HELP please! I'm SO upset!

Aviendha_RJ

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been super busy, And broke... I'm not working. I have a rental house, & right now the upper floor is vacant & I've been cleaning & painting it. So I've been in an empty house... & eating out.

Stepped on the scale today... & I'm up 5lbs!?!?!

I know I could've been eating better... & I haven't been working out. But it's only been like... a couple of weeks. HOW did I manage to do this?

That means, that since I've been out of work... I've actually put on 10lbs! What freaks me out the most is my BF has said "If you were fat, we wouldn't be together".... so I'm concerned I'm going to lose him on top of all of the **** I've been going through lately, & I'm pretty sure he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He laughs when I say I've gained a bit... but NOW? You can actually SEE it.

I'm going to start the 30DS today... Level 1, I've never done it before... & head back to the rental (where the chick on the main floor has now stopped paying, so I have to post eviction papers for HER today).

What do I do about all this stress & weight gain? HELP!

laura328

OK. First of all - breathe. This is why I quit weighing! That scale has the power to impact not only your motivation but how you feel about every aspect of your life! Stay off that evil thing for awhile and after that, only step on the scale once every few weeks or even once a month.

As far as the 5 pounds go - you are in control. Your post states exactly why it's there. It's almost completely from those random fluctuations we all have and the rest is stress and a change of eating habits. Those measly 5 pounds will fall off once you get back on track with your good exercise and eating habits. So force yourself to get back on track. It's really that simple.

Life will always have its stressors. That's just life. And although I'm sure you're feeling a lot of pressure with the apartment situation, nothing you described is the end of the world and it isn't anything you can't work through. Just do your best to get through it and don't let the stress consume you and cause to to sabotage your healthy habits.

Now, for the boyfriend. You're not going to like this and I apologize in advance, but he sounds like a TOOL! You are gorgeous and I'm sure a wonderful person and at 155, you are not fat by any standards unless of course you're 4 feet tall. To say to someone "i won't be with you if you're fat" is a rude, thoughtless, just plain ****ty thing to say. I would say good-bye to him but if that's not an option you should tell him what a hurtful insensitive pig he is.

Just my two cents. Hang in there. You're OK!

songbyrdsweet

Sounds like the only thing you need to lose is your boyfriend! Don't worry about the weight. Get your ducks in a row, focus on employment, and when the time is right you can focus on losing body fat if you need to. In the meantime, you're active in fixing up your house. When you go out to eat, always bring back leftovers.

sma83

OK. First of all - breathe. This is why I quit weighing! That scale has the power to impact not only your motivation but how you feel about every aspect of your life! Stay off that evil thing for awhile and after that, only step on the scale once every few weeks or even once a month.

As far as the 5 pounds go - you are in control. Your post states exactly why it's there. It's almost completely from those random fluctuations we all have and the rest is stress and a change of eating habits. Those measly 5 pounds will fall off once you get back on track with your good exercise and eating habits. So force yourself to get back on track. It's really that simple.

Life will always have its stressors. That's just life. And although I'm sure you're feeling a lot of pressure with the apartment situation, nothing you described is the end of the world and it isn't anything you can't work through. Just do your best to get through it and don't let the stress consume you and cause to to sabotage your healthy habits.

Now, for the boyfriend. You're not going to like this and I apologize in advance, but he sounds like a TOOL! You are gorgeous and I'm sure a wonderful person and at 155, you are not fat by any standards unless of course you're 4 feet tall. To say to someone "i won't be with you if you're fat" is a rude, thoughtless, just plain ****ty thing to say. I would say good-bye to him but if that's not an option you should tell him what a hurtful insensitive pig he is.

Just my two cents. Hang in there. You're OK!

^^^^^This! You need to lose his @**. He never should say something like that too you.

Gargwin82

When I met my now Husband I was 17 and 125lbs. At it's peak after having our Son I was 245lbs. Currently I'm 29 and 228lbs. Not once has my Husband ever said I've gained weight, he thought I looked unattractive, or he would leave me if I didn't lose the extra pounds. Almost daily I get a big hug and get told I'm as beautiful and sexy as the day we met. You deserve someone who looks at you like that. Hopefully your boyfriend just has a horrible sense of humour, even if that's the case I'd clue him in big time it's not appreciated.

