Would I be Rude?

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13

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  • aweightymatter
    aweightymatter Posts: 222
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    I see my parents almost every day and never less than every other day. I usually see my sister at least 2-3 times a week and we talk every day. I have just started being really serious about my weight loss and health and am afraid that as one person commented above that these would be trigger foods that would derail me once again. It also would not be as big a problem if I had had a little more notice and had planned my day accordingly. I definitely have not deprived myself of anything I wanted since I have started this journey, but I have made the appropriate choices for my other meals when I was going to splurge a little bit.

    As far as the class, these 2 are the last ones until Monday. I can still walk on the treadmill and do cardio work.

    Honestly, just skip it if it's a random meal and you see your family often. It's YOUR body, and YOUR health for YOU to take control of :) I frankly applaud you for considering saying "no" to a perceived obligation -- that is really not a huge obligation -- that you don't want to meet.

    I am a mostly recovered former ED sufferer and I have trigger foods too that I need to stay far away from. I totally get it!!
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    My sister text me today to ask if I wanted to come to dinner with her family tonight. She said they were having "soul food" but I should be able to find something I could eat. Said she planned to eat about 5-5:30.

    I called to discuss this with her and she expanded on the soul food definition - it includes fried chicken, greens, homemade macaroni and cheese, homemade baked beans (which has hamburger meat and barbecue sauce added), and a homemade peach cobbler. WTH??? What do you see in that menu that I would ever be able to eat?

    The other problem is that I usually go to the body toning class at 5 on Thursday. There is a 6 oclock class that I could make if I eat and run.

    So, do I just absolutely decline the invite or do I take my own supper that I was planning to eat anyway and eat and enjoy the company and just leave in time to go to the gym?

    I see everything on that menu being something you could eat,moderation is key. one cheat meal will not really hurt
  • aweightymatter
    aweightymatter Posts: 222
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    I disagree with most of the replies. I wouldn't eat something that doesn't fit into my plan just because that's what somebody else wants to serve.

    I do agree that taking your own food would be rude. I'd either skip it or eat on my own before (or after) I went. You can enjoy their company without eating their food.

    Exactly. Reading 'The Beck Diet Solution' (really a psychologically geared book rather than a "diet" plan per se) realy helped me understand this. A week or two from now, nobody is going to remember if you did or did not happen to eat something, as long as you were polite about your choice. And if they do, that's definitely THEIR issue.
  • CynGetsThin
    CynGetsThin Posts: 57
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    A repeat of most comments: PORTION CONTROL and PLANNING. Plan to sample what you want in small portions. If you're pestered, mention that you have a workout class to go to shortly. If you don't meet your plan, eat what you want and work out extra hard the day before or after. Hope that helps!
  • sexysize12
    sexysize12 Posts: 105 Member
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    Saying eating in moderation is a joke , a lot of people just can't eat greasy, cheesy, fried, sugary foods in moderation, it doesn't work for everyone and for every food especially if you're diabetic like me, the meal her sister is cooking would be a bomb of a disaster for me sugar wise and blood pressure wise. The meal sounds like everything is cooked completely unhealthy and one meal of that would be a problem for me not only sugar wise, but weight wise as well as it may me for theorigianl poster. I don't think you should eat it just to satisfy your sister, the company with family sounds great. But I would make sure your sister knows your making a lifestyle and health change and your not going to be eating like that and hopefully she will incorporate some baked chicken and salads into her meal so that eveeryone can enjoy her meals without worrying about there health, or that you discuss with her bringing a healthy dish to share so that it's like pot luck. And letting someone know your dieatary restrictions isn't offensive or saying to them their food isn't good enough, but just informing them it can be dangerous potentially to your health as well as your waist line. And as far as the gym is concerned I would miss it if I went to dinner, but I would get a workout at home after the dinner I would do this as to not feel rushed geting from one place to the next and waiting on the food to digest before working out also. Hope this helps and enjoy your family time.:smile:
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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    I would either plan around it or not go. I don't have as much closeness with family as some do though, so it wouldn't bother me not seeing them one night.
  • Levity14
    Levity14 Posts: 34 Member
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    I don't know how you are around food- but I am very tempted. My first reaction and thought was, no one ever lost weight eating peach cobbler! I would decline and instead plan some non-food related thing to do with my sister. That is just me though. I can't handle being around all the soul food stuff.

    Yes it is a lifestyle change and you can't ignore your family, but if it is something you can't handle a moderate amount then I would pass.
  • crikey1987
    crikey1987 Posts: 16
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    Bringing your own food wouldn't be RUDE! I'm vegetarian and I almost always have to bring my own food to family gatherings. This is family we're talking about; they should understand your goals and be supportive of them!
  • pdworkman
    pdworkman Posts: 1,342 Member
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    It all depends on your reasons, your body, your goals, your relationship with your sister, etc. We can't know all of those things.

