So confused by a lot of people on here...

sco8462

I think that people who are on their own journey doing well want everyone on their bandwagon. It's like people in relationships, they want everyone to be in love and in a relationship. Their way is obviously better. Right?

Having said that....

I like to see the feedback and alternative, not-asked-for opinions people leave on the posts. Not the ranting "you're an idiot" parts, but the alternative ideas. When someone provides their opinion, it either causes me to research and change my own habits (if I agree) or it solidifies my own habits (when I disagree). I think its constructive and sometimes even motivational. But, then, that's my opinion. I can see why unsolicited advice would be annoying. I just look at it differently, maybe.

adamtall

I'm fairly new to MFP, and I KNOW this has probably come up many times before, but I'm SO confused by people on this forum.

As far as I see it, every single one of us is different. I've been doing this for 15 months, I know what works for me, and I'm sure many others can say the same.

Yet, on almost every thread if someone mentions something that might not be 100% healthy, you get people coming in and..."giving their opinion".

I've seen it so many times since I joined under a month ago, and I just don't get it. Can people explain their reasoning?

The latest example that's led me to do this is the 'McDonalds' thread. The person posted asking everyone whether or not they liked McDonalds. A few people talked about how often they had it and what they liked best, and before long people were posting criticism, telling people how disgusting and unhealthy the food is and giving people better alternatives, when they weren't asked for. Fair enough, some people ask for advice and alternatives, but some people are just posting to discuss foods, not to be told what to do.

It's not just in threads. I've had private messages about things I've posted on the forums about the way I eat, and comments on some of my statuses, and I wonder what makes people think they should be giving these suggestions as though the people they're giving them to are stupid and actually want/need this information? I realise I'm ranting, but I'd just like to understand what makes people do that, when people aren't asking for advice? A few of the comments I've received are likely people thinking they're being helpful, but sometimes it seems like people just want to push their way of doing things on everyone else, everywhere they can?

Rant over.

thats the reason i stay out of the forums for the most part, im part of a few groups with people who are into the same thing or doing the same things (gaming, running, work in fast food ect) and thats where alot of my friends on here have come from. I do run though the forums once in awhile but after reading a few topics i get the same vibe you do and leave.

As for people making coments on your status if its a once in awhile thing and they are truely trying to help i dont mind but ive actually had to delete some friends because the advise they posted was unwanted and/or unhealthy. On here and for my weightloss/healthier eating i need to be surounded by people that are going to suport me and give advise that will help me change my lifestyle for good not just let me get down to a weight i want to be

thats my 2 cents

brittanyjeanxo

I agree with you, for the most part. A lot of people, unfortunately, think that any post on the forum is an open invitation for advice. Yes, if you are asking for advice, sure. But at least make the advice on topic. It shouldn't be "What's the healthiest thing I can get at a pizza place?" and get "You shouldn't put those toxins in your body! You're gonna gain all your weight back!" That's not helpful, nor is it answering the question. There are a lot of well-meaning people who just seem to lack in the tact department. They have good thoughts behind it, but as they say, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

fteale

I completely agree. I see so much "This is the ONLY way to do it" on here, and most of it is a load of bull. Just do what works for you. If it isn't working then perhaps is the time to look at the way other people are succeeding where you aren't, but until then, why fix something that isn't broken?

littlemsmuffet

I think this is more about people in general than MFP. The Diet Coke comment above reminded me of a time IRL when a very well-intentioned friend went on a good 5 minute rant about how Diet Coke would "sabotage" my diet, ruin my teeth (which it does, but hey), etc. No matter how often I said that it was something I wanted as a part of my diet, she wouldn't relent. People just like to tell you how to diet, *especially* those blessed folks who've never had to!

As has been said, there's lots of great advice on here, and lots of bull. When someone new is posting "OMG I'm eating four carrots a day and not losing", they need to get linked to the good starvation mode threads. When someone says that every once in a while they still want McD's....well, seems like a waste of calories to me, but more power to them if they can budget around it xD

Yes!! My dear friend is vegetarian and I am not. One day she criticized the fact that I choose dairy cheese over soy cheese. I just dismissed it with a shrug and said I liked it better but as soon as she left the kitchen I checked the ingredients in the veggie cheese and the first was "casein". Which is dairy. From cows. LOL.