Stress is a huge cause of weight gain, money is a huge stressor. When stressed your bodies first instinct is to save up everything incase of famine, migration, or injury. I agree with the other post on here suggesting you get employed and a tenant before getting to discouraged. You say you know you haven't been doing your best, so keep tracking to see where you're slipping up but avoid the scale.

Lose the stress and I'm sure you'll lose the litlte bit of weight that has crept back.

Thriceshy

I have to agree with what's been said--for YOURSELF, get back on track, grab a cooler and put your healthier foods in for bringing along with you rather than hitting fast food joints. You should see a change pretty quickly.

As for your boyfriend, my first thought? If my husband said that to me it'd be a prelude to him picking up shattered teeth with broken fingers. I MAY be joking. Not sure, because he's never said anything like that to me, even though he's seen me go from a size 7 to a size 28. I'm hoping your boyfriend didn't mean what he said, but it's in your best interest to make sure before you sign anything. If a man stays with you for your looks, you'll lose him no matter what you do, even if you stay svelte and slim, because the years happen and things migrate south no matter what. A guy who would leave the woman he says he loves because she gained weight needs a blow-up doll, not a woman.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's no help to be told to relax, but that's what you've got to try to do.

hepsi

wow..i knew there must be people who have boyfriends like I had at one time...

he was my best friend..i thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me...i was in love...and then he went and said " I don't think i would love you still if u are fat, and that physical appearance plays a huge role in relationship"...

you see, i wasn't ready to lose him so i made excuses for his insensitivity...but looking back, i just couldn't face quitting and losing a relationship thats fun...

I broke up with him few years back...i am now married and have a husband, who is amazing...i put on 10 kgs while i was with him, and it showed everywhere, and there isn't one day where he hasn't told me how beautiful he thinks i am...

Think again, what do u want in your future, someone who puts u down coz he can or someone who loves you even if u r the ugliest person in the world...

coz, life won't always be like this, trying times and eating go hand in hand...its how most people cope...

u dont wanna spend the rest of your life thinking about losing ur relationship...its not the way to live...

blissfuldrake

[/quote]
Now, for the boyfriend. You're not going to like this and I apologize in advance, but he sounds like a TOOL! You are gorgeous and I'm sure a wonderful person and at 155, you are not fat by any standards unless of course you're 4 feet tall. To say to someone "i won't be with you if you're fat" is a rude, thoughtless, just plain ****ty thing to say. I would say good-bye to him but if that's not an option you should tell him what a hurtful insensitive pig he is.

Just my two cents. Hang in there. You're OK!
[/quote]

What she said...^.^

leanmachinedream

You have more issues than gaining weight if your boyfriend is supportive and is only with you for your looks. Ditch him and find someone who appreciates you no matter what.

shanahan_09

What freaks me out the most is my BF has said "If you were fat, we wouldn't be together".... so I'm concerned I'm going to lose him on top of all of the **** I've been going through lately, & I'm pretty sure he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He laughs when I say I've gained a bit... but NOW? You can actually SEE it.

I'd say to him 'If YOU continue to say a**hole remarks like that, I won't be here AT ALL!!". Lose the weight for yourself, no one else. If you think you have to lose it for him to stay happy with you, you're in for a world of hurt. You'll never think you're good enough. YOU are the best thing that has happened to you. Don't let someone make you feel unworthy from harsh words.

pinuplove

Yep, the first weight you need to consider losing is the boyfriend! His attitude is a huge red flag of bigger issues down the road.

That said, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. It's ok. 5 or 10 pounds is not the end of the world! Concentrate on takmg care of yourself and making better choices going forward and you will be fine. I hope good things are right around the corner for you!

DzzyButterfly

Your boyfriend needs a penis punch. Toss him out along with your scale!

MaximalLife

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been super busy, And broke... I'm not working. I have a rental house, & right now the upper floor is vacant & I've been cleaning & painting it. So I've been in an empty house... & eating out.

Stepped on the scale today... & I'm up 5lbs!?!?!

I know I could've been eating better... & I haven't been working out. But it's only been like... a couple of weeks. HOW did I manage to do this?

