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Does this count as communicating w/ your children?

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Replies

  • ionlyhavesporx
    ionlyhavesporx Posts: 120
    While it's important to communicate with them on their level and with what medium they use on a regular basis, I think the physical presence is vital to actually establishing authority.
  • snookumss
    snookumss Posts: 1,451 Member
    When I was a senior in high school, I was amazing. I had the busiest schedule.

    Every morning, I had to be out the door on the way to school by 6am. I dropped my Dad off at work, then went to school and did homework waiting for school to start. I had a full day of school, then went to my college calculus class. When that was over, I went straight to work. I worked full time back then. I got off of work around 11pm to 12pm. I went home, did homework in my bed until I fell asleep on my books. Average of 4-6 hours of sleep per night. Part of school was two performing arts classes, dance squad and choir.

    4.0 Valedictorian.
    Passed three terms of college calculus level math courses.
    Worked 36-40 hour work weeks.
    Extra performances and random rehearsals for choir and dance.

    I didn't see my Mom very much. Or my sisters. The person I saw the most was my Dad for that 20 min car ride. I actually remember her yelling at me because my boyfriend at the time had asked if I wanted to have dinner at Subway one Saturday. She wanted me home so she could see me.

    Text communication is better than no communication. She took her frustrations out on me, I ended up moving out a week after my 18th Birthday and living with a teacher. She hardly saw me, I was growing up and instead of making a real effort she resented my actions anyway. She had even told me I wasn't responsible. How does that make sense? Read my above stats?

    I don't know how I did it, but I hardly saw my family on a day to day basis. If she had texted, we could have done that at the least.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Yes! I am away at university and the only contact I get with my mom is texts, facebook, and occasional phone calls! Same with my dad who lives in another country. Just because it's not face to face doesn't make it not communicating... It's a new way of doing things and I don't see the problem with it. Of course face to face is the best and I spend as much time as I can with my parents, but as I said, it's very limited.

    I think that is a little different. You are an adult. The parent-child relationship changes when we become adults. But as a teenager, a parent should still be a very relevant part of your life. If you are only communicating electronically, then how much can you really say that you know about a child's life.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    I don't know the age of the teenagers, but with school and activities, the weekdays can be very difficult to be in the same place at the same time. I know there were days as a teen that I didn't physically see my parents. If she makes sure that there is face to face time and family only time on top of the games and texting, then that is pretty good. If it is strictly relying on electronic communication, then she is missing the point.
  • Dragonwolf
    Dragonwolf Posts: 5,600 Member
    Face to face is the most important. Otherwise you are just avoiding each other. And there is really no REAL connection. You do end up losing them at the end.

    The number of relationships that have started through online means (not just dating sites, but other forms, too, such as here, and video games) speak volumes to the contrary.
    My other sis-in-law can get really cheeky on FB but can't say it face to face. What the??????:huh:

    The Internet gives a sense of anonymity/pseudonymity that you can't get in a face-to-face conversation. This gives people more courage to say/do things they otherwise wouldn't normally do (this is a well-known and rather widely-studied phenomenon).
  • anabell31
    anabell31 Posts: 268
    (kind of different scenario) I just broke up with my boyfriend because he wouldn't talk to me face to face. The only communication we ever really had was through short text messages and the past two weeks it's just been comments on status updates.

    I do text my mommy every day though. And call her quite a bit. Because I'm a big baby (21-year-old college student)
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
    The Internet gives a sense of anonymity/pseudonymity that you can't get in a face-to-face conversation. This gives people more courage to say/do things they otherwise wouldn't normally do (this is a well-known and rather widely-studied phenomenon).

    i don't believe in cyber-courage.
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    I think it is pretty great her kids want to communicate with her at all, through Text or FB or whatever. She obviously is aware that face to face is the best communication but any communication is great. Being as they are teenagers chances are they are fairly busy with school, sports, possibly work, etc.

    I always had and still have a great relationship with my mother, and so do my 2 youngest brothers however; we have one brother that hardly talks to mom and hasn't since he was about 14 (he left home at 14 by his choice and anytime he was forced back he would run away). She would give anything to have some communication with him via text or otherwise.


