Friends and Lies...

cygnetpro

She was probably just trying to spare your feelings. I wouldn't approach her all angry because you'll sound bitter. Just nicely tell her that its completely fine that she hang out with your former friend and she should never feel the need to lie to protect your feelings. She's caught in the middle.

What ^^^ she said.

Scarlett_S

I have been on either side of this situation and its hard. When you are in the middle, you are trying to keep the peace and make everyone happy, and its difficult to do when you have two sets of friends that flat out don't like each other and you are still friends with both. I do like the suggestion of commenting on the picture so she knows you saw it.

In that respect, Facebook is the devil. Its sad we have to know so much and consider so much prior to posting stuff, but its true.

I have "hidden" certain friends the past few months just so I don't have to see their snide comments and pictures and such, and the supposed glorious life they present to others when I know how they truly are inside. Its easier than deleting because that ruffles feathers.

cygnetpro

I totally understand if a friend lies to spare someone's feelings, but I don't tolerate when someone lies just to make themselves look good or to stir up drama.

Oh and this is one of the many reasons I ditched facebook. We had a problem where somebody found out we were expecting on facebook, and was offended that others knew about it prior to the facebook posting. I hate facebook.

@Grinch-- you hate Christmas, too, don't you?

jlightl24

I know everyone else said she was probably just trying to spare your feelings, but my HONEST first reaction was that IF IT WAS ME, "Sick all weekend" means Saturday and Sunday....so even if she went out Friday night, she may have woke up sick on Saturday and spent Saturday and Sunday sick. But thats just my initial reaction. It may have just been an innocent comment she made, not trying to deceive you either purposely or to spare your feelings.


But then again, I might be wrong, wouldn't be the first time! :0)

loserlori

just wondering if the "used to be" is still a friend of yours on FB, if yes, that is your problem. Delete her if you are no longer friends (in real life) and you won't have to hear anything of what she is doing or with whom. That is the problem with FB, but still we all go back for more.. lol

(maybe this was already asked, have to admit didn't all the comments)

NilbyClark

Yeah I'm voting for "trying to spare your feelings" too. I dont think she did it with the intention of being mean. My friend and I have someone that we both used to hang out with, I personally no longer care for her, but my friend still hangs out with my "used to be" occassionally. You get used to it after a while and it wont feel like such a big deal, some people just grow apart and are better off without each others friendship.

Gargwin82

Really if it's bothering you I would just lay it out and tell her, "Listen I know it's a hard situation but really I have no issues with you being friends with so and so. I'd rather here about you having a good time out than worrying that you were sick all weekend only to log onto FB and see you went out partying. I'm a big girl and if something bothers me I'll let you know."

As for the flowers I'm sure there was some reason for her to take them, that or they're courting which makes the whole friend vs friend argument obsolete

becka63

Whilst I think she may have been trying to spare your feelings, a small voice in my head is asking 'why post about it on fb where you're gonna see it anyway' and then you have (possibly, in her eyes) two issues: 1. That she was socialising with the friend you're no longer friends with and 2. She lied about it, knowing she'd put it all over fb.

sandrinamsilva

If she went out Friday and this was Monday, maybe it just skipped her mind? I would rather my "friend" not spare my feelings and tell me the truth always, no matter what. I am a big girl and can handle it.

kobiemom

Middle Friend didn't need to lie. You can post a note on one of the pictures, if you want to be snarky. There's really no need. I had a similar situation. After a couple of years of BS, Middle Friend had the same problems that I had with Original Friend and they parted ways. Middle Friend and i bonded over it and are closer than ever. Time is on your side.

ErrataCorrige

I have been exactly where you are, with the facebook involvement and everything.

Try to find a non-chalant way to express to your friend that you are ok with her hanging out with the other girl, and that her trying to hide things from you would be more hurtful than her hanging out with the "ex-friend", without actually bringing up the previous weekend thing (so you don't look like a crazy facebook stalker.)

In my situation, I let them be friends, and the "ex-friend" ended up pulling the same bullsh*t on the middle friend as she did on me. Then I looked like the better person (and we could then talk smack about her together, lol).

Lrt4uk

All I would do is post a comment on the picture. Something like, "That looks like fun!" Your friend will realize she's been busted and can decide to come clean if she cares. Otherwise, strike it up to proximity. They live closer, they're more likely to do things together.

This!

FoxxC

My thought is that even though you say you don't or it doesn't matter I don't think that is true, which is why you are addressing it in this forum. At any rate, its not unusual, talk to the one that claims to be your bestie. Tell her how you feel. The conversation should go like this "I know this shouldn't matter but it does. I see yall had a girls night without me. I'm jealous." This will lead to her saying "Well I didn't really want to tell you b/c "old friend" was there and I know yall not vibin" Then you will say "I understand that but I feel like you were misleading me when you said you were sick all weekend. We are best friends. You don't have to avoid telling me about it. I know you guys are gonna be rollin in the same places. Thats cool. I just wanted you to know how I feel." Then yall will have hugs and start crying and that my friend will cement yalls relationship until the next situation.

Hope I helped.

mlbazemore

I think that she was trying not to hurt your feelings, but like you said...you couldn't care less that they hang. You are all grown women, if you must say something to her I would just let her know that YOU know what she did on the weekend and let her know that she didn't have to lie about it and that she never has to lie about something that trivial again. After making her understand that you are too grown for childish games, if she still wants to lie then you might want to take that into consideration. Good friends are hard to come by, if she falls into that category don't be so quick to right her off. I hope everything works out for you!

Ocarina

I am totally glad I ditched Facebook a year ago. This is why. We know too much about people and what they are doing every split second of the day and it will ultimately cause drama at some point or another.

