Son got a speed ticket

aippolito1

I would say take the car until he completes the defensive driving course. It's $25 that he should pay out of pocket, and it will take the ticket off his record, help him think twice about when he speeds or does other reckless things while driving (I know it did me! I daily think about what I learned in my defensive driving course), and the time he doesn't have the car is totally up to him. It could be one day, it could be a week. All I know is he has until, I think, about a month from getting the ticket to complete the course for it to be valid. Plus, having taken defensive driving should get you a discount on your car insurance.

Driving courses are mandatory here: they last 11 months. And he already took that last year.

A driving course that is 11 months is not the same thing. Defensive driving is a reiteration course. It teaches you how to drive defensively, not just how to drive. You can take it once a year, as long as it's 12 months apart - if it is the same thing.

sarahsmom1

He knows he did wrong have him do the driving school thing and it will be taken off his record. Punish to severely on first offense he may not be willing to come to you for further assistance. You dont want to lose that bond

moniqueb39

I would make him pay for the ticket as his punishment and sign him up for defensive driiving class. If you make him pay for the ticket it will reinforce that there are consequences when you break the law. I have a 19 yr old that just went through a similar situation he is in college about an hour away from me so I really couldn't do much punsihing but we talked about it and he took the defensive driving class, went to court and the judge reduced the charge becuse he took the class on his own before court and it was his first offense. But he paid the ticket. Our insurnace didn't go up becuase the charge was reduced. In the end he felt good in taking care of his own mistake. I feel he handled it like a man and I was proud of him. What else can you do when you make a mistake but own up and fix it.

dragonbait0126

I would say if he pays the ticket himself, he's done. Will treating him like a child help him? Is it his car or yours? If it happens again, I'd be more inclined to think of punishments. If it's your car, you could take privleges from him, if it doesn't inconvenience you, because then you are punished instead. But you know your son best. In the past, what have you needed to do in order to modify his behavior?

This!!! Taking away his car so that he can't get to and from school and work only punishes you. Not him. I got a speeding ticket in high school as well. My parents did not take away my car for that exact reason. My junior and senior years of high school I was often out past midnight due to band and theater. My senior year, I also got out of school at 12:30 because I only took 5 courses. I then worked every afternoon from 1:30 - 6:30 or 7. Taking away my car would have meant my parents would have to leave work to drive me to work (I grew up in a small town with no public transportation and it wasn't feasible to walk as I wouldn't have gotten there on time). My parents were not about to start driving me around. I did have to pay the ticket and attend the driving course though. The ticket itself made me feel more guilty than anything my parents could have done. Talk to him and then go from there.

AZKristi

a BIT????

That's criminal speeding where I live and he would have been taken to jail!

AZKristi

a BIT????

That's criminal speeding where I live and would have been taken to jail!

waskier

I would make him pay the ticket and the difference on your insurance. That is what my parents would have done with me!

Paying the ticket has never been discuss: he knows he'll have to pay it. And he's got his own insurance.

If he is paying the ticket and has his own insurance why would you take the car away? Seems like that is punishment enough.

What would your father do to you if you got a ticket today?

quietlywinning

I would make him pay the ticket and the difference on your insurance. That is what my parents would have done with me!

I would do this and require the defensive driving course to be taken before driving again. Since you said he already knows he has to pay it himself and he carries his own insurance, that means he already has been taught to take responsibility for himself. That means you are doing a great job. None of this should be done as "punishment", just as an issue of responsibility. He needs to understand that being behind that wheel is taking responsibility for his life and the lives of all others on or near the roads he's driving. Paying the ticket and paying for the increase in insurance premiums are the easy consequences with good lessons. Taking the class can give him a look at the far worse consequences without actually killing someone and having to live them.

Good for you for taking it seriously, and for already having done a great job.

speedyf

I would like to thank everybody.

