Relationship advice... is it just me?!

lorro

Sorry but this guy is not ready for a relationship. You are in New Zealand as he can not face telling his family that he is with you. You deserve more than this, not least a person who wants the world to know you are together.

zeeeb

You really have to guage what each other are into. I had to train my partner up because he drove me crazy with constant calls and texts. I am not a phone person. He used send a message saying hi and then get annoyed that I didn't respond. Eventually he learned that I didn't need or want constant communication when I was at work, and now he loves that I'm not needy. No wonder his phone bill was 200 bucks, all this irrelevant natter about nothing. I hate the phone. Hate hate hate. For me its information only. No offence, but that's me. Not worth ruining an otherwise good relationship because one person likes to talk incessantly, and the other not so much.

Fat_Bottomed_Girl

A TEXT is tedious???

-SEE YA!

BandedTriaRN

Did you ever read the book "He's just not that into you: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt ?

hbunting86

No but I think I should!

To make life even more confusing... I received a big bunch of flowers with a lovely message for Valentines Day.

Gah... and men say WOMEN are complicated!

UpToTheChallenge

be straight up and ask him about what he said.

If you ask me, having a long distance relationship is pretty spacious. Talking once a day does not seem like too much, so he may be looking for a way out, or he could truly feel that way, so you need to ask him. How were the two of you before you moved? Did you see each other daily? Did you talk daily? Why has it changed NOW compared to previous?

The one thing I see with girls is they aren't just straight up with the guy and ask what they really mean and then they go and over analyze everything. Don't do that to yourself. Ask

kiki41

I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents worth. I have been married 3 years to a Navy man and as a result we have spent much of our time apart. We email every day and that is the only communication we really get. It is too expensive to call while he is in other countries, which is not often anyways.
I am speaking from personal experience, as being the one who says communication is tedious. I feel badly for ever making my hubby feel like he was not a priority because emails are tedious. After being apart so long it makes it difficult to relate to each other and you continue your lives without each other every day. You guys are only human. That said, I would take warning that he is not wanting what you may be wanting out of this, or just is not into what he is considering "high maintenance" relationship. If he can't make the effort and not make you feel like an obligation, and you are still going to feel hurt (as you should) then it would be my recommendation that you perhaps discuss with him bringing things to a halt instead of prolonging any unnecessary hurt.

good luck with this, and demand respect and what you deserve, regardless of the love you may feel for him.

hels4397

Heres my take....Ive been in a long distance relationship with my now, fiance for 2.5 years. Even when he was doing a tour of duty in Afghanistan for 7 months...we spoke daily! Thats actually the time where we really got to know each other. He would get up extra early so that we would have even just an hour online together. In the past 2.5 years, there have been only a handful of evenings we haven;t "spent" together...even if it is via a web cam. We only get to see each other about every 6 weeks for a few days at a time. Its hard, but we make it work. He has NEVER said anything like that to me. Also, we text all day long....Im always woke with a "good morning sweetness....." text and the last thing at night...even after 3 hours online is "Love you xoxox good night".

Now.....I don't know if this is what every man in love would be like...but thats how mine is. I hope you're able to figure things out. You sound like a very nice lady and perhaps you should find someone who is more appreciative of your time and heart. :flowerforyou:

I'm with her on that one. I've been in your situation before, and the guy I was with was actually here. Believe me, there is someone who will treat you right, and want to spend all that time with you - talking/texting etc. I'm the same way in that I LOVE to talk/text, and I've finally found someone who appreciates that, and treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I know it may be hard to walk away from 2 years, but believe me it's for the better. You will find someone who will appreciate your beauty & strength

i_love_vinegar

I don't know your situation obviously, but I am sorry you are going through this ^^ I wouldn't say that he has lost interest, but I acted similarly when my feelings began to fade for my ex...I felt confused, because I loved who he used to be...but not who he became. I think maybe he is confused because you are away and he doesn't love not having you there...but he loved you when you were there and able to interact in person. ^^

I think the best thing about a romantic relationship is how personal and special it is. This is a great opportunity to ask him how he feels and to explain your feelings. I'm also studying abroad. I have a crush on my friend, we went out today for Valentine's day. I had a crush on him since we met, and even joined a class to be with him. Unfortunately we both had to drop because of the crazy teacher and I thought that our mutual female friend also liked him...I also thought she was in our country for 2 years (while Im here for 1 year, crush is here 2). Ends up she never had a crush on him and is only here for 1 year as well <-< Unfortunately not having a close-enough relationship with her, I didn't bring up that I "also" (I seriously thought she liked him too) had a crush on this guy until recently. With him, since we are still just friends (although I want more), it is difficult to talk as openly about "feelings" u_u

Please take advantage of being able to discuss anything with your partner. Also...worst case scenario...you are so young still. You have your entire life ahead of you so don't put your life on hold...Keep your options open. If he is truly "The One" you will end up together in the end anyway.

Good luck~

ps: I wasted 3 years trying to "fix" someone. The age gap was only 8 years, but I was in high school when we met so back then it was "a lot." in the beginning of our relationship he was a much different person...i held onto this image of who he was...he tried to revert back to that old image...it ended really badly for both of us. I lost my best friend. Ended up having to catch up on a social life, as I had spent all my time with him.....Since then I continued with this "devote to one person" thing and then got played <-< He got me to like him buy showering me with attention and gifts...then strung me along. I originally also liked his "friend," but went for him because he was good looking and seemed so "into me." My point is, I ended up wasting precious time on a "relationship" *again* and missed out on meeting other people etc...

I recommend playing the field if you get the chance (because you are abroad)...Once I decided to put my main focus in order: 1st favorite, 2nd, 3rd, but still allow chances for other men (and women), I feel less anxious...because my attention isn't paid to one person, but multiple...and one guy for instance...I thought we didn't have much in common, but not closing myself off to just one person...I've found he's a really cool dude (just quiet) and we actually have a lot in common. My plan is: If I get lucky and my 1st favorite ends up my boyfriend (or 2nd or 3rd etc...people can move up and down if you allow the opportunity to get to know them)...when I move to a new country again I will allow him to date around and I will keep my options open. Again, if at the end of that time we still want to be together...it really means it is true!

I hope this wasn't too confusing ^^