Having Babies, for the women.

MrsWife2011

So I am 29 recently married and all I can think of is babies, we are not ready financially or emotionally but I have this constant worry that I will not be able to have kids, cause I have never been pregnant.

I have my yearly physicals and everything is fine but I am just worried, they don't always find everything in physicals. I need to stop worrying.

Does anyone else feel like this? How can I stop worrying?

jenni128

I am 26 and also recently married. I have what most people call "baby fever" and I am in your boat with you. I haven't been on birth control since I was 20. And as of a year ago my boyfriend and I haven't been too careful either. I worry so much because we haven't even had a "oh no" moment. So I have an idea how you feel. My doctor says I am 100%, but I walk away always saying "what it".
My goal is to lose the 30 lbs that have me over the healthy weight range and get my body is its best form ever, then I take it from there. I wish you the best of luck.

christibam

You're not alone. My periods actually stopped when I gained too much weight and they haven't come back yet.

I will say that I have been pregnant though. I had a stroke last August and the Doctor's said it was a blood clot due to using oral contraceptives and smoking. (Stupid, I know.) But anyway, I was told to stop taking the pill, so I did. Came home from the hospital and my husband and I forgot that I had stopped it and didn't use any other form of protection that one time. A few weeks later... BAM! Pregnant (with twins). Unfortunately, I lost them at 12 weeks so now we're both getting healthy so that it will be less of a threat to carry a baby later in life.

The only thing I can suggest to stop worrying is to try really hard to not think about it as much. Get yourself as healthy as you can and it should be a lot easier and much, much safer for you and baby.

mab33

I'm 29, also recently married and it's something that worries me. I try not to let it rule my life, though. Whatever happens is fate at this point. I know I'm in for trouble because my mom had 6 miscarriages.

dlaplume2

This may seem dumb, but were you trying to get pregnant? I mean this in a genuine concern way, not sarcatic.

I know as women we tend to worry about what we can't control. Is there a reason you think you might not be able to get pregnant, ie family history? Have you had unprotected sex for an extended period of time and didn't get pregnant? Have you talked to your dr at your yearly exams?

I think you might want to talk to your husband about these concerns and see what he thinks about them. Maybe if there is some validity to these concerns, then you can start talking about options for when the time comes. There are so many options out there, that worrying about that issue may be a mute point.

Best wishes to you

pdworkman

Yes, I was worried right from the start that I would not be able to conceive. Never used any birth control, and we were not able to conceive. It has been 19 years, but it still makes me sad.

MrsWife2011

This may seem dumb, but were you trying to get pregnant? I mean this in a genuine concern way, not sarcatic.

I know as women we tend to worry about what we can't control. Is there a reason you think you might not be able to get pregnant, ie family history? Have you had unprotected sex for an extended period of time and didn't get pregnant? Have you talked to your dr at your yearly exams?

I think you might want to talk to your husband about these concerns and see what he thinks about them. Maybe if there is some validity to these concerns, then you can start talking about options for when the time comes. There are so many options out there, that worrying about that issue may be a mute point.

Best wishes to you

We have never tried to get pregnant. I guess the only reason I am concerned is I hear about all this woman that are having difficulty and I focus on that. My husband tells me to stop worrying and try to be positive. Guess I am just impatient.

In the mean time my focus is to get healthy for what ever happens. I will leave it in the hands of fate, if i am meant to be a mother I will be one in whatever way God wants. Thanks everyone for sharing, it helps to hear I am not the only one.

qtiekiki

You know, I didn't worried at all before and when we started TTCing because I was 27, I was young. Then almost a year went by, I was worried. I went to my doctor, and got a referral to infertility specialist. I ended up getting pregnant before I made an appointment.

Try not to worry about that now, especially since you are not even trying. Stress is never good.

Twyla123

I have had PCOS since I was 16 years old. My husband and I had tried (well didn't prevent it) for 6 years and nothing. Finally we got help and first try we now have a very active 3 year old which I wouldn't change for the world! Everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be it's meant to be. Don't stress that is the worst thing you can do when trying to get pregnant!

egraham04

I feel this way because I will be 26 in April and I still dont have any children and all I can say is "my clock is ticking!" All I hear is no worries it will happen so just try not to think about it as much and you will be blessed!