_VoV

I completely agree. I see so much "This is the ONLY way to do it" on here, and most of it is a load of bull. Just do what works for you. If it isn't working then perhaps is the time to look at the way other people are succeeding where you aren't, but until then, why fix something that isn't broken?

^^THIS. Every method works, if you work it.

yentess

I think (hopefully) most people who comment on threads are just trying to help. When you find something that works you just want to share it with everyone. Some people can come off very preachy and gung ho about their opinions. I think if you post something on the discussion boards you have to be prepared that not everyone is going to agree with you. If someone just wants to eat McDonald's once a week and not be told it's unhealthy, they probably shouldn't create a post about it. On the other hand I'm sure most of us see plenty of messages we don't agree with and just stick with the old saying. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
And BTW I meant none of this to sound preachy :happy:

joyw37

i view this site kind of like high school. there are a lot of people i wouldn't want to hang out with personally, but just have to make the best of it and try to surround myself with people who aren't mean spirited or rude. there are always going to be mean people. i just choose to avoid them as much as possible and not take it personally if they say anything.

Faye_Anderson

The way I see it is
MFP Forums make me irritated
My heart rate goes up
My metabolism increases
I LOSE WEIGHT.

All the experts and crazies are making me thin :bigsmile:

MaximalLife

The way I see it is
MFP Forums make me irritated
My heart rate goes up
My metabolism increases
I LOSE WEIGHT.

All the experts and crazies are making me thin :bigsmile:

That is the kindest compliment I have received all day.:flowerforyou:
I am glad to have been able to help you.

mea9

It’s a public forum. People will post what they want to within the framework of the site guidelines. You probably shouldn’t post something you’re insecure about on a public discussion page. What shocks me are people who post immediately and don’t really get to know how the site works first.

CallmeSbo

Do what works for YOU.

ThatGirlGlow

I've been on MFP for almost 6 weeks, and I have noticed the same thing. However, I'll take advice when I ask for it. Due to the fact that most of us are on here to lose weight I look at alot of these opinions from "obvious experts" (sarcasm) with a grain of salt. I didn't eat Mcdonald's for a month, and then guess what I had a small fry and a cheeseburger. Everything in moderation for me. If you don't like something don't eat it. Yes, having a thick skin helps you, but not being a jerk helps others.

p0stdramatic

This doesn't bother me so much. I let it roll off my shoulders. There are a few things I'm not giving up, and I know it. I'm stubborn that way.

What bothers me is the people who go into a rant with misinformation. "You're eating too many carbs!" "Muscle weighs more than fat, you're gaining muscle, it's not all the trips to McDonald's that's causing your weight gain." And I know sodium causes water retention, but if someone is sticking to their calorie goals, too much sodium is not going to keep them from losing weight for months. I'm the sodium queen, I know. lol.

Here is something that mildly annoys me: When I am way under on my food diary (Usually when I've burned 2000 and have a hard time finding time to eat it all back) and someone says "Great job today!" like it's a good thing that I under ate by 1000 calories, but when I go over by only 50 calories they say "Well, good job tracking it at least," or "You'll do better tomorrow." WTF? lol. My goal is to REACH my calorie goal, or get very close. Not stay drastically under it.

Faye_Anderson

The way I see it is
MFP Forums make me irritated
My heart rate goes up
My metabolism increases
I LOSE WEIGHT.

All the experts and crazies are making me thin :bigsmile:

That is the kindest compliment I have received all day.:flowerforyou:
I am glad to have been able to help you.

You're welcome :flowerforyou:

DawnMinerva

I really agree with this post. A lot of times eating healthy can be expensive and I too have resulted to soup, apples, on sale salads, etc. I think everything in moderation is fine. For example I have many friends who preach the no sugar,/carbs high protein diets and they work great on them.....until they relapse and put a carb in their mouth poof! Right back where they started if not worse. For me I know I love pasta and when I say love, I mean LOVE!! However, I have it in moderation, not everyday and when I do I limit myself. Chocolate or wait better yet ice cream. I can't keep it in the house, I KNOW I will eat it and not in moderation. That being said every once in awhile I will treat myself to a ice cream cone or something.

I've been lucky with the friends I have made on here as they have always been supportive, not negative or rude. I do find some information in these forums to be informative, some to be ridiculous, you just have to take the good with the bad. Negative friends on MFP, get rid of them, I am sure there is a way to delete your friends on here.

mea9

Here is something that mildly annoys me: When I am way under on my food diary (Usually when I've burned 2000 and have a hard time finding time to eat it all back) and someone says "Great job today!" like it's a good thing that I under ate by 1000 calories, but when I go over by only 50 calories they say "Well, good job tracking it at least," or "You'll do better tomorrow." WTF? lol. My goal is to REACH my calorie goal, or get very close. Not stay drastically under it.

