Home Sweet....Jail cell???
MamaLuvsDJ
Posts: 29
Hello everyone,
My name is Marina and I have lost 11lbs so far....anyway....I am in my lunch right now and I am reflecting on the many things I want to do when I reach my goal. My list kept getting so large that I stopped for a second and thought to myself..."well gosh how many things did I deprive myself of??". So I started to write a list of all the things I deprived myself because of my weight. I recommend you do this so that everytime you "lose motivation" you look back at the list and really see how the weight has SENTENCED YOU. I mean think about it, we became our own judge and sentenced us to this ridiculous life. Okay so here I am 26 yrs old and this is what I never did or won't do.....
1. Don't wear dresses: my thighs are huge, my legs are not toned...too ashamed to show them.
2. Don't wear shorts: It could be 120 degrees and this girl wear jeans
3. Won't wear tank tops: why show my flabby fat arms??
4. Don't go to the beach: Me in a bathing suit??? NO WAYYY
5. Never went tanning: too afraid of what people will think of me, I don't want anyone seeing my body.
6. Won't get a pedicure: I do it myself so no one has to see my huge legs.
7. Won't go to the clubs/launges: See #1, I don't wear dresses.
8. Don't go to the mall: I don't want people staring at me, besides nothing fits so why bother??
9. Don't wear boots: My calves are too big, they don't fit.
10. Won't go to the gym: too many skinny girls prancing around.
11. Won't take Zumba classes: too afraid of what people think.
12. Won't go to the fair: I am afraid I won't fit in the rides
14. Won't wear ankle bracelets: my ankles are chunky, they won't fit.
15. Don't wear flats: flats make my legs look short and thick, at least heels make me a bit leaner...I think
16. Don't ever participate in social events: why?? just another opportunity for people to look at me
17. Won't go to church: don't have enough outfits that look nice.
18. Always turns down dates: he possibly can't like me, i don't even like myself.
19. won't take pics: why look at myself in a pic and torture myself??
20. Never went to college: kids made fun of me all my life, why give them another opportunity to do it again??
21. Never went to prom: I don't wear dresses remember?
22. Don't want to marry: I don't wear DRESSES!!!
The list goes on and on....so here I am...single mother of a 1yr old, lonely, no friends, every weekend I am at home. And I have MYSELF to blame....I have allowed the weight to dictate what lifestyle I will live. Sounds ridiculous huh??? I have had such low self esteem that I chose not to even go to college!!!! Crazy huh?? Here I am, 26 yrs old....and lonely.
Before you give up, or eat those extra "not needed" calories...remember....you are slowly sentencing yourself .
My name is Marina and I have lost 11lbs so far....anyway....I am in my lunch right now and I am reflecting on the many things I want to do when I reach my goal. My list kept getting so large that I stopped for a second and thought to myself..."well gosh how many things did I deprive myself of??". So I started to write a list of all the things I deprived myself because of my weight. I recommend you do this so that everytime you "lose motivation" you look back at the list and really see how the weight has SENTENCED YOU. I mean think about it, we became our own judge and sentenced us to this ridiculous life. Okay so here I am 26 yrs old and this is what I never did or won't do.....
1. Don't wear dresses: my thighs are huge, my legs are not toned...too ashamed to show them.
2. Don't wear shorts: It could be 120 degrees and this girl wear jeans
3. Won't wear tank tops: why show my flabby fat arms??
4. Don't go to the beach: Me in a bathing suit??? NO WAYYY
5. Never went tanning: too afraid of what people will think of me, I don't want anyone seeing my body.
6. Won't get a pedicure: I do it myself so no one has to see my huge legs.
7. Won't go to the clubs/launges: See #1, I don't wear dresses.
8. Don't go to the mall: I don't want people staring at me, besides nothing fits so why bother??
9. Don't wear boots: My calves are too big, they don't fit.
10. Won't go to the gym: too many skinny girls prancing around.
11. Won't take Zumba classes: too afraid of what people think.
12. Won't go to the fair: I am afraid I won't fit in the rides
14. Won't wear ankle bracelets: my ankles are chunky, they won't fit.
15. Don't wear flats: flats make my legs look short and thick, at least heels make me a bit leaner...I think
16. Don't ever participate in social events: why?? just another opportunity for people to look at me
17. Won't go to church: don't have enough outfits that look nice.
18. Always turns down dates: he possibly can't like me, i don't even like myself.
19. won't take pics: why look at myself in a pic and torture myself??
