Do you mind when....?
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Neither me nor my wife do such things with anybody of the opposite sex.
It'd be just a matter of time before we both would end up knocking boots with somebody else.
That's nature.
It just can't be helped.
You put two people of the opposite sex in a room, and sooner or later, they're going to have sex.
That's reality.
I just will not expose myself to such risks, and neither would my wife.
I could not agree more. Not that I dont trust him... I dont trust the facts of nature.. and chemicals between people... that happen sometimes when your not even looking!
Exactly! You would have to be crazy to think that you are the only person in the world that can light your partners fire if given the chance no matter how devoted they are!0 -
i think it all depends on how he acts, if he openy flirts with girls, acts underhanded or lies to other people (then he can lie to you)then personally i would have a problem with that, but if he isn't interested and clearly puts you first and you feel comfortable then that's fine. i do believe in trusting my gut instinct though. hope that helps
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Prior to me coming along, my husbands 3 best friends were female. It took me a while before I could accept this and feel comfortable with this and now i can say that they along with their husbands are our closest friends. He'll text them, he'll call them, and sometimes he even hangs out with them when I'm not around. ie. he went for dinner with two of them this past sunday to celebrate the ones birthday. I was perfectly ok with this, because I know them, and he's never hidden anything from me.
WIth that said....speaking from experience....if he has a new female friend that I don't know, haven't met, haven't been told anything about, and he spends time with her, texts her, or phones her especially without me having any knowledge about it, and even if I did....I am NOT ok with that at all. This is CRYSTAL clear with my husband, so unless he would like to be a single man, he won't be pulling crap like that.0 -
my definition of cheating is super simple: saying or doing anything you wouldn't say or do in front of your significant other. you should both be very clear on what's ok and what's not from the very beginning, that way you can be mature and decide if this relationship will work for both of you. i don't have to know every detail or my significant other's day, but i never want to worry or wonder about anything. that's just silly.
if your gut is telling you something is wrong, then something probably is. imagine it was your friend who was in this situation, what would you (honestly) advise her? i have never had a gut feeling to be wrong when it comes to these things. sometimes it may be months or years before you find out the truth, but you will. my perfect example: 2 people i dated in the past who were friends with their female college "buddies" ended up in serious relationships with those women years after we broke up.
unless he is doing something wrong or is just very immature, a guy will not have a problem sharing who he's talking to etc. he also won't have a problem letting you meet that person. actually, if he knew it bothers you and he didn't have anything to hide, he would suggest the three of you go out together so you could see that you really have nothing to worry about. when you do go out, you will see clear boundaries between the way he interacts with her (strictly friendly) and with you (as his girlfriend, without holding back).
if he doesn't know it bothers you, you can always do something before making any decisions. tell him that you've been hearing about this girl for a while now and she's such a good friend to him, you'd love to meet her. see how he reacts, if he goes through with it and if so, how he acts on the date.
i may be unrealistic with my expectations of chivalry and complete harmony when it comes to relationships, but i'd rather be single and have a great time than spend my days worrying about whether the person i'm with cares for me as much as i care for him. there are millions of people out there and just because you care about someone, doesn't mean you're compatible and you should be together.0 -
Couldnt have said it any better.....Nope. If I had a problem trusting my wife, I wouldn't have married her.
She is not with me, because I have her on a leash. We're together, because we choose to be. Want to be.0 -
To the OP, obviously this relationship your husband has upsets you. You've said something about it and he's dismissed it. I think this is completely wrong on his part. If it bothers you this much, he should be willing to re-evaluate his friendship with this other woman. That being said though, if you continue to badger him about it, he'll just deny and get more upset. Try letting him know that maybe you'd feel more comfortable if you could spend some time with this other person and get to know her.
Unless HE has done something shady though, TRY to trust him and when you talk about it with him, try not to accuse HIM of anything because every person is different. Both my boyfriend and I have best friends from college that are of the opposite sex and it doesn't bother either of us when we talk, text email that other person. But I had a past boyfriend who's best girlfriend I didn't trust and he ended up cheating on me with her. Go with your gut, but give your man the benefit of the doubt.0 -
Ehhh, I disagree. I have friendships with several men. Growing up, most of my friends were male. I just feel more comfortable trusting men. Women can be so catty!Neither me nor my wife do such things with anybody of the opposite sex.
It'd be just a matter of time before we both would end up knocking boots with somebody else.
That's nature.
It just can't be helped.
You put two people of the opposite sex in a room, and sooner or later, they're going to have sex.
That's reality.
I just will not expose myself to such risks, and neither would my wife.