This drives me nuts and it's one of the reasons why my diary is closed. I shoot for 100 under to 200 over my calorie goal. But I don't post it on the forum when I'm over/under;)

inlander

I notice this too. It's not confusing, it's effing ANNOYING. I try not to give advice to people (UNLESS of course they're asking for advice in the original post and I have something to say about it).

While I don't think McDonalds is the healthiest thing to eat, it makes sense that people would try to fit something like fast food into their food budget, and if they're continuing to have successful weight loss, good for them.

And while people are talking about what's annoying....

I'm annoyed when people on the forums are like "I want to get healthy and build muscle, I think I'm underweight" and then they post photos and are indeed underweight, and then instead of eating a surplus of calories, their diaries say they're only eating 800-1000 calories a day. Come onnnn. Maybe it's an attention thing.

DawnMinerva

I'm fairly new to MFP, and I KNOW this has probably come up many times before, but I'm SO confused by people on this forum.

As far as I see it, every single one of us is different. I've been doing this for 15 months, I know what works for me, and I'm sure many others can say the same.

Yet, on almost every thread if someone mentions something that might not be 100% healthy, you get people coming in and..."giving their opinion".

I've seen it so many times since I joined under a month ago, and I just don't get it. Can people explain their reasoning?

The latest example that's led me to do this is the 'McDonalds' thread. The person posted asking everyone whether or not they liked McDonalds. A few people talked about how often they had it and what they liked best, and before long people were posting criticism, telling people how disgusting and unhealthy the food is and giving people better alternatives, when they weren't asked for. Fair enough, some people ask for advice and alternatives, but some people are just posting to discuss foods, not to be told what to do.

It's not just in threads. I've had private messages about things I've posted on the forums about the way I eat, and comments on some of my statuses, and I wonder what makes people think they should be giving these suggestions as though the people they're giving them to are stupid and actually want/need this information? I realise I'm ranting, but I'd just like to understand what makes people do that, when people aren't asking for advice? A few of the comments I've received are likely people thinking they're being helpful, but sometimes it seems like people just want to push their way of doing things on everyone else, everywhere they can?

Rant over.

I was bought breakfast the other morning, and it was McDonald's. I don't turn down free food. I've had to live off soup and apples, the healthiest alternative, to my income at the time. When food is not abundant, you make do. I just made sure I worked it off, hard. We are only human.

I really agree with this post. A lot of times eating healthy can be expensive and I too have resulted to soup, apples, on sale salads, etc. I think everything in moderation is fine. For example I have many friends who preach the no sugar,/carbs high protein diets and they work great on them.....until they relapse and put a carb in their mouth poof! Right back where they started if not worse. For me I know I love pasta and when I say love, I mean LOVE!! However, I have it in moderation, not everyday and when I do I limit myself. Chocolate or wait better yet ice cream. I can't keep it in the house, I KNOW I will eat it and not in moderation. That being said every once in awhile I will treat myself to a ice cream cone or something.

I've been lucky with the friends I have made on here as they have always been supportive, not negative or rude. I do find some information in these forums to be informative, some to be ridiculous, you just have to take the good with the bad. Negative friends on MFP, get rid of them, I am sure there is a way to delete your friends on here.

kateroot

Most people mean well. In the end, you have to do what works for you.. but there are people out there who believe that fast food in any amount is simply not part of a healthy lifestyle. Most of the time when someone "criticizes" you for eating McDonald's, they honestly think they're looking out for you. I don't know why you'd let that upset you. On this site, you're going to get advice from all ends of the spectrum.

agingwithfitness

People say things online many times they would never say to a person standing in front of them. It's so easy to just put thoughts out there without really thinking about how the other person, someone you don't know personally is going to take what you said.

And then of course you get many people who are convinced their way is right and will preach it just like different types of religion.

I have learned from belonging to a few blogs especially the political ones, to let most strong opinions not matter.

Like you said you know what is right for you, so just continue to do that!

jazzalea

scared to post this but hey..... people who go snooping into your diary and then tell you why you're doing it all wrong.....