That means, that since I've been out of work... I've actually put on 10lbs! What freaks me out the most is my BF has said "If you were fat, we wouldn't be together".... so I'm concerned I'm going to lose him on top of all of the **** I've been going through lately, & I'm pretty sure he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He laughs when I say I've gained a bit... but NOW? You can actually SEE it.

I'm going to start the 30DS today... Level 1, I've never done it before... & head back to the rental (where the chick on the main floor has now stopped paying, so I have to post eviction papers for HER today).

What do I do about all this stress & weight gain? HELP!

Just go back to what worked before.
Eat right, exercise.
When we do that, all is well, but if we do not, as you know, progress stalls.
Success is a choice, and reaching goals does not just happen by accident.

You body does not care about why you ate poorly and did not exercise.
No excuses.
Just do it.

samhelen

yea... gonna have to agree with everyone else -- the BF sounds like a tool and no one needs that in their life regardless of their physical appearance or state... relationships should lift you up not tear you down...

mizzdivat

.I only weigh myself every 2 weeks because I don't want to be too focused on that. Next, it sounds like your boyfriend is more interested in your looks, etc. than YOU as a PERSON. I could be wrong, but that is how it sounds. You need to make sure you are surrounding yourself with family, friends, significant others, etc that are supportive of you on this journey. Best of luck to you dear

melonsss

Ditch the boyfriend, and I am talking from experience because it is more complicated when you marry the shallow ................... Hormones, stress ect play a part on weight loss/gain and ultimately we all want to be loved for who we are and not on appearances.

Peppychristian

When I met my now Husband I was 17 and 125lbs. At it's peak after having our Son I was 245lbs. Currently I'm 29 and 228lbs. Not once has my Husband ever said I've gained weight, he thought I looked unattractive, or he would leave me if I didn't lose the extra pounds. Almost daily I get a big hug and get told I'm as beautiful and sexy as the day we met. You deserve someone who looks at you like that. Hopefully your boyfriend just has a horrible sense of humour, even if that's the case I'd clue him in big time it's not appreciated.

Stress is a huge cause of weight gain, money is a huge stressor. When stressed your bodies first instinct is to save up everything incase of famine, migration, or injury. I agree with the other post on here suggesting you get employed and a tenant before getting to discouraged. You say you know you haven't been doing your best, so keep tracking to see where you're slipping up but avoid the scale.

Lose the stress and I'm sure you'll lose the litlte bit of weight that has crept back.

Amen to that. I have had three kids but I can't even blame my weight gain completely on that. Even though I knew I was overweight and needed to do better my husband has always told me that I am beautiful. That being said, without actually knowing your bf I know from experience that men say things that they think are encouraging that come out not so much.

Cal28

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been super busy, And broke... I'm not working.

That means, that since I've been out of work... I've actually put on 10lbs!

What freaks me out the most is my BF has said "If you were fat, we wouldn't be together".... so I'm concerned I'm going to lose him on top of all of the **** I've been going through lately, & I'm pretty sure he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

What do I do about all this stress & weight gain? HELP!

I'm hoping "If you were fat, we wouldn't be together" was his reassuring way of saying "Sweetheart you're not fat at all". If it wasn't then he is not the best thing that has ever happened to you and you need to decide if you want to be with such an *kitten*.

I understand the stress thing. I gained a stone prior to joining MFP when I moved countries (I'm also jobhunting and its such hard work - a full time job in itself). Its not easy but the stress will die down and you can get back to focussing on you.

Try and pick healthier options for takeout if you have to have it. is there anyway you can fit in C25K? I think you mentioned 30DS and thats great. You can do this xx

Pihjin

As everyone is saying - it might be too hard for you now, or so your think, but if you think about it your boyfriend is adding stress and pressure to you - instead of being comforting and supportive like he should if he loves you.
Your body is your life and you will get fit and healthy if it's right for you. Never do t for anyone else.
He sounds like a shallow a@ for saying that to you. Looks really aren't everything and to threaten you with that (and yes, it is a threat) is disgusting of him.

In my opinion you should get rid of him and focus on healing yourself and your life.

You only get one life and you should share it with those who love you and make you feel incredible to be you for who you are. They will support you when you are down and praise you when you are up. NOT threaten to leave you if things get tough.

