Negativity on the forum
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kennethmgreen
Posts: 1,759 Member
in Chit-Chat
I wonder if this discussion can be civil. I hope so. I am confident everyone on MFP knows how to disagree without being hypersensitive or jerky.
I am confused as to what the "I'm disappointed"/"The forum is so negative" posts are trying to accomplish. I'm not being snarky. I just don't see the benefit. New users will only think the forum is negative. Old users will generally agree or post about people getting a thicker skin or "growing up." Arguments ensue. These posts seem to only ignite further negativity and then get shut down. Aside from attracting a bunch of "Me too"/"I agree" posts (which I suspect may be part of the intent behind these posts), I cannot fathom how they will bring about a change in behavior.
Maybe that's my problem with these types of threads - that they are so often presented as a call for different behavior. And I just can't see how posting a thread calling out rude/mean behavior in a general way is going to cause those being rude/mean to change their behavior. And if posted simply as a "rant" then isn't that just perpetuating negativity? (Really asking here - what is the benefit of publicly complaining about negativity, if not a call for less negativity?) I don't think it's a good strategy.
Forget the fact that many who are accused of being rude/mean may not even know they are being rude/mean in a post (their post was honest and dry or disagreed, etc. and was not intentionally mean), how is this behavior change supposed to happen? Is someone on MFP who is being rude/mean supposed to find a thread complaining about negativity on the forum, read through the responses and suddenly become self-aware to behavior that he/she should change? Does that really make sense to anyone? I know people can be overly sarcastic and can ridicule others. I understand wanting to curtail that behavior. But is the way to curtail that behavior a public post that devolves into argument? Doesn't seem effective to me.
Look, I don't have any say over what anyone else can post on the forum. People can (and will) continue to post lamenting the negativity on the forum. I am positing that those that do may actually be contributing to the negativity. They aren't being mean - or even intentionally negative - but if the end result of the post is more negativity, then the posts are contributing to negativity. The only result of threads like these are the tiresome debates about the edge cases - "don't be mean" vs. "have thicker skin." I have yet to see anyone come into a thread like this and say "You know what, I've been mean on the forum and think I'll stop it now." I suggest to those that start these threads be honest about what you're looking for. If you want to complain about negativity on the forum, and want something done about it, report specific posts you think are negative. If you want to commiserate about the negativity on the forum, post your complaint on your wall so your friends can agree with your assessment and you can lament together. Otherwise, the thread just results in argument.
As I said yesterday (http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/467194-guidelines-for-reporting-posts?page=2), I sincerely believe the MFP community) isn't really that far off with the mean/rude stuff. Seriously. I think we focus on the extremes when the debate comes up, forgetting that we aren't going to cause someone to be less mean by reading a post accusing them of being mean - any more than we are going to cause someone to grow thicker skin or grow up by telling them to grow thicker skin or grow up. Doesn't work that way. If this thread results in people posting the mean/rude vs. thicker skin debate, it won't go anywhere either.
Look back over the "negativity" threads. I don't fault the OP for expressing an opinion. But I find it disappointing that the very thing the OP is criticizing gets created in these threads. Sometimes the OP will come back to those threads and say things like "See? Proving my point." But all that proves is that additional negativity was added to the forum. Every argument in every negativity thread would not exist had the thread not existed. Maybe that's a lame argument. But I wish the energy and time used to lament the negativity could be used differently. Likewise the energy used to tell others to grow up, have a thicker skin, etc. could be used better.
Maybe my post will only result in a bunch of arguing. Maybe my post is one big hypocritical turd. Maybe so. I don't intend it that way. I wanted to offer a different perspective to both sides of the debate and encourage the MFP community to move away from the mean/rude vs. thicker skin back and forth.
Let's get out of the debate about the edges and focus on the middle ground. Can we agree that the majority of us are advocating respect, patience and kindness - and not coddling? Can we agree that the majority of us are advocating honest, healthy debate and not ridicule? If we get there, then maybe we can all have: Respect, Patience, Kindness, Honesty, and Healthy Debate on the forum.
Round robin Kum Bah Yah starts in 30 minutes... :bigsmile:
I am confused as to what the "I'm disappointed"/"The forum is so negative" posts are trying to accomplish. I'm not being snarky. I just don't see the benefit. New users will only think the forum is negative. Old users will generally agree or post about people getting a thicker skin or "growing up." Arguments ensue. These posts seem to only ignite further negativity and then get shut down. Aside from attracting a bunch of "Me too"/"I agree" posts (which I suspect may be part of the intent behind these posts), I cannot fathom how they will bring about a change in behavior.
Maybe that's my problem with these types of threads - that they are so often presented as a call for different behavior. And I just can't see how posting a thread calling out rude/mean behavior in a general way is going to cause those being rude/mean to change their behavior. And if posted simply as a "rant" then isn't that just perpetuating negativity? (Really asking here - what is the benefit of publicly complaining about negativity, if not a call for less negativity?) I don't think it's a good strategy.
