friendships in real life

beduffbrickie

Ok I’m guilty of over the last 4-5years of my life (I’m 25) of neglecting my friends, to the point now where I haven’t got many left, I put this down to having a very long term relationship and putting my career and many other things first which I shouldn’t of.

I’m starting to feel lonely and that life is just passing me by; I find it very hard to be in social situations as I have struggled with a bit of anxiety over the years. I was very popular at school and throughout my teen years and found making friends easy, but one by one each friendship has gone, fizzled out, or dead in the water. I’ve been diagnosed as depressed and find myself re-assessing every area of my life lately.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation friendship wise? And do you have any advice for me?

PrincessLou71186

I had loads of friends when I was at school but I moved a lot, met my hubby and we moved from England to Ireland where we knew no one. Although I don't regret moving I do find it difficult to make new friends as I am quite a solitary person. It can get rather lonely. I have quite a few friends back home but not many where I live at the moment.

Don't have any advice, sorry.

kit_katty

Well, I have found that a number of my friendships have... moved on over the years. I think though, whether you're in a relationship or not, to make time for yourself, and your friends. So maybe take the time to either reconnect with existing, or previous friends, or go out and make some new ones. Good luck!

2Bgoddess

This was so very much me! That plus 3 kids doesn't leave much time for friendships. Two years ago i met several girls in similar situations. I met them in my zumba class.there's 8 of us who have become good friends, with similar interests.

My suggestion is to get into group things that interest you. With the anxiety it is hard, but remember we have to get outside our comfort zone, to live beyond the anxiety. Try positive self talk to get you there, baby steps at first. So much easier each time you put yourself out ther and enjoy some hobby or pass time.

Could be a class, group, organization...

ClarkAddison

I can't speak of depression but there were times in life that I felt in transition from being young and having certain friends to maturing and finding new interests. I just focused on things that I enjoyed doing and friends just sort of happened.

I'll note the irony of this next statement but minimize the time on the computer and get out in the real world more often too.

Hope this helps.

MaximalLife

Part of growth is indeed letting go of old relationships as we branch out and change into different individuals going through fresh stages of life. Just make sure you are connecting with new friends rooted in common interest and similar lifestyles and goals.

tashaa1992

Hm you sound simliar to me. All my life I would make friends anywhere I went and it came so easy to me, but after a almost two year relationship with my now ex boyfriend, I don't have any friends there anymore. I put him first, of course he didn't see it like this, he tended to be a bit controlling where my social life was concerned[we don't live that near to each other but not that far either, only an hour away], and as I chose him over my friends, they just started walking away one by one. I don't have friends, I find it hard to make friends, I never know what to say, social situations are so scary for me now. All I have is my younger sister, she's my best friend. It shouldn't be this way, we're young, we should be out with our friends living our lives to the very fullest! I Don't really have any advice but if anyone does I need it too lol:( Good luck though:)

Tasha
xxx

fatty_to_fitty

As we grow we outgrow people and it isn't always a bad thing.

I'm moved at 21 and have a lot of effort to make new friends. I now have some great friends who I can rely on and I can count them on one hand.

ts1122

I only have a few close friends - I was never an outgoing person and hated the drama of high school so I stuck with a small group. Now, all of my close friends live at least an hour away and I hardly see or talk to them. I moved to a new town (pop. 3400) almost 2 years ago and I just do not fit in. Everyone here has grown up together and went school to school to school together and they are not interested in letting new people in to their groups. I've tried to make plans with people (out of my comfort zone to be the instigator) but they always fall through. I have 3 sisters in law that live close by but none of them keep plans or seem to have anything in common with me because they don't have kids. It's kinda lonely but between a full time job, full time college, 2 kids and my husband working 2 jobs+clinicals - I think it would be hard to keep up with many friends.

Di3012

Ok I’m guilty of over the last 4-5years of my life (I’m 25) of neglecting my friends, to the point now where I haven’t got many left, I put this down to having a very long term relationship and putting my career and many other things first which I shouldn’t of.

