losing friends over weight loss jealousy?

harliquinnraver

One of my online friends (who is also a real life friend) unfriended me this morning claiming my posts were 'too damn depressing'.

I skimmed through my posts unable to find a depressing one, especially recently as I've lost a good amount of weight and am thrilled and motivated to lose more.

And then the thought occurred to me...do you think she unfriended me because my weight loss success was depressing to her??? I *have* been posting a lot about what I'm eating, what exercise I am doing and how much I am losing (can't help it! I'm excited!)

She is doing the Weight Watchers thing and lost a few pounds but none recently. She doesn't stick to it. She drinks a lot of alcohol (wine, mixed drinks, etc) and snacks a lot.

I've lost a total of 45 pounds...10 pounds during this year alone.

Do you think this is a jealousy thing? Perhaps she's jealous that I am losing weight and she isn't?
Am I going to experience a lot of this as I continue to lose weight?

harliquinnraver

bumping this...looking for answers/input.

crixmix

I think the majority of people are on here for support, to be motivated, and get inspired. I should hope this is something you would give your friend, something she would also want to gain from your friendship.

She gave you an answer, you don't buy it...and to be honest, how can anyone else know how she is feeling. And do you want to be friends with someone who just deletes you from their 'friend-list' rather than ask you why you seem down?

If this is an actual friendship you want to keep, talk to your friend....because she WILL see this post.

giantsfaninvt

If this is an actual friendship you want to keep, talk to your friend....because she WILL see this post.

I totally agree with this.

harliquinnraver

its not on this site lol

and shes ignoring my attempt to reach out to her to find out whats wrong.



really suspecting shes throwing away a friendship over jealousy.

StephnElbow

jealousy is quite possibly a large factor here. its an irrational feeling but its a strong one nonetheless. if you are good friends than you should probably talk to her about it, because maybe she doesn't even quite know the reason as to why. point out to here that she could be just as happy as you are now if she focused just as much.

in the end though, some people feel threatened when people change, especially when they change for the better. Its sad, and sometimes people should just grow up and be mature about it and happy for the other person, but some people just are not ready to do that, and there is nothing you can do to change them.

hope this helps a little bit. Dont give up though, you are doing this for you and thats all that matters.

harliquinnraver

I think the majority of people are on here for support, to be motivated, and get inspired. I should hope this is something you would give your friend, something she would also want to gain from your friendship.

She gave you an answer, you don't buy it...and to be honest, how can anyone else know how she is feeling. And do you want to be friends with someone who just deletes you from their 'friend-list' rather than ask you why you seem down?

If this is an actual friendship you want to keep, talk to your friend....because she WILL see this post.

see, thats the thing! im NOT feeling down, im not depressed. she seems to find all of my happy, inspired, weight loss posts depressing. my positive posts seem to be bothering her.

Zaggytiddies

Good for you for inciting jealousy! I wanna do that!

blazeybug87

If she is behaving like that then my advice is...sack her off and move on

She is obviously feeling crap about herself and is finding it depressing that you feel good about yourself... a good friend would tell you that and ask for your support and tips.

She obviously needs to grow up

jaxnjosh

Please be aware that some people are just like this. Im sorry to say but it happens. Was she really such a great friend in the first place if she can just unfriend you like it was nothing.
Don't take her insecurities personally. Don't loose a wink of sleep over this.

harliquinnraver

LOL its not a good feeling though. waking up to find that one of your friends suddenly hates you? its a slap in the face. but screw it, im going to keep losing weight to make myself happy and healthy and no amount of jealousy is going to stop me.

blazeybug87

LOL its not a good feeling though. waking up to find that one of your friends suddenly hates you? its a slap in the face. but screw it, im going to keep losing weight to make myself happy and healthy and no amount of jealousy is going to stop me.

Good! Don't let her win by letting her make you feel bad. Let her act like a kid and wallow in her own annoyance and spit the dummy all she likes whilst you look and feel fab.

harliquinnraver

thanks folks, youre definitely right. a REAL friend would be happy for me.

im just going to keep doing what im doing and get healthy. i have a good support network. i MFP!

TheHorribleBlob

Don't let it get to you. Seeing someone succeed where you're having trouble can be hard, and she may find having you on her friends list to be really discouraging. And the fact that you two know each other in real life, only exacerbates the issue. Wouldn't you feel bad about yourself if your friend was doing better than you at something you were both working towards? Give her a little space. I'm sure she'll come around.

stuey39

Honesty time, I'm new to this site but still felt the need to reply. Two years ago I really hit rock botttom and took an overdose!!! not because of my weight or size but I felt like a failiure!! Reallity check - I'm not and after a serious row off my stunning wife and kids I'm here now to tell the tale! You say about depressing, your friend(?) knows nothing, I'm here with like minded people and feeling great.
You do not need friends like that, bin her/him not worth it -you are

Athena413

a REAL friend would be happy for me.

This!

