HELP please! I'm SO upset!

Arabian♥Breeze

if you put on 20lbs you still would be thin by the look of your picture your thin and beautiful already

zoominzozo

Seriously- Don't stress out about your weight because all you need to do is take control and it'll drop off.


Everyone is implying your BF is a tool but only you can decide if that's true.

On this forum, without him backing it up, we have no context of how his remark was actually said. Maybe he meant it more of a "if you were larger we wouldn't have got together" and lets be truthful in 90% of cases when we fall forsomeone the first thing we see is how attractive they are for us. For some of those people weight plays a part in that.

Heck- if it didn't play a factor in it I certainly wouldn't be trying to maintain my weight.

To me it doesn't sound like he meant it as "if you got larger we wouldn't be together." But then again, only you can decide what you think of him,. I wish you the best of luck with getting everything back on track. :flowerforyou:

Suzannejl

Don't forget to breath and take time for yourself. All that work upstairs is work too! Better than a gym workout! Keep up with MFP and counting your cals and exercise and you'll be fine.

One word, or two, about the other one. In 2004 my husband had a massive stroke which has left me as the caregiver. He was only 37 at the time, and our kids 3,6, and 9! During this time I actually met a woman who stroked giving birth to twins. She was all alone, because her wonderful husband had divorced her for having a stroke. My husband is a wonderful person, always has been, always will be, but love is a lifetime, not an instant! If he can't love you for better or for worse when it's just a coule of pounds, then what is going to happen when you really truely need this man?! Face it, life is difficult, and nobody lives forever!

Take care of yourself and make yourself happy. Don't let someone else's perception of you skew things. You are a beautiful person. We truely are the only ones that can make ourselves happy, noone can do that for us.

p.s. Is he possibly into Porn? People that are, often only look for perfection as a mate. Perfection is impossible to find because no one can be picture perfect airbrushed to look like that forever. I know this becuase my Mom married a man that was into porn, and my brother got ahold of it in his youth. To this day he does not have a girl friend becuase he wants perfection, yet he himself is overweight and self induced type 2 diabetes, he is 50 now. Very sad.

MB_Positif

Yikes...everyone...have you ever met a man before? Guys say stupid stuff like that in an attempt to make us feel better about ourselves. More than likely he thinks she looks great and truly doesn't notice the 10 pounds. Even some of the MOST shallow guys wouldn't break up with someone over a few pounds. He was probably just kidding around! To the OP, just get back at your routine. LIfe happens. Learn to roll with the punches. Maybe your BF is a jerk, maybe not, but this isn't about him and his opinion of you, it's about you getting a handle on your health while you're still young and able.

MelissaAnn1983

You are fine. Do not stress. However, You NEED to kick your "boyfriend" to the curb.

sml1231

I think everyone is in agreement that if your BF breaks up with you because you've gained weight, he is a total A**HOLE.

As far as the stress and eating out and those angry scale numbers, don't beat yourself up over it. I lost about 12 lbs right before the holidays, and I gained back about 10 lbs during Christmas and New Year's (which is also my birthday), and I was really mad at myself for a couple of days, but then I realized that sometimes that happens. You just set a new goal and start again.

I'm a very high-strung person, so the best way for me to de-stress is exercise (even when I don't want to...especially when I don't want to), because the workout endorphins give me a positive boost and help clear my head a bit.

Eating out gets tricky for me, because I will either eat everything on my plate or take home leftovers and eat them immediately. One thing I do is try to order the dish with the most vegetables and then eat the vegetables first. By the time I get to the rest, I'm probably not as hungry and am more likely to only eat half of that philly steak sandwich. I have a friend who eats all of the time and never gains weight (the world is so unfair), so I always send my leftovers home with him. That way I don't feel like I'm wasting food, and it prevents me from midnight snacking on leftovers.

Another thing to think about with the scale numbers is that if you've been eating out a lot, you've probably been getting huge amounts of sodium, so part of that number is probably water weight.

My best advice is to stop beating yourself up about it. We all have those days and weeks (sometimes months or years) where we take some steps back, but you can always start again. Set your goals, make your plans, and start looking forward instead of back. Also, find a decent BF. They're out there...I've heard ;-)

lozzae85

WTF your boyfriend said that to you!Thats an awful thing to say to someone I wish people thought more about how what they say affect the person the say it to.....

Could it have anything to do with the time of month? I can easily gain 4 - 6lb about the week before but I know this now so I dont let it worry me anymore!

Even if its not that juts get back on it You can do it you have lost so much already! And maybe if you have been bad the past couple of weeks the shock of getting back on track might make the 5lb fall of in a week. Keep going you can do it!