20. Never went to college: kids made fun of me all my life, why give them another opportunity to do it again??
21. Never went to prom: I don't wear dresses remember?
22. Don't want to marry: I don't wear DRESSES!!!
The list goes on and on....so here I am...single mother of a 1yr old, lonely, no friends, every weekend I am at home. And I have MYSELF to blame....I have allowed the weight to dictate what lifestyle I will live. Sounds ridiculous huh??? I have had such low self esteem that I chose not to even go to college!!!! Crazy huh?? Here I am, 26 yrs old....and lonely.
Before you give up, or eat those extra "not needed" calories...remember....you are slowly sentencing yourself .
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Replies
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WOW !
Very powerful and motivating post.
I can relate to a lot of the things your referring to in your list.
One bit of advise that helped me and some of my friends along this journey...
Work on your self esteem issues, they run deeper than just the weight.
Part of the reason for a lot of folks weight problems is their low self esteem.
The moment I decided that nobody else's opinion mattered to me, was the moment I began changing my life.
I go to the gym and work out and ignore the muscle heads and the models, I dont care.
I have lost 30 pounds and have developed six pack abs, regardless of their funny looks, etc.
I will wear clothes that I think I look good in, because it makes me feel good about myself.
Not everyone will think I look good, actually most will probably not even notice me, I dont care.
The minute you start doing things that help with your self esteem you will start being more active.
More activity will lead to weight loss, and eventually toning up, and getting healthier.
When your healthier and active and happy you live your life.
Dont let others opinions run your life.
Congratulations for choosing to get healthy, keep it up, you will never regret it.0 -
The moment I decided that nobody else's opinion mattered to me, was the moment I began changing my life.
THIS!!!!! :drinker:0 -
Everybody can relate to these feelings.
At some point our goals must trump everything, and then we can truly shrug off the shackles that hold us back.
KEEP PUNCHING!
All Is Possible0 -
Such a great post!!! So many things on your list really hit home with me!! Great motivation!0
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"I have allowed my weight to dictate ky life!!"
I have done this, maybe not to the extent you have, but I have and I refuse to do it anymore!!
I want to be a participant in my life, not a bystander anymore!! I can see the changes already with only 20lbs gone I can't wait to see what losing the rest will feel like!!!
Don't let what anyone says or what you think they might be thinking hold you back!! Good luck on your journey and great post!!0 -
This is a great idea! You have sentenced yourself to many of the same things I have, and I'm sure the same as many of us on here. I'm going to keep my list to hand to motivate me, too many times have I given up after a few pounds of loss.0
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I think you should go to the beach with me. WHY do you care what total strangers think of you? For all you know they could be the lowest form of animal life (and I always assume they are)
I think it's not even about what others think - IT'S ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF.
jrusso is right, you need therapy. If you don't like yourself now no cosmetic change is going to change that.
Embrace who you are- GOD DOESN'T MAKE JUNK0 -
The moment I decided that nobody else's opinion mattered to me, was the moment I began changing my life.
HEAR HEAR!!!!0 -
Wow girl! So powerful! Thanks for sharing!! BTW, You are BEAUTIFUL! YOU HAVE BEEN CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF GOD..which btw, is PERFECTION, even if you don't see it! So proud of you for taking a stand at having a better life! Keep your motivation! :flowerforyou:0
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Hello everyone,
My name is Marina and I have lost 11lbs so far....anyway....I am in my lunch right now and I am reflecting on the many things I want to do when I reach my goal. My list kept getting so large that I stopped for a second and thought to myself..."well gosh how many things did I deprive myself of??". So I started to write a list of all the things I deprived myself because of my weight. I recommend you do this so that everytime you "lose motivation" you look back at the list and really see how the weight has SENTENCED YOU. I mean think about it, we became our own judge and sentenced us to this ridiculous life. Okay so here I am 26 yrs old and this is what I never did or won't do.....
