Does anyone have family members who are NOT SUPPORTIVE?

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  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    Yes my mom is always telling me that I don't need to diet or lose weight! But I don't listen to her much because after all it is my life. She says if I lose any weight I'll be a skeleton. Easy for her to say she's not overweight xD


    Sweetheart, how over weight are you? You look like a teeny teenager to me.
  • nahralynn
    nahralynn Posts: 125 Member
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    I had the same problem, but with my sister. My mom was on board with me cooking healthier meals for us and trying new things but my sister has an aversion to anything that even remotely seems healthy or different (she had an issue with having ground turkey instead of beef). The problem is she is just ignorant. Not in a bad way, but in a way that she doesn't know any better. She doesn't realize that eating a sleeve of oreos a night, or cupcakes whenever she wants, or not getting any exercise is leading her into all these physical things that are going wrong with her. She would always tell me how gross what I was cooking was and wouldn't try it first, or tell me that what i was doing wasn't working. I didn't let it affect me though because this is MY life not hers.

    I know this being your mom is probably harder cause it's your MOM .. but she may just not know what you know about health. Like others have said usually moms of the 'old school' influence compare love to food. Either grin and bare it because you know she's just trying to look out for you, or if you think she'd take it well explain things to her and how you feel about yourself and your reasons for doing this.
  • katy898
    katy898 Posts: 12
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    My parents are not really supportive. Back when I was in high school I started to diet. I was too focused on watching my calories and exercising so I didn't spend enough time with my family or on my homework. They constantly told me that my weight was fine (it definitely was NOT; when people were being generous they called me full figured) and tried to convince me to eat a lot. So now everytime I don't gorge myself at family meals they harp at me. It is so obnoxious and annoying. Why can't they realize that sometimes I need to do things for myself?
  • NewTeena
    NewTeena Posts: 154 Member
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    I've only told 2 people what I'm up to, one is my adult daughter, and the other is a real life friend who is also doing mfp with me. The plus side in this is that my daughter is reflecting on her own food choices and she herself is making better choices (she doesn't need to lose weight, she's already in the range she should be in).

    In the past when my mom was aware that I was trying to lose weight, she would give me what I call "pity compliments", meaning she would say she felt I was losing weight, when in actual fact the scale did not reflect it.

    Being a mom myself and having learned that all parents do the best to support their children, perhaps she thinks that she IS being supportive in the sense that she doesn't want you to feel you are being obsessive about your food intake. I once had a similar problem with my mom in another area until I wrote her a long letter telling her that I needed her to be supportive of the choices I DID make instead of pointing out what I DIDN'T do. It's been several years since I've had that conversation with her, but she sure tries like heck to be a positive support person now. I must say I really love her for it and it has made our relationship much closer.

    Have a chat with her, it might be the best thing you ever do. Good luck! :)
  • BettyyRoss
    BettyyRoss Posts: 100 Member
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    I have a hard time following my diet. My husband eats anything and everything and doesn't even bother to think what he puts in his body. I'm the one that cooks in the household so it's hard when I want to cook 'healthier' meals. He's a meat lover and must have meat in pretty much all his meals including red meat which I've been trying to stay away from. He doesn't discourage me, but at the same time he doesn't encourage me either. It's very hard :(
  • ecclar123
    ecclar123 Posts: 1
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    Yes my husband is very supportive and my 2girls are on myfitnesspal. Its very unfortunate your Mom isn't on board
    Stay encouraged and tell her how much her positive support would mean to you.
  • Barbie1125
    Barbie1125 Posts: 115
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    Ya my husband isn't supportive at all.. I have actually only been back at this hard since the 9th of Jan (lost 7.1 lbs) since Jan 9th .. I first joined MFP quite a few months ago.. but anyways.. We play darts on wednesday nights and a friend of ours commented that I wasn't drinking that night (I usually drink quite a bit on dart night) and I just replied back " i'm not drinking on Wed ..." and before I could even finish my sentence which was gonna be " Wednesday nights for awhile" My husband said "Quit telling people that your just setting yourself up for embarrassment, " Needless to say I was heartbroken and embarrassed all at the same time. I confronted him on the way home and asked him why he did that in front of all those people and he just said "whatever you never stick with it and you will just embarrass yourself" So Im used to not having no support at home and doing it myself it can make you or break you.. Its not in anyway his fault that Im heavy or haven't reached my goal weight, its my own I understand that . Although a " You sure have been trying" Or a good job Honey " just once would be nice.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    :explode:

    I have recently joined this site and I am loving it. It has taught me how to count calories and restrict a lot of bad food....HOWEVER my mother is always over my shoulder saying comments like
    "You don't need to read the ingredients of everything." & "You can cheat every week" and so on.
    I try not to say anything but it bugs me that she is so negative about what is actually working for me. I have lost 10 pounds so far and feel confident I can reach my goals thinks to this site and the support of my girlfriend who is also on the site but I am just disappointed in the negativity.
    Does anyone else have this problem?

    Thankfully some of my family members tried, and I laid the law down real fast by simply picking up my car-keys and leaving their house in the middle of a visit and didnt look back.

    I had run into my mother one night while she was working and she asked me why I left, I simply told her the truth "when you can learn how to stop using your mouth in a negative way, maybe I will come back for a visit, but I will not put up with you telling me 'its ok to have this type of food' or "why the hell would anyone want to listen to a doctor who says 'you cant eat this!'? Youre not living!"

