Did i overreact?

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  • Aleciajones
    Aleciajones Posts: 153
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    Why did he say it was kept open? He can't claim he forgot to cancel it if he knew it was there to go check how long you've been togerher. If he wasn't using it and truly had forgotten he wouldn't have been so quick to go see.
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
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    I randomly asked him when did we start talking
    he gave me a date

    im like lol dude how did u remember that

    he was like i went on my profile to check it out

    i was all like ???? you still have it open

    he was like yes


    Well, he obviously was not trying to hide this information. If he has concerns about your accounts being opened again, and he will not close his, then you have problems.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Your reaction is never a problem. It's genuinely how you feel and you can't change it. However, your response to that reaction sounds to me like you were trying to elicit an emotional response from him, not get a problem solved.

    You guys need a do-over. If you did not agree to disable the accounts before this incident, then don't expect that it should have been known. We don't all think alike. And tell him that. "I realized we didn't talk about this before this happened. I just assumed you felt the way I did about it. But, your profile makes me really uncomfortable. Could you please remove it while we're together? Maybe you can copy/paste the messages to your email account," ....something like that.

    Some couples are ok with their partners keeping their dating profiles active, and some people CAN be trusted with it. But these are things that people talk about first. Clearly, this isn't acceptable to you and that's ok. Just save the drama and get your problem solved.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    I hate to break it to you sweetheart....but sometimes guys don't really think outside the lines like we do...they have an account, and that's that. They don't always *think* oh yeah, I could cancel this...sometimes they need a gentle reminder ;-) I'm sure it's harmless though, and something that can easily be worked out...

    ^^^^ Kinda my thoughts... ^^^^
    Same here...
    Now might not be the right time to demonstrate how well you can nag anyway.
    He might then be glad those accounts are still open...
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    I'd just say well I'm upset as you would be, as was trying to get you to see it from my side. Tell him that's its something you need to talk about and are both of you closing them or not? If he says no then get rid of him, if he says yes them great. Like the others said he can save the messages... Can't help thinking this is a lame excuse but give him the benefit of the doubt. His true colours will show when he deletes it or not... X
  • deansters
    deansters Posts: 59 Member
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    thank you all for your responses back

    I am not trying to impose my thoughts or actions on to him.
    I just thought it was just plain common courtesy if you are in a relationship that you disable the accounts (after some time and i think personally 3 months is a hell of a long time)


    I know he didnt have any bad intentions but still i was really shocked and the thought that yeah he is trying to keep his options open

    Since then...I deleted my account and i apologized to him ( i really didnt mean for it to get out of hand)

    thank you all for your feedback. I appreciate it have a wonderful day!
  • vickyg1
    vickyg1 Posts: 211 Member
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    I do not think you over reacted on this one. If its compleatly inncocent why cant you reactivate yours? And if hes keeping it open for the messages you guys sent well he can save those to the computer

    Agreed!
  • thor1god1of1awesome
    thor1god1of1awesome Posts: 481 Member
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    me and my wife meet of a internet dating sight. After we got serous she deleted and i didnt. I didnt do it to cheat, or look around. I just thought it wasnt a big deal. I never logged into there. My wife tho didnt like it to much, so I deleted it.
  • vickyg1
    vickyg1 Posts: 211 Member
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    I hate to break it to you sweetheart....but sometimes guys don't really think outside the lines like we do...they have an account, and that's that. They don't always *think* oh yeah, I could cancel this...sometimes they need a gentle reminder ;-) I'm sure it's harmless though, and something that can easily be worked out...

    ^^^^ Kinda my thoughts... ^^^^
    Same here...
    Now might not be the right time to demonstrate how well you can nag anyway.
    He might then be glad those accounts are still open...

    I dont think she was nagging.And if he looks elsewhere because she nags...good luck..all women nag when need be ;)
  • vickyg1
    vickyg1 Posts: 211 Member
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    me and my wife meet of a internet dating sight. After we got serous she deleted and i didnt. I didnt do it to cheat, or look around. I just thought it wasnt a big deal. I never logged into there. My wife tho didnt like it to much, so I deleted it.

    Good man!
  • SHBoss1673
    SHBoss1673 Posts: 7,161 Member
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    I hate to break it to you sweetheart....but sometimes guys don't really think outside the lines like we do...they have an account, and that's that. They don't always *think* oh yeah, I could cancel this...sometimes they need a gentle reminder ;-) I'm sure it's harmless though, and something that can easily be worked out...


    as a guy, ....nah, he knew, trust me, he either knew or he's a little ahh....well...