1. Don't wear dresses: my thighs are huge, my legs are not toned...too ashamed to show them.
2. Don't wear shorts: It could be 120 degrees and this girl wear jeans
3. Won't wear tank tops: why show my flabby fat arms??
4. Don't go to the beach: Me in a bathing suit??? NO WAYYY
5. Never went tanning: too afraid of what people will think of me, I don't want anyone seeing my body.
6. Won't get a pedicure: I do it myself so no one has to see my huge legs.
7. Won't go to the clubs/launges: See #1, I don't wear dresses.
8. Don't go to the mall: I don't want people staring at me, besides nothing fits so why bother??
9. Don't wear boots: My calves are too big, they don't fit.
10. Won't go to the gym: too many skinny girls prancing around.
11. Won't take Zumba classes: too afraid of what people think.
12. Won't go to the fair: I am afraid I won't fit in the rides
14. Won't wear ankle bracelets: my ankles are chunky, they won't fit.
15. Don't wear flats: flats make my legs look short and thick, at least heels make me a bit leaner...I think
16. Don't ever participate in social events: why?? just another opportunity for people to look at me
17. Won't go to church: don't have enough outfits that look nice.
18. Always turns down dates: he possibly can't like me, i don't even like myself.
19. won't take pics: why look at myself in a pic and torture myself??
20. Never went to college: kids made fun of me all my life, why give them another opportunity to do it again??
21. Never went to prom: I don't wear dresses remember?
22. Don't want to marry: I don't wear DRESSES!!!
The list goes on and on....so here I am...single mother of a 1yr old, lonely, no friends, every weekend I am at home. And I have MYSELF to blame....I have allowed the weight to dictate what lifestyle I will live. Sounds ridiculous huh??? I have had such low self esteem that I chose not to even go to college!!!! Crazy huh?? Here I am, 26 yrs old....and lonely.
Before you give up, or eat those extra "not needed" calories...remember....you are slowly sentencing yourself .
I was at the same point when I started here. 25lbs lost- things got better. 50lbs lost- I'm in the mindset that I AM sexy and do dress up and do things I used to have anxiety about! I remember having all those feelings and you have to realize that no one else but YOU and YOUR child matters. Forget what everone thinks and wow them all when you feel like you are ready.
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What a great post. I believe alot of us can relate to how you feel. You are beautiful and deserve so much more than you are allowing yourself.0
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This post really hit my heart! I can say that with your list, I can indeed relate to some of your list. I believe that it is a great idea to actually jot a list of the things that we have deprived ourselves of doing for motivation. I agree with some of the other posts, as we cannot let others hinder us from stepping out of our comfort zone and achieving our goals but it is also easier said than done and we cannot get it done until we are completely comfortable in our own skin.
I understand that our weight is something that hinders us from the things that we want to do but we must realize that this weight did not come on over night and will not leave over night. With that being said, do not let your (I'm speaking to myself as well)weight stop you from living! You have soo much to live for!0 -
I didn't want to do a Zumba class either for fear of every one looking at me, but now I am at Zumba classes 4-5 days a week. I have found that they have helped my confidence out so much. Plus, nobody is watching you, everybody is focusing on their own own workout, and if they are watching you SHOW THEM WHATCHYA GOT!!!!!!
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I think you should go to the beach with me. WHY do you care what total strangers think of you? For all you know they could be the lowest form of animal life (and I always assume they are)
I think it's not even about what others think - IT'S ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF.
jrusso is right, you need therapy. If you don't like yourself now no cosmetic change is going to change that.
Embrace who you are- GOD DOESN'T MAKE JUNK
Amen! God most certainly does NOT make junk!