    I honestly thing that social media and technology are fantastic tools for communication, especially when familys grow, get older, move across the country etc. you can all stay in contact, and still be close - I do it everyday with family that is spread all over Canada, I know them better now than I EVER did when we all lived within 2 hours of each other.
  • sonyume
    sonyume Posts: 7 Member
    It counts. In a presentation I attended for work last week they were talking about "digital natives" which are basically people who have been born into this uber-digital world and grow up using the various media for communicating. For them there's nothing impersonal about a txt or facebook, nor is it a way to avoid "real" contact, it's an additional means of contact. To them they've just got a ton of ways to communicate with folks, parents included. :)
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
    umm most teenagers do not want to have ANY communication with their parents so I say this is a win :)

    just beacuse they dont want it doesnt mean they dont need it. parents need to be parents and find ways to engage their children no matter what age they are. it's called parenting!!

    They do need it, and this mother is doing what she can to get it - so yes, what she is doing is just fine. If the whole texing thing was around when I was younger my mother would have slept alot more soundly at night.
  • Rikki444
    Rikki444 Posts: 326 Member
    You have to know your audience.... communication is: the right message at the right time to the right people delivered in the right way.... so yes.... it most certainly counts.....
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
    You seem to really want everyone to be horrified that this would count as communication.

    I'm sorry but I do believe that it does.

    Besides - who are you to judge?
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    No, it is not.
    I have a meeting with my boys every night - no electronic devices allowed.
    It's just about 20 minutes - talking.
    And we do not allow any such devices at the dinner table either.

    Some parents are just totally clueless.
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
    You seem to really want everyone to be horrified that this would count as communication.

    I'm sorry but I do believe that it does.

    Besides - who are you to judge?

    :noway:
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
    No, it is not.
    I have a meeting with my boys every night - no electronic devices allowed.
    It's just about 20 minutes - talking.
    And we do not allow any such devices at the dinner table either.

    dig.
  • Dragonwolf
    Dragonwolf Posts: 5,600 Member
    The Internet gives a sense of anonymity/pseudonymity that you can't get in a face-to-face conversation. This gives people more courage to say/do things they otherwise wouldn't normally do (this is a well-known and rather widely-studied phenomenon).

    i don't believe in cyber-courage.

    "Believe in" it or not, it doesn't change the fact that it's real. The sense of anonymity caused by the Internet triggers what's known as a "disinhibition effect," much like what alcohol does.

    http://users.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/disinhibit.html
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    It counts. In a presentation I attended for work last week they were talking about "digital natives" which are basically people who have been born into this uber-digital world and grow up using the various media for communicating. For them there's nothing impersonal about a txt or facebook, nor is it a way to avoid "real" contact, it's an additional means of contact. To them they've just got a ton of ways to communicate with folks, parents included. :)

    Yes, but I think the concern is more that the dependence on digital communication can result in a breakdown in the relationship between parent and child which could be devastating to the child's future. Can proper guidance really be deliverd through a text, an e-mail, an instant message, or an FB posting?
  • Dragonwolf
    Dragonwolf Posts: 5,600 Member
    It counts. In a presentation I attended for work last week they were talking about "digital natives" which are basically people who have been born into this uber-digital world and grow up using the various media for communicating. For them there's nothing impersonal about a txt or facebook, nor is it a way to avoid "real" contact, it's an additional means of contact. To them they've just got a ton of ways to communicate with folks, parents included. :)

    Yes, but I think the concern is more that the dependence on digital communication can result in a breakdown in the relationship between parent and child which could be devastating to the child's future. Can proper guidance really be deliverd through a text, an e-mail, an instant message, or an FB posting?

    Considering how much more a teenager is willing to post on FB than tell a parent directly, yes, proper guidance can, at the very least, be started using these means. The first step in guidance is knowing what to guide them towards or away from. You can't do that if you're clueless to what your teen is actually doing. Things like FB can give you far more insight than trying to pry it out of them directly.
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
    Yes, but I think the concern is more that the dependence on digital communication can result in a breakdown in the relationship between parent and child which could be devastating to the child's future. Can proper guidance really be deliverd through a text, an e-mail, an instant message, or an FB posting?

    i vote no. just my personal opinion.
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
    Can proper guidance really be deliverd through a text, an e-mail, an instant message, or an FB posting?
    [/quote]

    YES it can!!! This mother is probably doing everything she can to be close to her child - the teenager more than likely is your AVERAGE teenager who is too cool to talk to thier parents. I was the same way. My parents were the LAST people, especially my mother, who I wanted to run and tell all my secrets to. it was my friends.

    I give this mom a High five for sticking with it and doing what she can to try and keep the communication lines open. When the child is 20, I am sure they will start to come around.

    Cripes.

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