She thinks she's helping...

InTenn · February 2012

My wife and I sometimes get help from others. Our reply is usually something along the lines of, "I can eat anything that I want. I just can't eat EVERYTHING that I want." Or, "Yeah, I'll have to put in an extra 20 minutes at the gym for that, but it's worth it." The final answer, as other posters have pointed out, is, "Well, this has worked for 34 (or for my wife, 58) pounds, so we're going to stay with it until it quits working."

I don't think this is an argument you want to "win" as much as a chance to enlighten someone who is being overly severe in their approach. She means well, and I think the reply should be well-meaning too.

TiffyC828 · February 2012

Love your respones to this person!

I think all of us have someone like this in their life. I went though the same thing with a coworker as well. In the beginning, she lost ALOT of weight very fast. Like 70 lbs in about 4 months. I have only lost 60 in 9 months. We work at different offices and only see eachother on occasion. The last time I seen her, she said "I don't see what everyone is talking about..you don't look like you've lost anything"

I just smiled and told her I actually am down 60 lbs and 3 sizes and FEEL fabulous!! (she on the other hand, gained back most of her weight...)

Karma is a *****....isn't it?

Elizabeth_M · February 2012

WTF? Holy crap - kudos to you for not totally freaking out on that person!! What a twit. lol

XXXMinnieXXX · February 2012

Damn I'd strangle her! Sorry! X

AmandaCaswell1982 · February 2012

Look at her slyly and say "We'll see who comes out on top in the end..." That may shut her up a bit...I'm sorry. Good luck to you!

JasmineAmber2012 · February 2012

Cookie Envy is a terrible thing !!!! Keep up the good work, you are doing sooooooo well xxxxxx

XXXMinnieXXX · February 2012

I'd just say well I've lost 50lbs so this lifestyle change is obviously working for me and smile. Then wait till your at 70lbs lost and she has given up all together and gained it all back! Lol x

piebird79 · February 2012

^
This!

pixiesx3 · February 2012

Saboteur!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Call out the cookie militia and have all of your coworkers put her favorite snacks on her desk. Either all at once or every day for a week. Nah... don't do that, really.

Keep doing what you know is working for you! Don't let her steal your joy in your progress!

Alphawolf02 · February 2012

I am not sure if she is trying to help, or trying to push her dieting method on to you, because you aren't cutting anything out of your diet. Just politely tell her: "Thank you for your input, but my way of dieting is working just fine for me, and I do not wish to change it or cut anything out of my diet. I think you are trying to help, but please leave me alone."
Good luck with that and enjoy your cookies!!!!!!!!!

nannyx6 · February 2012

You definately know what you are doing.I think she is showing here green horns of envy!!

douglasmobbs · February 2012

Invite her over for dinner make one plate like you have it and cram in as much fat and sugar into the other plate. Give her that plate, When she does not lose weight and you do tell her it must be the cookies.

I know its not fighting fire with fire but it would make me smile

GlenWalterGal · February 2012

Ask her, with the sweetest smile, if she does not have children of her own to mother. After all, you are an adult and do not need any mothering and advice on what you eat because you're doing just fine.

penelepurr · February 2012

to both the OP and ChevyGrl88- kudos to both of you for not punching these women in the face as of yet. There's such a stigma about eating junk food if you're trying to lose weight that people get all insecure, jealous, and angry at themselves to see you're still "allowed" to eat what you want, while they're stuck with carrot sticks to try and lose half their body weight in the next month. Some people don't know how to appreciate long-term maintenance and how difficult that can be. They're the ones that are going to end up on a chocolate cake binge because they've just tried to stop eating it altogether, and then you can laugh at them when, inevitably, they're fat again. It would be hard for me to not get at least a bit snappy with my replies to them- patience is not one of my better virtues-, but you could try to explain that weight and food should be considered on a relative scale, person-to-person, instead of making blanket statements and assuming everyone diets the same way, though it doesn't seem like they would bother listening since they're so busy being 12.

easkey · February 2012

I once worked with a woman who actually slapped my hand when I reached for a piece of ice cream cake that was being served for someone's birthday. As she slapped my hand she said "you shouldn't have that, you are on a diet." All of my co-workers and bosses were there and I was mortified. I just walked away from the celebration and went back to my desk. A co-worker brought me a piece and told me I should eat it before it melted. I told her I wasn't having it and to let it melt. I can smile about it now, but that comment was so insensitive. I don't know if she thought she was being helpful or trying to assert herself in front of everyone. Looking back, I should have told her to go wipe the red lipstick off of her teeth before she had any of her cake, but I couldn't even speak. In reality, I know it wouldn't have made a difference and only would've lowered me to her game.

Either way, it taught me to not tell people when I'm dieting. It's our business what we have, when we have it, and how much - if any! By tracking on this site, I finally feel in control of what I'm eating as I can see the impact of what I eat and my exercise on my calories!

Congrats on the 50! I'm glad you didn't let her comment send you in hiding as my commenter did. Here's to not letting ice cream cake melt because we let others bully us in to not eating it when we know we can!!

monkeymouse74 · February 2012

I feel really sad for her,

I've been there, trying to cut the "bad foods" out my diet, struggling, and failing. It's a really heartbreaking thing to go through over and over again. I understand she is stepping over the mark with her comments, so maybe a gentle answer like ..I dont want to lose all my weight and be too scared to eat the foods I enjoy, so I'm learning to have everything I like within moderation so that I can maintain my weightloss and still have the food I like. And from my experience, I have a bigger chance of failing and binging when I deny myself the things i like, and I dont want to live my life in a constant yo yo diet, beating myself up everytime I end up binging on the foods others percieve as "bad".

