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chipembele

Hi
Does anyone else struggle and feel bad because of comments by family etc.

I recently moved back to my parents house and have a constant battle with my mother complaining about how I dont eat what she makes, how theres not enough room for all my 'food stuff' and how she says I'm too thin and dont need to lose any weight, backing this up with comparing my weight to her weight.

At time it really gets me down and I expect another raft of comments later when I tell her to slow down with all the fruit I'm being plied with as I try to reduce carb intake.

I just want to be left to get on with it. I know she means well but it makes it really difficult when at the back of my mind i'm feeling bad about her comments. its like she's hurt that I dont want her food.

myopus

Hi
Does anyone else struggle and feel bad because of comments by family etc.

I recently moved back to my parents house and have a constant battle with my mother complaining about how I dont eat what she makes, how theres not enough room for all my 'food stuff' and how she says I'm too thin and dont need to lose any weight, backing this up with comparing my weight to her weight.

At time it really gets me down and I expect another raft of comments later when I tell her to slow down with all the fruit I'm being plied with as I try to reduce carb intake.

I just want to be left to get on with it. I know she means well but it makes it really difficult when at the back of my mind i'm feeling bad about her comments. its like she's hurt that I dont want her food.

I read stories like yours all the time on this site. Trust me, you are in good company here. Just stay on track and browse the forums for similar situations and topics. Keep your motivation and attention tuned inward and keep at it

maryjay51

most parents only know how to comfort their kids , even when they are adults, by feeding them . my mother isnt around any more but she used to irritate me because id come over and she was constantly offering me food and various beverages. now all i do is give my daughter food lol she isnt in dire straits at all financially but geez sometimes i just feel like being a mom.. is there a dish you can think of to ask her to make for you?? one that you would be comfortable eating. that might make her feel good ..or you can just say casually -- geez mom you know i been thinking about bla bla bla food all day.. do you know how to make that?? she might jump on it

myopus

most parents only know how to comfort their kids , even when they are adults, by feeding them . my mother isnt around any more but she used to irritate me because id come over and she was constantly offering me food and various beverages. now all i do is give my daughter food lol she isnt in dire straits at all financially but geez sometimes i just feel like being a mom.. is there a dish you can think of to ask her to make for you?? one that you would be comfortable eating. that might make her feel good ..or you can just say casually -- geez mom you know i been thinking about bla bla bla food all day.. do you know how to make that?? she might jump on it

Wow, this is a terrific idea!
Make her feel better *and* something enjoyable for yourself.
"So and so wanted to give me this recipe on fajitas but I told him I'd rather find out what you'd do... " (er, meaning, how she'd suggest making them)

marquesajen

I hear about this kind of stuff all the time on here! I am lucky and have a very supportive set of friends and family. Maybe try asking her why she thinks what she thinks. Asking "why" might give you an idea of how to deal with her behavior.

lewandt

I could never live with my Mother. She would find fault in every thing i do.

It might be hard on her you moving back in too.

trainorgirl

ohhh.. tough spot to be in... try saying:

"I thank you for your meals and hard work i REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!! but at this time in my life i have fitness goals I am trying to achieve. As much as I would love to enjoy your cooking and eating your delicious meals, there are some food choices and changes that i need to alter. With that being said, I need you to respect my decision to do make this life style change and I really would appreciate your support while I work on achieving my goals. If you would like, I would love to include you and maybe we can make some meals TOGETHER or i can cook you dinner once and awhile"

I think the problem is that your mom is feeling needed now that you are back. But she is hurt that she is not needed anymore... so try and incorporate her into some of your activities... just a thought... good luck

NDgrrrl144

I agree. Maybe help her see your point of view (and how the food you eat is still good) by offering to cook a meal with her? She could just be trying to bond with you since you recently moved back home, and that is the only way she knows how to do it.

NDgrrrl144

most parents only know how to comfort their kids , even when they are adults, by feeding them . my mother isnt around any more but she used to irritate me because id come over and she was constantly offering me food and various beverages. now all i do is give my daughter food lol she isnt in dire straits at all financially but geez sometimes i just feel like being a mom.. is there a dish you can think of to ask her to make for you?? one that you would be comfortable eating. that might make her feel good ..or you can just say casually -- geez mom you know i been thinking about bla bla bla food all day.. do you know how to make that?? she might jump on it

I agree. Maybe help her see your point of view (and how the food you eat is still good) by offering to cook a meal with her? She could just be trying to bond with you since you recently moved back home, and that is the only way she knows how to do it.

MikeSEA

Your mother's comments are about something wrong with her, not you. It might be easier to not take them as seriously from that perspective.

koulamara

Only one mother, that's all that we get...... fortunately!

abyt42

I'm sorry your mom isn't supportive of you. And I'm guessing "fruit" sounds like healthy food to her. I second (third/fourth) the comments about trying to find a food common ground, and am jealous, a little, that your mom's still around for you to have this problem with: the alternative is no fun.

slrrese

If your married- you get two mothers!! My mother in law just recently complained to me - "you never eat dessert!!!" in a tone that told me she was clearly offended. She had invited us over for dessert. I go to participate when I am invited for dessert, but I don't eat it. Luckily my husband and step kids jumped to my defense and we all said- don't take it personally I RARELY ever eat dessert.

Even at my own house when I do make dessert, I rarely ever eat it, so she truly should not take it personally. I don't even eat it at my own mother's house. Plus- I suffer from migraines so I really have to be careful what I eat (particularly how much chocolate I have).

Sorry- I would rather save my calories for real food!! SOMETIMES a bit of dark chocolate, but rarely ever dessert.

repoman150

Yea, well....we definately all go through that. Cant teach an old dog new tricks lol.....my mom is a stubborn italian, and definately resists any change. Just keep on doin what you do!!

KareninCanada

What we tend to overlook is that, especially to moms and other female relatives, you are seen to be judging her. By refusing foods that she loves and probable served you as a kid, you are in essence rejecting her lifestyle choices and telling her she was a bad mom. Don't overanalyze that; I never said it was actually the truth. This is a perception thing driven by the guilt complex that drives moms. Just take it and try to work around it.

fiberartist219

My family does this too. My grandmothers are notorious food pushers, and they are offended if you visit with them and don't eat. It's like an insult if you don't eat 3 plates of food or something.

I try to find ways to interact that don't involve food. With my grandma, I'll ask her if she's read any new books lately or done any new crochet projects. I try to distract her from feeding me.

My mom doesn't pester me with food, but she does make idiot comments about pregnancy. I have no desire whatsoever to get pregnant, but every time I gain a few pounds, she gets hopeful about it. It's irritating.

I live with my husband, and he's usually very supportive of my weight loss goals, but lately he's been referring to my food as "gross" and that's starting to get on my nerves. I don't expect him to eat what I am having, but if the kitchen smells like food, then too bad! If I want eggs, or lima beans or whatever tickles my fancy that day, I'm going to cook it at home, and he can either go into another room or spray some air freshener, but I will not apologize for my food choices. If you want a sexy wife, you're going to have to put up with lima beans and Turbo Jam. I mean, I have to put up with a hideous bowflex in my living room, but since he has sexy muscles, I don't say anything about it. Eh...

Just go on about your business, and don't look back. Either your family will grow to accept it, or they won't. Don't let that stop you from doing what you know you need to do.

chipembele

My mother told me yesterday that i'm looking well

I told her that because I'm pretty much where I need to be as losing weight and have now started my weights programme properly.

She seems happy because I let her cook for me once a week