MFP Friends That Aren't Being Very Healthy.

Crystal_Pistol

As someone who is in recovery for an ED, or eating disorder, i find it sad that you would judge or even delete someone for that. Maybe stop to think that this is their last hope. Recovery is a journey in and of itself. Many people with an ED dont choose to have one. Weight loss is a journey as well. Would you delete the overweight person who cant STOP eating? Sometimes someone with an ED has no friends because people are ignorant and judgemental about things they cant or dont understand. I'd never turn away someone for having a disease. Thats what an ED is by the way. Its hard enough trying to get healthy and harder still to stay that way. I can honestly say im glad i dont have any of you as a friend for support cuz clearly, i wouldnt get any. Sorry but i'll take someone who understands over someone who has no clue any day.

I have pals who are in recovery on my friends list. We give honest feedback to each other. One pal particularly comes to mind and I give honest feedback to her. She WORKS HARD to eat more. The key word in your post is "recovery." I would never judge a person with an ED, however, MFP is about personal wellness and I can't provide the support that a person in an active phase of the illness needs. It is too distracting. As I said, I am a therapist. MFP is where I am dealing with my issues- being overweight and historically not being active enough. I want people that can support ME also, and when a person isn't yet in recovery, they can't understand my eating habits and thus can't provide me support. No support, I delete.

I don't know about the OP, but people with ED histories were NOT included in my thoughts about people I'd delete. I actually wouldn't friend someone who was actively purging or not eating because I can't mentally handle it and focus on myself. I tried, but I ended up being a therapist and it was exhausting. I started not wanting to log in, and logging is IMPORTANT to my progress. This is more about those people who for no reason other than ignorance, looking for a quick fix, and refusal to listen to reason continue to barely eat.

Kristinemomof3

I friended a few of you, I struggle with the same thing. I think some people just don't know any better and think they are doing good things for their bodies.

deksgrl

I understand. I had an account on MFP about a year ago, and friended a few people, but I'm an aspie, and I'm physically disabled so I'm pretty limited as to what kinds of exercise I can do. Being aspie, I don't read people very well and am usually taken wrong, and walking with a crutch means I really ca't run. I'm not able to stand to do much food prep either, so my diet is often not ideal. I'd like to be supportive, but it's not a skill aspies possess. (And it's one we're usually not successful in learning very well.) Not being able to say the right things to the people I friended was just too stressful and I just stopped logging in. When I found out MFP was integrated with FitBit, which I've been using more than a year as well, I came back, but not to that account because I don't know what to say to the people I friended before. I get that it's better for everyone if I don't commit to friending someone, but now the friend requests are piling up and I'm getting nervous.

I have to say, though, I can't see how it would be helpful to offer negative feedback unless it was specifically asked for. When people ask on the forums for feedback, if I have some, I give it. I assume people wouldn't ask unless they wanted to know.

Use the site how it works best for you. If having friends is too stressful for you, then just don't add any. You can decline the friend requests. You could even consider putting something in the top of your profile that says you are not using the social function of this website and so do not accept friend requests.

FitLink

I joined MFP to track my exercise and food, without any intention of monitoring what anyone else is doing.
I'm kind of confused by this whole thread.

Yeah. That's why I came. I had no idea there was a "social network" aspect to this at all. I actually wonder why anyone thinks they can give unsolicited advice to people they only know online. You don't really know my situation and I don't really know yours. I can be supportive without deciding I know better than you how to live your life. This thread makes me glad I have no MFP friends. I don't need people who judge me based on what they can learn without ever meeting me in person and then "delete" me (what an awful way to put it--worse even than Facebook's "unfriend"...) because I'm not good enough. It's not my definition of "friend."

ash190489

Everyone has their own journey & different things work for everyone. Just because your way is working for you that may not work for them in the same way. I think you're right in that other people don't value anyone else's opinion - but it is a little sad because most of the time like you, you're probably genuinely concerned that someone is going to make themselves sick or what not. Like me, I think it's best to butt out, you've tried to help out, let them work it out on their own!

I have some great best friends who are eating lower than their goal everyday and doing hours of gym. At first I thought perhaps it wasn't the right thing to be doing, however it is working for them & they're reaching their goals and successes & I am proud of them!

Delete button is always there if necessary, but I just wouldn't worry about it! Good luck!!!

FitLink

I understand. I had an account on MFP about a year ago, and friended a few people, but I'm an aspie, and I'm physically disabled so I'm pretty limited as to what kinds of exercise I can do. Being aspie, I don't read people very well and am usually taken wrong, and walking with a crutch means I really ca't run. I'm not able to stand to do much food prep either, so my diet is often not ideal. I'd like to be supportive, but it's not a skill aspies possess. (And it's one we're usually not successful in learning very well.) Not being able to say the right things to the people I friended was just too stressful and I just stopped logging in. When I found out MFP was integrated with FitBit, which I've been using more than a year as well, I came back, but not to that account because I don't know what to say to the people I friended before. I get that it's better for everyone if I don't commit to friending someone, but now the friend requests are piling up and I'm getting nervous.

I have to say, though, I can't see how it would be helpful to offer negative feedback unless it was specifically asked for. When people ask on the forums for feedback, if I have some, I give it. I assume people wouldn't ask unless they wanted to know.

Use the site how it works best for you. If having friends is too stressful for you, then just don't add any. You can decline the friend requests. You could even consider putting something in the top of your profile that says you are not using the social function of this website and so do not accept friend requests.

I feel like deleting the friend requests might imply that I don't like them. It's not the case. I DO like them, from what I've seen of these people on the forums. I just don't know how to be friends online. It's difficult enough IRL, where people can see my difficulties. Online it seems impossible.

See? This is what I mean. It sounds like...bad...the way I say it...

LilBee82

Luckily, I have only been on here for about 20-21 days so I haven't experienced this with any of my friends yet. And I love how encouraging they all are and I try my best to do the same. I look at their status's for the day and their food diary's if viewable and comment. If I don't think they made very healthy choices for the day, I don't say anything. I congratulate them when they exercise. If they are struggling I take a look at their diary for the whole week and send a message in private, stating I don't want to sound offending or anything but just want to make a friendly suggestion and let them know what I think might be able to help them in their particular situation.

so far so good, I am loving this site.

I check out newcomers and decide if I want to friend them or not. I do see a lot that don't seem all that serious, you just get that vibe. I don't know how to explain it. I just know that if I friended them and tried to give advice, they probably won't take it.

deksgrl

I feel like deleting the friend requests might imply that I don't like them. It's not the case. I DO like them, from what I've seen of these people on the forums. I just don't know how to be friends online. It's difficult enough IRL, where people can see my difficulties. Online it seems impossible.

See? This is what I mean. It sounds like...bad...the way I say it...

Don't worry about that. You don't really KNOW these people. I would just suggest making your profile visible if it is not already, don't write anything that you don't want everyone to be able to read, and say on there that you do not accept friend requests, for personal reasons..... or because you get too overwhelmed and you cannot be a supportive friend.... or give no reason at all. You are not obligated to do the friend thing, it is just a nice option for those who do want to.

simplyblessed5

As someone who is in recovery for an ED, or eating disorder, i find it sad that you would judge or even delete someone for that. Maybe stop to think that this is their last hope. Recovery is a journey in and of itself. Many people with an ED dont choose to have one. Weight loss is a journey as well. Would you delete the overweight person who cant STOP eating? Sometimes someone with an ED has no friends because people are ignorant and judgemental about things they cant or dont understand. I'd never turn away someone for having a disease. Thats what an ED is by the way. Its hard enough trying to get healthy and harder still to stay that way. I can honestly say im glad i dont have any of you as a friend for support cuz clearly, i wouldnt get any. Sorry but i'll take someone who understands over someone who has no clue any day.

^^ I agree with this.

kittenmitton

I joined MFP to track my exercise and food, without any intention of monitoring what anyone else is doing.
I'm kind of confused by this whole thread.

Yeah. That's why I came. I had no idea there was a "social network" aspect to this at all. I actually wonder why anyone thinks they can give unsolicited advice to people they only know online. You don't really know my situation and I don't really know yours. I can be supportive without deciding I know better than you how to live your life. This thread makes me glad I have no MFP friends. I don't need people who judge me based on what they can learn without ever meeting me in person and then "delete" me (what an awful way to put it--worse even than Facebook's "unfriend"...) because I'm not good enough. It's not my definition of "friend."

Exactly. Honestly, someone sending you a message trying to dictate how you live your life is so offensive. I just respond with #sorryimnotsorry. I mean really, I'm not being an insensitive ahole telling someone what to eat and I don't want someone doing that to me. You don't know me, why you gotta get involved in my business?