probs w/ hubby. idk who to turn to need others opinion.

Niki130

Anyone that calls his wife a slut needs help...

Amen!

eliz_in_pink

You are losing weight and becoming healthy. So I'd bet that you look much better now in a wife beater than you did before. Keep in mind, that even though people may INITIALLY support you in your efforts to live a better life, that encouragement can quickly turn into jealousy when you're actually successful at it. Because you two are married, I suggest you two communicate with each other and really get to the root of the problem and reach some sort of a compromise. If that doesn't work, than it may be time to let go and move on.

^^ this. Without a doubt.

Yup ^^ I agree. I would suggest counselling, at least you'll have a mediator present to try to work things out.

I agree. If you are involved with a church maybe see if he would be willing or open to marriage counseling. I hate the word and thought of divorce (I believe it should be used as a last resort for issues that can NOT be worked out/worked on) and pray very hard that maybe he see the error in his ways & can appreciate you the way you are meant to be treated. Too often people jump right to the word divorce or what-not because it's the easy thing to do. Just my two cents: Seek counseling first. Put God first always in your marriage.

thekacks

Before throwing in the towel Try counsleing and see if that works or if things changes. There are bigger issues here than you in a wife beater. Some ppl on here are saying leave him or if i was ever talked to like that etc...they do not know what they would do if there in that position. So before giving up try counseling and see if that helps. Exhaust all means before Divorce. my response is based off just what you have said , obvisouly, ido not knwo all the details.

they do not know what they would do if there in that position??? Um... yes, I do know EXACTLY what I would do. He crossed the line and disrespected you. You don't do that to someone you care about. Ditch him and look out for number 1 and your kids if you have any.

Bronx_Montgomery

NO man should call his Wife a slut (unless you like that kind of foreplay talk). He is def out of control and by using those words he doesn't look at you as an equal and does not respect you. Not sure if there other issues but If you want to save the marriage I suggest getting counseling

Contrarian

He said she LOOKED like a slut - not that she actually was one.

skinnymeinaz

That is a very harsh thing to say to your spouse. Jealousy issues are very tough to handle and can end up being very harmful, both physically and emotionally, if they are not handled peoperly. Good luck to you.

Nicely said.

ishallnotwant

I'm not trying to be mean, but do you really have to ask this question?! What do YOU think of this behavior and him calling you a slut? Do you think you dressed like a slut? Have you cheated on him? Have you given him any reason not to trust you?

There are two sides to every story. You've given a very short tale of working in a wife beater (which really is inappropriate no matter how you spin it) and made your husband sound like an evil prick. If that is the case, you know what your answer is and you don't need 50 random strangers to validate your feelings.

I agree. You posted crappy things about your husband and now all you are going to hear is how horrible he is and that you should leave him. People at MFP are not marriage counselors, and, no offense, but it seems many of them have no regard for the sanctity of marriage and will tell someone to leave at the drop of a hat. ("What?? You didn't lose any weight at this week's weigh in and he just said 'maybe next week'? He's emotionally abusive! You should leave him") You've just gone and made your husband look all sorts of bad on a public forum. You really should take this to a private setting such as a counselor, or, if you go to church, perhaps you can speak with your pastor.

These postings always make me feel absolutely physically ill. What does someone have to gain by publicly bashing their spouse besides the ego stroking that comes with a few hundred people they don't know on the internet bashing along with them? :sick:

serenity216

My sentiments exactly but he also needs to be willing to take that step and work through his problems with a counselor. Marriage isn't always going to be perfect but it will not be healthy if these issues are not worked out.

Before throwing in the towel Try counsleing and see if that works or if things changes. There are bigger issues here than you in a wife beater. Some ppl on here are saying leave him or if i was ever talked to like that etc...they do not know what they would do if there in that position. So before giving up try counseling and see if that helps. Exhaust all means before Divorce. my response is based off just what you have said , obvisouly, ido not knwo all the details.

_Tristan_

You are losing weight and becoming healthy. So I'd bet that you look much better now in a wife beater than you did before. Keep in mind, that even though people may INITIALLY support you in your efforts to live a better life, that encouragement can quickly turn into jealousy when you're actually successful at it. Because you two are married, I suggest you two communicate with each other and really get to the root of the problem and reach some sort of a compromise. If that doesn't work, than it may be time to let go and move on.