My son is responsible, and I'm not saying that because he's my son, he really is. What I didn't thought about, and what you guys help me remembered, is that his insurance will go up (a lot!)... I know he didn't thought about that either and that will be very hard on him and his wallet, even though he works part time and that his money is just pilling up in his bank account... So I don't think I'll take away his car, but I will have a serious conversation with him. And we'll gather some information about that "defensive course" to see if it's available around here.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate all of your comments.

ncw89

IMO he's already *got* a punishment...he got the ticket and the fine. Since he's 17 maybe you need to sit down, have a proper, non-confrontational talk about it explaining why you feel strongly about his speeding, point out that it'll be on his record now for however long (in the UK it's 3 years) and his insurance will be jacked up. Insurance for me is still hiked up 4 years after I got caught speeding (long story, not going into it) despite the fact it's now no longer on my record because we still have to declare it for 5 years after the offence. Maybe tell him that *if* he does it again, *then* you will take away his car. Then it's up to him to sort himself out, he has fair warning, and not getting punished twice for something he's already done and can't take away

ninerbuff

I would say take the car until he completes the defensive driving course. It's $25 that he should pay out of pocket, and it will take the ticket off his record, help him think twice about when he speeds or does other reckless things while driving (I know it did me! I daily think about what I learned in my defensive driving course), and the time he doesn't have the car is totally up to him. It could be one day, it could be a week. All I know is he has until, I think, about a month from getting the ticket to complete the course for it to be valid. Plus, having taken defensive driving should get you a discount on your car insurance.

This. When I got my first ticket, I went to driver's school and got it taken off. But, I think it's more important for him to learn the OUTCOME if someone lost control speeding or couldn't react in time. He'll probably understand he could get into an accident, but when you have him really sit down and think of what an accident might actually do to someone else's life, he may get it.
I don't go over 10mph max on the freeway and 5 in residential. Haven't gotten a speeding ticket (nor and accident) since I was 27.


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quietlywinning

The defensive drivers course is just one day course - totally different than the required drivers ed. He'll get it that the rules of the road are safety rules....people die because of driving as crazy as he was. He was flying, not just a couple miles over the speed limit. He is very lucky he only got a ticket and not a manslaughter charge. In our state, he would have lost his license instantly, being 17 and more than 20 mph over the limit.

maidentl

I think you should let the law handle it. He's already been punished in the form of having to pay a ticket with his own money. Hopefully he learns his lesson from that.

I agree with this. If he didn't have the ability to pay the ticket, I could see you needing to handle it some other way. But the cost of that fine will be punishment enough.

TurtleRunnerNC

Our local high school has lost 4 children in the last year due to car accidents. Most involved speeding & or over-correcting on side roads. They just do not have the experience & they think nothing bad will happen.

Maybe having him talk to friends & family of kids his age who have lost their lives doing something that seems so innocent.

It is great that he was up front about the ticket. I like the idea of asking him what he thinks the consequences should be.

30yearssincebikini

I wouldn't do anything. Most of us have gotten tickets and we learn from them. He sounds like a responsible kid who will make a fine adult. You have done a good job with him. It's just a speeding ticket. It will pass.

foodfight247

Personally I'd make him pay the speeding and take the keys away for the weekend.

It'll make him think twice.

Here in the uk if you get 6 points on your license within the first two years of passing your test, your license gets revoked. Considering a speeding fine carries 3 points each time caught, you only get two chances.

joannasaurusrex

I'm 24 and find the idea of you 'punishing' him really weird! He's an adult and he makes his own choices. If he's old enough to drive, and he pays his own insurance etc, then he's old enough to live with the consequences.

He didn't do anything THAT bad. Let's face it, most of go a little over the speed limit every now and then, whether we mean to or not. Getting 'caught' is pretty much bad luck.

He sounds like a lovely boy if he came home and told you straight away. For what it's worth, I also got done for speeding when I was 17, and the reality of having points on my license was AWFUL to come to terms with. He's probably feeling bad enough.

