Help! My one of my kids doesn't want me to lose weight!

heavenlyhazel

Good morning everyone! Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday morning so far. Just curious, have any of your children been upset that you are losing weight? My oldest son cried last night telling me he likes me the way he is and doesn't want me to lose weight. So, I tried to tell him I would just get healthy and after a couple minutes, he realized that to do that, I would lose weight, too. He cried for over a half an hour even after I showed him pictures of me thin. How do I deal with this and make him feel better about it? He thinks my personality is going to change, too, which I probably agree as I will be more content with myself and happier with my life...so at least my attitude will change. He didn't want to hear any of the positives. He kept saying he likes me the way I am! Help!!!

emergencytennis

Children dont like change, and change in a parent is probably the most scary proposition of all. Your son doesnt want to hear all your good reasons, he just wants stability.

Dont make your weight loss a big deal. There is no reason for the kiddoes even to know. Dont look to your children for support in your journey. Dont expect them to be your cheer squad. Get your support from adults who have a mature world view.

In the meantime, reassure your son that your love for him will never change, and then lay off the diet talk around him. What is exciting and challenging for you is clearly freaking him out, so keep it among the adults.

I wish you all the best. Never quit.

BellydanceBliss

aww how old is he? message me on yahoo if you want [personal contact info edited by MFP Moderator] i will check after church

JoDeeD

Instead of saying you are losing weight ("losing" is bad to kids) just say you are getting healthy. Have him exercise some with you so he can see how much fun exercising is. Remember a game of tag or dancing is exercise too! Good luck on your journey!

titianwasp

Also, find ways you can use this process to become closer - take walks, play tag, or go sledding together. Have him help you pick out healthy foods at the store and cook nutritious meals. This is a chance to share habits that will make you both healthy for life.

bbbgamer

Dont make your weight loss a big deal. There is no reason for the kiddoes even to know. Dont look to your children for support in your journey. Dont expect them to be your cheer squad. Get your support from adults who have a mature world view.

unless you go away for several months to do this your children wont even notice the day to day changes........

emergencytennis

Sorry, but I disagree completely with the ladies suggesting that the way forward is to include the child in the weight loss exercise program. If he is distressed enough to cry himself to sleep then I would take a step back. Radical dietary changes are hard to hide, of course, but I would emphasise health and forget about the weight loss aspect.

samntha14

thank you. You prompted a conversation with my seven-year-old. He's been acting out the last two week...that I've been going to the gym. Hopeful we worked it out. Good luck with your son. I think I will take my son to the gym with me one of these days, or upgrade to a wii fit so we can exercise together.

emergencytennis

Sorry, I didnt mean to stifle comment with my strong opinion.

heavenlyhazel

Thank you all for your insight. My son is 8 years old. I have been very open with all 4 of my children (all under 10) that Mom is eating healthy and exercising. That I am doing it so that I can play with them - so I can coach their teams, run around with them, play at the playground, etc. I do not seek support from my children, but I do believe it is important that they understand that I am trying to take better care of myself and them as well. We are eating differently because of this...I am cooking differently. I want them to learn from this. I want them to know why I am doing this. I want them to learn to make better choices at school and at home. So, I think it is important to share it with them. Am I constantly bringing it up? No. Am I honest when they ask? Yes, of course. Will I hide it? No. I have also explained to them that God tells us that our bodies are His temples and we are supposed to take care of them. So, I haven't done a great job with that but now I am trying to do that better. They know we have struggles in faith as we talk about it all the time. So, this is a great way to tie the two together to show them how important it is to take good care of ourselves.

emergencytennis

So, you are doing every thing right and he just has to learn to deal with it.

Loves418

Would you like to trade kids? Mine is 13 and he told me I was large and too short to be so big. We had to have a talk about thinking before we speak and thinking of the other persons feelings. I wasted my breath because he sat and listened and then said now its my turn. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings I just wanted you to know that you are to fat and I worry you will get sick and die. But take it how you want. I still love you but I think you should workout and lose weight......Perhaps he is going to be a lawyer or congressman with that mouth!!! However now he is my biggest cheerleader since I have been working out. Go figure out kids...and when you do get back to me!!!:grumble: :grumble:

samntha14

Thank you all for your insight. My son is 8 years old. I have been very open with all 4 of my children (all under 10) that Mom is eating healthy and exercising. That I am doing it so that I can play with them - so I can coach their teams, run around with them, play at the playground, etc. I do not seek support from my children, but I do believe it is important that they understand that I am trying to take better care of myself and them as well. We are eating differently because of this...I am cooking differently. I want them to learn from this. I want them to know why I am doing this. I want them to learn to make better choices at school and at home. So, I think it is important to share it with them. Am I constantly bringing it up? No. Am I honest when they ask? Yes, of course. Will I hide it? No. I have also explained to them that God tells us that our bodies are His temples and we are supposed to take care of them. So, I haven't done a great job with that but now I am trying to do that better. They know we have struggles in faith as we talk about it all the time. So, this is a great way to tie the two together to show them how important it is to take good care of ourselves.