Exactly what I was thinking... Except for the moving on thing. You two are young (I'm guessing because you are so young) so get someone to talk to. I had no idea how to communicate at that age and I'm sure that if you two find a way to communicate that is effective you will be fine. Never go to bed mad.

ishallnotwant

Honestly, the best thing you can do in regards to your relationship is to put a counselor between the two of you and talk it out. Put an unbiased, third party there to help discuss these issues and diffuse the situation. Have your husband tell another person that he thinks you're a slut and watch how he realizes how completely foolish he is. Better yet, tell him that you'd rather move on that to live with that. He'll change his tune.

I've been through some ups and downs and I can say for certain, the best thing you can do is to put this stuff out on the table. Don't stew, don't let it fester, don't wait until it's unbearable. This is a guy you loved dearly once, so much so that you pledged your entire life to him. Likewise, he chose the same when he offered you that ring. Ask yourself if that's something you are ready to give up.

Nobody is perfect, we all have our weak moments. I'm not excusing your husband's poor behavior but life throws us all curveballs. There's a reason for his insecurity. He needs to attack that, not you. Help him see that.

Agreed.

ishallnotwant

Sharing your marriage issues on a public forum on MFP is not really a way to get help for your marriage. We are only hearing your side also so thats not really fair to your husbands side of the story. If what you want is people to tell you to leave your marriage because thats really what you want to do why do you need to come here to have strangers tell you to leave. Im sure you have more than MFP in your life. Ask the people who know you and know your marriage a lil better than a group of random strangers.

..and this.

eliz_in_pink

Not to side with your husband or you: but does he know what your profile picture looks like on here? Is he "jealous" over that as well? I know my fiance would not like me posting my boobs all over here, Facebook, or Twitter.

Just throwing it out there....

ishallnotwant

I agree. If you are involved with a church maybe see if he would be willing or open to marriage counseling. I hate the word and thought of divorce (I believe it should be used as a last resort for issues that can NOT be worked out/worked on) and pray very hard that maybe he see the error in his ways & can appreciate you the way you are meant to be treated. Too often people jump right to the word divorce or what-not because it's the easy thing to do. Just my two cents: Seek counseling first. Put God first always in your marriage.

Amen!

huntjan49

husbands that call their wife unkind, hurtful names for ANY reason have serious problems. a loving husband would cherish his wife and give her the freedom to let her dress, act, and be the person that she is, without control, angery outbursts, name calling, etc. you need help.

lor007

Leaving a marriage is easy. People make it hard. I would get everything lined up and explain to him that you arent gonna be talked to that way and if he keeps it up you are gone. if he doesnt change then adios. Life is way too short and there are too many men out there.

I understand that all marriages don't last forever and divorce happens, but I have always seen it as a solution when nothing else has worked and there is no hope. I would never get divorced under the pretense that it is "easy" to leave and "there are too many men out there".

ishallnotwant

Before throwing in the towel Try counsleing and see if that works or if things changes. There are bigger issues here than you in a wife beater. Some ppl on here are saying leave him or if i was ever talked to like that etc...they do not know what they would do if there in that position. So before giving up try counseling and see if that helps. Exhaust all means before Divorce. my response is based off just what you have said , obvisouly, ido not knwo all the details.

they do not know what they would do if there in that position??? Um... yes, I do know EXACTLY what I would do. He crossed the line and disrespected you. You don't do that to someone you care about. Ditch him and look out for number 1 and your kids if you have any.

OMGZ like YES, he called you a slut ONCE, instead of working things out and seeing what's going on, ditch that fool and those stupid vows you took at your wedding. Like, fer sure 'n' stuff.