One of my closest friends is also my ex-fiance. My husband doesn't feel threatened by him in the least. He has no reason not to trust me, or my ex. There has not been an incident of fudged boundaries in the decade since we broke up. I made it clear at the beginning of our relationship that the ex was always going to be a part of my life and my husband respects that.0 -
My husband has no such relationships. And yes I would have a problem with it.
Same here. Unacceptable. Would he have a problem with it if you (the OP) did the same? I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate it or accept it.
The only consideration I would give is if he knew her before we married and after the decision was made to tie the knot the friendship would change from him and her to the three of us. At which time converations and meetings should include me or I should at least have knowledge of them -- and not WAY after the fact either.
Listen to your gut. We have instinct for a reason.0 -
I dont have a problem, even though my fiancee cheated on me. I trust him and always have, even though he cocked up, but that cant be said for other way round. he has very little trust for me, guess that's his insecurities .
or guilt maybe??0 -
See? That's just it. If my husband is that close with a person where they call and chit chat...then why don't I know them? That's the red flag right there.
The girl friends my husband has from high school, I've met them all. I've hung out with them once in a while. So I don't get upset when he talks to them. When there's secrets, when I don't know her, when they're being shady, RED FLAG and an *kitten* whooping!
I have some guy friends that are truly some of my BEST friends. Known him since we were kids. I was at his wedding, he was at mine. He has a baby now. So to say that nobody should have friends of the opposite sex, well that's just silly.
It's all about respect...
Most definately this. Respect and trust. Just because you put 2 people of the opposite sex together does NOT mean they are going to do anything. My best friend is a guy. I love him to death. My husband knows about him....goes out with us sometimes and other times doesnt..and he's ok with it. Here's the kicker...I love my husband more. I respect him...and I dont hide my friendships from him0 -
as much as i agree that putting a man and a woman in the same room will not always lead to sex (the attraction can be there but only one sided), i 100% believe that at some point at least one of them will be thinking about the other one naked. don't kid yourself, it never fails.0
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I like to take the advice of that little voice within.
All situations have a list of variables.0 -
might think about the other person naked, but that's not a crime. After a great number of years with the same person that might be necessary to keep the spark alive.
I know he looks at bikini's on the beach. I'm certainly not wearing them, but I get the after effects and won't complain. As long as he's eating off the buffet at home, he can look at as many dishes as he pleases.0 -
If it bothers you, then no. Absolutely NOT.
But if you really trust that they're just friends, then as long as they don't cross any boundaries, then fine.
I would suggest meeting this person and finding out who your boyfriend/husband is talking to.0 -
My best friend growing up is a guy. We text each other once in awhile to keep up on each others' lives. Hubby is perfectly fine with this. I've known this man since I was a baby, and will continue to know him till the day I leave this earth. I think it's bs that some say that opposite sexes can't 'just be friends'. It's being in a respectful friendship, same as any other friendship.0
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I honestly think this is such a personal issue, that being said... I had the perfect husband and amazing father to my children. He did everything any women would ever ask for. I never once had trust issues with him, he loved me with all his heart. I never questioned anything when it came to us. We had the perfect family for 10 years till one day it all changed. She was just a friend at work and she ruined my family. I think something small like texting can turn into something bigger. It always starts small. 3 years ago I would not have had a problem with it, now yes I would!!0
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I honestly think this is such a personal issue, that being said... I had the perfect husband and amazing father to my children. He did everything any women would ever ask for. I never once had trust issues with him, he loved me with all his heart. I never questioned anything when it came to us. We had the perfect family for 10 years till one day it all changed. She was just a friend at work and she ruined my family. I think something small like texting can turn into something bigger. It always starts small. 3 years ago I would not have had a problem with it, now yes I would!!
ditto!0 -
I couldn't agree with you more. If you trust him and he didn't trust you and you haven't given him a reason to not trust you he is either currently cheating or has cheated. Just be careful. I have been in your situation where a boyfriend has not trusted me and I never gave him a reason to suspect anything. In the end it turned out that he had been cheating on me all four years.I dont have a problem, even though my fiancee cheated on me. I trust him and always have, even though he cocked up, but that cant be said for other way round. he has very little trust for me, guess that's his insecurities .
or guilt maybe??0 -
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Nevermind, I don't even want to talk to you people.0
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You don't own your partner/spouse, they're entitled to there own life outside of the relationship. Id honestly be more concerned if my partner didn't have any close friends.
Some of my best friends are males and I have never crossed any boundaries with any of them, many of these friends are also in long term relationships.