Great job on your progress. Keep it up!

dumb_blondes_rock

Maybe she meant they were too depressing to her because she reads about your sucess and it only makes her think of her non success? People word things weird sometimes

SammyPacks

Well... if she were a really close friend and you want to keep the relationship... I'd suggest keep talking to her, but if she's going to give you the cold shoulder till she drops a pound, then she's not a very good friend if you ask me.

Women are often hard to get the answer out of, some more than others :P

But... if she is jealous of you, which I'm not sure... than figure out why... Did you start losing weight before her? Causing her to join Weight Watchers?

I know my boyfriend's older n younger sister were on Weight Watchers and lost a good amount of weight, but I did it naturally after they lost 30 pounds in a couple of months... and now I see them and they're back to what they use to weigh... and they always feel like they should've done it with me that way. Maybe somewhere in her mind she's doubting her own weight loss.

leeleetai

OMG, do not feel bad at all! I went through this over the summer with a life long friend of over 15 years. When I first started losing weight she constantly told me I could never do it. I should just enjoy being a big girl ( and while I have no problem with any size that i am, for health reasons - I needed to get this done) As the weight fell off it seem the more just blatantly rude her comments became. So there were a few months I didn't see her, when she comes over to my house for girls night. She told me infront of 4 of our mutual close friends, that my weight loss was a joke, and I was being fake. I looked at her puzzled. She says "you keep saying your doing it for your health, however - I just don't see that as acceptable. Look at me I have been told for years to lose weight or I am going to get sick. You know what I do, I just keep active and nothing ever happens. You just worried about so cute all the time. Vanity is a sin you know?" I was caught so off guard i did start to cry. Something that never happens. Our other girlfriends tried to take her head off and then eventually kicked her out of my house. I was devestated. Everything she said was wrong, but why would she be saying such hurtful things. She even took it as far as making snide subliminal comments about it on facebook and twitter. it wasn't until one of the same 4 friends talked to her privately. This is when she admitted her anger, hate and jealousy about me losing weight and how shse has tried and it never worked.

harliquinnraver

i started losing weight and then i stalled a bit. then she joined WW and lost a few pounds and hasnt lost anymore since. and then i lost a significant amount (under my doctors supervision) and then suddenly my mood improved, i felt good about myself, became determined to lose the rest of my excess weight and generally became happier.

she invited me and a few of our friends over to her house (later this month) for a 'girls night in' (movies, games, snacks, drinks) and when asking us for food ideas or special requests and diet limitations that people may have, i asked for a low cal, low sugar option if possible (she loves to cook and wanted to know what to make for people who were attending) and she ignored me but agreed with someone else who suggested pigs in a blanket. way to be supportive.

and then i woke up today and she wants nothing to do with me and is refusing to talk to me. it really does seem to be a jealousy issue. but honestly? i dont want friends who wont be supportive or happy for me when i am trying to get healthy. my mom has diabetes and i dont want to go down that same road.

harliquinnraver

OMG, do not feel bad at all! I went through this over the summer with a life long friend of over 15 years. When I first started losing weight she constantly told me I could never do it. I should just enjoy being a big girl ( and while I have no problem with any size that i am, for health reasons - I needed to get this done) As the weight fell off it seem the more just blatantly rude her comments became. So there were a few months I didn't see her, when she comes over to my house for girls night. She told me infront of 4 of our mutual close friends, that my weight loss was a joke, and I was being fake. I looked at her puzzled. She says "you keep saying your doing it for your health, however - I just don't see that as acceptable. Look at me I have been told for years to lose weight or I am going to get sick. You know what I do, I just keep active and nothing ever happens. You just worried about so cute all the time. Vanity is a sin you know?" I was caught so off guard i did start to cry. Something that never happens. Our other girlfriends tried to take her head off and then eventually kicked her out of my house. I was devestated. Everything she said was wrong, but why would she be saying such hurtful things. She even took it as far as making snide subliminal comments about it on facebook and twitter. it wasn't until one of the same 4 friends talked to her privately. This is when she admitted her anger, hate and jealousy about me losing weight and how shse has tried and it never worked.

wow. your 'friend' had some serious issues. good job on losing the extra baggage (the weight you lost AND her, of course)!

harliquinnraver

a REAL friend would be happy for me.

This!

Great job on your progress. Keep it up!

thanks! i totally will!

SammyPacks

OMG, do not feel bad at all! I went through this over the summer with a life long friend of over 15 years. When I first started losing weight she constantly told me I could never do it. I should just enjoy being a big girl ( and while I have no problem with any size that i am, for health reasons - I needed to get this done) As the weight fell off it seem the more just blatantly rude her comments became. So there were a few months I didn't see her, when she comes over to my house for girls night. She told me infront of 4 of our mutual close friends, that my weight loss was a joke, and I was being fake. I looked at her puzzled. She says "you keep saying your doing it for your health, however - I just don't see that as acceptable. Look at me I have been told for years to lose weight or I am going to get sick. You know what I do, I just keep active and nothing ever happens. You just worried about so cute all the time. Vanity is a sin you know?" I was caught so off guard i did start to cry. Something that never happens. Our other girlfriends tried to take her head off and then eventually kicked her out of my house. I was devestated. Everything she said was wrong, but why would she be saying such hurtful things. She even took it as far as making snide subliminal comments about it on facebook and twitter. it wasn't until one of the same 4 friends talked to her privately. This is when she admitted her anger, hate and jealousy about me losing weight and how shse has tried and it never worked.

wow. your 'friend' had some serious issues. good job on losing the extra baggage (the weight you lost AND her, of course)!