Seriously OP? Do you see what you've opened yourself up to? These people are NOT marriage counselors and half of them could care less about the vows you and your husband took. I don't know what's going on with you and your husband now, but try and think back-at one point you vowed to love him, honor him, cherish him, and he you-until death do you part. Talk to *him* to see what's going on with him, not MFP. The people on here can't help you try to fix what's going on, and most of them are just going to call your husband names and tell you to leave anyways.

briancposey

"I honestly don't c anything wrong with what I was wearing... But I could just b wrong. So I'm asking for others honest opinions please"

First off, what you were wearing is irrelevant. Your husband has no right denigrating you like that.

The main question however seems trickier. Is your husbands jealousy a new thing? If you've been together a long time and this a new trait then I would think their might be a reason for the behavior. If that is the case, while he still has no excuse, there may be a reason for his insecurity that you two could work through.

However, if he's always been like this (and especially if it's getting worse), I'd have to reference Dan Savage.

DTMFA = Dump The Mother ****er Already. I'm thinking this isn't new behavior though. It may be more intense now, but I'm betting he's always been jealous (and probably controlling).

Wendi_S

I'm not trying to be mean, but do you really have to ask this question?! What do YOU think of this behavior and him calling you a slut? Do you think you dressed like a slut? Have you cheated on him? Have you given him any reason not to trust you?

There are two sides to every story. You've given a very short tale of working in a wife beater (which really is inappropriate no matter how you spin it) and made your husband sound like an evil prick. If that is the case, you know what your answer is and you don't need 50 random strangers to validate your feelings.

^^^^^ THIS!!!

Setof2Keys

He said she LOOKED like a slut - not that she actually was one.

Ok REALLY??? Don't try to tear the comment up word by word...LOOK like a slut is just at offensive and disrespectful. Stop, just stop!!

About the post: I think you can get opinions about whether or not your attire was appropriate, but as far as what to do with your marriage, that is up to you. We can only say what we think but until we are the one's laying down with him, all of this is easier said than done. You either decide it is acceptable and tolerate it, decide it isn't acceptable and change it, or decide you can't deal with it and leave. YOU need to decide what your standard is and move forward from there.

evans72002

What your husband said wasn't nice, but a black bra under a white tank isn't the most refined look.

Wendi_S

Sharing your marriage issues on a public forum on MFP is not really a way to get help for your marriage. We are only hearing your side also so thats not really fair to your husbands side of the story. If what you want is people to tell you to leave your marriage because thats really what you want to do why do you need to come here to have strangers tell you to leave. Im sure you have more than MFP in your life. Ask the people who know you and know your marriage a lil better than a group of random strangers.

^^^^ AND THIS!!!!

Buddhasmiracle

my advice may seem extreme, but get your ducks in a row and get out. when a person wants to control your actions and how you look by throwing degrading insults, your self-esteem will slowly sink and then you will depend on "his" approval. he will give you his approval just enough to keep you thinking he loves you. in the end you will do something that will set him off and then he will get physical. and on.. and on... you could get counseling, but "he" has issues that have nothing to do with you. he sounds insecure and bullies to cover it up

This advice is not extreme at all. His bullying is going to escalate. Take care of yourself and end it now.

ishallnotwant

Not to side with your husband or you: but does he know what your profile picture looks like on here? Is he "jealous" over that as well? I know my fiance would not like me posting my boobs all over here, Facebook, or Twitter.

Just throwing it out there....

My husband is EXTREMELY passive and if I had a pic online of my bustline without even my face showing I *know* he would ask me what the purpose of that pic was. I can't think of any reason for posting that besides negative attention seeking.

moniqueb39

You know in your heart you deserve better than this. Once someone shows you who they are believe them don't make excuses. Take charge of your mental health and do what is right for you...now.

12skipafew99100

I would suggest some counceling, don't throw away your marriage over something that sounds like it can be worked out. If the clothes are in issue when you are not with him, then why not sit down with him and come to an agreement. Maybe try wearing something with short sleeves, tell him you are willing to meet him in the middle but you refuse to be called names. Ask him what his insecurities are they he has to take them out on you. Just remember why you got married in the first place. Hope this helps you. And I wish you the best luck with it. Also if you are a believer in prayer, I highly recommend it.