Forget the fact that many who are accused of being rude/mean may not even know they are being rude/mean in a post (their post was honest and dry or disagreed, etc. and was not intentionally mean), how is this behavior change supposed to happen? Is someone on MFP who is being rude/mean supposed to find a thread complaining about negativity on the forum, read through the responses and suddenly become self-aware to behavior that he/she should change? Does that really make sense to anyone? I know people can be overly sarcastic and can ridicule others. I understand wanting to curtail that behavior. But is the way to curtail that behavior a public post that devolves into argument? Doesn't seem effective to me.
Look, I don't have any say over what anyone else can post on the forum. People can (and will) continue to post lamenting the negativity on the forum. I am positing that those that do may actually be contributing to the negativity. They aren't being mean - or even intentionally negative - but if the end result of the post is more negativity, then the posts are contributing to negativity. The only result of threads like these are the tiresome debates about the edge cases - "don't be mean" vs. "have thicker skin." I have yet to see anyone come into a thread like this and say "You know what, I've been mean on the forum and think I'll stop it now." I suggest to those that start these threads be honest about what you're looking for. If you want to complain about negativity on the forum, and want something done about it, report specific posts you think are negative. If you want to commiserate about the negativity on the forum, post your complaint on your wall so your friends can agree with your assessment and you can lament together. Otherwise, the thread just results in argument.
As I said yesterday (http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/467194-guidelines-for-reporting-posts?page=2), I sincerely believe the MFP community) isn't really that far off with the mean/rude stuff. Seriously. I think we focus on the extremes when the debate comes up, forgetting that we aren't going to cause someone to be less mean by reading a post accusing them of being mean - any more than we are going to cause someone to grow thicker skin or grow up by telling them to grow thicker skin or grow up. Doesn't work that way. If this thread results in people posting the mean/rude vs. thicker skin debate, it won't go anywhere either.
Look back over the "negativity" threads. I don't fault the OP for expressing an opinion. But I find it disappointing that the very thing the OP is criticizing gets created in these threads. Sometimes the OP will come back to those threads and say things like "See? Proving my point." But all that proves is that additional negativity was added to the forum. Every argument in every negativity thread would not exist had the thread not existed. Maybe that's a lame argument. But I wish the energy and time used to lament the negativity could be used differently. Likewise the energy used to tell others to grow up, have a thicker skin, etc. could be used better.
Maybe my post will only result in a bunch of arguing. Maybe my post is one big hypocritical turd. Maybe so. I don't intend it that way. I wanted to offer a different perspective to both sides of the debate and encourage the MFP community to move away from the mean/rude vs. thicker skin back and forth.
Let's get out of the debate about the edges and focus on the middle ground. Can we agree that the majority of us are advocating respect, patience and kindness - and not coddling? Can we agree that the majority of us are advocating honest, healthy debate and not ridicule? If we get there, then maybe we can all have: Respect, Patience, Kindness, Honesty, and Healthy Debate on the forum.
Round robin Kum Bah Yah starts in 30 minutes... :bigsmile:
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Replies
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tl;dr: everyone shut up and eat cake. :laugh:0
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Holy *kitten* Batman, that's a lot to take in. bump0
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i like being negative! i even try to take holidays away from people0
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I know as someone who has been accused of being mean,those posts dont make me want to change anything.0
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I want to make you the most beautiful pinecone birdfeeder that has ever existed. The ribbon will be shiny and everything.0
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Is there going to be a test? If so, I'll take the F.0
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Are you a Democrat?0
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5 minutes of my life I will never get back.....0
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TL;DR LIfe is pain! Anybody who says differently is selling something. What's worse than the negativity post? The people complaining about the negativity posts. And now I'm complaining about the complaining about the negativity posts. See! It's just a vicious cycle. If the negativity bothers you, stop reading it and move on. Simple, isn't it?0
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Did anyone look at the sheer length of that and go oh hell no?0
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5 minutes of my life I will never get back.....
LOL.......:laugh:0 -
That's a lot of little black squiggles next to each other..0
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I understand what your saying however do you think your post was better than any of the others? I'm sincerely being respectful but I think this has been beaten to death, and you agree it has. Too. Sorry sweetie I just think this is the same thing but written just a little bit better0
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It's Saturday night on MFP.. what do you expect??
I've had lots of wine to complement my MFP cruising.. lol0 -
I read it! I'm probably one of the "mean people" being complained about, I try to ignore the, "you're mean!" threads. I back this thread.0
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5 minutes of my life I will never get back.....
This took an awfully long time for you to read.0 -
kettle...pot....0
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Bump to read later0
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TL;DR LIfe is pain! Anybody who says differently is selling something. What's worse than the negativity post? The people complaining about the negativity posts. And now I'm complaining about the complaining about the negativity posts. See! It's just a vicious cycle. If the negativity bothers you, stop reading it and move on. Simple, isn't it?
Op, I think your post is good; however, his response made me think of this. Don't flame
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