You are who you are & it's about time that you were proud of all that you have achieved. Single Mum - wow! I did not achieve that so you have my admiration for keeping at that!! You are a precious individual and I am sure your friends & family value you for you. My mother does not value me & has made my issues worse so now I do not take to heart what she says to me (or does not say.........I have lost 80lb & she has deliberately not made any comment as she can not say something nice to me!!) I am precious in God's sight and he made me, so yah, boo, sucks to the rest of the critics!0 -
I can so relate with so many on your list but I stepped back and noticed a key point in my list as I have in yours and that is too much focus on what people think of us. Trust me I understand but remember that alot of it is our own insecurity that makes us think people are actually staring when in reality they are not. I was so nervous when I joined the gym last year that I refused to go without my sister there with me. My own nerves set the tone for my workout and how I thought others were looking at me and I would always not do my best. It was then that I started seeing the very fit girls, guys and trainers being so kind and encouraging me that made me realize that they are looking at me because of my determination not how fat I am. You gain alot of respect from the "fit club" when you take control of your life and make a change and I have met some awesome people that I would never have dreamed would want anything to do with me at the gym. They encourage us, help us on weight machines and tell us how proud they are of us. Now I walk in the gym, work, stores with a new found confidence that I have taken control of my life once and for all. You will find that the haters that you unfortunately ran into in school will no longer open their mouths because you are showing far more courage then they ever will. You got this 100%! I love your list, your honesty and your motivation.0
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WOW !
Very powerful and motivating post.
I can relate to a lot of the things your referring to in your list.
One bit of advise that helped me and some of my friends along this journey...
Work on your self esteem issues, they run deeper than just the weight.
Part of the reason for a lot of folks weight problems is their low self esteem.
The moment I decided that nobody else's opinion mattered to me, was the moment I began changing my life.
I go to the gym and work out and ignore the muscle heads and the models, I dont care.
I have lost 30 pounds and have developed six pack abs, regardless of their funny looks, etc.
I will wear clothes that I think I look good in, because it makes me feel good about myself.
Not everyone will think I look good, actually most will probably not even notice me, I dont care.
The minute you start doing things that help with your self esteem you will start being more active.
More activity will lead to weight loss, and eventually toning up, and getting healthier.
When your healthier and active and happy you live your life.
Dont let others opinions run your life.
Congratulations for choosing to get healthy, keep it up, you will never regret it.
^^ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU have to love you first! You are a beautiful woman recognize that. Therapy would certainly help, but even the following simple step can be a start: Don't focus on your "fat" legs. Pick one feature you DO love about yourself and look in the mirror everyday and say to yourself "I love my ____" and repeat and repeat and repeat. Do this everyday. You will feel silly, yes, but in the long run you will start to focus on your "loves" instead of your "hates". You will begin to feel more comfortable doing at least some of the above regardless of how much weight you lose! Good luck!0 -
While reading your list, I felt so saddened by how you feel. Then I realized I have had the same thoughts. It would be easy to say don't worry what others think, but I know it's not that easy. I'm so glad you posted this, it really makes you think. I wish for you to succeed so you can finally be free !! 0
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Wow, that hits home, as I am a loner, sitting at home got over 300 lbs and did not care. I hated going out and was not friendly with anyone because I did not want to get hurt or rejected because I had no self esteem and it was easier to eat and hide then to risk.
I finally lost my job, lost my security of a good income and my world started to look like crap. I had to do something or I was going to self explode and do something stupid. I started walking more and found walk at home videos by Leslie Sanson. I started doing them regularly and the weight started coming off. I started to feel a little better about myself as my 2x and 3x shirts where getting big on me. I then started doing more walking and started to walk with weights all from home because I hate gyms. I lost more and more weight. I then started 30ds this month and even more weight was lost. I will tell you nothing feels as good as to take out of the closet a pair of pants or some shirts you have not worn in 10 years and put them on and they fit a little tight. Lately, they are even a bit looser and I feel great now. I have dropped over 40 pounds and feel more confident and comfortable with my self and happy. So, you may feel like you are in prison now, but even in prison you can do exercise and lose weight, you just have to want to.
Hang in there, you are on the right path to loose it. if you need to add me and I will support you the best i can.0 -
Marina!!!
You ARE a beautiful girl!! I wish I had the guts to rock that killer eyeshadow!!
Although I, too, relate to your post, I have come to realize that I have to LOVE myself to better myself. I am starting over, AGAIN, today.0 -
While reading your list, I felt so saddened by how you feel. Then I realized I have had the same thoughts. It would be easy to say don't worry what others think, but I know it's not that easy. I'm so glad you posted this, it really makes you think. I wish for you to succeed so you can finally be free !!
