support us on this journey.

themadisons513

I know its hard to be around someone who isn't as supportive as you would like. But I think part of this journey is learning how to deal with our surroundings and temptations. I know you have a fantastic support system with your girlfriend You are already doing great and I think eventually if you stick to your guns it will just catch on that maybe your not going back to your old habits and she will stop being so negative. Keep up the awesome work your doing GREAT!

kammy92

It's not that people are not supportive, it's just they think I'm crazy,weighing food and what not! My husband doesn't disagree with me but he doesn't follow my way of eating and my friends say that I look fine, I don't need to lose weight. My family lives about 10 min away from me and they are supportive, they know it's just a heathier way of eating and taking care of myself........

kbmnurse

Ignore Ignore Ignore. Keep up the good work. Maybe include your mom in making a few healthy meals.

x_biggirl

Yea I have that problem, my dad is north african and all my family over there are big, curvy girls, the 'way they should be'. but they eat so much as thats how they socialise is eating together AAAAALLLLLLL the time.
so my dad reckons my goal of 135 is ridiculous and is angry at me for trying, but hey, its not his fault its just the culture he's grown up in.

This post is similar to mine, my mother keeps telling me that my bones are to big and carrying a weight of 130 pounds is not enough. I am lucky as she lives in canada, but when i told her about starting this journey she completely dismissed it.

Lesa_Sass

Yes, I get the same action from my mom and 1 of my sisters and a few other people in my life. All I will state is this, not one of those people is less than 50 lbs over weight, need I say more?

cuteness81104

My husband is not at all supportive. I like to eat healthy whole foods and loads of veggies, its what I like to eat. He does not like healthy foods at all and hates that I take time out in the day for me to workout. Its hard because the kids will eat healthy with me but he is just obnoxious. To top it off he is naturally skinny and can eat whatever he wants, and hes had bloodwork done multiple times and all his values are perfect so he doesnt see the point in eating healthy. I wish he wouldnt give me so much grief about working out and eating what I like. He likes how I look doesnt see an issue but for me I want to be back to what I was befire the kids. I want t feel comfortable in my clothes.

purple_doodles

Yes my mom is always telling me that I don't need to diet or lose weight! But I don't listen to her much because after all it is my life. She says if I lose any weight I'll be a skeleton. Easy for her to say she's not overweight xD

rugbyphreak

my mother is the only part of my family that is supportive. my brothers and father think it's a joke. even my boyfriend is much less than supportive.

my only advice is to work harder and ignore them. show them all up!

YOU CAN DO THIS!

denise_earheart

I don't have any family so I guess the same thing as having no support. my boyfriend wants me to stay fat so that makes everything harder plus I live in a new state and don't have many friends sooooo on that note.. I have no one at all really..... :-/

Monicapierce

The only supportive people I have are on this site. My husband is the worst, I tell him Im hungry he says lets go eat, he asks for junk food all the time (he is naturally skinny) and always says whats the point of losing weight if your not happy in the process? Gets old!

Mommy_Sans_The_Fat

Yep! My DF is always saying I don't need to lose weight and he loves me for me. That's all fine and dandy but you're what? 160 soaking wet? I'm every bit of 222 and only 5'3". Thanks but no thanks hun. Love you too......Smh.

petreebird

I wouldn't say my family is not supportive, my fiance tells me that he loves me the way I am and if I want to get in better shape, that's great!! He just wants me to be happy.

That said. Occasionally he will go to McDonalds with myself and my son. Problem is, my fiance is 8 years younger than I am and has an active job. My son is a wrestler and works out 6 days a week, 5 on average throughout the year. They can both pretty much eat whatever they want and don't have to worry about the scale. Heck my son can lose 2 to 3 pounds a day during the season during a practice, and wrestlers are always trying to "cut weight" for weigh ins.

But I respect both of them as they do me. If we go out to eat, I suggest Subway, which we all love. Or if we do go to McDonalds I try to get grilled chicken and ultimately make it work for my calories for the day. It's all about my choices. I am the only one who cooks in the house so homecooked meals are general pretty healthy.

They do get a bit concerned when I get on here and say, ohh I can't have pizza tonight sorry. They both think I am being to restrictive as I don't really have much weight to lose, my main goal is toning and inches. But at the same time, when I say, "I don't feel like doing my workout today." They both encourage me to get off my butt!!

So its a wash I think. :happy:

denise_earheart

The only supportive people I have are on this site. My husband is the worst, I tell him Im hungry he says lets go eat, he asks for junk food all the time (he is naturally skinny) and always says whats the point of losing weight if your not happy in the process? Gets old!

same problems here!!!!!!!!

cuteness81104

The only supportive people I have are on this site. My husband is the worst, I tell him Im hungry he says lets go eat, he asks for junk food all the time (he is naturally skinny) and always says whats the point of losing weight if your not happy in the process? Gets old!

wow sounds like my husband

Lesa_Sass

Yes my mom is always telling me that I don't need to diet or lose weight! But I don't listen to her much because after all it is my life. She says if I lose any weight I'll be a skeleton. Easy for her to say she's not overweight xD

Sweetheart, how over weight are you? You look like a teeny teenager to me.

nahralynn

I had the same problem, but with my sister. My mom was on board with me cooking healthier meals for us and trying new things but my sister has an aversion to anything that even remotely seems healthy or different (she had an issue with having ground turkey instead of beef). The problem is she is just ignorant. Not in a bad way, but in a way that she doesn't know any better. She doesn't realize that eating a sleeve of oreos a night, or cupcakes whenever she wants, or not getting any exercise is leading her into all these physical things that are going wrong with her. She would always tell me how gross what I was cooking was and wouldn't try it first, or tell me that what i was doing wasn't working. I didn't let it affect me though because this is MY life not hers.