Wow indeed! WOW! People gave me crap about losing weight and thought I'd give up, but once you get closer to your goal weight then everyone who doubted you comes to you for advice. Figures.

PaulaBudd2014

Good for you for inciting jealousy! I wanna do that!

I agree! and me too!

gemmaldavies

Please be aware that some people are just like this. Im sorry to say but it happens. Was she really such a great friend in the first place if she can just unfriend you like it was nothing.
Don't take her insecurities personally. Don't loose a wink of sleep over this.

so so so true

ClioGayton

Well... if she were a really close friend and you want to keep the relationship... I'd suggest keep talking to her, but if she's going to give you the cold shoulder till she drops a pound, then she's not a very good friend if you ask me.

Women are often hard to get the answer out of, some more than others :P

But... if she is jealous of you, which I'm not sure... than figure out why... Did you start losing weight before her? Causing her to join Weight Watchers?

I know my boyfriend's older n younger sister were on Weight Watchers and lost a good amount of weight, but I did it naturally after they lost 30 pounds in a couple of months... and now I see them and they're back to what they use to weigh... and they always feel like they should've done it with me that way. Maybe somewhere in her mind she's doubting her own weight loss.

This.

alibreasy

OMG, do not feel bad at all! I went through this over the summer with a life long friend of over 15 years. When I first started losing weight she constantly told me I could never do it. I should just enjoy being a big girl ( and while I have no problem with any size that i am, for health reasons - I needed to get this done) As the weight fell off it seem the more just blatantly rude her comments became. So there were a few months I didn't see her, when she comes over to my house for girls night. She told me infront of 4 of our mutual close friends, that my weight loss was a joke, and I was being fake. I looked at her puzzled. She says "you keep saying your doing it for your health, however - I just don't see that as acceptable. Look at me I have been told for years to lose weight or I am going to get sick. You know what I do, I just keep active and nothing ever happens. You just worried about so cute all the time. Vanity is a sin you know?" I was caught so off guard i did start to cry. Something that never happens. Our other girlfriends tried to take her head off and then eventually kicked her out of my house. I was devestated. Everything she said was wrong, but why would she be saying such hurtful things. She even took it as far as making snide subliminal comments about it on facebook and twitter. it wasn't until one of the same 4 friends talked to her privately. This is when she admitted her anger, hate and jealousy about me losing weight and how shse has tried and it never worked.

Now that really sucks! (15yrs of friendship)...?? wow she was like a sister...that is truly sad that she couldnt just be happy for you and heck if she needed help on her end, just ask...there is something underneath the surface on that one. You keep doing you boo...its all about being healthy and trying to live a long and energy-filled life!

Danilynn1975

bump.

I have lost 15 pounds and a much thinner friend keeps getting more and more distant with every pound that comes off. Currently I out weigh her by a good 49 to 65 pounds.

She is a personal trainer by profession, for God's Sakes, what the hell does my weight loss have to do with our friendship. I am really starting to wonder if I was her designated ugly fat friend or DUFF, and by losing weight it changes the dynamic or something. I don't get it at all. I thought our friendship was solid, but now I really wonder.

KimWW

In addition to, or even instead of, "jealousy" she could be feeling defensive. People who know they need to change, but are unwilling to do so, who then see others making the change they need to make, can feel as if they are being accused, even if what is going on has nothing to do with them. It is possible that every time she saw a post about you eating a healthy lunch it was a reminder that she should have as well. As if there was suddenly a competition she was losing, even though it was never your intention for it to be so.

Give her her space. Whether it is jealousy or feeling inadequate, she will either come around or she won't. Don't let her attitude, which is all about her, dampen your hard work and good feelings about the changes you are making.

nyemu

This is the diet and fitness equivalent to rap stars "haters" The more weight you lose and the better you look the b*tchier they become. Que sera sera:flowerforyou:

kelsully

its not on this site lol

and shes ignoring my attempt to reach out to her to find out whats wrong.



really suspecting shes throwing away a friendship over jealousy.

If you spending a lot of time on non fitness related websites and in person talking about fitness and food and calories and weight loss it may seem to others that you are flaunting your success. There are people I can talk about running with, talk about my frustrations with a missed time or not placing in my age division, and there are other people who think that because i run faster than them I am not allowed to feel frustrated over a missed goal or discuss a triumph as they think I am boasting. So before you assume that this person is behaving a certain way because of jealousy, look carefully at your own behavior and see if you might have been a bit too over the top for that relationship. If you are certain that you were still a supportive friend to her, and that you had things to talk about outside of your weight loss success then it might indeed be jealousy.