Agreed! I loved this post chain / idea. I think everyone can relate in some form. I realted to most if not all.0 -
Oh, you are so pretty in your profile pic. You should not feel like this. And don't expect all your problems to go away when you lose weight. Lose to make yourself healthier and to be able to keep up with your child, but thin people have problems too so don't expect everything to magically be wonderful just because you lose weight. This can lead to disappointment and gaining it back. Lose for you. You are worth it. You are wonderful and deserve to like what you see in the mirror.0
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Hello everyone,
My name is Marina and I have lost 11lbs so far....anyway....I am in my lunch right now and I am reflecting on the many things I want to do when I reach my goal. My list kept getting so large that I stopped for a second and thought to myself..."well gosh how many things did I deprive myself of??". So I started to write a list of all the things I deprived myself because of my weight. I recommend you do this so that everytime you "lose motivation" you look back at the list and really see how the weight has SENTENCED YOU. I mean think about it, we became our own judge and sentenced us to this ridiculous life. Okay so here I am 26 yrs old and this is what I never did or won't do.....
1. Don't wear dresses: my thighs are huge, my legs are not toned...too ashamed to show them.
2. Don't wear shorts: It could be 120 degrees and this girl wear jeans
3. Won't wear tank tops: why show my flabby fat arms??
4. Don't go to the beach: Me in a bathing suit??? NO WAYYY
5. Never went tanning: too afraid of what people will think of me, I don't want anyone seeing my body.
6. Won't get a pedicure: I do it myself so no one has to see my huge legs.
7. Won't go to the clubs/launges: See #1, I don't wear dresses.
8. Don't go to the mall: I don't want people staring at me, besides nothing fits so why bother??
9. Don't wear boots: My calves are too big, they don't fit.
10. Won't go to the gym: too many skinny girls prancing around.
11. Won't take Zumba classes: too afraid of what people think.
12. Won't go to the fair: I am afraid I won't fit in the rides
14. Won't wear ankle bracelets: my ankles are chunky, they won't fit.
15. Don't wear flats: flats make my legs look short and thick, at least heels make me a bit leaner...I think
16. Don't ever participate in social events: why?? just another opportunity for people to look at me
17. Won't go to church: don't have enough outfits that look nice.
18. Always turns down dates: he possibly can't like me, i don't even like myself.
19. won't take pics: why look at myself in a pic and torture myself??
20. Never went to college: kids made fun of me all my life, why give them another opportunity to do it again??
21. Never went to prom: I don't wear dresses remember?
22. Don't want to marry: I don't wear DRESSES!!!
The list goes on and on....so here I am...single mother of a 1yr old, lonely, no friends, every weekend I am at home. And I have MYSELF to blame....I have allowed the weight to dictate what lifestyle I will live. Sounds ridiculous huh??? I have had such low self esteem that I chose not to even go to college!!!! Crazy huh?? Here I am, 26 yrs old....and lonely.
Before you give up, or eat those extra "not needed" calories...remember....you are slowly sentencing yourself .
I feel like I need to address your list one point at a time:
1. Do you want to wear dresses? I ask because I DON'T. I actually think I look thinner in dresses, but I'm not a dress sort of person. If you do like dresses, consider that you really don't look bigger in them, and may actually look smaller. Buy some that fit and look great--go to a place where the sales people help you choose and try on--and pick what makes you feel beautiful and sexy.
2. Again, do you want to? Because these I do want to wear, so I do. I've seen plenty of gorgeous, sexy women who are big (Queen Latifah comes to mind), and I choose shorts I am comfortable in and I just wear them. But then, I don't care what anybody thinks, either. I don't think anyone should.
3. See #3. I wear tank tops AND I wear strapless tops. When it's warm, of course. I still don't get the teenagers who wear this stuff when it's freezing cold!
4. WHY NOT! The sun and positive ions make you feel GREAT! Walking on the beach burns more calories than walking on hard ground, is easier on your knees, and tones your legs beautifully!
5. I don't tan because it's a HUGE risk for skin cancer and I've already had 2 other cancers, but I thought you tan in a private booth or tanning bed, don't you? If this makes you feel good, why not do it?
6. I can assure you a pedicurist couldn't care less about your legs. This is a great way to feel pretty and sexy. Just take a deep breath and DO IT!
7. I still think you'd look slimmer in dresses, but even if you don't want to wear a dress, a dressy pant outfit is more than acceptable, and dancing is one of the best exercises for you.
