friendships in real life

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  • firesoforion
    firesoforion Posts: 1,017 Member
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    I seriously identify with your situation (minus the relationship part, but even same age). When I went to college, I drifted away from all of my high school friends, and I didn't make many college friends. Then I went away for a couple of years and did better building up my friendship base, but now that's a continent away and I'm back home with no one to really talk to. I also find myself nervous about meeting new people but I've been going to some MeetUp groups recently. It's a really great way to start building a new social circle and base of friends.
  • Inacay
    Inacay Posts: 47 Member
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    "Every heartbeat holds a lesson. Wisdom is found in listening to the lessons of your heart." ~ Ruthie Inacay

    "An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The red thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break." ~ Ancient Chinese Proverb

    There is something splendid about the simple act of knocking on your neighbor's door to "borrow" a cup of sugar. It's brilliant, running out of sugar. Now a days, we don't really need sugar, but the truth is, we do. We need more sugar now, than we ever have before.

    You see, the gift of lack, is kindness. It is also courage and merely for the "asking." That is the gift.

    A couple of days ago, my heart was literally breaking.

    As you may know, life changes can greatly impact our well being, eating habits, and activity schedule. So I think I ate as much as I cried. Given this, I realized that I REALLY need to work on my coping skills. But the gift of my broken heart were the "angels" that were drawn to it. I'm not talking about literal angels. I'm talking about the people kind. The guy you don't know that passes you by jogging. The woman you would never normally talk to, but because she is not your kind of people. The irritating student in class that you would like to hit over the head with your books. You'll be surprised where your angels will come from.

    So my friend, follow your "gut". By simply asking for support, your angels are on the way. They have been waiting for you to simply whisper your need.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
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    Omg. I can totally relate. I'm 23 and my last friend I had from high school I quit talking to sadly because she tried pulling me into a dangerous situation with her super abusive fiance. I'm sad I can't hang out with her but she is absolutely devastating to herself and people around her.

    I also have friends through my husband but they are very hard to get to hang out with us. All they want to do is play video games, smoke cigarettes, eat junk food, complain about life, go to the strip club, and just sit there. Which is fine in and of it self but me and my husband are trying to be more active, healthy and do things outside of video games.

    I also have to fight with a crazy schedule. I live on campus and go to school with 14 credits which are all very intense. Even if they aren't science/math! I also work part time 25 hours a week so I'm always stuck on campus. I also have to do my homework which takes up loads of time. There's also my commitments to church which can tie up 2 hours on Wednesdays and a couple on the weekends. We also have to maintain our apartment... with huge loads of laundry, complicated grocery shopping, paying bills, and cleaning in general. All that squeezes very little time left over which I happily give to my husband who needs attention of course.

    I want friends though. I really want to go out to a local pub... I live downtown for poop's sake! Sometimes my husband doesn't want to go out and I do. Or we go out and feel like we are missing out with out other people to catch up with. We love hanging out with each other but there is something about having a friend or two to come along. His friends won't go out with him to do anything.

    I also have a HUGE family commitment apparently. With all our relatives in town and everyone celebrates holidays, birthdays, and random vacations I cannot miss out. If I do they get so butt hurt and angry.

    It sucks. Plus you have to work with someone else's schedule which is always hectic. I don't know how people do it. Especially when they have kids.
  • warmachinejt
    warmachinejt Posts: 2,167 Member
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    This is me too....i have done a lot of different things in my young life music/dance and now for my health gym. I meet lots of people but i just don't care much about others to keep in contact. I get their numbers and everything but I just don't find interest to ask them about their life or anything like that so I guess they don't care about me either. The only time i end up caring about someone is when I crush on a girl haha...
  • firesoforion
    firesoforion Posts: 1,017 Member
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    There is something splendid about the simple act of knocking on your neighbor's door to "borrow" a cup of sugar. It's brilliant, running out of sugar. Now a days, we don't really need sugar, but the truth is, we do. We need more sugar now, than we ever have before.

    You see, the gift of lack, is kindness. It is also courage and merely for the "asking." That is the gift.

    :heart: Love this, it's so, so true.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
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    I completely don't have many friends at all because I chose not too. It's hard finding real, true friends
  • plushkitten
    plushkitten Posts: 547 Member
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    Yes. And it took a long time to realize that it's okay to be by ourselves. Biologically we are hardwired to be social, but culturally we are hardwired with thoughts that "having an active social life=happiness." Although this is a projection of culture and not reality, when we find that we are not living up to those expectations we tend to get very anxious because we think that we must be surrounded by friends to feel comfortable. Therefore making the process of seeking out new friendships very contrived, which then reciprocally makes us more anxious because we feel like we can't be social.