MissConfidence

Stress is never good and your hubby is right, be positive and don't dwell on the worries. This is coming from a major worry head. If I can give you one piece of advice, without knowing your health state or anything: Do what you can now to get as healthy as you can before getting pregnant. I mean, really work hard on your body and mind now.

I'm currently pregnant (22 weeks) and the one thing I regret is not getting in a healthy weight and a good exercise routine before pregnancy. So far there are no complications, but because I'm 40+ pounds overweight it is quite likely and, as I said, I am a worry head so I freak out sometimes day dreaming about how much bigger I'm going to get and how that terrifies me. Seriously, the only thing you can do for yourself now is eat well and exercise even if it's not intense, just get in a good routine of anything now. This will also help alleviate your worries and clear your mind. Best of luck to you!

cartea01

I'm 25 years old, a doctor and I know that it takes a normal couple actively trying to get pregnant (not on contraception, having intercourse regularly around ovulation and being physically and mentally healthy) up to 12 months to fall pregnant. DESPITE this, I'm in the same boat as all of you, worried that something will be wrong with me and I won't be able to get pregnant.

I see young women every day who've accidentally fallen pregnant and I think "Well if it happened to them, how come it hasn't happened to me in the 8 years my partner and I have been together?" My emotional brain forgets that I was methodical about my oral contraceptive pill and also used barrier methods for ~5 years.

I know that there's nothing I can say to take the worry away (because I can't make my own doubts disappear!) but I encourage you to optimise your health, know your cycle, know when you should be having intercourse and if you like, keep a diary. I've had a patient come to me distressed that they weren't pregnant after a year but when we sat down and looked at things, her husband worked away and they would have been lucky to have been sexually active at the right time 3 out of the previous 12 months. Within 6 months they were pregnant.

All the best.

aetterman

I understand the feeling. I do have a son, he will be 2 in one week, but my husband and I were married for 5 years before Luke. Before we officially started trying I freaked out about the what ifs, but really I shouldn't have. There is such a short time period each month when you can actually get pregnant that it can be hard. As I understand it, there is only a 12 to 48 hour window each month in which you can become pregnant so it's not the easiest task ever. You need to just relax and let nature take its course. You still have time. You are not alone in feeling this way. I started having baby fever not long after I was married and I was only 20 when I got married. Not I'm 28 with a 2 year old. Trust me, you have time. Enjoy just being a couple for awhile.

MountainMia

I was worried for a bit and realized that what will be will be. There are only so many things that are within my control. I try to do what I can, ask for help when I need it, and DON'T BORROW TROUBLE.

One day, when you are ready, it is a whole new world of depth and love and fear and excitement... and more worries than you could possibly imagine at this stage in your life. Everyone is different. Life is too precious to waste it worrying about something that may be a non-issue in the future.

The best thing you can do is build a healthy lifestyle for yourself. This will be the best for you and any babies in your future.

Congrats on your marriage and this exciting new aspect of family and all the good, bad and ugly that comes with it.

galegetsthin

As opposed for the men having babies?

tmarie2715

So I am 29 recently married and all I can think of is babies, we are not ready financially or emotionally but I have this constant worry that I will not be able to have kids, cause I have never been pregnant.

I have my yearly physicals and everything is fine but I am just worried, they don't always find everything in physicals. I need to stop worrying.

Does anyone else feel like this? How can I stop worrying?

Calm down, honey! It will happen for you when the time is right. You're newly married and it is natural to start thinking about kids. Cuddle your friends' kids, offer to babysit (your friends with kids will love that!), and focus on getting into the groove of your new life.

If you smoke, quit, eat healthy and get into a healthy BMI range if you are not already, take your vitamins if you are into that and exercise to prepare your body for having kids when that time comes. That is all you can do!

Congrats and good luck.

1981simm

I'm 22 had my first kid at 19 I am sooo baby hungry my husband and I are financially ready bought a house potty trained my son and have been ttc for 6 months now... everyone around me is pregnant so i figure if I work on my figure a baby will soon come to wreck it... cross my fingers

BritFitB

Sorry.. you're on your own with that one. I've never wanted kids, no desire to get married, and just see marriage as a business transaction. However, I hope someday you get what you need and desire

colochel

I am a natural worrier - I thought I'd never get pregnant, because I wanted to sooo bad. But I did. Then of course I panicked about making it to term/ having a healthy baby/ being able to breastfeed and so on. The list never ends. Now that she is here I have a million new worries that I have to filter through.

I think some of us are just more prone to over-thinking things. And we hear so many horror stories (the overflow of information on the internet doesn't help) and some of us just take too much to heart.

Just enjoy time with your S.O., enjoy the bed room activities and it will fall into place. If it's meant to happen... it will.

ruthechesney

I am 28 and was married when I was 21. We had our first child when we were 23 ( a surprise from God). I had lost some weight from my heaviest, but wasn't working out. I gained 30 lbs and I lost it all within 6 weeks. Well, I wanted to get done with school (my bachelors) and get a job and sustain it. Well, I decided to start on my masters, but I wanted to be done having kids by the time we are 30. So we stopped birth control in May of 2010. I seriously didn't think I was going to get pregnant. In 2009, I had lost 40 more lbs and started running. My family and I had adopted a healthier lifestyle. I was still watching my diet extremely and running like crazy, but not getting pregnant. I decided back in 2011 to gain some of my weight back because I felt I was stressing myself too much about my weight. So I let it go a bit and gained 20 lbs back. Still no pregnancy. We prayed in June to get pregnant and found out July 24 that we are going to be parents again. What a blessing. I have gained 25 more lbs...not something I am excited about due to all of the hard work, but I know I want this baby to be healthy. I haven't ran since October (boo...my bladder can't handle it, LOL), but I am still working out. Best of luck, it will happen when it is supposed to happen. I know God laughed at me when I told him my plan (this pregnancy now would be our first), but I love my first son to death and wouldn't trade him for anything. If you believe you will receive:)

Rhea30

This may seem dumb, but were you trying to get pregnant? I mean this in a genuine concern way, not sarcatic.

I know as women we tend to worry about what we can't control. Is there a reason you think you might not be able to get pregnant, ie family history? Have you had unprotected sex for an extended period of time and didn't get pregnant? Have you talked to your dr at your yearly exams?

I think you might want to talk to your husband about these concerns and see what he thinks about them. Maybe if there is some validity to these concerns, then you can start talking about options for when the time comes. There are so many options out there, that worrying about that issue may be a mute point.

Best wishes to you

We have never tried to get pregnant. I guess the only reason I am concerned is I hear about all this woman that are having difficulty and I focus on that. My husband tells me to stop worrying and try to be positive. Guess I am just impatient.

In the mean time my focus is to get healthy for what ever happens. I will leave it in the hands of fate, if i am meant to be a mother I will be one in whatever way God wants. Thanks everyone for sharing, it helps to hear I am not the only one.

You're not alone. I'm 30 and it crosses my mind as well even though we are not quite ready yet and it was on my mind probably since about 28. We've decided to give it a couple more years then to start trying because I do want to try before 35.

bebreli

I know that worry, stress and baby making don't mix. I am on the complete opposite spectrum of all the ladies here but I think it is because of this is why things worked. First of all if you have a regular cycle (I recommend tracking in mymonthlycycles.com) that definitely increases your chances. I got married at 30 and really never thought about or wanted kids. My husband had the baby fever. We TTC 7 months after we got married and I had no worries that I really wanted to get pregnant or that it would work out. I had cervical cancer in my 20s and they said I may not even be able to carry a baby. I figured we would try, I would have a miscarriage and maybe eventually we would get pregnant or we wouldn't. I was fine with that. I was not stressed, I was not worried I was fine with whatever happened. That first month we tried during my fertile days and we got pregnant.. with TWINS!! The point of my story is don't stress and don't worry!

dlyeates

I wouldn't worry!!! Just because you haven't been pregnant does not mean you can't get pregnant!!! When we decided to start trying (we were married 3 years.....I think that's a good time to start trying!!) I was more worried that something might be wrong with him because I don't think he protected himself as much as he should have with previous partners and none of them ever came up pregnant!!!

Don't worry about it now. Continue your health journey. Enjoy being married and all that comes with being with your husband. A child does change a relationship, not always in a bad way but it is different. Enjoy getting to know each other without children being around.....it will give you a more solid foundation to parent on!!!

JoanWill

So I am 29 recently married and all I can think of is babies, we are not ready financially or emotionally but I have this constant worry that I will not be able to have kids, cause I have never been pregnant.

I have my yearly physicals and everything is fine but I am just worried, they don't always find everything in physicals. I need to stop worrying.