I’m starting to feel lonely and that life is just passing me by; I find it very hard to be in social situations as I have struggled with a bit of anxiety over the years. I was very popular at school and throughout my teen years and found making friends easy, but one by one each friendship has gone, fizzled out, or dead in the water. I’ve been diagnosed as depressed and find myself re-assessing every area of my life lately.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation friendship wise? And do you have any advice for me?

No advice here, hell if it were not for my friends persistence with me, I would be the habitual Billy-no-mates LOL!

I like my own company, that's my problem, in fact, being surrounded by people for too long seems to send me off my own path, whatever that may be. Perhaps you are the same.

There is just one positive aspect arising out of depression and that is depression often forces a person to reflect into their own life and eventually to emerge better than before. Unfortunately for some people this may not be the case, but many a time it really does work. It sounds as if that is exactly where you are at at the moment.

Hoping you recover very soon, if it helps any, feel free to add me, I would never turn you away.

GuruOnAMountain

I'm kinda in the same situation. I've still got a lot of friends but have lost touch with some over the past few years and have limited contact with others. Although, to be honest, I anticipated that this might happen as I decided to go back to Uni to do a PhD and as I was self-funding, I've been juggling the PhD, work (sometimes 2 different jobs), volunteering at different things to give me more experience in the field I want to go into etc. I'm also (and have always been) involved with my church and youth work and then after a lifetime of being single, I met a guy about a year and a half ago, too, so have to fit in time for him now and again.

It means that I don't have much time at all to spend with friends. It was a decision I made to move on in my life and try to chase a career that I could really enjoy and I was willing to make the sacrifice of having limited free time for a few years but it isn't always easy for my friends to see it that way and I'm sure some of them feel abandoned. It makes matters worse that I met my man in the middle of it all because some friends seem to believe that he's the problem and that I'm choosing him over them (which I'm not....in fact, the last time I saw him was a month ago!) but even when you try to explain things to them, some just don't want to know.

To be honest, I'm not worried. I try to touch base with my friends via texts or facebook messages even when I don't have time to spend with them and I kinda reckon that the friends that are still there for me at the end of this period will have proven themselves to be really good friends by letting me put them aside for a few years in order to follow my dreams.

As other people have said, there's always the chance of meeting new people by joining groups, clubs etc. but it is hard sometimes. I make friends quite easily in 1 to 1 settings but if I'm part of a big group then I tend to become quite quiet and introvert. People from work can become good friends as well if you work with people round about your own age. I guess all you can do is try and see where things lead with people. Sometimes you meet friends in the strangest of places as well!

i_love_vinegar

Try meetup.com

I went through a similar thing with my ex boyfriend of 3 years...I met him before entering college and ended up quite isolated until breaking up.

Even when I moved to a new country, I was so used to being isolated...one thing that helped was using The Secret (when I started up again, I had 3 people in one day ask to hang out..and i was just sitting in my room that day!). I also joined two groups from Meetup.com and already have new friends (after a week) to hang out with.

Also, you could try asking friends to hang out. I am horrible at asking people to hangout, so usually don't...but tried it today and it worked out great...i have a date for Vday now with a guy Im crazy about ^^

Good luck!

ps: Last month I hung out maybe 2 times with friends. This month nearly every day is booked after using The Secret and Meetup.com as well as asking my friend to hang out for Vday >.<

jacquelyn_erika

I don't have a whole lot of advice for you except to say I am in the same boat. I moved after high school for 2 1/2 years and my high school friends and I went our separate ways. Then. I became friends with the friends of whoever I happened to be dating at the time. Well, we all know how that goes... once you split, you usually lose the friends, too. I actually ended up moving back to my hometown and everyone has gotten married, has children, and does their own thing for the most part (these are the people I went to HS with or was good friends with). I can count on one hand the number of "true" friends I have that aren't just acquaintances, and sometimes it saddens me. But, like someone else said, we tend to outgrow people.