I know this being your mom is probably harder cause it's your MOM .. but she may just not know what you know about health. Like others have said usually moms of the 'old school' influence compare love to food. Either grin and bare it because you know she's just trying to look out for you, or if you think she'd take it well explain things to her and how you feel about yourself and your reasons for doing this.

katy898

My parents are not really supportive. Back when I was in high school I started to diet. I was too focused on watching my calories and exercising so I didn't spend enough time with my family or on my homework. They constantly told me that my weight was fine (it definitely was NOT; when people were being generous they called me full figured) and tried to convince me to eat a lot. So now everytime I don't gorge myself at family meals they harp at me. It is so obnoxious and annoying. Why can't they realize that sometimes I need to do things for myself?

NewTeena

I've only told 2 people what I'm up to, one is my adult daughter, and the other is a real life friend who is also doing mfp with me. The plus side in this is that my daughter is reflecting on her own food choices and she herself is making better choices (she doesn't need to lose weight, she's already in the range she should be in).

In the past when my mom was aware that I was trying to lose weight, she would give me what I call "pity compliments", meaning she would say she felt I was losing weight, when in actual fact the scale did not reflect it.

Being a mom myself and having learned that all parents do the best to support their children, perhaps she thinks that she IS being supportive in the sense that she doesn't want you to feel you are being obsessive about your food intake. I once had a similar problem with my mom in another area until I wrote her a long letter telling her that I needed her to be supportive of the choices I DID make instead of pointing out what I DIDN'T do. It's been several years since I've had that conversation with her, but she sure tries like heck to be a positive support person now. I must say I really love her for it and it has made our relationship much closer.

Have a chat with her, it might be the best thing you ever do. Good luck!

BettyyRoss

I have a hard time following my diet. My husband eats anything and everything and doesn't even bother to think what he puts in his body. I'm the one that cooks in the household so it's hard when I want to cook 'healthier' meals. He's a meat lover and must have meat in pretty much all his meals including red meat which I've been trying to stay away from. He doesn't discourage me, but at the same time he doesn't encourage me either. It's very hard

ecclar123

Yes my husband is very supportive and my 2girls are on myfitnesspal. Its very unfortunate your Mom isn't on board
Stay encouraged and tell her how much her positive support would mean to you.

Barbie1125

Ya my husband isn't supportive at all.. I have actually only been back at this hard since the 9th of Jan (lost 7.1 lbs) since Jan 9th .. I first joined MFP quite a few months ago.. but anyways.. We play darts on wednesday nights and a friend of ours commented that I wasn't drinking that night (I usually drink quite a bit on dart night) and I just replied back " i'm not drinking on Wed ..." and before I could even finish my sentence which was gonna be " Wednesday nights for awhile" My husband said "Quit telling people that your just setting yourself up for embarrassment, " Needless to say I was heartbroken and embarrassed all at the same time. I confronted him on the way home and asked him why he did that in front of all those people and he just said "whatever you never stick with it and you will just embarrass yourself" So Im used to not having no support at home and doing it myself it can make you or break you.. Its not in anyway his fault that Im heavy or haven't reached my goal weight, its my own I understand that . Although a " You sure have been trying" Or a good job Honey " just once would be nice.

cramernh

:explode:

I have recently joined this site and I am loving it. It has taught me how to count calories and restrict a lot of bad food....HOWEVER my mother is always over my shoulder saying comments like
"You don't need to read the ingredients of everything." & "You can cheat every week" and so on.
I try not to say anything but it bugs me that she is so negative about what is actually working for me. I have lost 10 pounds so far and feel confident I can reach my goals thinks to this site and the support of my girlfriend who is also on the site but I am just disappointed in the negativity.
Does anyone else have this problem?

Thankfully some of my family members tried, and I laid the law down real fast by simply picking up my car-keys and leaving their house in the middle of a visit and didnt look back.

I had run into my mother one night while she was working and she asked me why I left, I simply told her the truth "when you can learn how to stop using your mouth in a negative way, maybe I will come back for a visit, but I will not put up with you telling me 'its ok to have this type of food' or "why the hell would anyone want to listen to a doctor who says 'you cant eat this!'? Youre not living!"

I told her off and said "I am living, much healthier thanks to people discovering I had food-sensitivities and allergies. If you cant understand that, then I want nothing to do with you because youre someone I dont want in my life if you cant stop being negative"...

Was it rough? Yeah, it was rough telling her like it is, but her mouthing off to me the night I got up and left because I CANNOT eat the foods she prepares and her giving me s*** about it, that to me is so much more vulgar.... She is a very toxic, raging alcoholic who thinks the world owes her... I dont need her in my life THAT bad....

purple_doodles

Yes my mom is always telling me that I don't need to diet or lose weight! But I don't listen to her much because after all it is my life. She says if I lose any weight I'll be a skeleton. Easy for her to say she's not overweight xD

Sweetheart, how over weight are you? You look like a teeny teenager to me.

Well I don't know exactly but to me I'm very overweight. I want to be thin..

kit_katty

I currently live with my father, who doesn't like to eat terribly healthily. He has always said I don't need to loose weight... 22lbs later and I'm now with a healthy BMI. Luckily the junk food he brings into the house are things that I can easily or relitively easily say no to! I just add lots of veggies to every dinner, lol. Good luck!