Does this count as communicating w/ your children?

chanstriste13

One of my cyber-acquaintances just posted this on facebook:

"Yes , I know face to face talking to my kids ( teenagers ) is the best, but I bet through textin, games we are playing through phone , FB , FaceTime and Hey Tell we are not doing too bad ! Communicating is communicating !"

Just curious about your thoughts.

UsedToBeHusky

Sad... that the most communication she can hope to have with her child (presuming that they live in the same household) is by electronic means.

carolann_22

I think it does, sure - especially as they are teenagers and probably aren't home that much. I mean, if they have school, practice, and an after school job or tutoring or whatever, they may not HAVE face to face time with them from 6:30 AM to 8PM. More face to face communication should be the goal, but I do think the other stuff counts.

macpatti

Yes, it counts as communication. She seems to recognize that face to face is best, but is also open to the means of communication that teens use, also. I do a great deal of communicating with my kids via texting, gmail chatting, FB chatting and emails.

ffuunnnnyy__ggiirrll

One of my cyber-acquaintances just posted this on facebook:

"Yes , I know face to face talking to my kids ( teenagers ) is the best, but I bet through textin, games we are playing through phone , FB , FaceTime and Hey Tell we are not doing too bad ! Communicating is communicating !"

Just curious about your thoughts.

She does say that she knows face to face is best but I do agree that any type of communication is better than none. Sometimes with our crazy schedules, I barely see my 19 and 20 year olds, so if all I get to do is text them or send them an email, then I am good with that. It's like anything else, there needs to be balance.

UsedToBeHusky

One of my cyber-acquaintances just posted this on facebook:

"Yes , I know face to face talking to my kids ( teenagers ) is the best, but I bet through textin, games we are playing through phone , FB , FaceTime and Hey Tell we are not doing too bad ! Communicating is communicating !"

Just curious about your thoughts.

She does say that she knows face to face is best but I do agree that any type of communication is better than none. Sometimes with our crazy schedules, I barely see my 19 and 20 year olds, so if all I get to do is text them or send them an email, then I am good with that. It's like anything else, there needs to be balance.

I guess it just depends on your perspective. My oldest is only 12 so I still get hugs and kisses a lot (when no one is looking of course). I guess I just haven't seen her realize her full independence yet so I can't truly relate.

JennaM222

umm most teenagers do not want to have ANY communication with their parents so I say this is a win

Nopedotjpeg

They're teenagers. They don't want to deal with their parents. Why is that "sad?" That's pretty normal. The fact that she's using digital mediums that she knows they like to use is pretty clever on her part.

chanstriste13

what if their primary form of communication is texting while they are all at home? (this was my cooperating teacher while i was getting my licensure, so i'm not close to her, but she told me a *lot* about her personal life while i was working with her - generally a little more than i wanted to know.)

HauteP1nk

She is rolling with the times... Her kids are linked into all these technologies and she is doing the best that she can...
Teenagers never communicate with their parents, and her willingness to stay current with all the technologies to see what her kids are up to and connect with them is a good sign.

madyncaden

nope!! communication is not just sharing information. it is learning how to interact with other, learn social cues, learn manners etc. as a teacher it is sad to see the results of this mentality that communicating thru a phone or other sources with your own flesh n blood is ok........i get that this is a form of communication and it is good to communicate this way as well but it will NEVER be the same as face to face and as i said before it is just sd that this is where our society has gone!

moriaht

Yes! I am away at university and the only contact I get with my mom is texts, facebook, and occasional phone calls! Same with my dad who lives in another country. Just because it's not face to face doesn't make it not communicating... It's a new way of doing things and I don't see the problem with it. Of course face to face is the best and I spend as much time as I can with my parents, but as I said, it's very limited.

madyncaden

umm most teenagers do not want to have ANY communication with their parents so I say this is a win

just beacuse they dont want it doesnt mean they dont need it. parents need to be parents and find ways to engage their children no matter what age they are. it's called parenting!!

chanstriste13

Yes! I am away at university and the only contact I get with my mom is texts, facebook, and occasional phone calls! Same with my dad who lives in another country. Just because it's not face to face doesn't make it not communicating... It's a new way of doing things and I don't see the problem with it. Of course face to face is the best and I spend as much time as I can with my parents, but as I said, it's very limited.

your situation is different from the one she is in - they are all under the same roof.

Mi2sc

I love that she is trying to communicate with her kids through the things they are interested in!
My job is working with technology and teaching teachers how to use it for students, who love to use it!:glasses:

premiumchilenita

teenagers are weird these days, my little sis-in-law can talk to her friend on FB for hours but she won't pick up the phone to call her, she says she doesn't know what to say.

I guess something is better than nothing and these days you find out everything through FB and things like that

BUT

Face to face is the most important. Otherwise you are just avoiding each other. And there is really no REAL connection. You do end up losing them at the end.

My other sis-in-law can get really cheeky on FB but can't say it face to face. What the??????:huh:

delilah47

she is teaching her children that face to face isn't that important. we'll see how she feels when the kids are grown and never come to see her, but communicate electronically. she will feel different when that happens

Helenatrandom

I guess it depends on the teenager. Is the teenager open to face to face time with mom discussing important things, or is he or she more likely to mention a problem while playing words with friends? I once heard a child psychologist on the radio suggest talking about serious things in the car when the teenager is NOT looking at you because it makes them less self conscious. Maybe that is what this parent is doing, but digitally.

Dragonwolf

umm most teenagers do not want to have ANY communication with their parents so I say this is a win

This!

Some communicating, by any means, is better than no communication at all.

I'd also venture to guess that FB can tell her a lot more about what her kids are doing than what they would tell her to her face.

chanstriste13

teenagers are weird these days, my little sis-in-law can talk to her friend on FB for hours but she won't pick up the phone to call her, she says she doesn't know what to say.

