How do you deal with negativity?

Articeluvsmemphis

lol. everyone is an expert in their own right about what healthy is, and about what weight loss entails, do what works for you within reason, meaning there are certain general things that will never change, for example, 700 calories is not enough, go figure :noway: or McDonalds isn't exactly a quality meal :grumble: but alas keep losing and that will show your friend

Zaggytiddies

Rampant fury.

jadedone

For a lot of people here, part of the process in cleaning up their diet is removing processed food. This person probably feels better since they have done that, and they want to share the "whole foods" gospel with you. I wouldn't read anything into it.

Personally, I am in the whole unprocessed foods camp as well, but whole foods and weight loss do not go hand in hand, and I can personally attest to that. But I do think everyone can try to eliminate as many processed foods as possible, mostly because I my personal paranoia about additives.

FitLink

I have been doing this for three weeks and I have lost nine pounds (my goal is 46.5). I feel great, I have more energy, I feel healthier, my clothes are fitting me better and I find myself happier. Yet today I had a "friend" telling me I could do better, and would if I ate oatmeal (which I can't stand) for breakfast (I usually have a yoplait light), and that i wasnt healthy becuse I eat a lean cusine for lunch. I mean i work 52 hours a week, I am lucky I have the time to heat up the meal and eat it. I eat lean protiens for dinner and include a salad, brown rice, low carb pasta ect. In the evening i have a snack, it may be pretzles, special K cracker chips or a skinny cow ice cream. On weekends my eating habits are less than perfect but i still stick to my calories, fat, carbs ect. I think I am doing pretty good but this so-called-friend really upset me. How does everyone else deal with neagativity? :sad:

I agree you have to initially assume she's trying to be helpful, even though I don't think she is. Thank her for caring, then let her know that you're hurt by her comments and let her know that you don't care to hear any comments that don't support what you've chosen to do.

sweet110

Honestly...that's why I joined MFP. Which is to say, I do not talk with people "off line" about my exercise habits, diet, weight loss. Because...*sigh*...people are just people. Everyone has an opinion about something, and they are going to feel compelled to share it with you, especially about something culturally loaded like weight loss or nutrition. You can get angry and say "screw her"...but you might find that you don't have many friends or family left by the time you're done! And I'm sure if you think back over your life, you've probably done the same thing to someone else, at least once. Because, we're all human, and we're not perfect.

If your friend seems compelled to *share* unsolicited advice, just scratch her off the list of folks with whom you share this part of your life with. When she asks questions...be vague and then redirect. ("how much have you lost?" Oh...I'm not worried about the scale right now. So, what did you do last night? "What's up with that lean cuisine?" Oh, its quick and I'm lazy...hahaha. So what are you having for lunch?")

Because I'm sure she has a lot of other great qualities...so don't give her a chance to screw up too much! Pretty soon, she will stop with the advice, and start complimenting you on your results!

haj0808

Clearly you need to punch her in the face.

....I love you sir.


On another note..telling people your on any type of diet should be a no no discussion like religion and politics. It starts a **** storm of opinions, and people watching everything you eat and commenting on it, I hate hate hate that crap. Have a bite of cookie and hear her say thought you where on a diet. Which guilts you more..in to binge eating when your alone. Here's my advice

Tell people, I'm testing food for the consumers digest..and I can only eat certain things for the next three months..and the list is secret

Tell them..I never diet..I just eat what my doctor tells me..and yes this cookie is on the list

Tell them your test new foods for a cook book so..im testing new flavors

Tell them..the last person that critized what i ate..I accidently stab them with a fork..i still have flash backs.I just can't wait until I'm off this damn probation.

The point is my rule is diets..keep them to yourself..it only causes know it all to assemble around your plate

shvits

I had to get rid of a 'friend' who was the same as yours. another 'friend' i just ignored. I feel if I wanted my mom in my kitchen I could have a picture of her sitting here to whine at me and I really didn't need anyone continuing with that stuff. Once I decided to do it for myself and leave that baggage behind and move forward I could be successful. You need non conditional love/friendship....the stuff we frequently don't get from parents and some friends.

samandlucysmum

It sounds like she was trying in her own way to help you and spur you on. Keep up the good work in a way you are comfortable with, it is obviously working.

onefitdiva

Ah yes... so many of our friends and even family are experts j/k. As other users stated do your own research and do what works for you. Your weight loss so far is great! Good luck.

dawnstrassburg

Thank you all so much for the advice, i feel muchbetter!
The "friend" was a internet friend was not trying to be helpful at all, he was being very rude and when i told him that i ddont want to talk about it he got very pushy. I explained that i appreciate his concern but I thought i was doing jsut fine and i enjoyed the food I was eating and he told me "fine youll be fat as you were before, you know youll never take it all off, your wedding dress probally wont even fit you". He got blocked from my messenger list. I don't need crap like that when I have supportive people on my side!

Sidesteal

Thank you all so much for the advice, i feel muchbetter!
The "friend" was a internet friend was not trying to be helpful at all, he was being very rude and when i told him that i ddont want to talk about it he got very pushy. I explained that i appreciate his concern but I thought i was doing jsut fine and i enjoyed the food I was eating and he told me "fine youll be fat as you were before, you know youll never take it all off, your wedding dress probally wont even fit you". He got blocked from my messenger list. I don't need crap like that when I have supportive people on my side!

Based on the above information I have concluded that his penis is small. I hope this helps and good luck.

adaffern

I react positively, since I assume she is only trying to help and not trying to be rude –

“Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate that you care about me and my desire to be healthy and lose weight. I’d like to continue doing it the way I have been for now and see how it goes. I am eating food I love and so far I’m doing pretty well!”

Done.

I agree -- Kill her with kindness.

chachita7

Hmmm - that is a "nice to know, but you do your thing, I do mine... ok.... ohhhhkay"

don't let what anyone says to you - this is for you and you know what is best for you.

DixiedoesMFP

The Southern way is to smile and say "Bless your heart."
Just a touch nicer then saying go F yourself.

lms333

Success is a journey and your journey is yours alone. The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. Look within and keep your mind on your path and don't rely on the opinions of others for validation. What is important in your journey is that you keep going, you keep smiling, and you keep your business your own. "As we flow down this river of silence, the light in our hearts will keep us warm and secure."

Keep your head up. Think in the likes of Eleanor Roosevelt... "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.", "Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.", or "In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."