I hope you can get out of this funk and that you make some new friends. Best of luck!

mamitosami

Part of growth is indeed letting go of old relationships as we branch out and change into different individuals going through fresh stages of life. Just make sure you are connecting with new friends rooted in common interest and similar lifestyles and goals.

This is so very true...

jrsey86

I'm there now. I'm 25, as well. I moved down to Virginia from Jersey to be with my fiance, leaving my family and friends behind. I got a job and worked very hard....between the new environment, workplace, etc. I lost most of my friends from lack of contact. Even the two I'm in touch with are in the same position themselves, so I rarely hear from them. I made no friends at the place I worked and was miserable, so I quit. I got a seasonal job and met a few really great people, developing a friendship with one. I also have a few people that I regularly see at the animal shelter where I volunteer. Hopefully some of those will turn into friendships!

I find making friends very hard. While I am social at work or when volunteering, I have serious issues opening up to people. Making friends for me is hard, as I am insecure at times and I'm a sensitive person. Making friends requires opening up, so I need to work on that.

I would recommend volunteering for something you care for or get involved with a class at the gym. Having a similar interest with people or working towards a common goal has an uncanny way of bringing people closer together. This has been my experience, at least.

Good luck, hun!! Please friend me if you like.

chevy88grl

I'll be honest...as I've gotten older, friendships seem to become slightly less important. I have a bunch of acquaintances, but friends? Not nearly like I did when I was younger. I don't know why - but, I just seem to have less tolerance for their drama or issues when I am dealing with my own things. I don't want to go out anymore - I'm over the bar/club scene. If I go shopping, I'm just has happy to go alone or with my daughters. I don't know. Maybe I'm weird, but I prefer my solitary time and I don't want to be constantly trying to make other people happy simply to "be their friend".

JenAiMarres

Yes I was popular in HS, yes I make freinds easily. yes i look the part..but I have a hard time keeping up a persona constantly. I think that is common amongst "people persons".

Luckily (hahhaha) I live in my home town and all my girl friends from HS know Iam a hermit in real life and they still love me...

Freindships take on different meanings later in life, but i am finding that friends are important. some freinds i see weekly some I see a few times a year. they all hold a special place in my heart, and play a different role in my life.

I would be lost without my girl friends...and a few years ago I would not have said that.

XXXMinnieXXX

Aw honey. My heart goes out to you. I was in a abusive relationship for 5 years, he made me cut off my friends. When I split from him I had to change my whole life up as he was stalking me and I lost the new friends I'd made. I met my partner and he has amazing friends and partners so we make a effort with them. His sister is wonderful and even though I have social anxiety too I went out with her on her girls night and have made 2 amazing other friends. There's 4 of us now, great friends and its wonderful. Loneliness is a terrible thing. My advice is as hard as it is force yourself into social situations. I think the zumba class is an ace idea. All there to get fit, already got something in common... You have to try hard to break through the anxiety and push yourself, I really know how hard that is but only you, can fight for your happiness!!! Xxxx

sexyminxinthemaking

i feel like im in the same boat as you, lately i feel like i have out grown all my friends because i have a young family and try to juggle college and a work placement too. I feel as though they dont make time for me anymore and im constantly the one doing the running. Its got to the point where i dont bother anymore so neither do they but have come to the conclusion that i dont need them anyway :explode: :explode: :explode:

siljamilja

I have been/am still in the exact same situation as you. I was very open and sociable as a teen but I got depressed at 18 and I've been having trouble making friends ever since because my depression was partly caused by social anxiety. I have a few friends from before depression but we are not as close as I'd want my friends to be. I've been lucky enough to make new friends at school this past six months but I just don't know/can't get close with them even though I want.

I guess this is not very helpful since I have no idea how to correct the situation but just to let you know you're not alone in this.

lilojoke

No advice here, hell if it were not for my friends persistence with me, I would be the habitual Billy-no-mates LOL!

I like my own company, that's my problem, in fact, being surrounded by people for too long seems to send me off my own path, whatever that may be. Perhaps you are the same.

I am the same exact way!