Take control and make the changes you want to happen and it'l all work out for the best.

It will have a happy ending ... if it's not happy, it's not the ending so keep working through

ARDuBaie

Why are you with that boyfriend??? You are beautiful! He is very shallow-minded (my kind word for prejudice). Find a new one.

As for the diet, you need to learn how to handle your stress. I would suggest meditation. Envision a little bird with a box flying up to you and you put one item that is stressing you in the box. The little bird takes the box and flies to the sun, dropping it into the sun to burn. On the way back to you, it picks up another box into which you put another stress item. Repeat the vision until your stress is less.

You need to work on getting back to what was working. Keep the daily journal. Don't eat out if you can help it. There are so many hidden calories.

Realize that being with that guy is stressful because you not only have all the other stuff going on, but you also have to worry about gaining weight because he already said he would dump you if you were fat. What a weight to put on your shoulders!!

simplyblessed5

the first thing you need to lose is the loser bf. You'll lost quite a bit of "dead weight" when you do that. Then, like others have said- stop making excuses for not being able to workout and eat right. Just do it. Life happens... it's what we do with it that makes the difference.

Hang in there. You can do this!!

Arabian♥Breeze

if you put on 20lbs you still would be thin by the look of your picture your thin and beautiful already

zoominzozo

Seriously- Don't stress out about your weight because all you need to do is take control and it'll drop off.


Everyone is implying your BF is a tool but only you can decide if that's true.

On this forum, without him backing it up, we have no context of how his remark was actually said. Maybe he meant it more of a "if you were larger we wouldn't have got together" and lets be truthful in 90% of cases when we fall forsomeone the first thing we see is how attractive they are for us. For some of those people weight plays a part in that.

Heck- if it didn't play a factor in it I certainly wouldn't be trying to maintain my weight.

To me it doesn't sound like he meant it as "if you got larger we wouldn't be together." But then again, only you can decide what you think of him,. I wish you the best of luck with getting everything back on track. :flowerforyou:

Suzannejl

Don't forget to breath and take time for yourself. All that work upstairs is work too! Better than a gym workout! Keep up with MFP and counting your cals and exercise and you'll be fine.

One word, or two, about the other one. In 2004 my husband had a massive stroke which has left me as the caregiver. He was only 37 at the time, and our kids 3,6, and 9! During this time I actually met a woman who stroked giving birth to twins. She was all alone, because her wonderful husband had divorced her for having a stroke. My husband is a wonderful person, always has been, always will be, but love is a lifetime, not an instant! If he can't love you for better or for worse when it's just a coule of pounds, then what is going to happen when you really truely need this man?! Face it, life is difficult, and nobody lives forever!

Take care of yourself and make yourself happy. Don't let someone else's perception of you skew things. You are a beautiful person. We truely are the only ones that can make ourselves happy, noone can do that for us.

p.s. Is he possibly into Porn? People that are, often only look for perfection as a mate. Perfection is impossible to find because no one can be picture perfect airbrushed to look like that forever. I know this becuase my Mom married a man that was into porn, and my brother got ahold of it in his youth. To this day he does not have a girl friend becuase he wants perfection, yet he himself is overweight and self induced type 2 diabetes, he is 50 now. Very sad.

MB_Positif

Yikes...everyone...have you ever met a man before? Guys say stupid stuff like that in an attempt to make us feel better about ourselves. More than likely he thinks she looks great and truly doesn't notice the 10 pounds. Even some of the MOST shallow guys wouldn't break up with someone over a few pounds. He was probably just kidding around! To the OP, just get back at your routine. LIfe happens. Learn to roll with the punches. Maybe your BF is a jerk, maybe not, but this isn't about him and his opinion of you, it's about you getting a handle on your health while you're still young and able.

MelissaAnn1983

You are fine. Do not stress. However, You NEED to kick your "boyfriend" to the curb.

sml1231

I think everyone is in agreement that if your BF breaks up with you because you've gained weight, he is a total A**HOLE.

As far as the stress and eating out and those angry scale numbers, don't beat yourself up over it. I lost about 12 lbs right before the holidays, and I gained back about 10 lbs during Christmas and New Year's (which is also my birthday), and I was really mad at myself for a couple of days, but then I realized that sometimes that happens. You just set a new goal and start again.