But please only do it for yourself not someone else!

ladybug91254

I'm sorry...I know you don't wan to hear this...but for the weight gain...life happens...things get in the way sometimes. Just get back on track from now. AND for the boyfriend...you need to set your sights higher...much higher. I was married to someone like him for 7 years. I wasn't overweight but he constantly told me I was and that he wanted me to stay at just the weight I was when we married (I was 17 and weighed 105...looked like a beanpole). We got divorced because even though I wasn't overweight (I did put on weight but was still 135 which is totally not overweight) he cheated every chance he got. Anyway, I met/married a great guy that has loved me for the past 33 years no matter my weight and the cheater has had 33 years of never quite finding the "perfect" woman...imagine that. Bottom line it's one thing to tell you he wants you to stay a certain weight because he loves you and wants you healthy...quite something else to tell you he won't stay with you if you are fat. RUN!

JaymeLS

I know how you feel. Two weeks ago a tornado came through where I live and caused a tree to fall on our home. We finally got some of the things fixed so we can move back in. Today was the first day i have weighed in 2 weeks. I didn't weigh this morning but going to tomorrow to see my true weight.. I have gained 6 lbs. We are still eating at restaurants. It is all my fault because of what I have chose to eat. I'm a real bad stress eater. I was doing great about sticking to my diet and everything. I seen that scale and I cried because I realized all those weeks i worked my *kitten* off to lose it and just about gained it all back. So I am going to drink lots of water tonight and see how much of it is water weight. I'm not able to work out on my treadmill because that room is full of the attic but we still have lots of trees to clean up.

kvreeken

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been super busy, And broke... I'm not working. I have a rental house, & right now the upper floor is vacant & I've been cleaning & painting it. So I've been in an empty house... & eating out.

Stepped on the scale today... & I'm up 5lbs!?!?!

I know I could've been eating better... & I haven't been working out. But it's only been like... a couple of weeks. HOW did I manage to do this?

That means, that since I've been out of work... I've actually put on 10lbs! What freaks me out the most is my BF has said "If you were fat, we wouldn't be together".... so I'm concerned I'm going to lose him on top of all of the **** I've been going through lately, & I'm pretty sure he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He laughs when I say I've gained a bit... but NOW? You can actually SEE it.

I'm going to start the 30DS today... Level 1, I've never done it before... & head back to the rental (where the chick on the main floor has now stopped paying, so I have to post eviction papers for HER today).

What do I do about all this stress & weight gain? HELP!

Immediately ditch any guy that would leave you because you gain weight. He is NOT the best thing that has ever happened to you. Your weight is only one small part of the great person I am sure you are. Good luck. I wish you all the best.

fteale

Now, I know everyone is cursing the boyfriend, but we don't know how long they have been together or their history or anything. My now husband said to me, back when we were 18 that one of the reasons he fancied me was that I was a lot smaller than his ex. I took this as it was meant - he found me more physically attractive than the ex, and there's nothing wrong with that. It didn't make him a jerk. We've been together 16 years now, through 2 babies, through both of us gaining 3 or 4 stone, and me losing it again (he hasn't yet!), and he still tells me I am beautiful every single day, but sure, he wouldn't have found me attractive in the first place if I had been fat back at 18.

christina0089

Eating out is hard because you never really know whats in the food do you?!?! Thats why it is better to try and prepare your food at home. I am willing to bet that most of the weight gain could have been avoided had you been able to plan and make your own meals. You are obviously staying active with cleaning and fixing the house up. So lack of activity probably is not the issue. You are not working right now so that can also translate into more chances to snack. which again can probably be avoided with proper meal planning so def I would say try and plan and make your own meals in between job hunting,and fixing up your place! but NOT until after you burn some good calories kicking that insensitive tool to the curb! I am Sorry if that hurt your feelings but NO ONE has the right to make us feel inferior in anyway and yet the very person who is supposed to love you is tearing your self image down along with your self esteem no doubt. :explode: grr that just made me angry to read!! He does not deserve you, and you deserve better! :flowerforyou:

rufflestx

Loose around 160 pounds right off the bat, dump the boyfriend. Then set priorities, you need to take care of business and do what is most important first. If survival itself depends on taking care of the house, do that first. You are well aware of the stress eating you are plagued with, believe in yourself and you try to find other ways to deal with it, and things will look pretty good.

Now if the boyfriend means a lot to you, next time he says anything about "not being around with a fat person", your comment could be, "size really does matter".

MaryB2

Just a different view on the comment your boyfriend made. I have an ex-boyfriend that said that same exact thing to me. He didn't mean that he'd actually leave me if I gained wieght. I had made a comment about getting fat and his response was "I wouldn't be with you if you were fat." Not meaning that he would leave just meaning that he didn't see me that way. It was a silly way to try and comfort me but his intentions were good.