I guess something is better than nothing and these days you find out everything through FB and things like that

BUT

Face to face is the most important. Otherwise you are just avoiding each other. And there is really no REAL connection. You do end up losing them at the end.

My other sis-in-law can get really cheeky on FB but can't say it face to face. What the??????:huh:

i see this a lot, too.

twinsanity

Not only does it count, but I think it shows how plugged in she is with her kids. Think back to when you were teenagers, how often did you actually sit down every day and talk to your parents? And with technology these days, teens are more apt to be using the phone/texting/IMing and the likes to communicate with everyone, not just their parents. The fact that she's not just sending a a text here and there to say, but is engaged in games with her teen, to me says that she's plugged in and probably has an open relationship with her kid(s)....making her kid(s) more likely to put in the face time when something big comes up.

ionlyhavesporx

While it's important to communicate with them on their level and with what medium they use on a regular basis, I think the physical presence is vital to actually establishing authority.

UsedToBeHusky

Yes! I am away at university and the only contact I get with my mom is texts, facebook, and occasional phone calls! Same with my dad who lives in another country. Just because it's not face to face doesn't make it not communicating... It's a new way of doing things and I don't see the problem with it. Of course face to face is the best and I spend as much time as I can with my parents, but as I said, it's very limited.

I think that is a little different. You are an adult. The parent-child relationship changes when we become adults. But as a teenager, a parent should still be a very relevant part of your life. If you are only communicating electronically, then how much can you really say that you know about a child's life.

snookumss

When I was a senior in high school, I was amazing. I had the busiest schedule.

Every morning, I had to be out the door on the way to school by 6am. I dropped my Dad off at work, then went to school and did homework waiting for school to start. I had a full day of school, then went to my college calculus class. When that was over, I went straight to work. I worked full time back then. I got off of work around 11pm to 12pm. I went home, did homework in my bed until I fell asleep on my books. Average of 4-6 hours of sleep per night. Part of school was two performing arts classes, dance squad and choir.

4.0 Valedictorian.
Passed three terms of college calculus level math courses.
Worked 36-40 hour work weeks.
Extra performances and random rehearsals for choir and dance.

I didn't see my Mom very much. Or my sisters. The person I saw the most was my Dad for that 20 min car ride. I actually remember her yelling at me because my boyfriend at the time had asked if I wanted to have dinner at Subway one Saturday. She wanted me home so she could see me.

Text communication is better than no communication. She took her frustrations out on me, I ended up moving out a week after my 18th Birthday and living with a teacher. She hardly saw me, I was growing up and instead of making a real effort she resented my actions anyway. She had even told me I wasn't responsible. How does that make sense? Read my above stats?

I don't know how I did it, but I hardly saw my family on a day to day basis. If she had texted, we could have done that at the least.

vim_n_vigor

I don't know the age of the teenagers, but with school and activities, the weekdays can be very difficult to be in the same place at the same time. I know there were days as a teen that I didn't physically see my parents. If she makes sure that there is face to face time and family only time on top of the games and texting, then that is pretty good. If it is strictly relying on electronic communication, then she is missing the point.

Dragonwolf

Face to face is the most important. Otherwise you are just avoiding each other. And there is really no REAL connection. You do end up losing them at the end.

The number of relationships that have started through online means (not just dating sites, but other forms, too, such as here, and video games) speak volumes to the contrary.

My other sis-in-law can get really cheeky on FB but can't say it face to face. What the??????:huh:

The Internet gives a sense of anonymity/pseudonymity that you can't get in a face-to-face conversation. This gives people more courage to say/do things they otherwise wouldn't normally do (this is a well-known and rather widely-studied phenomenon).

anabell31

(kind of different scenario) I just broke up with my boyfriend because he wouldn't talk to me face to face. The only communication we ever really had was through short text messages and the past two weeks it's just been comments on status updates.

I do text my mommy every day though. And call her quite a bit. Because I'm a big baby (21-year-old college student)

chanstriste13

The Internet gives a sense of anonymity/pseudonymity that you can't get in a face-to-face conversation. This gives people more courage to say/do things they otherwise wouldn't normally do (this is a well-known and rather widely-studied phenomenon).

i don't believe in cyber-courage.

sonyume

It counts. In a presentation I attended for work last week they were talking about "digital natives" which are basically people who have been born into this uber-digital world and grow up using the various media for communicating. For them there's nothing impersonal about a txt or facebook, nor is it a way to avoid "real" contact, it's an additional means of contact. To them they've just got a ton of ways to communicate with folks, parents included.

Pocket_Pixi

I think it is pretty great her kids want to communicate with her at all, through Text or FB or whatever. She obviously is aware that face to face is the best communication but any communication is great. Being as they are teenagers chances are they are fairly busy with school, sports, possibly work, etc.

I always had and still have a great relationship with my mother, and so do my 2 youngest brothers however; we have one brother that hardly talks to mom and hasn't since he was about 14 (he left home at 14 by his choice and anytime he was forced back he would run away). She would give anything to have some communication with him via text or otherwise.


I honestly thing that social media and technology are fantastic tools for communication, especially when familys grow, get older, move across the country etc. you can all stay in contact, and still be close - I do it everyday with family that is spread all over Canada, I know them better now than I EVER did when we all lived within 2 hours of each other.

JennaM222

umm most teenagers do not want to have ANY communication with their parents so I say this is a win

just beacuse they dont want it doesnt mean they dont need it. parents need to be parents and find ways to engage their children no matter what age they are. it's called parenting!!

They do need it, and this mother is doing what she can to get it - so yes, what she is doing is just fine. If the whole texing thing was around when I was younger my mother would have slept alot more soundly at night.