Hopefully it'll make her think about her method and reconsider doing it the healthy way. And if she just continues, just say I've explained why I've chosen to lose weight this way and I'd appreciate the same respect from you that I've given to you Even though I dont agree with the way you're going about your weightloss, you dont hear me knitpicking you on your diet.

jrhm · February 2012

I know a lot of people who go on low carb diets, or some other "cut out that type of food" diet. Sure, they loose the weight, but everyone I know tha has done that put it right back on within months. I love my cookies (not so much the chips) also, love carrot cake, ice cream, and on and on. So, I save my calories so I can have a sweet when I want it without feeling guilty. I don't want a diet, I want a way of life. something I can stick to without feeling deprived. You are doing a great job, wow, 50 pounds! that is fabulous. I had 18 to loose, and have lost 23 and am holding. I stay with mfp to help keep me on track. Congratulations on your success, and ignor your co-worker!

rpantusa · February 2012

sounds like she is jealous of your weight loss, and that is probly why she has started a new diet, and giving you such a hard time. Just ignore her and let her be that way, and she will be more jealous when you can have a cookie and still loose weight, and she will not get a cookie! :laugh:

lmelangley · February 2012

Have you tried explaining to her you're not actually on a "diet", per say- that you're just changing your diet in a way that allows you to lose weight and become healthier while eating normally? That you've already lost 50 lbs so it's obviously working for you? That giving up goodies can help you lose weight short term, but it isn't sustainable. I had a couple of people make comments to me when they realized I was trying to lose weight, and although they were skeptical of my explanation, it shut them up. I still get raised eye brows occasionally as I raise a cookie to my lips, but that's easier to deal with for me.

chevy88grl · February 2012

Congrats on your loss!

She's jealous because she gained her weight back - so what better way to make herself feel better than to try and bring you down?

And what better way to show her than to keep your weight off?

chevy88grl · February 2012

And I should note - she asked me what kind of exercise she should do and I told her "It is best to figure out what works for you and not rely on me to tell you what will work". She comes back a week later and says "Hey! I bought one of those shake weights.. you know? The "As seen on tv" ones? I'm going to use that for 20 mins each day. It'll make my arms look great. Did you see the guy on the package? He looks awesome and I can too. You should buy one. They're awesome".

I told her that's great, but I have a gym membership.

Her response?

Why pay for one of those when you could just use the shake weight?

*rolls eyes*

chevy88grl · February 2012

Usually I just walk away from her and avoid her like the plague. LOL

chevy88grl · February 2012

LMAO. Yeah. She's annoying.... I figure a day will come when what she's doing isn't working and she'll REALLY need and want help.

EDesq · February 2012

People who Bit and Moan about people getting on their "nerves" get on MY Nerves! If someone has the NERVE to "Jump" in your business UNINVITED, You have the RIGHT to tell them to Back-Up...IF YOU have the NERVE!

RBRoy · February 2012

I understand how you feel. I want support but at the same time I don't want people questioning what I do or don't do. It's tough, especially when your loved ones are trying to help or support but it comes across as nagging. Do what's right for you and hang in there. You're doing a great job. Some of the suggestions above are great ideas of what to say; my only advice would be don't be ugly or rude to your coworker. She's trying to lose weight as well and she's probably lacking confidence with it. Support her as you'd want to be supported. GREAT JOB!

SharClark40 · February 2012

That is so hard - with family you can tell them to stfu and that's fine. But someone you work with...She DOES think she means well. Perhaps calmly point out to her that while you appreciate her "pointers" and that you hope her plan works for her, you've already lost 50 pounds so this seems to be working for you. Or just smile and nod. Or give her back as good as she gets. That's a bit snarky, but if she brings out the "Best" in you, why not. OR you could kill her with kindness. Praise her on her efforts and make suggestions and applaud her efforts. She may be looking for praise and encouragement! If you deflect her criticisms with praise, perhaps she'll back off!

KNMD · February 2012

She may be unaware that you're not dieting. You've made a lifestyle change, which is wholeistic and not limited to a list or plan but to a philosophy.

A simple, "if I were dieting, I'd agree with you, but I've changed my life so I can enjoy the little pleasures as long as they're little and not the focus."

As a pretty strict vegetarian, and half-arsed vegan, I get the "Oh, you can't have that." To which I reply, "Of course I can, I decide what I put into my body. I can eat what ever I want, just like you." I also like to follow with a discussion about the philosophy of Choice. Everything we eat is a choice and a choice to partake should not be made without an evaluation of the consequences.

Good luck.

blazeybug87 · February 2012

In my opinion she isn't trying to help at all... she is simply being a b*tch.

merzback · February 2012

Wonderful answers. Honestly, she sounds SUPER ANNOYING and someone I'd say "Please do not food police me." I think her insecurities and DIET mentality are going to hurt her but tell her you'd rather not discuss weight and food issues at work. It sounds harassing to me!

SueGremlin · February 2012

what I would say to her:
"I understand you are trying to help, but I am doing very well and I know what I am doing. Your commenting on everything i eat is extremely irritating to me, so please stop. I don't need constant surveillance and judgment for what I put in my mouth. I am an adult and can manage my own diet on my own. Thanks for understanding".

If she persists, I would leave the immediate vicinity whenever she makes comments. Make no bones about how irritating, condescending and basically annoying that is.

She thinks she's helping...

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