probs w/ hubby. idk who to turn to need others opinion.

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124678

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  • Niki130
    Niki130 Posts: 85
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    Anyone that calls his wife a slut needs help...
    Amen!
  • eliz_in_pink
    eliz_in_pink Posts: 278 Member
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    You are losing weight and becoming healthy. So I'd bet that you look much better now in a wife beater than you did before. Keep in mind, that even though people may INITIALLY support you in your efforts to live a better life, that encouragement can quickly turn into jealousy when you're actually successful at it. Because you two are married, I suggest you two communicate with each other and really get to the root of the problem and reach some sort of a compromise. If that doesn't work, than it may be time to let go and move on.

    ^^ this. Without a doubt.

    Yup ^^ I agree. I would suggest counselling, at least you'll have a mediator present to try to work things out.


    I agree. If you are involved with a church maybe see if he would be willing or open to marriage counseling. I hate the word and thought of divorce (I believe it should be used as a last resort for issues that can NOT be worked out/worked on) and pray very hard that maybe he see the error in his ways & can appreciate you the way you are meant to be treated. Too often people jump right to the word divorce or what-not because it's the easy thing to do. Just my two cents: Seek counseling first. Put God first always in your marriage.
  • thekacks
    thekacks Posts: 146 Member
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    Before throwing in the towel Try counsleing and see if that works or if things changes. There are bigger issues here than you in a wife beater. Some ppl on here are saying leave him or if i was ever talked to like that etc...they do not know what they would do if there in that position. So before giving up try counseling and see if that helps. Exhaust all means before Divorce. my response is based off just what you have said , obvisouly, ido not knwo all the details.

    they do not know what they would do if there in that position??? Um... yes, I do know EXACTLY what I would do. He crossed the line and disrespected you. You don't do that to someone you care about. Ditch him and look out for number 1 and your kids if you have any.
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,287 Member
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    NO man should call his Wife a slut (unless you like that kind of foreplay talk). He is def out of control and by using those words he doesn't look at you as an equal and does not respect you. Not sure if there other issues but If you want to save the marriage I suggest getting counseling
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    He said she LOOKED like a slut - not that she actually was one.
  • skinnymeinaz
    skinnymeinaz Posts: 384 Member
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    That is a very harsh thing to say to your spouse. Jealousy issues are very tough to handle and can end up being very harmful, both physically and emotionally, if they are not handled peoperly. Good luck to you.

    Nicely said.
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    I'm not trying to be mean, but do you really have to ask this question?! What do YOU think of this behavior and him calling you a slut? Do you think you dressed like a slut? Have you cheated on him? Have you given him any reason not to trust you?

    There are two sides to every story. You've given a very short tale of working in a wife beater (which really is inappropriate no matter how you spin it) and made your husband sound like an evil prick. If that is the case, you know what your answer is and you don't need 50 random strangers to validate your feelings.

    I agree. You posted crappy things about your husband and now all you are going to hear is how horrible he is and that you should leave him. People at MFP are not marriage counselors, and, no offense, but it seems many of them have no regard for the sanctity of marriage and will tell someone to leave at the drop of a hat. ("What?? You didn't lose any weight at this week's weigh in and he just said 'maybe next week'? He's emotionally abusive! You should leave him") You've just gone and made your husband look all sorts of bad on a public forum. You really should take this to a private setting such as a counselor, or, if you go to church, perhaps you can speak with your pastor.

    These postings always make me feel absolutely physically ill. What does someone have to gain by publicly bashing their spouse besides the ego stroking that comes with a few hundred people they don't know on the internet bashing along with them? :sick:
  • serenity216
    serenity216 Posts: 512 Member
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    My sentiments exactly but he also needs to be willing to take that step and work through his problems with a counselor. Marriage isn't always going to be perfect but it will not be healthy if these issues are not worked out.
    Before throwing in the towel Try counsleing and see if that works or if things changes. There are bigger issues here than you in a wife beater. Some ppl on here are saying leave him or if i was ever talked to like that etc...they do not know what they would do if there in that position. So before giving up try counseling and see if that helps. Exhaust all means before Divorce. my response is based off just what you have said , obvisouly, ido not knwo all the details.
  • _Tristan_
    _Tristan_ Posts: 221 Member
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    You are losing weight and becoming healthy. So I'd bet that you look much better now in a wife beater than you did before. Keep in mind, that even though people may INITIALLY support you in your efforts to live a better life, that encouragement can quickly turn into jealousy when you're actually successful at it. Because you two are married, I suggest you two communicate with each other and really get to the root of the problem and reach some sort of a compromise. If that doesn't work, than it may be time to let go and move on.

    Exactly what I was thinking... Except for the moving on thing. You two are young (I'm guessing because you are so young) so get someone to talk to. I had no idea how to communicate at that age and I'm sure that if you two find a way to communicate that is effective you will be fine. Never go to bed mad.
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    Honestly, the best thing you can do in regards to your relationship is to put a counselor between the two of you and talk it out. Put an unbiased, third party there to help discuss these issues and diffuse the situation. Have your husband tell another person that he thinks you're a slut and watch how he realizes how completely foolish he is. Better yet, tell him that you'd rather move on that to live with that. He'll change his tune.