Does anyone else feel like this? How can I stop worrying?

I was the exact same way when I got married. I was 28. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). I wasn't sure if was going to get pregnant...ever. But I had that fear, that worry.

I talked to my husband and expressed my concerns. He understood. But he always tell me that things will always work out. I had to trust him or I would go bonkers. And I am glad I did. He is such a planner and men have a way of looking at things without so much emotions involved.

After 3 yrs of marriage, I was right, because of PCOS I can not have kids without fertility pills. After 2 rounds, I was pregnant with B/G twins. Bought our house and the twins were born.

You have to trust that things will all work out. Because, yes... they always do. And you will never be financially and emotionally ready for kids. We thought we were... then bam! Twins! But then again, things will always work out. Good luck.

EMarvie

I was super worried too - Overweight all my life.. I was on birth control since i was 16 - was planning on getting married- (got married march 2008) I work shift work - a lot of my co-workers had a hard time getting pregnant -
well, in october 2007 we (my hubby and I) decided that I would stop taking the pill - I heard that it takes a bit to get out of your system -

well, it didnt - I was pregnant by november 15th - oops.. my wedding wasnt till march - well, needless to say I got married at 4.5 months pregnant - it didnt take long at all -
and now I have a happy healthy beauty of a 3 year old - She's sweet as pie.

dont stress! it will happen

hdlb123

Relax. There is no reason worrying about something when you don't know if there is reason to worry.

TheAnie

I'm going to agree with the suggestions of getting your health in order simply because they say a weight loss of just 10% of your current weight will help you get pregnant. That's why I started losing weight was to try and help myself get pregnant. Twenty six pounds down and I'm still not pregnant. I'm onto my 16th month trying to conceive. I have no known fertility issues and no one in my family has struggled to get pregnant before me.

If you're not actively looking to get pregnant and have no family history, I'll agree: don't worry. I wouldn't say don't stress because that's pretty much just not going to happen. If you want something and are not getting it this will stress you out. haha. I actually get pretty angry when people tell me not to stress.

Katie3784

Have you ever tried to get pregnant, or have you always been diligent when it comes to preventing pregnancy? If you have not tried and failed, I don't think you should worry. However, once you are in your thirties, even early thirties, it becomes harder to conceive your first child. I do not recommend having a baby that you cannot afford, but I also think it unwise to go on the assumption that there is a perfect time to start a family. If it is important to you, make it a priority, and do what you need to do so that you will be ready soon.

meramon

After getting married in '05, I also started thinking about babies. My husband and I had already decided to have a bit of 'selfish married time' first, so I continued with BC for another 3 years. For those three years, I had a little voice in the back of my head that said 'really? I've been on the pill since I was 16 and not even a close call...Maybe there's actually something wrong with me and it'll never happen.' PAH! I went off the pill in April, and we got pregnant the first month we tried. Poor husband! Two years later, we conceived again on the third try (a bit tougher with a 1-year-old around the house). Just knowing my story, I might be tempted to say 'it'll all work out.' Unfortunately, my best friend was married for 10 years, tried for 10 years and never conceived. Thankfully, she has found mommy happiness by adopting a 13 year old boy from a group home (I know, that almost never happens!). He's a great kid and now has a great family. I guess the lesson is that family is where you find it...

Best of luck, and congratulations on your marriage.

nikkilou1978

I also worried about not being able to have children. Having been married before and not trying, but not preventing, I never got pregnant. That was when I was 21. Now fast forward 10 years, I am now remarried. We started trying right away, it took 9 months of trying, then I got that hopeless never going to happen feeling. Then I was a week late, and wouldn't you know...I was indeed pregnant with my first child at 31 years old! Having been on birth control since I was 16, and going up to 6 months with no period, I thought it would never happen. That little guy in my profile pic is proof it does happen.

Just be patient, don't stress, and have fun trying!

Kathy077

I am 23 and got married this past September, i've gained about 65lbs in the past three years, and my periods have been skipping every other month, so it worries me too that I am so irregular and might have a hard time having children once my husband and I are ready.

We have the income and are building up our savings, paying down debt and trying to improve our credit scores and try to get a house before we have a baby. But I am in the same boat as you because all I can think about is having babies. Especially when literally all my friends around me are having children.

It is good that you guys are preparing, and i'm sure once you dont have the stress of wondering if you can afford things, you will get pregnant!!