    Me, I am vegetarian, celiac, and have other dietary restrictions as well. There are plenty of times where there is truly nothing that I can eat when I go some place. So yeah, I take my own food. At a family dinner, I would likely take a one-dish meal, large enough to be shared with everyone, that complemented the items they were serving. Then if there is something else there that I can eat (a bit of salad or fruit or something), I can add it to my meal, but even if there is nothing, I am still okay. I might have a safe sweet treat in my purse or the car to have in case their dessert triggered sweet cravings for me.

    Depending on your circumstances, maybe you can eat your usual supper, go to your workout, and then show up at sister's at the end of supper and have a wee serving of dessert. Maybe you can take your own food and visit with them and go to the late class. Maybe you can do some combination of your food and their food and go for a walk or take the kids to the playground or to toss a ball around afterwards. It all depends on you and your relationship with her.
  • BoopsyBoop
    BoopsyBoop Posts: 23 Member
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    Talk to your sister about these concerns. If she truly loves you and supports your new lifestyle changes, then she will understand if you deny the invite or bring your own food. Communication is the only way to avoid future drama.

    I also would like to point out that not everyone goes by the little in moderation theory. It's nice to have an opinion on how people should eat, but it's kinda rude to push that opinion on others.
  • kinlowd
    kinlowd Posts: 9
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    I think you should bring some food with you and explain cheerfully to anyone that asks that you must follow a strict diet plan to ensure that you achieve your results. You can eat what's being cooked there if you take small portions of each item and don't return for seconds.

    But in terms of the exercise you have to make a judgment call. If you believe you'll stop going by skipping class tonight, then I would eat and run. If you think you pick up another class or even go to the gym later and exercise independently, I would spend more time with your family. It's important. This could also be a good bridge into explaining your struggles with food and weight and help create understanding of your point of view.
  • CallmeSbo
    CallmeSbo Posts: 611 Member
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    I would go. Eat in moderation and call that day a spike day :-)
  • AnnaMaus
    AnnaMaus Posts: 167 Member
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    Based on how frequently you see your family, I'm going to contradict virtually everything said here except, "Go in your workout clothes."

    You're doing a great job towards your goal so far. Time with your family is important, but that's not the same as caving to the traditions that put us on MFP in the first place.

    Your apprehension is appropriate. I love soul food, and just Looking at that menu makes me want to cringe.

    New, healthy habits should be formed, and bringing a healthy dish to share or your own food isn't rude. No one should try to pressure you into sacrificing health and hard work for some overly-stuffy perception of rudeness. You're blazing a new path and you've made good progress!
  • gibbyup
    gibbyup Posts: 18
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    Truly, we're not "dieting," but we're making life changes to improve our health. That being said, this is how life is and we all need to figure out ways to deal with situations like this. There are some good suggestions here too. My opinion is that family is first. (I could NEVER turn down an invitation like that ... I would miss out on all their conversation and what would prevent them from trash-talking me for not being there??!!) I hope you go and enjoy yourself! :happy:
  • KareninCanada
    KareninCanada Posts: 807 Member
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    Go! Eat! Enjoy yourself!! :smile: Just don't go crazy. Sip on water through dinner, eat lots of veggies - bring a veggie dish with you to share, even.

    Judging by your diary, you eat a really low calorie diet anyway - so I'd wager that if you go and eat that nice "soul food" dinner with your family, your scale may well drop that week.
  • ElizabethKathrynJ
    ElizabethKathrynJ Posts: 37
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    Experts say a cheat meal once a week is good for you. Also, plan out your day accordingly so you can enjoy yourself. I have cut no food of any kind that I enjoy off my list. As long as I am careful with my calorie intake and burn I still lose weight very easily, as if I had never cheated at all. I say go, have a nice time, eat smaller portions, burn it off later, you'lle be fine and you will still lose, I promise. :) &Just eat smaller amounts of callories till that time. It's like saving money for something. It's always helpful to know that you saved calorie sppace for this meal. Besides you deserve to enjoy yourself. Hope this helps! GoodLuck!(:
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
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    Making your diet fit your life will probably yield longer lasting success than trying to make your life fit your diet.

    brilliant
  • ElizabethKathrynJ
    ElizabethKathrynJ Posts: 37
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    AMEN!!!! ^
  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,522 Member
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    I don't see anything in that menu that you couldn't eat. Family is important, if you can't ever eat with your family, what's the point?

    Dying happy knowing that your diet was nutritionally and morally superior
  • mrsjads
    mrsjads Posts: 17
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    I would be in the same boat, If I went I would definitely eat and if I didn't go I would regret not spending the time with my family...so my advice not that I am a person with any will power is to go and eat a little bit of what you fancy, slowly and enjoy every mouthful and stop when you start feeling full, also dink some water before! If you take your own food you just going to drool over what is there and possibly offend! Exercise will be there another time and life is for living after all! Enjoy x

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