"Help! I Hate my Husband!"
Replies
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"Plenty of wives think about divorce at least once a month, if not more, and manage to stay married for decades."
"What wife among you hasn't occasionally sucked down too much wine to numb the pain of grinding against the same person, in the same house, every day, for weeks, months, years?"
I strongly disagree with these statements... I don't think there are truly that many women who honestly think about divorce as frequently as once a month. At least not in my group of friends. The thought process should be "for better or worse", and divorce shouldn't be considered for something as ridiculous as "domestic humdrum" or a little bickering and annoyances.
As far as the second statement, I can say honestly no, I've never felt the need to "numb the pain" when it comes to dealing with my spouse. God created marriage, and if it is centered around Him, is a beautiful, wonderful thing. Of COURSE, it has flaws, because we are human. I, myself, have been through some real trials in my marriage, but what has kept us together is what our marriage is centered around... and that is God. He has thoroughly blessed our marriage, and when we come against something we can't handle, we take it to Him in prayer, and it always works out. His word gives us instructions on how to be good wives and husbands, on how to respect and treat each other, and He blesses our efforts to do so.
I am also surrounded by many amazing, godly marriages to look up to and model mine after, and for that, I am thankful.
Of course, not everyone is going to agree with me here or think about it in the same way, but just had to add my 2 cents... that's what forums are for, eh?
Um, how about you be married for more than say, a month, more like 10 years and report back k?
I'll take that challenge! I have been married fifteen years and have never once thought of divorce. Nor will I allow myself to think such thoughts. I intend to remain married to the same person for the rest of my life and I know that my spouse feels the same. We got married later in life and brought a level of maturity and wisdom to our marriage which may be lacking in many marriages, but I'm here to tell you that good, solid, loving, lifetime marriages are possible. Sure, we have had disagreements and arguments, but we never allow such things to fester and grow. It's really as simple as loving your spouse more than you love yourself. Sound hard? Not really; it's just personal commitment to do so and then living it out. Trust me when I tell you, it is worth every perceived sacrifice!0 -
good read. thanks0
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Well thank you ladies for the ones who have been married longer than me and had positive things to say about their relationships... Go you!
to the rude poster who asked me to come back after ive been married more than a month... i've been married for 3 years... and although that;s not a vast amount of time, you don't know me or my relationship, and I will tell you we have been through a LOT... and GOD has strengthened us for it.
There's no doubt that God created marriage. It is the BIBLE who discusses how a man and wife should treat each other. God gave Eve to Adam as his WIFE... and those were the first two people ever created. If you don't believe in the Bible, that's fine, but its all true, and in the end... there's no getting around that.0 -
"Plenty of wives think about divorce at least once a month, if not more, and manage to stay married for decades."
"What wife among you hasn't occasionally sucked down too much wine to numb the pain of grinding against the same person, in the same house, every day, for weeks, months, years?"
I strongly disagree with these statements... I don't think there are truly that many women who honestly think about divorce as frequently as once a month. At least not in my group of friends. The thought process should be "for better or worse", and divorce shouldn't be considered for something as ridiculous as "domestic humdrum" or a little bickering and annoyances.
As far as the second statement, I can say honestly no, I've never felt the need to "numb the pain" when it comes to dealing with my spouse. God created marriage, and if it is centered around Him, is a beautiful, wonderful thing. Of COURSE, it has flaws, because we are human. I, myself, have been through some real trials in my marriage, but what has kept us together is what our marriage is centered around... and that is God. He has thoroughly blessed our marriage, and when we come against something we can't handle, we take it to Him in prayer, and it always works out. His word gives us instructions on how to be good wives and husbands, on how to respect and treat each other, and He blesses our efforts to do so.
I am also surrounded by many amazing, godly marriages to look up to and model mine after, and for that, I am thankful.
Of course, not everyone is going to agree with me here or think about it in the same way, but just had to add my 2 cents... that's what forums are for, eh?
Um, how about you be married for more than say, a month, more like 10 years and report back k?