    I think not disabling the profile is by intention, not by accident.

    I'd bring the hammer down girl. Tell him it's unacceptable that his profile is up. Don't beat around the bush, don't play games, don't try to "hint" that you want it down, just tell him, that comes down or you aren't my boyfriend. You can be nice about saying it, that's fine, but be very clear. Guys sometimes aren't all that emotionally intuitive (at least until we get a little older and realize we need to be), best to be very clear about it. If that bothers him then he's probably not emotionally ready for a relationship anyway and you might be better off finding someone else before it gets too serious.
  • revren10
    revren10 Posts: 116
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    he might be looking for a back up girl just in case never know. have him show you messages he sent out if you don't trust him
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    This may be a sign or may not be. But the reality is,you have to decide for yourself what kind of behavior you expect from other people. And, what will make YOU happy.
  • slayerdan
    slayerdan Posts: 193
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    If its no big deal, tell him to give you the password so you can see when he doesnt expect it. If its about the messages you guys shared, theres a little known computer technique known as 'cut and paste" to help save those memories.

    Listen to your gut. Dont let feelings overshadow this mammoth red flag. And if he does give you access--which he wont--then he will simply put up another profile and keep looking. Put spyware on the pc--20 bucks at best buy for a keystroke program. This advice is from a guy so listen to it--his excuse is bogus and he IS looking.

    Much luck.
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
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    My experience from meeting a guy from Match - met him, had a great dinner, full of great conversation, laughter, total chemistry. Saw him every week (he lived an hour away) for 4or so weeks. Managed to not sleep with him too soon. Then I started seeing him less and less but he started telling me he loved me...blah blah blah. I thought - hey we are a couple. Never once did either of us mention our Match accounts. So this goes on for months....he meets the kids.....they love him......he tells me "I wouldn't change one thing about you".....sweet right? Yep! So one day I send him a good morning text and he responds with "you need to back off".....what?? This went on all summer (I met him in March). One day he loved me the next I was bothering him. CRAZY. So for the hell of it I logged on Match and low and behold it showed he had been on recently within an hour. Sorta explained his craziness. He may have liked me enough but was still looking. It took me MONTHS to get over him. Still think about him every once and a while and it's been over 2 years since I've seen him. Point of my story - be careful, be sure and talk about every single thing you can think about talking about and watch for any "crazy" signs. Heartache sucks. I don't wish it on anyone.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
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    You did not overreact. Clearly he knows how you are feeling because he doesn't want you opening an account. So then if you can't have your acct why can he? Is he scared that you'll find he has been active on the dating sites?


    I personally think that if you two have confirmed that you are going 'steady' then there is no point to have the dating site open. He can copy all the messages that you two sent one another into a word file.

    He should close his account out of respect and understanding of your feelings.
  • foremant86
    foremant86 Posts: 1,115 Member
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    I met my last ex on a dating site and i deleted my account once we became exclusive. He kept his account, said he just wanted to talk to new people.

    Found him "talking" to 3 other women about what he'd like to do in the bedroom with them and he fooled around with one of them.


    Sorry but there is NO reason for a person to keep an online dating profile active when they are with someone. Dating sites are for one thing and one thing only.

    If he just wanted to keep your conversations he could copy and paste them into a word document.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Unless you and he have had other problems that raised red flags, I'd take him at his word. Guys get sooooo few responses when they have a profile that it probably never crossed his mind to deactivate it.
  • _binary_jester_
    _binary_jester_ Posts: 2,132 Member
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    He should only have to cancel them after you change your relationship status on facebook. We all know that's when it is official.
  • laineyluma
    laineyluma Posts: 358 Member
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    Its just dawned on me that I`ve never really closed my account on dating sites. Its just kinda left there and ignored. I wouldn`t read too much into it.

    However, I would like to point out that there is a huge difference between keeping an existing account going due to forgetfulness/habit and intentionally taking the time to create a profile on a dating site.

    That is true. It could have been an oversight, You can give the guy the benefit of the doubt. However, once he realizes it is an issue for her and doesn't close it..... Then it becomes a problem and means he is keeping his options open.
    If he refuses to close it, that's a sign that all is not well.

    This

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