If you have to approach her about it just tell her she doesn't have to worry about hurting your feelings. Or maybe she was asked to hang out last minute and decided to go but didn't want to call you up and tell you because it would of been awkward.

Who knows. Hope you feel better! :flowerforyou:

angiemartin78

I can understand the "middle" friend not wanting to hurt your feelings, but I feel that there is NEVER an appropriate reason to lie to a friend. If a surprise is being planned, then of course it's okay to keep it from them, but if someone flat out asks me something, I'm not going to lie to them. I feel it's a severe form of disrespect to be lied to and have left many friendships in the past because of it. If she's going to lie about something as stupid as that, then what else is/has she lied about?

AwesomelyAmber

I think you're overreacting.
-wtk

Yep - sounds like you're close to having yet ANOTHER ex-friend....:laugh:

YIKES... that is funny to you? Well, to each their own... funny to me is not the loss of a friend. :huh:

AwesomelyAmber

The lie isn't cool. Not at all.
But she was possibly doing it to spare your possible hurt feelings. What do you think?

From the friend in the middles perspective. its got to kind of suck. trying to be friend with you and the "used to be" friend. I am sure she feels caught in the middle and probably feels she has to step on egg shells and play the field when dealing with both of you. She's probably making it harder on herself. You seem like the type that is above it all. She is naive and stupid to LIE to you when all the evidence to the contrary is posted in the open on facebook. dumb.

The question you have to ask yourself....is the friend in the middle worth the trouble of being friends with or should you just move on?

Thanks man, that was awesome. :flowerforyou:

AwesomelyAmber

just wondering if the "used to be" is still a friend of yours on FB, if yes, that is your problem. Delete her if you are no longer friends (in real life) and you won't have to hear anything of what she is doing or with whom. That is the problem with FB, but still we all go back for more.. lol

(maybe this was already asked, have to admit didn't all the comments)

Nope. I didn't want to play the "what is she doing" game. I deleted all that were my fb friends because I met them through her, blocked all my stuff, only today reopened my blog to all MFP, and made it so that I don't have to see anything by her except through the 'middle girl'. Of course we have 20+ mutual friends due to high school buddies and such, but none that we talk to now. I can promise that I do not fb stalk. We ended our friendship a few months ago but I missed her in my life... 16 years is a long time... and seeing her posts and stuff hurt and I went crawling back. I didn't want to do that this time adn that, I think, is why I am doing better now.

ADTeachTX

have you considered that middle girl really didn't think all that much of it and thus said she was sick all weekend. If she was sick the sickness probably was in thr forefront of her mind and that is all she really remembered...she might not have really considered the outing with the used-to-be of significant importance thus her not mentioning it to you. You may be reading more into it because it is important to you.

I say this because as a similar situation with what is important to me and not to others situation...I went on a cruise and was having a great time but then I got really sick. All I really remember now is that I got sick (near the end of the cruise) and when people ask me if I had a good time I say, "well kind of, I spent most of the time sick."

thekacks

All I would do is post a comment on the picture. Something like, "That looks like fun!" Your friend will realize she's been busted and can decide to come clean if she cares. Otherwise, strike it up to proximity. They live closer, they're more likely to do things together.

I would go a bit further and say something like "I'm soooo glad you weren't to sick to go out and have some fun last weekend! Hope you didn't wear yourself out too much:) " LOL

JanieJack

She was probably just trying to spare your feelings. I wouldn't approach her all angry because you'll sound bitter. Just nicely tell her that its completely fine that she hang out with your former friend and she should never feel the need to lie to protect your feelings. She's caught in the middle.

I'm in a similar situation which really hurts because I miss my "used to be" best friend. And now that we're not friends, the women in my workplace no longer invite me to hang out. One lady in the middle would always act like she wasn't close to my "used to be" and lie about thigns they did together when I could see their stuff on fb and sit right next to her so I can see when the chat window pops up for them to chat. I kept calling her on it, because I hate liars (why do you have to bring it up just to lie to me? just dont say anything!) and eventually discovered she was in the middle of causing the drama that cost me the friendship.

I personally don't think lying is the right answer, but knowing that people hate to tell the truth if it means hurting feelings, I would probably say something to her like, "I saw you had a great time Fri. Too bad you got sick the rest of the weekend. You know, it must be awkward to be in the middle of my and so-and-so's situation, but I want to let you know I have no problem with your friendship and you never have to hide it from me.

And if she did continue to hide it from me, I would consider cooling our friendship. Deceit isn't cool.

skarr28

I think you're over-reacting. And what does the bouquet have to do with anything (why did it bother you so much)? She may have been sick due to hangover? And why mention it to you when you're not friends with the other person (why rub it in your face)? We're you hoping she'd tell you all the nitty gritty of her weekend?

Maybe there are some unresolved issues there between you & your ex-"best of friend(s)". Let it go. It didn't sound like she lied, but let out the details of hanging out with her good friend/your ex-friend. I wouldn't want to rub that in your face by telling you.

AwesomelyAmber

I was angry, confused, jealous, and a plethora of other descriptive words when I wrote this... I'm glad that I did write it out because all of the opinions and such really did help my "get over it" feelings speed up a bit . Now I kind of wish it would just dissapear into the world wide web:ohwell: ... There is sooo much more to the situation than can be explained in a post, I mean we are talking about 21 years of collective friendship with these two. It makes for a LOT of stuff. While the 'used to be' is no longer my 'friend', I will always love her ... it just was time to walk away. While the middle girl is still my friend, there is a lot of mixed feelings right now due to jealousy and such that are my own issues to 'get over'. Time will heal it all, and I will be ok. I thank each and everyone of you for your time and thoughts. Now onto more fun stuff in life! :flowerforyou: