Would I be Rude?

amdahwd

My sister text me today to ask if I wanted to come to dinner with her family tonight. She said they were having "soul food" but I should be able to find something I could eat. Said she planned to eat about 5-5:30.

I called to discuss this with her and she expanded on the soul food definition - it includes fried chicken, greens, homemade macaroni and cheese, homemade baked beans (which has hamburger meat and barbecue sauce added), and a homemade peach cobbler. WTH??? What do you see in that menu that I would ever be able to eat?

The other problem is that I usually go to the body toning class at 5 on Thursday. There is a 6 oclock class that I could make if I eat and run.

So, do I just absolutely decline the invite or do I take my own supper that I was planning to eat anyway and eat and enjoy the company and just leave in time to go to the gym?

Flyntiggr

I had fried chix, mashed taters and mac and cheese for lunch yesterday. I burned it. AGAIN - NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS! geesh.

LA723

My sister text me today to ask if I wanted to come to dinner with her family tonight. She said they were having "soul food" but I should be able to find something I could eat. Said she planned to eat about 5-5:30.

I called to discuss this with her and she expanded on the soul food definition - it includes fried chicken, greens, homemade macaroni and cheese, homemade baked beans (which has hamburger meat and barbecue sauce added), and a homemade peach cobbler. WTH??? What do you see in that menu that I would ever be able to eat?

The other problem is that I usually go to the body toning class at 5 on Thursday. There is a 6 oclock class that I could make if I eat and run.

So, do I just absolutely decline the invite or do I take my own supper that I was planning to eat anyway and eat and enjoy the company and just leave in time to go to the gym?

I'm of the opinion that sometimes life take precedence over the gym and dietary goals. Go, enjoy the food and company. Get to the gym tomorrow. Being healthy is great. But what is the point of being healthy if you have to forego all of life's pleasures for the rest of your life?

Moderation is key.

yesthistime

I guess it depends on how often these dinners occur and how often you accept the invites. If you see your sister and her family often, declining every now and again shouldn't seem rude. But if it's more of an "occasion" and you feel you might be missing out on precious family time (or think your sis will feel this way), then making an effort to show up and hang out would be a great idea. Making your diet fit your life will probably yield longer lasting success than trying to make your life fit your diet.

Clarecbear82

I would go and eat some of the food everything in moderation and all that! You can't miss out on life just because your on a diet and if I was your sister I would be very offended if someone brought their own food as I would feel like they where saying my cooking was naff. Have fun you only live once.

Hyperspace

Eat the greens, and the chicken with the skin peeled off. Even if the greens were cooked with fat, not enough is going to stay on them to cause a major calorie hit. And greens are extremely nutritious.

And it's perfectly fine to take small samples of the rest. Just don't go overboard.

jhehle

Certainly you CAN find something to eat there...you can eat any of it. Portions and moderation are key! I eat whatever is being served, i just eat tiny amounts of it.

yesthistime

I had fried chix, mashed taters and mac and cheese for lunch yesterday. I burned it. AGAIN - NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS! geesh.

The idea of "everything in moderation" doesn't work for everyone (some people are addicted to food and avoiding triggers is easier than trying to have them in moderation). That being said, you can try to eat a small portion of what is being served, or bring a healthy dish to add to the dinner and fill up on that, or even bring your own dinner as you suggested. Whatever allows you to have an enjoyable experience with your family without unnecessary pressure now or guilt later.

Best wishes

momonwilson

It depends there is a thin line between being routine and obssesive. Here is a few questions: Can you make up the workout a differnt day? Is it possible to go and have the dinner that is being served in moderation ?( the menu sounds delicious by the way) It is okay to modify our routine sometimes. Good Luck..

Apazman

Eat the greens, and the chicken with the skin peeled off. Even if the greens were cooked with fat, not enough is going to stay on them to cause a major calorie hit. And greens are extremely nutritious.

And it's perfectly fine to take small samples of the rest. Just don't go overboard.

is that true for stirfrying veggies in oil?

JMarigold

Have very small portions of some of her food, but go ahead and eat. Family is important and its when we have to cut out all of these kind of activities that we find we can't sustain our weight loss. It's important to learn how to incorporate these events (road bumps even) into our lives without feeling like we have derailed our "lifestyle change."

Can you find some other exercise to take the place of the class? I doubt that you can spend much time at all with your sister and her family if you leave in time for the class at 6.

Oh yeah, I did forget to ask, how often you actually spend time with your sister and her family because that does influence the decision.

LeenaRuns

Get in an awesome workout and eat a little bit of everything. It's not gonna kill you, I promise!

Chagama

My opinion is simple-- Life happens-- you can't shut it out. Go, do the best you can, and forget it. If you are really worried, work it off. This is a lifestyle change-- and you can't go the rest of your life not visiting your relatives (well, you could, and I have some that qualify) or going to reastaurants!

Agree. No reason to alienate family.

Contrarian

Yes, taking your own food would be considered rude.

nxcguy

Depends on if you realy want to go or not.

Most of the time people dont care what or how much they eat. However this is family. Sometimes family can get insulted if you dont pig out, but if thats not the case just go. Feel free to youse my favorite line when im dieting and that would be. ( person asking you.. Woud you like some fried chicken you say YES I WOULD!!!. but unfortunatly im on a diet. ) this usually get a laught and no one feels insulted. then after awhile all you have to say is YES I WOULD!!! then smile and they will understand.

DopeItUp

Sounds delicious. Bring a food scale and measure what you eat so you can portion properly and you'll be fine.

sjtreely

Go. Wear your workout clothes.

Two words of advice .... portion control.

Take one piece of chicken and take the skin off. Choose between mac and cheese and baked beans. Take the greens. Politely decline the dessert.

It's a win-win situation. When you're working out you can reflect on the memory with your sister, free food, and the satisfaction of knowing, "Um, yeah ... I got this!"

leomakarov

EAT NOW, PAY FOR IT LATER... :drinker: :sad:

lovingallofme

Reading all the posts....Don't wanna sound like a tape recorder...but I mostly agree w/all....
GO!!!,have dinner, eat small portion, you know make it your cheat day but most of all
enjoy your family and just have good time!!!!....

aweightymatter

I agree with some of what's said here and disagree with others. Like some have said, it all depends. Is this is a dinner you WANT to go to? Do you really LOVE soul food? Do you not see your sister often? Would you really RATHER eat something else and take your exercise class?

Part of what got a lot of us to being overweight is trying to be a people-pleaser and not saying "no" enough. If you see your sister often, you don't really care for the food, and it's not really a special occasion, I see no reason why saying "no" would be wrong or awful.

I have a friend who invites me out to eat all the time, but she eats AWFUL quality food. Yes, I *could* eat this stuff but it's never really anything I want to spend "fun" calories on. So I almost always say no. We are still friends and hang out often, it's just not over food!

Do your thing, take care of yourself! Anyone who loves you will respect that

blueliss26

I think it would be worse to take your own dinner than to just skip it all together. Bringing your own food says "what you are eating is not good enough for me" You also do not zip out after an hour to make it to your class. your family is going to feel that your routine is more important to you than they are (

Agefyter

I guess it depends on how often these dinners occur and how often you accept the invites. If you see your sister and her family often, declining every now and again shouldn't seem rude. But if it's more of an "occasion" and you feel you might be missing out on precious family time (or think your sis will feel this way), then making an effort to show up and hang out would be a great idea. Making your diet fit your life will probably yield longer lasting success than trying to make your life fit your diet.

I think this is by far the best comment! Her second comment as well!

billsica

Only bring it if you brought enough for everyone.

seraphh

Seriously, if you aren't going to eat what's on offer, or at least pick at it or choose what you WILL eat from it, don't bother. Taking your own food sends a message to the host that you don't trust their tastes (in anything), and it makes you look like an *kitten* by announcing it t.o the entire dinner party

CynthiaCollin

I would probably eat 1 piece of chicken and some greens and call it a day and maybe a bite or two or the cobbler for my sweet tooth. That way I would have had something I enjoyed and stuck within my calories range.

I enjoy food but portion control is key....it is like when I bring my kids to McDonalds oncea month for a treat.... am I going to sit there miserable and eat a salad or nothing? No way !!! I would eat a Bacon Cheeseburger and half of a small frie with diet coke.... 455 calories total..... and that way I feel satisfied, didn`t go over my calories and still continue to lose weight.

Choices.... not easy.... but sometimes you got to make due....

txbutterfly69

Take her invite, enjoy your day!!! Life's too short to be so strict. :-)

amdahwd

I see my parents almost every day and never less than every other day. I usually see my sister at least 2-3 times a week and we talk every day. I have just started being really serious about my weight loss and health and am afraid that as one person commented above that these would be trigger foods that would derail me once again. It also would not be as big a problem if I had had a little more notice and had planned my day accordingly. I definitely have not deprived myself of anything I wanted since I have started this journey, but I have made the appropriate choices for my other meals when I was going to splurge a little bit.

As far as the class, these 2 are the last ones until Monday. I can still walk on the treadmill and do cardio work.

supergr33n

Eat the greens, and the chicken with the skin peeled off. Even if the greens were cooked with fat, not enough is going to stay on them to cause a major calorie hit. And greens are extremely nutritious.

And it's perfectly fine to take small samples of the rest. Just don't go overboard.

^^^ Exactly. I would bring a giant veggieful salad (with light & regular dressings on the side) for everyone to share, and fill half my plate with that. Then, remove all the skin/breading from a chicken breast, and take maybe a bite worth of each of the other items so that I don't feel deprived. Show them by example how healthy choices can effect even heavy meals.

Maybe choose another activity at a later time, like a good jog/walk so that you don't have to leave early?

ChristiCare

Thank your sister for the invite, and suggest you come for the after dinner entertainment/conversation. Eat your meal before you go. This way you are enjoying the company, and she should understand the goal you are working so hard to reach.

Just a thought

AceyFaceX

I think that if you want to, you should eat with your family and you can make up the exercise next Thursday. Dieting will be unbearable if we don't take breaks once in a while. If it's been a while since you've taken it easy, I say enjoy that fried chicken, but don't shoot yourself in the foot about it tomorrow. Enjoy it. (:

bekkaL85

[/quote]

The idea of "everything in moderation" doesn't work for everyone (some people are addicted to food and avoiding triggers is easier than trying to have them in moderation). That being said, you can try to eat a small portion of what is being served, or bring a healthy dish to add to the dinner and fill up on that, or even bring your own dinner as you suggested. Whatever allows you to have an enjoyable experience with your family without unnecessary pressure now or guilt later.

Best wishes
[/quote]

This is so freaking true. Pizza is mine and I avoid it like the plague because I know for a fact that I can't stop eating it until it's gone.
I say if you are really that worried\upset about eating that food, then don't. Call her up and tell her that you wanna spend time with her and the family and stuff, but you don't wanna upset your diet. Then tell her that you'll be bringing your own dinner to save her having to cook something else for just one person. I've found that telling people in advance that you are gonna bring your own food and putting a positive spin on things instead of being all closed off and depressed can really help.