    I told her off and said "I am living, much healthier thanks to people discovering I had food-sensitivities and allergies. If you cant understand that, then I want nothing to do with you because youre someone I dont want in my life if you cant stop being negative"...

    Was it rough? Yeah, it was rough telling her like it is, but her mouthing off to me the night I got up and left because I CANNOT eat the foods she prepares and her giving me s*** about it, that to me is so much more vulgar.... She is a very toxic, raging alcoholic who thinks the world owes her... I dont need her in my life THAT bad....
  • purple_doodles
    purple_doodles Posts: 3
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    Yes my mom is always telling me that I don't need to diet or lose weight! But I don't listen to her much because after all it is my life. She says if I lose any weight I'll be a skeleton. Easy for her to say she's not overweight xD


    Sweetheart, how over weight are you? You look like a teeny teenager to me.

    Well I don't know exactly but to me I'm very overweight. I want to be thin.. :/
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 994 Member
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    I currently live with my father, who doesn't like to eat terribly healthily. He has always said I don't need to loose weight... 22lbs later and I'm now with a healthy BMI. Luckily the junk food he brings into the house are things that I can easily or relitively easily say no to! I just add lots of veggies to every dinner, lol. Good luck!
  • myuva
    myuva Posts: 67
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    My husband was not very supportive in the beginning. He was always asking me if I wanted dessert. I would say no and he would sulk. I told him he can have ice cream but I do not want it. I usually gave in cuz I wanted him to be happy and have ice cream, he did not need to lose weight, I do. So I would end up with ice cream too. I sat him down a few weeks ago and told him like it is. He was not respecting me or supporting me....blah blah blah...He is now on board with me and even bought a home gym !!!!! He is right next to me and giving me encouragement.
    Do not listen to the negative nellys in your life ........ do what you need to do to make you happy. Maybe a heartfelt conversation with your Mom would help.
  • DoxieMama70
    DoxieMama70 Posts: 92 Member
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    It's such a shame to have toxic, negative, narcissistic people in your life, esp family. My mother is this way, and I know how hard it has been to reach a place in my life where I can deal with her disapproval and negativity about everything I do. While I realize it is her issue, it's no less difficult to deal with.

    Remember that you are doing this for YOU. So that you can be healthy and live a long life! People who care about you are going to be supportive of that.

    Good luck and stay strong!! You are doing a great job!
  • gatecityradio
    gatecityradio Posts: 401
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    My grandpa always tells me how fat I am...but my grandma keeps feeding me junk food every time I go over there, all she buys is junk food. My mom and dad are very supportive.
  • draayer7
    draayer7 Posts: 24 Member
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    I think I have a little different issue. My family want to see me lose weight, they just don't help and encourage me to do so. I have one friend, that is on here as well, that I can truly rely on in my life to support the choices I am making. I believe you should sit down with your Mom and let her know that this is what you need, and unfortunately your weight loss is not about her, it's about what makes you healthy, happy and confident. Let her know you would love her support, but if she can't it needs to be a dead subject between you. Good luck with your Mom and your weight loss journey!
  • 2dayirun4me
    2dayirun4me Posts: 336 Member
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    First off Congratulations on your achievements thus far! My problem isn't with negative family members but with coworkers.
    Stay strong and keep moving forward, once your mom sees your transformation she may want to join you in your healthy lifestyle.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    Yes my mom is always telling me that I don't need to diet or lose weight! But I don't listen to her much because after all it is my life. She says if I lose any weight I'll be a skeleton. Easy for her to say she's not overweight xD


    Sweetheart, how over weight are you? You look like a teeny teenager to me.

    Agreeing... she definitely is extremely tiny-faced
  • ElementalEscapee
    ElementalEscapee Posts: 552 Member
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    Yup lol.
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
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    definitely ignore it. I know how hard it is to do that but the more you tell people that you are losing and getting healthy, the more they want to sabotage. keep it to yourself until they start to notice all your hard work. my family was not supportive at all until i lost a couple sizes and then it was like, wow, you look great! hubby finally started the compliments after I got more attention from other men and then he said well maybe I will try to start eating better also! they are jealous because they dont have the courage to do what you know it takes to work hard to reach your goals! you can do this with the help of all of us on here!
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
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    Ya my husband isn't supportive at all.. I have actually only been back at this hard since the 9th of Jan (lost 7.1 lbs) since Jan 9th .. I first joined MFP quite a few months ago.. but anyways.. We play darts on wednesday nights and a friend of ours commented that I wasn't drinking that night (I usually drink quite a bit on dart night) and I just replied back " i'm not drinking on Wed ..." and before I could even finish my sentence which was gonna be " Wednesday nights for awhile" My husband said "Quit telling people that your just setting yourself up for embarrassment, " Needless to say I was heartbroken and embarrassed all at the same time. I confronted him on the way home and asked him why he did that in front of all those people and he just said "whatever you never stick with it and you will just embarrass yourself" So Im used to not having no support at home and doing it myself it can make you or break you.. Its not in anyway his fault that Im heavy or haven't reached my goal weight, its my own I understand that . Although a " You sure have been trying" Or a good job Honey " just once would be nice.
    you show him when you are all hot to trot and the guys at the bar while you are playing darts start hitting on you! that will show him!
  • mammafrog
    mammafrog Posts: 176
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    Just left my grandmas where I deal with this. All my family is bigger people and they are telling me how I am too skinny and going to look nasty. I want to badly to scream at them I am getting healthier and the being obese is NOT HEALTHY. I just avoid eating there.

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