Super, great job Mom LOL keep up the good work. My seven-year-old is doing better with it now too since we talked :flowerforyou:

MaximalLife

I have 5 kids - all boys.
My 2 youngest are 8 years old. Twins.

In my wildest imagination I can't imagine them sniveling and crying over my weight loss.
I suspect you might not like this, but stop pandering to the absurd notions of a child.
Just ignore him; let him cry and then forget all about it.

And lose the weight; he'll get over it.

KareninCanada

Sounds like a good way to talk about it... but I would also encourage you. He's not going to really notice the day to day changes except in your diet and habits. Then one day he's going to realize that you can keep up better, or your lap is bigger, or whatever, and there might be more questions, but he'll be seeing the good things by then as well. I don't think you should worry too much about it - 7/8 year olds are constantly thinking and they are also emotional divas on occasion ... both boys and girls... lol Stay positive and just don't talk about the weight side of things with him right now.

L2M1D52

Did someone in the family lose weight and "act" different? Since he pointed out that factor, something to ponder.

jjteddy1982

I have 5 kids - all boys.
My 2 youngest are 8 years old. Twins.

In my wildest imagination I can't imagine them sniveling and crying over my weight loss.
I suspect you might not like this, but stop pandering to the absurd notions of a child.
Just ignore him; let him cry and then forget all about it.

And lose the weight; he'll get over it.

Dam!!! you are so lucky, i just find out today, that my twins are girls...5 girls total + my wife

Levi_Hansen

Idea: Just do whatever your kid wants and when you can use him for an excuse to quit trying, you should!

Or....another option would be to own your role as the parent and be cool. Act like it's normal to want to promote your health and potentially even enjoy a longer life with your kids.

ericalynn104

Like someone said, he probably won't even notice. My mom lost quite a bit of weight a few years ago and I didn't see the difference because I saw her every day and I was used to it. In pictures I could see the difference, but you naturally adjust to someone you see everyday. Go for it!! He'll understand someday.

annabellj

something that no one has mentioned yet, if you lose weight, you will be around for him, have less of a chance of diseases. my mother died when i was nine of colon cancer. she was always overweight when i was little. and my dad and stepmom had lung cancer and died from that. better to let him cry for a little while than cry the rest of his life without you. harsh but he will learn that you are just trying to get healthy so you can be around for a really long time!

red01angel

Sounds like a good way to talk about it... but I would also encourage you. He's not going to really notice the day to day changes except in your diet and habits. Then one day he's going to realize that you can keep up better, or your lap is bigger, or whatever, and there might be more questions, but he'll be seeing the good things by then as well. I don't think you should worry too much about it - 7/8 year olds are constantly thinking and they are also emotional divas on occasion ... both boys and girls... lol Stay positive and just don't talk about the weight side of things with him right now.

Exactly.
He's not going to wake up one morning and see that his mom suddenly weighs 120 lbs. It'll be a gradual process that he probably won't notice much.

Also, since when does a kid get to dictate whether his/her parent *GETS* to lose weight? Sounds like you're pandering too much to your little guy. He's a kid. He'll get over it.
I highly doubt that in 20 years he'll be wailing to his therapist about how the fact mommy lost weight when he was 8 years old scarred him for life....but his therapist would probably hear about it if you suffer from an obesity related illness or are unable do important things with him. I think it might help if you keep things in perspective.

jayliospecky

Kids are funny and are sometimes afraid of things for reasons they can't explain. Do your best to comfort him, but obviously you should continue on your path to good health. Our 7 year old freaks out if we ever suggest her dad might cut off his beard. She's horrified over the idea of him with no beard. Not exactly what I would have a nightmare over, but...kids are kids. She also said she doesn't want me to have long hair again because she doesn't remember me like that. She only remembers me with short hair. (I cut it 2 years ago.) I think in her case it scares her just because it's different. Maybe there's some other deep reason, but if they can't explain it, I don't think we're going to figure it all out. Don't over-talk the weight loss thing, and I would suggest you avoid the subject when around him. I don't think that's hiding anything, it's just avoiding something that's upsetting him. There's all kinds of things we don't come right out and say in front of our kids. If he's upset about it right now, don't talk about it right now. You can still lose weight without talking about it in front of him. You'll be losing weight gradually enough that he probably won't notice as it happens. As he grows out of whatever is causing the fear, it'll become a less touchy subject, and the problem will most likely go away. Good luck!