    I've been through some ups and downs and I can say for certain, the best thing you can do is to put this stuff out on the table. Don't stew, don't let it fester, don't wait until it's unbearable. This is a guy you loved dearly once, so much so that you pledged your entire life to him. Likewise, he chose the same when he offered you that ring. Ask yourself if that's something you are ready to give up.

    Nobody is perfect, we all have our weak moments. I'm not excusing your husband's poor behavior but life throws us all curveballs. There's a reason for his insecurity. He needs to attack that, not you. Help him see that.

    Agreed.
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    Sharing your marriage issues on a public forum on MFP is not really a way to get help for your marriage. We are only hearing your side also so thats not really fair to your husbands side of the story. If what you want is people to tell you to leave your marriage because thats really what you want to do why do you need to come here to have strangers tell you to leave. Im sure you have more than MFP in your life. Ask the people who know you and know your marriage a lil better than a group of random strangers.

    ..and this.
  • eliz_in_pink
    eliz_in_pink Posts: 278 Member
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    Not to side with your husband or you: but does he know what your profile picture looks like on here? Is he "jealous" over that as well? I know my fiance would not like me posting my boobs all over here, Facebook, or Twitter.

    Just throwing it out there....
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    I agree. If you are involved with a church maybe see if he would be willing or open to marriage counseling. I hate the word and thought of divorce (I believe it should be used as a last resort for issues that can NOT be worked out/worked on) and pray very hard that maybe he see the error in his ways & can appreciate you the way you are meant to be treated. Too often people jump right to the word divorce or what-not because it's the easy thing to do. Just my two cents: Seek counseling first. Put God first always in your marriage.

    Amen!
  • huntjan49
    huntjan49 Posts: 6
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    husbands that call their wife unkind, hurtful names for ANY reason have serious problems. a loving husband would cherish his wife and give her the freedom to let her dress, act, and be the person that she is, without control, angery outbursts, name calling, etc. you need help.
  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
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    Leaving a marriage is easy. People make it hard. I would get everything lined up and explain to him that you arent gonna be talked to that way and if he keeps it up you are gone. if he doesnt change then adios. Life is way too short and there are too many men out there.

    I understand that all marriages don't last forever and divorce happens, but I have always seen it as a solution when nothing else has worked and there is no hope. I would never get divorced under the pretense that it is "easy" to leave and "there are too many men out there".
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    Before throwing in the towel Try counsleing and see if that works or if things changes. There are bigger issues here than you in a wife beater. Some ppl on here are saying leave him or if i was ever talked to like that etc...they do not know what they would do if there in that position. So before giving up try counseling and see if that helps. Exhaust all means before Divorce. my response is based off just what you have said , obvisouly, ido not knwo all the details.

    they do not know what they would do if there in that position??? Um... yes, I do know EXACTLY what I would do. He crossed the line and disrespected you. You don't do that to someone you care about. Ditch him and look out for number 1 and your kids if you have any.

    OMGZ like YES, he called you a slut ONCE, instead of working things out and seeing what's going on, ditch that fool and those stupid vows you took at your wedding. Like, fer sure 'n' stuff.

    Seriously OP? Do you see what you've opened yourself up to? These people are NOT marriage counselors and half of them could care less about the vows you and your husband took. I don't know what's going on with you and your husband now, but try and think back-at one point you vowed to love him, honor him, cherish him, and he you-until death do you part. :heart: Talk to *him* to see what's going on with him, not MFP. The people on here can't help you try to fix what's going on, and most of them are just going to call your husband names and tell you to leave anyways.
  • briancposey
    briancposey Posts: 2
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    "I honestly don't c anything wrong with what I was wearing... But I could just b wrong. So I'm asking for others honest opinions please"

    First off, what you were wearing is irrelevant. Your husband has no right denigrating you like that.

    The main question however seems trickier. Is your husbands jealousy a new thing? If you've been together a long time and this a new trait then I would think their might be a reason for the behavior. If that is the case, while he still has no excuse, there may be a reason for his insecurity that you two could work through.

    However, if he's always been like this (and especially if it's getting worse), I'd have to reference Dan Savage.

    DTMFA = Dump The Mother ****er Already. I'm thinking this isn't new behavior though. It may be more intense now, but I'm betting he's always been jealous (and probably controlling).
  • Wendi_S
    Wendi_S Posts: 489 Member
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    I'm not trying to be mean, but do you really have to ask this question?! What do YOU think of this behavior and him calling you a slut? Do you think you dressed like a slut? Have you cheated on him? Have you given him any reason not to trust you?

    There are two sides to every story. You've given a very short tale of working in a wife beater (which really is inappropriate no matter how you spin it) and made your husband sound like an evil prick. If that is the case, you know what your answer is and you don't need 50 random strangers to validate your feelings.

    ^^^^^ THIS!!!
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
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    He said she LOOKED like a slut - not that she actually was one.

    Ok REALLY??? Don't try to tear the comment up word by word...LOOK like a slut is just at offensive and disrespectful. Stop, just stop!!

    About the post: I think you can get opinions about whether or not your attire was appropriate, but as far as what to do with your marriage, that is up to you. We can only say what we think but until we are the one's laying down with him, all of this is easier said than done. You either decide it is acceptable and tolerate it, decide it isn't acceptable and change it, or decide you can't deal with it and leave. YOU need to decide what your standard is and move forward from there.
  • evans72002
    evans72002 Posts: 89 Member
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    What your husband said wasn't nice, but a black bra under a white tank isn't the most refined look.

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