I'm a very high-strung person, so the best way for me to de-stress is exercise (even when I don't want to...especially when I don't want to), because the workout endorphins give me a positive boost and help clear my head a bit.

Eating out gets tricky for me, because I will either eat everything on my plate or take home leftovers and eat them immediately. One thing I do is try to order the dish with the most vegetables and then eat the vegetables first. By the time I get to the rest, I'm probably not as hungry and am more likely to only eat half of that philly steak sandwich. I have a friend who eats all of the time and never gains weight (the world is so unfair), so I always send my leftovers home with him. That way I don't feel like I'm wasting food, and it prevents me from midnight snacking on leftovers.

Another thing to think about with the scale numbers is that if you've been eating out a lot, you've probably been getting huge amounts of sodium, so part of that number is probably water weight.

My best advice is to stop beating yourself up about it. We all have those days and weeks (sometimes months or years) where we take some steps back, but you can always start again. Set your goals, make your plans, and start looking forward instead of back. Also, find a decent BF. They're out there...I've heard ;-)

lozzae85

WTF your boyfriend said that to you!Thats an awful thing to say to someone I wish people thought more about how what they say affect the person the say it to.....

Could it have anything to do with the time of month? I can easily gain 4 - 6lb about the week before but I know this now so I dont let it worry me anymore!

Even if its not that juts get back on it You can do it you have lost so much already! And maybe if you have been bad the past couple of weeks the shock of getting back on track might make the 5lb fall of in a week. Keep going you can do it!

But please only do it for yourself not someone else!

ladybug91254

I'm sorry...I know you don't wan to hear this...but for the weight gain...life happens...things get in the way sometimes. Just get back on track from now. AND for the boyfriend...you need to set your sights higher...much higher. I was married to someone like him for 7 years. I wasn't overweight but he constantly told me I was and that he wanted me to stay at just the weight I was when we married (I was 17 and weighed 105...looked like a beanpole). We got divorced because even though I wasn't overweight (I did put on weight but was still 135 which is totally not overweight) he cheated every chance he got. Anyway, I met/married a great guy that has loved me for the past 33 years no matter my weight and the cheater has had 33 years of never quite finding the "perfect" woman...imagine that. Bottom line it's one thing to tell you he wants you to stay a certain weight because he loves you and wants you healthy...quite something else to tell you he won't stay with you if you are fat. RUN!

JaymeLS

I know how you feel. Two weeks ago a tornado came through where I live and caused a tree to fall on our home. We finally got some of the things fixed so we can move back in. Today was the first day i have weighed in 2 weeks. I didn't weigh this morning but going to tomorrow to see my true weight.. I have gained 6 lbs. We are still eating at restaurants. It is all my fault because of what I have chose to eat. I'm a real bad stress eater. I was doing great about sticking to my diet and everything. I seen that scale and I cried because I realized all those weeks i worked my *kitten* off to lose it and just about gained it all back. So I am going to drink lots of water tonight and see how much of it is water weight. I'm not able to work out on my treadmill because that room is full of the attic but we still have lots of trees to clean up.

kvreeken

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been super busy, And broke... I'm not working. I have a rental house, & right now the upper floor is vacant & I've been cleaning & painting it. So I've been in an empty house... & eating out.

Stepped on the scale today... & I'm up 5lbs!?!?!

I know I could've been eating better... & I haven't been working out. But it's only been like... a couple of weeks. HOW did I manage to do this?

That means, that since I've been out of work... I've actually put on 10lbs! What freaks me out the most is my BF has said "If you were fat, we wouldn't be together".... so I'm concerned I'm going to lose him on top of all of the **** I've been going through lately, & I'm pretty sure he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He laughs when I say I've gained a bit... but NOW? You can actually SEE it.

I'm going to start the 30DS today... Level 1, I've never done it before... & head back to the rental (where the chick on the main floor has now stopped paying, so I have to post eviction papers for HER today).

What do I do about all this stress & weight gain? HELP!

Immediately ditch any guy that would leave you because you gain weight. He is NOT the best thing that has ever happened to you. Your weight is only one small part of the great person I am sure you are. Good luck. I wish you all the best.