WOW! How did this happen?

fit4mom

So scared.:frown:
My 10 year old and I had a dissagreement. At the end of the conversation she asks me... are you ready for this? Brace your self.
Can I start dating?
Say what?
"All my friends are doing it." she states.
I'm taken aback. I was not expecting it but she does go to a middle school with 6th graders. It just blew my mind because at that age they don't really understand to the full extent of the adult meaning.
Life is just going WAY too fast and it made my heart sad to see her growing up so fast. I don't want to keep her a baby forever just slow down her desire to be a grown up right this seccond. Be sure to hug your little ones and let them know how special they are to you before all of a sudden life has happend and you missed it.

AllanMisner

If you haven't started the sex talks, you're way behind. They are exposed so young and yes, they act on it, even when they mentally aren't ready for it.

fit4mom

It's not the sex talk, it's the fact that she actually came out and asked. Glad she is honest with me but man! It just goes by so fast!

fit4mom

I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same?

rammsteinsoldier

I was thinking ...at least she let you know what was going on. My daugthers have always told me everything that was happening. Sometimes too much information but I would rather know and help them through things than be caught unaware. Kids are growing up way too fast. My daugthers are now 18 and 21 and I look back and think where did time go. At least, be glad you have a relationship that she feels comfortable coming to you.

AwesomelyAmber

Yikes... I feel for you. My son is 8. And while we have not had the 'sex talk', we have talked about what it means to date, hold hands, kiss etc. :flowerforyou:

SinIsIn

My daughter is 11 and is sort of a geek... I love it! She draws manga, is in the process of writing a book and plays the violin... not the sort of gal that boys that age want to date. So I think I'm safe .... for now. LOL

fit4mom

I was thinking ...at least she let you know what was going on. My daugthers have always told me everything that was happening. Sometimes too much information but I would rather know and help them through things than be caught unaware. Kids are growing up way too fast. My daugthers are now 18 and 21 and I look back and think where did time go. At least, be glad you have a relationship that she feels comfortable coming to you.

I agree totally! I did say I am very glad and fortunate to have her honesty. I love my kids so much. Life is very challenging these days. I'm very blessed to have her open and honest with me. I was proud of myself for speaking intently with her and not getting mad at her. I was taken aback more than anything.

spicy618

I was thinking ...at least she let you know what was going on. My daugthers have always told me everything that was happening. Sometimes too much information but I would rather know and help them through things than be caught unaware. Kids are growing up way too fast. My daugthers are now 18 and 21 and I look back and think where did time go. At least, be glad you have a relationship that she feels comfortable coming to you.

I worked in the Guidance office at a Middle School. That is 'Puberty Central'. The things that happen during school hours will shock you. Luckily, she asked you and you can keep an eye out for funny behavior. The phone and internet especially. :flowerforyou:

fit4mom

She is not allowed on the internet unsupervised and even email is filtered through mine. I don't like that her middle school is 4th 5th and 6th grade. I think the sixth graders need to be with 7th 8th and 9th graders. The schools are setting them up for trouble doing this. I'm not suprised at what is going on in the public schools. Any more the schools treat parents like they are not an important part of their childrens lives. School is more important than home and family. At least that is the message comming across.

marquesajen

My cousin's daughter(11) has a boyfriend, they're in karate together and any date they have is totally chaperoned. Plus, her little brother thinks her bf is his best friend, so he is great at making sure they don't get too close if any parent has to step into the loo.

I was SO surprised to hear she had a boyfriend, but once I heard how honest they are and how the two families are great friends, etc it made a little more sense. It's great your daughter is so open with you! That is a valuable trait!

Langlady

My son is 10 and is a lady's man but is very naive about dating and the like. For example, he asked if after I met is friends mom, his friend is a sweet girl same age, they could do a sleep over. I of course , said no saying that he was a boy and she is a girl and that isn't acceptable.

