Friends with a girl

sambo155

I say go out for drinks with her and bring your fiance. I have guy friends and my guy has girl friends. He's friends with his ex's as I am with some of mine and it's not a big deal at all. We're friends with each other's ex's. We can all hang out together. We've been together 3 yrs and 40ish yrs old. I have a 4 yr old and he doesn't have any. Neither of us have ever been married but I've been burned pretty badly. The way I feel about it is, if he wants to be with someone else, go right ahead. If that's more important than building this life with me & my daughter, go right ahead. I told him NOT to promise me that he wouldn't ever be with someone else because in the right (or wrong) situation, that promise goes right out the window anyway. All I ask is that he at least respect me enough to tell me about it and then we'd figure it out from there and I believe he would. And if I suspected anything, which I never have, I'd just ask.

rachs02

My fiance would be totally cool with it - hell, she thinks I should hang out with my ex-wife, and she has several friends she used to date. But as for me, I just don't know if I can be friends with someone I still kinda want to sleep with. I mean, I could certainly hang out with my ex wife... we never had sex while we were married, no reason why we would start now! Come to think of it, I have other female friends I've slept with and I don't even think about it even though they are totally hot. More reason to stay aweay in this case!

Right here is your answer....you say it you " someone I still kinda want to sleep with". Your asking for trouble. From your posts your still tempted by Marge.

nelsonf2f

I can't believe you are asking this! Your looking for approval from others to think your going behind your womans back. I would ove to be there when it blows up in your face... So spare a few tears from the two women and makr the right decision!!! U already know what to do!!

Horskrzy

Do you ever read an advice column where you wonder how the person writing in could be so dense? The very FACT that you find Marge to still be attractive AND have had sexual relations is a recipe for disaster. If you insist on being "just friends" your fiance needs to show you the door.

You JOB is to MAKE SURE your fiance never, ever, ever feels like she's anything but #1 in your life. There is no way you can do that in this scenario. It's time to say "Hasta La Vista Marge".

jeffarthur

just ask yourself how you would feel if your new true love wanted to do the same...what good can come from the friendship now.
run away lad, run away quickly

BrettPGH

Oh WHATEVER! The next one of you I see calling my friend Formic...Espressoman dumb or dense is going to have a very unpleasant forum life courtesy of yours truly.

I'm telling you right now change the gender of this topic and every response would change. Have a woman ask if it's ok to have lunch with an ex and all you're going to hear is "No man owns me! I'll have lunch with who I want! We're just friends."

OSC_ESD

Dude... that's fire!

No Marge = Happy Fiance

Marge = Marge (No Fiance)

If Marge isn't as committed to your fiance as you are (and she won't be), then she'll be trying to revert to sex with you.

Option 1: Wait till Marge has a significant other that she's committed to. you stand a much better chance of keeping your Fiance under those conditions.

Option 2: Bye bye Marge. Have a good life.

Couldn't have said it better myself !

Hey ... if you like to play with fire ... I hope you enjoy getting burned ! :explode: LOL !

lglg11

Oh WHATEVER! The next one of you I see calling my friend Formic...Espressoman dumb or dense is going to have a very unpleasant forum life courtesy of yours truly.

I'm telling you right now change the gender of this topic and every response would change. Have a woman ask if it's ok to have lunch with an ex and all you're going to hear is "No man owns me! I'll have lunch with who I want! We're just friends."

OMG that is so true ! LMAO ..

But again the sexual tension part isnt there so it still doesnt compare to this situation ..

Still funny as hell though

felice03

I can't believe you are asking this! Your looking for approval from others to think your going behind your womans back. I would ove to be there when it blows up in your face... So spare a few tears from the two women and makr the right decision!!! U already know what to do!!

i don't believe he said he was going to go behind someones back...

iNkedFiTmama

I wouldn't do it.. Think about the situation in reverse if it was your fiance.. would you be cool with it? If the answer is no..there's the answer on what you should do. I would not be cool with my husband hanging out with an old fling.

Funshinerika

I say don't touch that one with a 10 foot pole. I don't speak to any of my exes nor does my husband. It's a respect thing.

EXACTLY.

wendyw8

My fiance would be totally cool with it - hell, she thinks I should hang out with my ex-wife, and she has several friends she used to date. But as for me, I just don't know if I can be friends with someone I still kinda want to sleep with. I mean, I could certainly hang out with my ex wife... we never had sex while we were married, no reason why we would start now! Come to think of it, I have other female friends I've slept with and I don't even think about it even though they are totally hot. More reason to stay aweay in this case!

I think you and your fiance need to come to terms with the fact that you want to be swingers.

:laugh: :ohwell:

wendyw8

I never understood the whole guys and girls can't be friends nonsense.

My advice? Don't take advice from people on the net.

This^^^^

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

If you want to be a good fiance/husband then you will not put yourself in situations that will tempt you. The best way not to cheat is not to put yourself in a situation where cheating is an option.

ACCSanchez

It would be one thing if you & Marge had a great friendship and then one day crossed the line, and you don't want to lose that great friendship. But it sounds like your relationship was completely sexual from the start and that you just think Marge is a cool girl. I would be wary of that if I were your fiance. It's one thing to remain friends with people you've had relationships with, but it sounds like you want to DEVELOP something with Marge (albeit a friendship) when none was there to start. There is no reason to put yourself in this tempting situation if you're not trying to salvage some great friendship. You don't have kids together, you weren't married, have mutual friends (I'm guessing.), etc. UNLESS you are just trying to keep a line to Marge in case the relationship w/ your fiance tanks.