    I was just like you. Literally same story. And it wasn't until I realized this that I was able to socialize and feel a natural flow with those I'm interested in making connections with.

    Good luck :)
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    I'm a lot like you. It seems you are an introvert.

    For me, instead of focusing on having a lot of friends and a big social network, I just have a handful of very close friends and the rest are acquaintances. My close friends, I try to call at least once per week and go out with at least once per month. It's hard with all of our careers being busy and stressful, but it's important that I make time for them. I only have 4 people I consider "good friends" enough to work on the relationship. The rest are family and acquaintances.

    I used to let my friendships just fizzle out and be alone, but I am very happy knowing I can pickup the phone and call my best friend if I need to. She doesn't judge me, and I do the same for her. That is invaluable.
  • Klein1475
    Klein1475 Posts: 248 Member
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    Part of growth is indeed letting go of old relationships as we branch out and change into different individuals going through fresh stages of life. Just make sure you are connecting with new friends rooted in common interest and similar lifestyles and goals.



    agreed....
  • beduffbrickie
    beduffbrickie Posts: 642 Member
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    thank you so much for the replies, great to get different peoples perspective on this. some really good feed back, so thank you to everyone that commented on this thread.
  • loopybec2002
    loopybec2002 Posts: 313 Member
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    When I left school I made the choice to leave friends behind and I started attending every single Nottingham Forest match after a couple of months I started recognising others went to all matchs and that recognised me we suddenly became very good friends and going to matchs togeather they are not some of my closest friends. My other good friends are people I work with just give everyone a chance they may be as lonely as you.
  • Trinketona
    Trinketona Posts: 190
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    I've always been ignored by my friends. Even by my family sometimes. I have never been in your position. Ive been at the other end. I have given up on looking for them. :indifferent:
  • Trinketona
    Trinketona Posts: 190
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    I completely don't have many friends at all because I chose not too. It's hard finding real, true friends

    Couldnt agree more.
  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
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    Real life sucks.
  • the_jinxster
    the_jinxster Posts: 63
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    Im 25 too, I found this text helpful and inspiring: (its from a university website) http://www.esm.vt.edu/~sdross/text/quarterlifecrisis.html Maybe it will help you too. Good luck,
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
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    I'm like you. I'm in a long term relationship, not many friends, depression (which is getting better everyday) and social anxiety.

    I started talking to some old friends about a year ago now and since then I've been happier. I also went back to college and it's sooo good to talk to people with the same interests.

    Go to a group of something you enjoy and meet some like minded people. It is nice to just talk to some one, even if it's once a week! :-)
  • robbiejay1971
    robbiejay1971 Posts: 33
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    Over the past few years, I've rekindled friendships on Facebook, which has then led to being back in touch with people that I'd lot touch with. Even better for me is the fact I'm in contact with loads of cousins that I hadn't seen for 20+ years. Good luck!
  • xginanax
    xginanax Posts: 333 Member
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    Going to Read this later! :)
  • JenCM
    JenCM Posts: 195
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    I understand. I personally never had oodles of friends growing up (ya know, the fat kid never does! haha) but I had a few and I gained a few as I got older. Then life happened. I changed...people moved away...My Dad got cancer - half fled then. I got married - a few more disappeared...Then my Dad passed away and that cleared out the stragglers. I was told I had "too much in my life to deal with". =P So I ended up being 25, married and living in a new place, without my Dad and best friend to talk to, fat and my social circle consisting of my husband, MIL, Grandmother and brother. It's still pretty much the same. haha. I've attempted a few friendships over the last couple years and they've gone nowhere...and I'm at a point where I'm convinced it's all me, I'm too odd, awkward, etc...and I have no desire or confidence in situations with people anymore. For some reason it's much harder for me to make friends now that I'm older...
    So anyone lacking people in real life, you're so not alone!
  • shvits
    shvits Posts: 249 Member
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    I am the opposite. I had really no friends in high school and was isolated. Now....I have a number of good friends and have had to drop people who were not right for me any more. I have new friends that I meet when I am out doing the things that I like. Don't get me wrong, I find it hard to reach out to people, but is happens slowly as you see people on a regular basis...I volunteer at native plant restoration, I have a swim class at a gym....do stuff I like an meet new and interesting people.

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