Again, that is my experience with it and I have no idea what the conversation was like when your BF said it.

mixedfeelings

I'm afraid I'm going to reiterate what everyone else is saying, the boyfriend is the problem if when he said that he was being serious. If a boyfriend said anything like that to me I would be telling him to fup off. If you are busy and eating out a lot it's easy to consume more calories than you realise, I wouldn't worry, my weight fluctuates that much week to week. The most important thing is to make yourself happy, and to try not to stress too much.

lisa68m

Hey

First, I'll "help". Stress DOES make you gain weight. I would also guess you are not eating lots of smaller healthy meals if you are mostly eating out. I've been a waitress and it was amazing how I could eat and lose weight! The high activity, quick snacks, and positive feedback were great for my weight.

How to not let stress hurt you if you can NOT avoid the stress? I highly suggest some type of meditation. Lots of studies show that ANY type of quiet meditation reduces stress. I pray or sing praise songs due to my faith but some use yoga like stuff or simply deep breathing exercises with soft nature music and calming thoughts. You need to reduce your stress by getting rid of it before it hurts you. Yeah, easier said than done, mm? Remember to focus on one thing at a time. Make lists. Give yourself positive feedback that you aren't getting from a "job." One moment at a time! You can do it!

Try to get some snacks for yourself that are low fat but includes healthy protein, carbs, and fiber. Nuts are better than french fries! It's okay if you want some sweets! DO NOT GUILT yourself! It causes stress which will make your body save those calories. If you allow yourself SOME w/o guilt, it won't be as tempting to go overboard. Your likely already know ALL this

I want you to know it is OKAY. If you want to add a bit of exercise to help you lose it, dance while you paint or clean. Enjoy being you even if your life is not as you want it yet.

Now, your bf? I was married to a man that told me that..... Yeah. Past tense. Ending up being not only emotionally abusive..uh, which that is.. telling you love is only skin deep... IS NOT LOVE FOR YOU but for himself.... If he is so insecure that he doesn't tell you he wants you healthy but actually says he wouldn't be with you or would stop loving you if you were fat--- it is not going to change. It will get worse. I understand how much you love him and think he's fun and wonderful. I thought that husband was as well because he was in his OWN way. He was not healthy for me. Be careful, please? You will get old. You will have wrinkles and your skin will sag. You may have other health issues...cancer or such..that occur later in your life. Will he really love you then if while you are SO GORGEOUS he thinks he has the right to warn you what his love limits are?

Try to let the fear and guilt go. It will add to your "weight." All those other posts have given great info! And this site is great!

I am still working on me. Be well!
lisa68m

GuruOnAMountain

Just repeating what a lot of people have said, here, but your boyfriend seems like a huge issue.

I know men can say dumb things sometimes (my boyfriend said to me on one of our first dates when I was wearing a skirt, "You know, you have hugely muscular calves"....eh, thanks. lol) but if what he has said has got your worried then you must think he really means it so I'd definately have a think about things.

Maybe don't split up with him but speak to him and say, "You know, I was thinking about what you said about leaving me if I were fat and it really upset me." and then seeing how he responds to that. If he says something like, "Yeah, if you put on 30 lbs I'd leave you in a minute." Then he's DEFINATELY not a keeper. I mean, what if you and him ended up married and having kids and you put on weight during pregnancy or if you ended up sick and putting on weight because of not being able to move around and exercise as much. Would you need to be thinking at the back of your mind about how your husband was going to leave you because of it? He should love you for who you are, honey.

And yes, looks do have a lot to do with sexual attraction but I think once you get to know someone and become part of a relationship with them, then suddenly how they look becomes drastically less important than who they are.

Mdin1029

Sounds like the only thing you need to lose is your boyfriend! Don't worry about the weight. Get your ducks in a row, focus on employment, and when the time is right you can focus on losing body fat if you need to. In the meantime, you're active in fixing up your house. When you go out to eat, always bring back leftovers.

I agree, dont be with a guy that says that.

MaximalLife

HUH?
Why is everybody down on the bf?
He told you the truth. Be glad.
Use that to motivate you. Truth is not all unicorns and rainbows.
Fat is unattractive, and that's reality.

My wife disclosed to me that I was not attractive fat. Our bodies are the one thing we have 100% control of, so get to it.
I'd rather have honesty than somebody too nice to tell me what I need to hear.
I was FAT! My wife married a guy in peak condition, then watched as I ballooned after an accident.
Love is never unconditional. That's just a lie - only true in romance books.
The message you're getting here is not the right medicine that will prepare you for reality.
The world is as it is - not how we wish it could be.
Take ownership of your health now while you're young; it only gets harder as we age.

Good Luck.

astrampe

HUH?
Why is everybody down on the bf?
He told you the truth. Be glad.
Use that to motivate you. Truth is not all unicorns and rainbows.
Fat is unattractive, and that's reality.

5lbs of extra weight is not fat! Instead of being supportive while she is in a stressfull situation, he is being an *kitten*....If he is concerned about her weight, why not help out by making healthy dinners or something....