I'll take that challenge! I have been married fifteen years and have never once thought of divorce. Nor will I allow myself to think such thoughts. I intend to remain married to the same person for the rest of my life and I know that my spouse feels the same. We got married later in life and brought a level of maturity and wisdom to our marriage which may be lacking in many marriages, but I'm here to tell you that good, solid, loving, lifetime marriages are possible. Sure, we have had disagreements and arguments, but we never allow such things to fester and grow. It's really as simple as loving your spouse more than you love yourself. Sound hard? Not really; it's just personal commitment to do so and then living it out. Trust me when I tell you, it is worth every perceived sacrifice! 0 -
"Plenty of wives think about divorce at least once a month, if not more, and manage to stay married for decades."
"What wife among you hasn't occasionally sucked down too much wine to numb the pain of grinding against the same person, in the same house, every day, for weeks, months, years?"
I strongly disagree with these statements... I don't think there are truly that many women who honestly think about divorce as frequently as once a month. At least not in my group of friends. The thought process should be "for better or worse", and divorce shouldn't be considered for something as ridiculous as "domestic humdrum" or a little bickering and annoyances.
As far as the second statement, I can say honestly no, I've never felt the need to "numb the pain" when it comes to dealing with my spouse. God created marriage, and if it is centered around Him, is a beautiful, wonderful thing. Of COURSE, it has flaws, because we are human. I, myself, have been through some real trials in my marriage, but what has kept us together is what our marriage is centered around... and that is God. He has thoroughly blessed our marriage, and when we come against something we can't handle, we take it to Him in prayer, and it always works out. His word gives us instructions on how to be good wives and husbands, on how to respect and treat each other, and He blesses our efforts to do so.
I am also surrounded by many amazing, godly marriages to look up to and model mine after, and for that, I am thankful.
Of course, not everyone is going to agree with me here or think about it in the same way, but just had to add my 2 cents... that's what forums are for, eh?
and who told you god created marriage? Marriage hasn't been around since the dawn of time, its something we invented
Genesis 2:22-24
"Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into woman, and He brought her to the man.
And Adam said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the shall become one flesh."
Have a blessed day!
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Please don't ruin a wonderful post by bringing religion into it as it's inappropriate for this particular forum. We all believe what we believe, and that's fine, but I would really hate to see this post removed as it was quite different from what I'm used to seeing on here of late.
There is a group for religion...0 -
Wow, this was a depressing read! I've been with my husband for nearly 13 years and haven't felt this way about him - ever. I've never considered divorce, nor have I ever felt like I hated him. If so many women feel this way toward their husbands, then no wonder our divorce rate is so high. I'm so sad for all of these women who live in misery with only momentary joy in their lives. I love my husband and wouldn't give him up for anything in the world. Our routine and the consistency it brings satisfaction and comfort to my life.
Great post.
I believe that loving is a choice. If you choose to look at the negative and only focus on that so much that it makes you unhappy in your circumstances, then yes I can see how you'd feel miserable. But marriage is about compromise. I can say that whatever sacrifice or compromise I felt I had to make, was a great thing for me in the end. I have always chosen and I will ALWAYS choose to love my husband, despite his minor flaws or our "domestic humdrum", (which actually we both comment on quite frequently how much we just love doing our thing with our little family... no matter how boring younger/single people may percieve it to be). People have such a discontentment... I mean do some of these women think their lives would have been that grandiose if they hadn't gotten married? Realistically, the answer would be no. They'd find some other reason to be discontent in a life that didn't include thier husband. Some of these women may feel they have no purpose in life, because they have such "domestic humdrum". I'm one that believes I have a very high calling, to be the helpmate of my husband... to teach my children, to be a blessing and a godly influence in the lives of my family members. I couldn't feel more fulfilled than what I do right now in my life. Are there days I'm irritated, stressed, mad at my husband? YES! That man knows how to drive me up the wall sometimes... and I know how to do the same to him. But man... does our love and committment run deep, far beyond what we ever could have imagined. It's all in the prayers folks... it's all about letting God bless your relationship... If you don't believe it, try it with your partner, renew your committment to one another, find a desire for something beautiful in your relationship... I can guarantee you you will see changes.