He unfortunately psychology and socially 3 yrs behind because of his real mom not sending him to school for that long. But I am talking with his dad about when is appropriate to have "the talk".

fit4mom

As time goes on with dating at that age things will happen. I just don't even want to go their yet. I'd rather her be a kid and not get caught up in all the drama that occurs with that sort of life style. All I can do is keep the conversations going and making sure my relationship with her is a place she feels safe to be open and honest. I am definately proud of her for comming to me.

SueInAz

She is not allowed on the internet unsupervised and even email is filtered through mine. I don't like that her middle school is 4th 5th and 6th grade. I think the sixth graders need to be with 7th 8th and 9th graders. The schools are setting them up for trouble doing this. I'm not suprised at what is going on in the public schools. Any more the schools treat parents like they are not an important part of their childrens lives. School is more important than home and family. At least that is the message comming across.

I'm actually a little surprised at the age ranges at your school, too. I've lived in both CT and AZ and in both places middle school was 6th, 7th and 8th grade. K-5 was elementary school. I have to agree that it's a much better division of ages. When I first read this, I was thinking "dating in middle school? No big deal, I did it." But I completely get your point.

I've been lucky. My son is 22 and really shy. He had two girlfriends in high school, the longest of which lasted one month, and they both asked HIM out. He's now a senior in college and hasn't dated at all since his junior year in HS. I know he's interested in girls, he's just too afraid to ask them out.

spicy618

She is not allowed on the internet unsupervised and even email is filtered through mine. I don't like that her middle school is 4th 5th and 6th grade. I think the sixth graders need to be with 7th 8th and 9th graders. The schools are setting them up for trouble doing this. I'm not suprised at what is going on in the public schools. Any more the schools treat parents like they are not an important part of their childrens lives. School is more important than home and family. At least that is the message comming across.

Good going mom. :flowerforyou:

When I lived in NY, it was called "Junior High School" 7th & 8th grade only. Elementary was up till 6th grade and we 'graduated' (cap & gown) to Junior High School. When I moved to Florida, I discovered they call it "Middle School" and there isn't a 'graduation'. Not sure which is a better model.

Kougra

It is great that your daughter can confide in you. My daughter has always been very open with me all her life. At 26 she still tells me everything and sometimes it is TMI. But I know that no matter what she can come to me for anything. You must be doing something right if she is coming to you. It will be important to have that open line of communication as she gets older. Being a parent is hard in this day and age but it is also hard to be a kid in today's world.

fit4mom

It is great that your daughter can confide in you. My daughter has always been very open with me all her life. At 26 she still tells me everything and sometimes it is TMI. But I know that no matter what she can come to me for anything. You must be doing something right if she is coming to you. It will be important to have that open line of communication as she gets older. Being a parent is hard in this day and age but it is also hard to be a kid in today's world.

I hear you! Kid's can't even walk next door without danger being around the corner. It's so sad. Things I could do growing up aren't even available to my own kids anymore. If I give them boundaries now they are more free than the potential consequences of letting them do what they want. I am so thankful for supportive friends and family as well. I just wish the world would take a break and slow down.

warmachinejt

i was working on asking a girl out in the 3rd grade and she eventually said yes...

Bentley2718

Admittedly I was in sixth grade 20 years ago, but back then all it meant was saying you were dating, holding hands, and maybe kissing, and that was a big maybe.

Hernandeak11

When i was that age "dating" meant sitting together at lunch, and maaybe some hand holding.

I agree that 10 is way too premature for dating, but i bet your daughter's idea of dating is a harmless one.

fit4mom

i was working on asking a girl out in the 3rd grade and she eventually said yes...

The difference is that your third grade and this generations third grade are very different. You used to be able to count on your neighbors and even know where thier kids are but now days parents are all but too busy for their kids. They don't even know what they're watching on tv or looking at on the internet and internet porn viewing has gone up amoungst adolescent boys at an even younger age.

Hernandeak11

Another thing: it's a great thing that your daughter is willing to talk to you about this!

My own mother didn't know about my first few boyfriends! lol

RilantheFirebug

I wouldn't worry. I had a "boyfriend" in fifth grade but all we did was hold hands and hang out at recess. Ask her what her idea of dating is, bet its harmless.