8. How you gonna get clothes that flatter you if you don't go shopping? Look around! At the mall you will see people MUCH bigger than you.
9. There are large calf boots. Try http://goo.gl/GQkxk
10. That seems a bit circular but you don't HAVE to work out in a gym.
11. That also seems circular, but that's not the only way to work out.
12. You'll fit, trust me. I fit. (I LOVE rides at the fair!!)
14. So what? Honestly. There is something everyone doesn't wear for one reason or another. Big deal.
15. Heels make everyone's legs look better, though they may actually make your calves bigger around due to the shortening of the gastrocnemius, but everybody's legs look better in heels, regardless of weight. It's a silly reason to destroy your feet, IMO.
16. Again, this is a choice you've made. It's really NOT related to your size--that's just an easy thing to blame. You just have to do this.
17. I'm an atheist and have my own opinion on church, but I would THINK that your being there would count for more than how you were dressed. If it doesn't, find another church.
18. Well, now, that actually seems a bit arrogant. Don't you think people can decide for themselves if they find you attractive, and who gave you the right to decide for someone who asks you out who he finds attractive?
19. Because pictures of yourself would give you a better idea of how you REALLY look. Clearly you don't have a clear idea, because your picture here is gorgeous.
20. Is that really the reason you didn't go to college? Because I don't believe it.
21. Prom is past. Forget about it. I didn't go either. I'm a lesbian and my catholic shcool would never have allowed me to bring a female date. Hasn't affected my life one bit.
22. I STILL think you'd look slimmer in dresses, but you DON'T have to be married in a dress! And you don't have to want to be married at all. It's may be you simply don't want to get married. No big deal.
I wonder if you've considered that you are suffering from post partum depression, because obviously you have dated, or at least slept with, someone. (#18 and #22.) You didn't get a baby without that. (I'm aware it's possible--I'm a lesbian who has many friends who conceived via in vitro or AI--it just seems unlikely in your case.) A lot of what's on your list are symptoms of depression, and it would certainly help your weight loss and fitness goals to address that. Maybe get some counseling?0 -
I could agree with 90% on that list. However I do wear dresses I tend to wear tights or high boots with them. I haven't reached the point in my weightloss where my confidence has improved but I know I will get there because like you I'm sick of being the victim!0
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I have trouble fitting in c4 corvettes (84-96 models for non car people), squashed between the console and door lol0
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Thank you all so much for the feedback!!
Low self esteem has been such a big part of my life, a part that I am no longer interested in being associated with and slowly I am letting go of it. Therapy is something that I have considered....now bear in mind I use to be 230 lbs, and now I am 191 lbs. I started MFP when I was 203lbs. Most of the things that are on my list are things that I am slowley conquering and opening myself to. I guess when you have been overweight for so long, your mind somehow still thinks that you are overweight...do you all feel me?? I still have to battle with my mind and tell it to STOP I AM WORTH SOMETHING DAMN IT!! I swear it's like my own personal deamons just keep crushing my spirits....but each day I battle them and so far I have been doing well.
Once again thank you sooo much!!!
Much love!!!0 -
Thank you so much for your feedback, your words are truly appreciated it0
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I totally understand!
I turn the lights off. That way I can pretend my husband doesn't know what I look like.
I won't go to school functions because I'm the fat mom.
I wont' go to parties because nothing ever fits.
We can do this... time to break out of jail!0 -
I love this post! I felt like it was something I could have written!! Just keep working hard every day for yourself, and like someone said in a last post that I liked “The moment I decided that nobody else's opinion mattered to me, was the moment I began changing my life.”0
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I know how you feel. I am 24 yrs old and a single mom of 2 kids. I have no friends and I hate to go any where cause i hate the weight. I even noticed that i don't keep pics of my kids and I together cause i hate the way I look. I want so badly to take a family picture and post it on FB without thinking a million times if my double chin shows, do i look giant or ugly. Own a small amount of clothes and miss those prebaby days of atleast wearing boots or going to the movies with friends. I was a club type girl so i know I have it in me. I guess the lonely feelings get the best of me and get me down sometimes but So far I am pushing through. I am even planning on moving to a new state. I am NOT packing the fat me! That girl is staying in FLorida0
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Wow, I need to print this and put it on my fridge : )0
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