Ryantube

Don't let this discourage you, he probably just doesn't understand that it's a positive change. He'll love you for who you are no matter what size you are.

KareninCanada

I do think a little sympathy for the kid is in order...not that he gets to make any decisions. I have a friend who did daycare. She is quite obese, but the kids LOVE her and I bet if she talked about getting smaller it would freak them out, too.

Right now mom is warm and soft and gives good squishy hugs, probably does a lot of baking, is home to be counted on... he might be envisioning one of his friends' moms who is skinny, cranky from lack of carbs, always at the gym, and feeds her kids soybean-crunch cookies. You never know.

Levi_Hansen

I know this isn't exactly the same thing: But I suspect that my dog doesn't want me to lose weight.
I can tell by the way that he whines when I make him run through the snowy streets as I go promote my health and live to be around longer for my family.

Or maybe his paws are just cold, it's hard to say!

I made the joke, because this is a fitness site and this topic makes it look like you are throwing a kid under the bus for an excuse to quit. I wish you well, but this topic post is unusual.

jayliospecky

I know this isn't exactly the same thing: But I suspect that my dog doesn't want me to lose weight.
I can tell by the way that he whines when I make him run through the snowy streets as I go promote my health and live to be around longer for my family.

Or maybe his paws are just cold, it's hard to say!

I made the joke, because this is a fitness site and this topic makes it look like you are throwing a kid under the bus for an excuse to quit. I wish you well, but this topic post is unusual.

OK, I have to say the joke made me laugh, but I don't really think she's looking for an excuse to quit. She asked "how do I deal with this and make him feel better about it?" I don't think she's asking people to tell her "Go ahead, quit! It'll make your son happy!"

Oh, and if you think this post is unusual, you haven't been around here very long! :laugh:

Cheers! :drinker:

eschwab855

Sorry, but I disagree completely with the ladies suggesting that the way forward is to include the child in the weight loss exercise program. If he is distressed enough to cry himself to sleep then I would take a step back. Radical dietary changes are hard to hide, of course, but I would emphasise health and forget about the weight loss aspect.

Guess you really wouldn't like my advice get rid of the kid its the only obvious thing to do here

Levi_Hansen

Really? I was under the impression that when parents act like things don't bother them - their kids then respond accordingly, like skipping off to play with anything more interesting than sweaty parents. I do have both a 9 year old and a 7 year old, neither cry that I'm hoping to get fit and live longer. But then, I don't have devotions about it so maybe that's different.

Re: being "around" I've only been on here less than 90 days. I've lost some weight and my kids love me even more since I can keep up with them.

MrsCon40

You could tell him he can have a healthy mommy for a long time, or a chubby mommy with a chance of a shortened life.

Too harsh?

Perhaps so is telling him you're trying instead of just doing it.

Livi_Loves_Pink

Really? I was under the impression that when parents act like things don't bother them - their kids then respond accordingly, like skipping off to play with anything more interesting than sweaty parents. I do have both a 9 year old and a 7 year old, neither cry that I'm hoping to get fit and live longer. But then, I don't have devotions about it so maybe that's different.

Re: being "around" I've only been on here less than 90 days. I've lost some weight and my kids love me even more since I can keep up with them.

So, every child in the world will respond the same way your children do? Because all children are the same and will act the same?

And a woman asking for advice, on a site meant for support, for how to explain to her child that things will be okay is trying to find an excuse to quit?

Rather presumptuous, isn't that?

No wonder I stopped posting here so long ago...

MaximalLife

I have 5 kids - all boys.
My 2 youngest are 8 years old. Twins.

In my wildest imagination I can't imagine them sniveling and crying over my weight loss.
I suspect you might not like this, but stop pandering to the absurd notions of a child.
Just ignore him; let him cry and then forget all about it.

And lose the weight; he'll get over it.

Dam!!! you are so lucky, i just find out today, that my twins are girls...5 girls total + my wife

Well Done!