It's great that your fiance isn't the jealous type, but show her some respect. I'm not saying you can't have friends of the opposite sex, but if you're trying to stay friends w/ someone who was just a sexual friend, there is something fishy there.

the_journeyman

Go listen to "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder (rock version) or Jack Ingram (country version) just so you know how things are going to turn out.

JM

Mandykinz2008

You can have a friendship with a person of the opposite sex, but not after you've seen them naked. Too risky, don't do it!

^^^
AGREED

sambo155

You can have a friendship with a person of the opposite sex, but not after you've seen them naked. Too risky, don't do it!

Disagree.

tamerkins2

Dude... that's fire!

No Marge = Happy Fiance

Marge = Marge (No Fiance)

If Marge isn't as committed to your fiance as you are (and she won't be), then she'll be trying to revert to sex with you.

Option 1: Wait till Marge has a significant other that she's committed to. you stand a much better chance of keeping your Fiance under those conditions.

Option 2: Bye bye Marge. Have a good life.

^^this!

TMcBooty

stay away from Marge.

CrystalMarie253

Dude... that's fire!

No Marge = Happy Fiance

Marge = Marge (No Fiance)

If Marge isn't as committed to your fiance as you are (and she won't be), then she'll be trying to revert to sex with you.

Option 1: Wait till Marge has a significant other that she's committed to. you stand a much better chance of keeping your Fiance under those conditions.

Option 2: Bye bye Marge. Have a good life.

Yup!

cydonian

How do you handle this? You don't. There is no switching from sexy fling to platonic friend. It doesn't work, and I've seen it go downhill where my friends were involved -- happens every time. Plus, how would your fiance feel? I think it depends on the person but I know my husband surely wouldn't be hanging out with an old fling.

msciccone1

Dude... that's fire!

No Marge = Happy Fiance

Marge = Marge (No Fiance)

If Marge isn't as committed to your fiance as you are (and she won't be), then she'll be trying to revert to sex with you.

Option 1: Wait till Marge has a significant other that she's committed to. you stand a much better chance of keeping your Fiance under those conditions.

Option 2: Bye bye Marge. Have a good life.

Amen!

jacquelyn_erika

This is ridiculous to even be asking. I know that you already know the answer, but felt the need to post about it for whatever reason. If you have such a great relationship with your fiance, she's the one, etc. etc. then you wouldn't even be considering going down this road. That's just my opinion. It's one things to BE friends with a female, maybe an old friend from college, high school (depending on your age), but an ex-fling who you have sexual feelings for? Nah. And any MAN would respect those boundaries for the sake of their relationship. But...what do I know.

Bella3119

I would suggest talking with Marge first and telling her your intentions and the direction where you want to take your friendship. If you get any vibes that she isn't on the same page, then you would have to cut off the friendship.

You would also have to talk to your fiance and explain the situation. A woman will feel insecure only if her man gives her reason to be. Make your fiancee feel like the only woman in the world and you'll be fine,

Good luck.

KaiteeKarrot

My two closest friends are men. Now saying that, we've never had any sort of sexual relationship history. However, i believe that if, inside, you truly think you just want to be her friend, than you can do it. If there is any even relatively small inkling of chemistry with her, than I think it's not worth it and too dangerous. (saying that, I find both my male friends very attractive, and I'm aware of it, but it doesn't mean I want them sexually) What happens a few years down the road when you and your soul mate get into a fight, like every couple does, and you go seek comfort with the wrong person? We're all human, mistakes happen. However, if this friendship is going to be a mistake than let it be the one mistake that doesn't happen to your great relationship.

It works for me though ( having close non-sexual relationships with men) and it's a real blessing in life. I constantly benefit from their take on life, and they occasionally benefit from mine. I've been very blessed with the somewhat unaccepted lifestyle. I think quite a few people are very skeptical of male/female relationships, but i think it's only because those people wouldn't be able to have them, so they distrust others. If you think it can work, than hang out with her, during the day time (at first so as to avoid a "datey" scene) and go bowling or something like that, it means no physical contact, just hanging out and it's in no way romantic. Pretty soon you won't have to "try" to slip out of the hook-up type relationship you two had, it'll just be easy and natural.

if your intentions are honest, your actions will be to.

JDMPWR

For every girl.....you are fooling yourself and for every guy that thinks the same.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

Watch the video....

I think I have been friends with ex's and been ok with that because I was with someone else but if I was given the chance to go back with the girl and it worked out and I wanted to be with her then yes I would, so it's a fine line. Can I be friends yes, do I want to, maybe.

atsteele

You can't find anyone else to eat with? Seriously?

fitplease

Do you think your fiance (soon to be wife) would want you to be best friends with someone whom you used to sleep with? I highly doubt it. Why tempt your marriage like that? There is a reason you broke it off with Marge, accept that and move on. For good.

EmpressOfJudgment

I never understood the whole guys and girls can't be friends nonsense.

My advice? Don't take advice from people on the net.

Haha. Very true. Guys and girls can totally be friends. But I think when your "friendship" starts of as a sexual relationship and never gets the chance to fizzle out it can spell trouble. It's hard to just turn it off.

True. And considering he still wants to bang her, it's probably a good idea that he doesn't take her out for a little tripe.

I'm starting to think "taking her out for tripe" is a euphemism.