losing friends over weight loss jealousy?

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  • harliquinnraver
    harliquinnraver Posts: 58
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    a REAL friend would be happy for me.

    This!

    Great job on your progress. Keep it up!

    thanks! i totally will!
  • SammyPacks
    SammyPacks Posts: 697 Member
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    OMG, do not feel bad at all! I went through this over the summer with a life long friend of over 15 years. When I first started losing weight she constantly told me I could never do it. I should just enjoy being a big girl ( and while I have no problem with any size that i am, for health reasons - I needed to get this done) As the weight fell off it seem the more just blatantly rude her comments became. So there were a few months I didn't see her, when she comes over to my house for girls night. She told me infront of 4 of our mutual close friends, that my weight loss was a joke, and I was being fake. I looked at her puzzled. She says "you keep saying your doing it for your health, however - I just don't see that as acceptable. Look at me I have been told for years to lose weight or I am going to get sick. You know what I do, I just keep active and nothing ever happens. You just worried about so cute all the time. Vanity is a sin you know?" I was caught so off guard i did start to cry. Something that never happens. Our other girlfriends tried to take her head off and then eventually kicked her out of my house. I was devestated. Everything she said was wrong, but why would she be saying such hurtful things. She even took it as far as making snide subliminal comments about it on facebook and twitter. it wasn't until one of the same 4 friends talked to her privately. This is when she admitted her anger, hate and jealousy about me losing weight and how shse has tried and it never worked.

    wow. your 'friend' had some serious issues. good job on losing the extra baggage (the weight you lost AND her, of course)! :)

    Wow indeed! WOW! People gave me crap about losing weight and thought I'd give up, but once you get closer to your goal weight then everyone who doubted you comes to you for advice. Figures.
  • PaulaBudd2014
    PaulaBudd2014 Posts: 4 Member
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    Good for you for inciting jealousy! I wanna do that!

    I agree! and me too!
  • gemmaldavies
    gemmaldavies Posts: 379
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    Please be aware that some people are just like this. Im sorry to say but it happens. Was she really such a great friend in the first place if she can just unfriend you like it was nothing.
    Don't take her insecurities personally. Don't loose a wink of sleep over this.


    so so so true
  • ClioGayton
    ClioGayton Posts: 12 Member
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    Well... if she were a really close friend and you want to keep the relationship... I'd suggest keep talking to her, but if she's going to give you the cold shoulder till she drops a pound, then she's not a very good friend if you ask me.

    Women are often hard to get the answer out of, some more than others :P

    But... if she is jealous of you, which I'm not sure... than figure out why... Did you start losing weight before her? Causing her to join Weight Watchers?

    I know my boyfriend's older n younger sister were on Weight Watchers and lost a good amount of weight, but I did it naturally after they lost 30 pounds in a couple of months... and now I see them and they're back to what they use to weigh... and they always feel like they should've done it with me that way. Maybe somewhere in her mind she's doubting her own weight loss.

    This.
  • alibreasy
    alibreasy Posts: 328 Member
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    OMG, do not feel bad at all! I went through this over the summer with a life long friend of over 15 years. When I first started losing weight she constantly told me I could never do it. I should just enjoy being a big girl ( and while I have no problem with any size that i am, for health reasons - I needed to get this done) As the weight fell off it seem the more just blatantly rude her comments became. So there were a few months I didn't see her, when she comes over to my house for girls night. She told me infront of 4 of our mutual close friends, that my weight loss was a joke, and I was being fake. I looked at her puzzled. She says "you keep saying your doing it for your health, however - I just don't see that as acceptable. Look at me I have been told for years to lose weight or I am going to get sick. You know what I do, I just keep active and nothing ever happens. You just worried about so cute all the time. Vanity is a sin you know?" I was caught so off guard i did start to cry. Something that never happens. Our other girlfriends tried to take her head off and then eventually kicked her out of my house. I was devestated. Everything she said was wrong, but why would she be saying such hurtful things. She even took it as far as making snide subliminal comments about it on facebook and twitter. it wasn't until one of the same 4 friends talked to her privately. This is when she admitted her anger, hate and jealousy about me losing weight and how shse has tried and it never worked.

    Now that really sucks! (15yrs of friendship)...?? wow she was like a sister...that is truly sad that she couldnt just be happy for you and heck if she needed help on her end, just ask...there is something underneath the surface on that one. You keep doing you boo...its all about being healthy and trying to live a long and energy-filled life!
  • Danilynn1975
    Danilynn1975 Posts: 294 Member
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    bump.

    I have lost 15 pounds and a much thinner friend keeps getting more and more distant with every pound that comes off. Currently I out weigh her by a good 49 to 65 pounds.

    She is a personal trainer by profession, for God's Sakes, what the hell does my weight loss have to do with our friendship. I am really starting to wonder if I was her designated ugly fat friend or DUFF, and by losing weight it changes the dynamic or something. I don't get it at all. I thought our friendship was solid, but now I really wonder.
  • KimWW
    KimWW Posts: 301 Member
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    In addition to, or even instead of, "jealousy" she could be feeling defensive. People who know they need to change, but are unwilling to do so, who then see others making the change they need to make, can feel as if they are being accused, even if what is going on has nothing to do with them. It is possible that every time she saw a post about you eating a healthy lunch it was a reminder that she should have as well. As if there was suddenly a competition she was losing, even though it was never your intention for it to be so.

    Give her her space. Whether it is jealousy or feeling inadequate, she will either come around or she won't. Don't let her attitude, which is all about her, dampen your hard work and good feelings about the changes you are making.
  • nyemu
    nyemu Posts: 43
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    This is the diet and fitness equivalent to rap stars "haters" The more weight you lose and the better you look the b*tchier they become. Que sera sera:flowerforyou:
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
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    its not on this site lol

    and shes ignoring my attempt to reach out to her to find out whats wrong.



    really suspecting shes throwing away a friendship over jealousy.


    If you spending a lot of time on non fitness related websites and in person talking about fitness and food and calories and weight loss it may seem to others that you are flaunting your success. There are people I can talk about running with, talk about my frustrations with a missed time or not placing in my age division, and there are other people who think that because i run faster than them I am not allowed to feel frustrated over a missed goal or discuss a triumph as they think I am boasting. So before you assume that this person is behaving a certain way because of jealousy, look carefully at your own behavior and see if you might have been a bit too over the top for that relationship. If you are certain that you were still a supportive friend to her, and that you had things to talk about outside of your weight loss success then it might indeed be jealousy.
  • smilegrandmom
    smilegrandmom Posts: 9 Member
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    In addition to, or even instead of, "jealousy" she could be feeling defensive. People who know they need to change, but are unwilling to do so, who then see others making the change they need to make, can feel as if they are being accused, even if what is going on has nothing to do with them. It is possible that every time she saw a post about you eating a healthy lunch it was a reminder that she should have as well. As if there was suddenly a competition she was losing, even though it was never your intention for it to be so.

    Give her her space. Whether it is jealousy or feeling inadequate, she will either come around or she won't. Don't let her attitude, which is all about her, dampen your hard work and good feelings about the changes you are making.

    I like Kim's answer. You know this woman and I don't so you probably have a better handle on how she thinks. I do know, however, that my sister and I are doing this together and we talk about it pretty constantly---for months---and even I am getting tired of hearing about what we are doing! Perhaps it's just getting to be too much for her as well? I don't get the "unfriending you" without talking it out but Kim and I have given a couple of possiblilities that are hopefully more positive than jealousy.
  • smilegrandmom
    smilegrandmom Posts: 9 Member
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    Goodness, I didn't realize that this was such an old thread! Sorry! How did it all turn out?

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