If I was doing it all right I would have books, dvds, and a line of gym equipment across the country spouting it to the world @ 19.95 shipping and handling extra.......

Maybe some of what I'm doing is wrong.... maybe some of it is working against me..... I don't care..... it's my program not yours I'm not telling you to copy me.

What works for me ain't gonna work for you.... I know that.... that's why I post it in MY diary..... if you like what I'm doing or you're looking for idea's I will leave it open for you.... but don't come judging me because I log driving under my cardio....... I don't judge you for not logging the mayo in your tuna salad.....

ladytinkerbell99

bump

MrsLong1980

It's a public forum - what do you expect?!

adamtall

It's a public forum - what do you expect?!

i expect people not to get the annonomus(sp) mentality and pile on people about stuff. i know half the people that start yelling and screeming about stuff on here or in forums in general wouldnt dare say half of what they do to someones face

snaggly

If no one ever spoke up to offer advice or even criticism about things that are unhealthy, how would many of us ever know any better?

Surely most of these things are obvious, though, and if they're working for them why worry? If eating McDonalds once a week IS affecting someone, they'll come on asking for help. If they simply want to discuss what people choose when they go, I don't see why people come in giving their opinion about how 'McDonalds is poison'.

Nobody goes to McDonalds from the age of about three years onwards convinced it's healthy. Nobody needs people coming in and going 'Ugh...McDs is disgusting...think of all that grease and the chemicals". It's obvious stuff.

No! Some things are not obvious irrespective of what you (as in a general "you") may think. Furthermore, some people, the lurkers like me, do not ask for help. Instead, they start researching and reading what's on the net. Take McDonalds, for example, there ARE articles out there about how this person or that person lost weight on a McD diet ie, eating only burgers for xx amount of time.

Another example, diet coke, did you know that diet coke (or diet drinks in general) is an anorexia's best friend? As most of you are aware, there are people with ED on here. So, to me, the more people post warnings about unhealthy options they read on here the better. This goes the same for the "starvation mode" debate.

OP and any others, if you don't like the comments you receive, have your settings change to "private" an to all those who respond with warnings to posts on unhealthy options, please continue to do so.

cal1973

oh dear...

Emilia6909

It's a public forum - what do you expect?!

Common courtesy. Just because it's a public forum, does not give anyone the right to be rude, judgemental or insulting. Treat people the way you want to be treated. It's not about believing in fairies and unicorns, it's about being real and true, compassionate and supportive. We're suppose to support one another, not judge. Imagine if I had to post a thread ... "Overeating and Suicidal" - There WILL be people on this forum pushing me off the cliff because they can and because they're anonymous and because they have nothing better to do.

All one can do is to ignore the arrogant, opinionated & egotistic members.... they have to look in the mirror and love themselves. They're on a journey much greater than the rest of us. We only have our WEIGHT to worry about!

runnercheryl

No! Some things are not obvious irrespective of what you (as in a general "you") may think. Furthermore, some people, the lurkers like me, do not ask for help. Instead, they start researching and reading what's on the net. Take McDonalds, for example, there ARE articles out there about how this person or that person lost weight on a McD diet ie, eating only burgers for xx amount of time.

Another example, diet coke, did you know that diet coke (or diet drinks in general) is an anorexia's best friend? As most of you are aware, there are people with ED on here. So, to me, the more people post warnings about unhealthy options they read on here the better. This goes the same for the "starvation mode" debate.

OP and any others, if you don't like the comments you receive, have your settings change to "private" an to all those who respond with warnings to posts on unhealthy options, please continue to do so.

Me changing my own settings to private (which I don't do because, frankly, I don't care what people have to say to me personally though having to check my PM inbox for nonsense messages might bother me if it happens regularly) would NOT remove my actual concern in any way, which is (as I've said) that people who HAVEN'T had time to discover what works for them will have these kinds of responses aimed at them.

As I said in my original post, I'm just wondering WHY people feel they're justified in stating the obvious and criticising the choices other people make when those people have expressed no problem and haven't asked for advice.

AlaskaLily

It comes down to this: This is just the internet...

Just as in real life, don't surround yourself with negative/toxic people. I hardly read forum stuff, unless I am curious about something and look up if there are any discussions on it, and just stick to my program. I don't really friend people either. I have a couple real life friends on here who are now in different parts of the country, and we support each other. Again, it's just the internet. I agree with the "grain of salt" comment!