CiciPorcayo

I have a son and daughter. Not near close to that age but I have heard that you should always talk birds and bees from a young age, of course to their understanding. Nothing graphic, vivid or detailed so if you haven't which you seem very sensable I am sure you have.... but if... u haven't please do! & another thing. I wouldn't care if my daughter was a genius and in highschool at 10yrs old dating should be out of the question. Shouldn't even be on her mind. Crushes yes! Playing tag on the playground with a cute boy yes. Maybe roller skating or going to a cute school dance yes. Boyfriend and Girlfriend at 10yrs old. What are they gonna discuss over a bowl of mac an cheese, Spongebob. All am saying is you need to have a serious talk. & our babies do grow up way to fast and we have to cherrish their young innocense for as long as we can but also protect it as well. Good luck

blink1021

My son is 8 and we always tease him about liking girls in his class as far as asking to date he did ask at what age he would be able to. I am never sure how to answer this. I go through the uncomfortable conversations all the time with him like where do babies come from and the different meanings of gay. (for some reason elementary boys like to call each other gay all the time). Just last night I got the question what is semen? No clue where he heard it and so not ready to have the sex talk or any other talk. Why can't they just stay young children for as long as possible because you are an adult for so long. Unfortunately with whats on t.v. and what they learn from other children can speed up the growing up process.

jenniet04

In my opinion 4th, 5th and 6th grade should be in elementary schools still. My 6th grader is in middle school with 7th and 8th graders and I don't like it one bit. Thankfully, he is painfully shy and won't even hardly talk with girls. And we have been very open and honest with him, so I'm praying he will be the same with us. Also, thankful that I have 4 boys and not girls!!

fit4mom

I wouldn't worry. I had a "boyfriend" in fifth grade but all we did was hold hands and hang out at recess. Ask her what her idea of dating is, bet its harmless.

I do worry because a boy in her class dated every girl but her and want's to date her now. This is what she told me. Her idea of dating is currently being defined and I don't want her to find her own way. I want her to be a whole person and not have baggage. The idea of dating to youth is getting more descriptive because a vast majority of parents are not vigilent. Next thing they know is their child is pregnant. Not all occasions but more often than it should. I just don't want her to get the wrong idea. It's important to help her have a healthy understanding of human relationships.

fit4mom

In my opinion 4th, 5th and 6th grade should be in elementary schools still. My 6th grader is in middle school with 7th and 8th graders and I don't like it one bit. Thankfully, he is painfully shy and won't even hardly talk with girls. And we have been very open and honest with him, so I'm praying he will be the same with us. Also, thankful that I have 4 boys and not girls!!

Your a good mom. I pray allot for my kids too. I want them to make a difference in the world vs the world and all of it's philosophies making a difference in them. I want them to shake up this world and be the amazing people they are destined to be.

AllanMisner

It's not the sex talk, it's the fact that she actually came out and asked. Glad she is honest with me but man! It just goes by so fast!

All I'm saying is don't assume their version of dating is harmless. Ask for specifics and use it as a teaching moment. Kids are doing stuff you'd never have imagined.

ethompso0105

My parents had a "16 rule". My sister and I had to be 16 prior to dating (obviously). I'm still not sure how I feel about that--while I think that's a more appropriate age to begin dating, it also gave liking boys a taboo feel for both my sister and I. Because of that, I didn't end up actually starting to date until I was 21.

It's great that your daughter feels that she can be open and honest with you--I felt the same with my parents, I just didn't want to deal with the teasing that came along with liking someone. LOL

KareninCanada

I wouldn't worry. I had a "boyfriend" in fifth grade but all we did was hold hands and hang out at recess. Ask her what her idea of dating is, bet its harmless.

Sadly, I have to disagree with this... having had an 11yo neighbor who got pregnant, and had her second child at 14. Thankfully that's not the norm, but kids have a different idea of dating than we did, thanks in large part to the media.