I do beleive there are marriages built on the wrong things, and with the wrong two people in them, and these marriages will not and probably SHOULD NOT survive. Cheating spouses, disrespect, lying, abuse, etc etc... those things shouldn't be tolerated... Give it to God and work it out, or just... give it up =(0 -
i think many people think this way including husband's about their wives, it's just a matter of how you deal with it and/or what you do to make it better....
i have been with my husband for almost 12 years (married just over 8) and we have 2 children - 7 and 4...being a wife is stressful, being a wife and mother is doubly stressful and adding a full time job into that mix makes things even harder overall....i will be honest and say that i have "thought" about divorce, we have seen a counselor together and i currently see one on my own to work on me BUT i want to be married to my husband who i do love very much...with that being said there are stupid things we each do every single day that just piss us off and make i say, I HATE MY WIFE/HUSBAND, just like you would with a coworker or a friend or another loved one....
the bottom line is this (in my opinion)...just because you HATE your loved one occasionally doesnt mean you want a divorce "for real"....you just need to vent and blow off steam and "get over it"...this is what i'm learning to do...let things go that can be let go and push harder for the things that need to change....
denise0 -
This is fantastic.0
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Please don't ruin a wonderful post by bringing religion into it as it's inappropriate for this particular forum. We all believe what we believe, and that's fine, but I would really hate to see this post removed as it was quite different from what I'm used to seeing on here of late.
There is a group for religion...
Well my marriage has everything to go with God, not much to do with "religion", so that's where my references come from.. comparing my marriage to this article.. And posting something on a public forum will call for all types of responses... If it gets deleted, that can't be my problem. I'm just being an American, right? 0 -
"the more you ruv someone, the more you want to kill them"0
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Also, I don't care if I LOATHE the person I'm seeing (I know what that's like from my previous relationship) I would never check out or lust after another guy. That's as bad as cheating, it's cheating with your heart.
I feel like when you hate the other person, you should break up with him.0 -
After 13 years of marriage I think my husband is hot! I think my husband works really hard for us and to make life in the community better for the kids. He is an assistant principal. No, I don't wake up every day of my life and think how madly in love with him i am, but I do have the utmost respect with him. No way in hell would I ever want to go through life without him. I was very ill during child birth this past July and he never left my side in ICU.
Marriage has it's ups and downs and even in our trying times, I have loved him. I am goal setter and my goal is to "JUST STAY MARRIED" to the same man for the rest of my life. I would be lying if I did not say that I do not notice men that are attractive, but that is it, I just notice them. I am sure my husband does the same, but the security of knowing we have each other forever, makes the hard times so much easier.
We have three beautiful girls and they are so blessed to have a wonderful daddy. I would not want to hurt their daddy. They are as much part of him as they are me.
God is the center of our marriage and no matter what your beliefs are, the belief of something bigger than us is the glue to "US" in our home. I am not into the debating of beliefs. I believe what I believe and am okay with you believing what you may. The only reason I state this is because when times are tough, I have opened the bible for random bible verses and numerous times have had Phillipians 4:13 right there staring me in the face and I knew I was not alone!
Help, I love my husband and I want to stay married FOREVER!...0 -
This content has been removed.
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Please don't ruin a wonderful post by bringing religion into it as it's inappropriate for this particular forum. We all believe what we believe, and that's fine, but I would really hate to see this post removed as it was quite different from what I'm used to seeing on here of late.
There is a group for religion...
Thanks. That is exactly what I thought when I read the comment.0 -
I just can't pass this one up!
My wife & I will hit the 35 year mark this coming May. I can honestly say we are still best friends and based on 35 years of experience, we'll continue on for another 50 or so the same way. Do we do stupid things that irritate each other, sometimes knowingly? You bet! Do we argue about stupid stuff? You bet! Would we ever give up everything we have just because we're tired of _________ (fill in the blank). No way!
While I do believe marriage is Bible based I don't need to use those beliefs to point out that the type of marriage we all desire when we tie the knot takes commitment, commitment, commitment. You have to both agree that divorce is and will never ever be an option and will never be spoken about (naturally there are those unfortunate exceptions when someone breaks those vows (cheats), is physically abusive, etc.).
Could either of us find someone who physically looks better (trimmer, younger, etc.)? No doubt we could but would they understand us, have the same interests, etc. (and don't have a hairy back? :noway: )? I doubt it and why "trade-in" the best thing you've ever had going for you just because you perceive the day or moment to be a downer?
Marriage is certainly work but the pay is the best ever if you remember why you got married and go at it with a lifetime commitment!
No mind numbing wine for this couple!
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I have known my husband for 22 years, married for over 18. I have been frustrated and angry, perhaps resentful, but I have never hated him. Hate is a powerful word and I won't bring it into my marriage even in thought. I love my husband. We were kids went we met (19 & 24), we have 2 kids (went through my psycho-crazy hormones of pregnancy), have been through illness and death in the family. These experiences have brought us closer, helped us see what we're capable of as adults. To see my husband as a loving father, as the man who took care of his family when his father passed away, as a man who has grown in his convictions and who has grown in responsibility in his career, these things have shown me what stellar instincts I had in choosing a mate. He respects me as a woman, partner, mother. We have grown so much together. It does not just "happen". It is work, and it is worth it.0
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THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!my wife hates her husband too!0
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Well thank you ladies for the ones who have been married longer than me and had positive things to say about their relationships... Go you!
to the rude poster who asked me to come back after ive been married more than a month... i've been married for 3 years... and although that;s not a vast amount of time, you don't know me or my relationship, and I will tell you we have been through a LOT... and GOD has strengthened us for it.
There's no doubt that God created marriage. It is the BIBLE who discusses how a man and wife should treat each other. God gave Eve to Adam as his WIFE... and those were the first two people ever created. If you don't believe in the Bible, that's fine, but its all true, and in the end... there's no getting around that.
Except not everyone believes in sky fairies. Just because you believe it to be true, doesn't mean it is true. Do you understand the difference?
Additionally, I would suggest to you that after three years of marriage and throwing the word God around that it is YOU whom is rude and inconsiderate towards others. You're in no position to criticise other marriages or declare that yours is a perfect marriage compared to those who have been married 15, 20, 35 years and is experiencing a more mature phase in their relationship. It's highly inconsiderate.0 -
Please don't ruin a wonderful post by bringing religion into it as it's inappropriate for this particular forum. We all believe what we believe, and that's fine, but I would really hate to see this post removed as it was quite different from what I'm used to seeing on here of late.
There is a group for religion...
Thanks. That is exactly what I thought when I read the comment.
Thank you. That is exactly what I thought. I will also go through and report any religious post as personally, I find them offensive. (And I'm sure I'm not alone)
The fact that religion has been brought into this has made me refrain from even commenting on the original topic at this point.0 -
Marriage is not supposed to be this perfect cake walk fairy tale. If that's what you're looking for or expecting, you're delusional and you're doomed to fail.
But the greater the commitment, the greater the reward.
I'd like to share something. This is what our wedding minister said during our wedding ceremony, before we exchanged our vows:
"And now just before you say these vows to each other, I remind us all of what a vow is. A vow is a solemn promise, a pledge that binds. A commitment of heart, mind, soul and body. A commitment that recognizes this as the most important of human relationships, above all others. Said another way your marriage is your top priority. It is also a commitment that will not let go. A commitment that says “I will never leave you.” And finally, it is a commitment that will not let anything defeat it. It is tenacious, persistent and even stubborn in the face of challenges. These are your vows. It is one of life’s greatest gifts…to give and receive such a commitment. Understanding these things about your vows causes us to understand that these are not mere words… and so we listen in great awe & reverence as you make these promises to each other."
Marriage can be, and is guaranteed to be, HELL ON EARTH at times. But what marriage MEANS is one of the most beautiful things in the universe.0 -
We've been married 28 years; I know!
Familiarity breeds contempt.
And when we focus on our spouses' negatives, we can grow to hate them.
That's reality.
To keep things alive, try this, presupposing that both parties are faithful and there is no abuse or chemical dependency.
For those 3 issues, divorce!
But for those still trying to make it happen, both parties need to...
1. keep the sex alive, regular and passionate
2. communicate - talk AND listen
3. respect each other's need for alone time
4. get away and just go hang out with same sex friends AWAY from your spouse
5. date your spouse - go out - have fun together
6. don't compare your spouse to others
7. set goals together
and last but not least....
Guys - bring flowers
:flowerforyou:
Girls - give a weekly BJ--
That's it!0 -
This is a great read, at least many of us arent alone.
While through out many fights over the past few years thoughts of leaving had been in the back of my mind. HIS mind too. But, after the fights everything was okay again.
I have to admit, after living with someone for so long some things they say or do, COMPLETELY annoy you, and me and my husband have been living together for only 2 years, I cant imagine what will annoy me 10-60 years from now.
But of course with all of the being said, I love my husband very much and look forward to sharing the rest of my life with him, even during the hard times when im so upset over stuff and frustrated to the point I think of these things. (mainly thinking of them just because I am angry.)0 -
Well thank you ladies for the ones who have been married longer than me and had positive things to say about their relationships... Go you!
to the rude poster who asked me to come back after ive been married more than a month... i've been married for 3 years... and although that;s not a vast amount of time, you don't know me or my relationship, and I will tell you we have been through a LOT... and GOD has strengthened us for it.
There's no doubt that God created marriage. It is the BIBLE who discusses how a man and wife should treat each other. God gave Eve to Adam as his WIFE... and those were the first two people ever created. If you don't believe in the Bible, that's fine, but its all true, and in the end... there's no getting around that.
Except not everyone believes in sky fairies. Just because you believe it to be true, doesn't mean it is true. Do you understand the difference?
Additionally, I would suggest to you that after three years of marriage and throwing the word God around that it is YOU whom is rude and inconsiderate towards others. You're in no position to criticise other marriages or declare that yours is a perfect marriage compared to those who have been married 15, 20, 35 years and is experiencing a more mature phase in their relationship. It's highly inconsiderate.
badgerbadger, I think I love you. Maybe I should divorce the husband I hate and marry you. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the honesty. Fairies belong in DisneyLand.0 -
Everyone wants what the other person has.
Straight hair wants curly
Curly wants to be straight
Out of shape wants to be fit
Fit wants to be lazy and eat whatever they want..
You want what you percieve to be the better partner.
And what you base your image of perfection on may not be so perfect once you dig in deeper.
Grass is not always greener and there isn't a quick fix for everything.
You want a strong relationship, its work, just like everything else in life. you don't want to work at getting healthy, having a strong relationship, achieving more in life.. then you don't deserve it. Period.0 -
Marriage is not supposed to be this perfect cake walk fairy tale. If that's what you're looking for or expecting, you're delusional and you're doomed to fail.
But the greater the commitment, the greater the reward.
I'd like to share something. This is what our wedding minister said during our wedding ceremony, before we exchanged our vows:
"And now just before you say these vows to each other, I remind us all of what a vow is. A vow is a solemn promise, a pledge that binds. A commitment of heart, mind, soul and body. A commitment that recognizes this as the most important of human relationships, above all others. Said another way your marriage is your top priority. It is also a commitment that will not let go. A commitment that says “I will never leave you.” And finally, it is a commitment that will not let anything defeat it. It is tenacious, persistent and even stubborn in the face of challenges. These are your vows. It is one of life’s greatest gifts…to give and receive such a commitment. Understanding these things about your vows causes us to understand that these are not mere words… and so we listen in great awe & reverence as you make these promises to each other."
Marriage can be, and is guaranteed to be, HELL ON EARTH at times. But what marriage MEANS is one of the most beautiful things in the universe.
^^^ This!0 -
I believe that loving is a choice.
This.
Marriage brings challenges, and requires compromise. Its up to you how to respond.0 -
Everyone wants what the other person has.
Straight hair wants curly
Curly wants to be straight
Out of shape wants to be fit
Fit wants to be lazy and eat whatever they want..
You want what you percieve to be the better partner.
And what you base your image of perfection on may not be so perfect once you dig in deeper.
Grass is not always greener and there isn't a quick fix for everything.
You want a strong relationship, its work, just like everything else in life. you don't want to work at getting healthy, having a strong relationship, achieving more in life.. then you don't deserve it. Period.
Mary, you're my hero.
(Can I have straight hair now please?)0 -
This post got heated quick.lol Well i have been with my husband for 19yrs.married for 12.And i will tell you that i should have divorced him years ago.But because of the til death do you part and because divorce is a "sin".Here i am.For those of you that have never felt this way than congrats!I am happy for you.But please dont put everyones marriage into 1 basket.You dont know what everyone has to go through on a daily basis just to make it through the day.So i'm sending some smiles to all of you because you never know who needs it and you may just make their day.:flowerforyou:0
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Only if I can have hair that does one or the other! Curly underneath, straight in the back, wavy on the sides...:grumble:
Mary, you're my hero.
(Can I have straight hair now please?)0
This discussion has been closed.
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