Hoppymom

I'd take it for a week or so. I owuld let the mdrive only to get to work and back. No going to friends etc. and he would have to pay the insurance increase that is coming your way too. My kids always knew if they drank and drove even if the cops didn't know but I did the car was gone for good. Never had a problem even once because they knew from day one tha mom and dad don't make threats they make promises and carry out consequences. They thank us today for raising them right.

shvits

It happened to me too. I had to take the battery out of the car at one point. He kept speeding. He got a few tickets. He got a ticket for being in the commute lane with no passengers (he was in a hurry). He got a ticket for cutting in front of a cop from an exit lane only. He finally stopped driving fast when he hit a woman in a cross walk. Lucky, he did not kill her or hurt her too badly. He was really upset. He was about 28 years old (now 31). He stopped driving fast after he hit the woman in the cross walk and realized, yes, he could have killed her. My son needed to learn by experience, I think it is a guy thing. Be patient. Restrict his driving. Keep trying. Good Luck!

koosdel

Buy a radar detector.

slacker80

Teach em evassive driving techniques.



Just being silly since you already got a ton of note worthy responses.

macpatti

I have a 25, 20, and 17 year old son. They've all had a speeding ticket. It's going to happen (most likely). I've never taken their cars from them, and they weren't able to pay their own tickets because we never allowed them to work in high school. What we did instead was whenever they asked for money, we would hold back some until they "paid us back" the amount and we made them take defensive driving. Responsible, good kids make mistakes all the time.

Ocarina

Definitely want to punish him how you see fit. Paying for ticket and his own insurance is definitely a great learning tool since he'll see his insurance go up from this.

My sister did not get punished and it has almost cost her life.

She ended up speeding about 70mph down an exit ramp on the highway and while doing so was adjusting her iPod and did not pay attention. The next few seconds the seat belt saved her life as she rolled her car 4 times off the side of the road. She came out unscathed but there could not always be a next time. This poor kid has never been punished for driving issues and now has like 3-4 tickets on her record and a misdemeanor and she's only 16. Punish your kids now and they will thank you later.

badgerbadger1

I'm 24 and find the idea of you 'punishing' him really weird! He's an adult and he makes his own choices. If he's old enough to drive, and he pays his own insurance etc, then he's old enough to live with the consequences.

He didn't do anything THAT bad. Let's face it, most of go a little over the speed limit every now and then, whether we mean to or not. Getting 'caught' is pretty much bad luck.

He sounds like a lovely boy if he came home and told you straight away. For what it's worth, I also got done for speeding when I was 17, and the reality of having points on my license was AWFUL to come to terms with. He's probably feeling bad enough.

He's not an adult. He's 17.

MissTomGettingThin

I'm of the opinion that speeding tickets are really just an insidious tax without representation because speed limits are rarely if ever set to an appropriate level. There really is no appropriate level since that would have to take into account driver ability, conditions, and car performance. That said, I drive slowly (9mph over the speed limit in GA) all the time because I don't want to pay that tax I have no say in.

I was caught speeding and did a speed awareness course.

You need to do one of these, Sir.

badgerbadger1

I have a 25, 20, and 17 year old son. They've all had a speeding ticket. It's going to happen (most likely). I've never taken their cars from them, and they weren't able to pay their own tickets because we never allowed them to work in high school. What we did instead was whenever they asked for money, we would hold back some until they "paid us back" the amount and we made them take defensive driving. Responsible, good kids make mistakes all the time.

It's not a mistake. It's a choice. Choices have consequences. The consequences of speeding are not an oops, they can cost someone their life.

Kids need consequences or they grow up thinking the rules don't apply to them.

honeysprinkles

Make him pay for the ticket himself, I can't think of a better punishment. I've yet to get a speeding ticket because I know who'd be paying it if I did get one!

kbmnurse

Make sure he has taken drivers ed and/or defensive driving class. Not sure taking the car away will help. Make sure he is paying all expenses affiliated with the ticket.

rschmmidt

I would make him pay the ticket and the difference on your insurance. That is what my parents would have done with me!

That's what I was thinking.

macpatti

It's not a mistake. It's a choice. Choices have consequences. The consequences of speeding are not an oops, they can cost someone their life.

The "mistake" made was "choosing" to speed. I realize speeding can lead to accidents and lost lives. I wasn't minimizing the effects speeding can have.

Kids need consequences or they grow up thinking the rules don't apply to them.

I never said kids shouldn't have consequences for their actions. I gave my personal opinion about the consequence the OP was asking about. My children have not grown up thinking rules don't apply to them.