It's all about security and trust.0 -
I do not trust ME!You don't own your partner/spouse, they're entitled to there own life outside of the relationship. Id honestly be more concerned if my partner didn't have any close friends.
Some of my best friends are males and I have never crossed any boundaries with any of them, many of these friends are also in long term relationships.
It's all about security and trust.
And my wife does not trust HERSELF.
We both know how we'd react given enough time spent with a "friend".
Maybe some of you folks are just not as driven as we are, but our rule is just insulation on a part of our nature we know could spark out of control in the blink of an eye.
It's just foolish.0 -
She totally acts like she has a crush on him and he denies it. Says he does not see it. He is so clueless! She wants attention from him. I totally agree with this! It sounds like you are ALL on the same page as me on how I feel about this. I just wish he felt the same. He thinks you can have a platonic relationship with whoever you want and like some others have said....you put 2 people of the opposite sex together for long enough.....attractions start forming and all you see with this person is the attraction and the good...you don't have fights or things you have to work through like with your partner so things start looking better with this person....that saying "the grass is greener" came form somewhere people....
i have a hard time believing he's really clueless. it seems like he's playing that card to justify his actions and get you to stop questioning it. he's obviously enjoying the attention this girl is giving him, which is the attention he should be looking for at home. if you guys have been together for a while and he feels like he doesn't get enough attention at home, he should be able to talk about it. but then, it may not have anything to do with you guys. this girl may just be throwing herself at him and he likes that she only sees the superficial, good things about him. she doesn't know the goods and the bad about him like you do.0 -
I do not trust ME!
And my wife does not trust HERSELF.
We both know how we'd react given enough time spent with a "friend".
Maybe some of you folks are just not as driven as we are, but our rule is just insulation on a part of our nature we know could spark out of control in the blink of an eye.
It's just foolish.
it takes a lot of ba**s to admit that and be ok with it, on both sides. good for you guys!0 -
:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:Nevermind, I don't even want to talk to you people.0 -
no my husband has a lot of friends, he is very outspoken and he makes friends everywhere he goes. even female friends, most of them are cool. I do not mind, but he recently went back to school, and there is a girl in his speech class, and they are "in a group together" to do a project, and so they had to exchange phone #'s to contact each other, and he did not feel comfortable giving a chick his #, so he gave her my cell phone #, in case she needed to call and get ahold of him for the project. So this stupid chick has called 2 mornings in a row, at like 7am, to ask him dumb *kitten* questions, that dont even have to do with the project, so now im convinced that she has a crush and Im super annoyed with her, not him. I think next time my phone rings at 7am and I answer it and she is on the other end, we may have some words. :explode:0
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Hmmmm, my wife and I both have friends of the opposite sex, but both know each others friends fairly well and have no issues with their friendships. It's healthy to have close friendships with others and for those that say that can't help themselves and would get into trouble, I'm sorry I don't understand how you can commit to someone and be moved to cheat. Then you are truly not committed. While you may find others attractive and this is normal. You have control over your actions.0
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I do not trust ME!You don't own your partner/spouse, they're entitled to there own life outside of the relationship. Id honestly be more concerned if my partner didn't have any close friends.
Some of my best friends are males and I have never crossed any boundaries with any of them, many of these friends are also in long term relationships.
It's all about security and trust.
And my wife does not trust HERSELF.
We both know how we'd react given enough time spent with a "friend".
Maybe some of you folks are just not as driven as we are, but our rule is just insulation on a part of our nature we know could spark out of control in the blink of an eye.
It's just foolish.
As long as both individuals in the relationship have the same view then it's reasonable for that particular relationship.
However, for my own, I trust myself and I know boundaries and control. Also I'm talking about reasonable friendships, not 24/7 "alone time".0 -
I'm not in a relationship, so I don't technically fit in the survey group, but I would never mind if my partner had a relationship (not sexual) with someone of the opposite sex. If I was having reservations, it would be time to get out of the relationship because the trust levels weren't high enough. Same exact thing goes for his perception of my opposite sex friendships.0
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Like texting, calling just to talk. Bored or whatever. And as a side note you are not friends with this person nor to you even know anything about them.
If it's not his mother, sister, aunt or niece... I would be pissed beyond belief. It would have to be some extremely unlikely circumstance... like a death or horrible accident prompting some chick from his past to contact him... otherwise, this would NOT sit well with me.
So your partner is texting & talking to a girl you know NOTHING about? This would just never happen in my relationship, and if it did... I'd question my husband's sanity, and then he'd probably be getting away from me very quickly because I'd probably come after him with an evil glint in my eye.0
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