Too many marraiges are thrown away over pride. If he has an issue with how you dressed, yes there would be a better way to express it, but you need to respect his opinion and to listen to what he is saying. If it bothers him, change it. Try to work this through by letting him know he hurt you. Respect is a must in a marraige but sometimes people have to learn as they go. I agree there is power in prayer. Things do change with prayer.

12skipafew99100

Not to side with your husband or you: but does he know what your profile picture looks like on here? Is he "jealous" over that as well? I know my fiance would not like me posting my boobs all over here, Facebook, or Twitter.

Just throwing it out there....

My husband is EXTREMELY passive and if I had a pic online of my bustline without even my face showing I *know* he would ask me what the purpose of that pic was. I can't think of any reason for posting that besides negative attention seeking.

I just read these comments so I had to go look at your other pics as well. Hmmmm, maybe you are giving him legit issues.:noway:

savage22hp

Respect issues mixed with jealousy , you need to have a long talk in private to work through the issues and possibly counseling before the loss of respect on both sides puts your marriage in jeopardy .

.....or before you take too seriously advice you get from complete strangers who are screwed up enough in their own lives to need a fitness oriented website to help them treat their own food issues (myself included ) !

becoming_a_new_me

Given the fact that I have a penchant for picking some real "gems", I can provide several examples of insight into what may be going on:

Ex #1 - was sweet when we met, but then became possesive and controlling. It escalated to him locking me up in a shed keeping me locked prisoner. The physical and emotional abuse became so bad that one day I managed to muster all my strength, throw myself against the door and break it down. Obviously your case is much different, but the point is that it turned out that he had deeply rooted emotional problems. Apparently he did eventually get help and apparently has a normal relationship with his new wife.

Ex #2 - also sweet when we met, but his depression eventually took a toll until he was so self-loathing that it turned outward towards me. When he refused to get help, I had no choice but to leave. Later he told me he often felt like I was too good for him and it just made his depression worse (self-fullfilling prophesy)

Ex #3 - Turned out the jerk was treating me like crap because he had a gal on the side. Between that and the "tomato plant" in the garage that I found out was not a tomato plant (I'm not a big expert on all things narcotic and I never went out there anyway), I was done.

I have various other experiences, but from what you described he either has 1. Self esteem issues, 2. depression issues, 3. A woman on the side.

It is up to you to determine that if the marriage is salvagable through counseling, etc. If not, then cut your losses and move on.

ahinescapron

There is no excuse for his behavior, obviously. If this is a pattern of verbally abusive behavior, please get out. There is no reason to think he won't continue to escalate. If, however, this is an isolated incident and a sign of the stress in your marriage bubbling over, maybe it is time to sit down and talk about what is really going on and why you are fighting so much or see a counselor. In that case, the question is whether you both want to do the work that it will take to fix your marriage.

calvert6183

I kinda have an issue with this thread.

@the original poster, im sorry you going through financial hardships and marital problems. I know its very tough. I do believe that its not fair that you have character assassination your husband on here because he is not here to defend himself. He probably is a good guy, thats why you married him, if you knew he wasnt then this is your fault for marring a non good guy. Its best to keep your problems within your marriage and communicate and never give up. Anyone you tell is going to give you flawed advice because they only know one story and by the time you have finish telling them, by then they think your husband is monster in fact he might not be.

He might just be going through alot and losing his life. Lets face it, it seems, he is losing his financial stability, his marriage is falling apart, and probably feels alot of stress. The number one reason for divorce is financial. Please, if he is a good guy, try to work it out because you seem like a good woman and trust me, the grass on the other side is just more grass. You husband should never call you names or be controlling period, actually no one should ever be. You need to make him seek help and both get counseling because its worth it to save your marriage. Hang in there and I agree with some on here, see help. Ill keep you guys in my prayers.

@some other people who posted. Dont be too judgmental. You dont know him nor is he here to defend himself and there are always two sides to every story. How many of you can be controlling at times or get mad and call someone a jerk, a**hole, or dueshbag? This something she will have to figure out for herself and you telling her to leave him could be a mistake and breaking up a marriage is never a good idea. If they can make it, it will make them stronger. Moving on to a new guy every time there is a problem is not always the answer. Im not defending him, he should never call her names and be controlling but hopefully he will stop and they both work on things.