Overcoming an Eating Disorder...

mommamuscles

this has been a lifelong battle for me...anorexic in high school, required medical intervention. Bulimic until my early 20s, then just overrate compulsively and gained tons of weight with all my emotional eating issues. This last year I have lost over 100 lbs, but am still struggling to have a right relationship with food and exercise. It is so hard. Feel free to friend me!

swellen

Three days ago my mother had a serious talk with me and I've started eating more these past days.
My diet normally consisted of 300 - 400 calories/day. Now I am forced to eat all three meals plus snacks (about 1.200 cals/day total)

I feel constantly bloated, my stomach is sticking out extremely much and I look horrible. (Keep in mind it's only been 3 days since I started eating like this)

The worst part of all is, I've already gained 5lbs.
5lbs IN THREE DAYS!
I feel terrible and it feels as if I'm going to be overweight again if I keep going like this.
I am feeling very lost and I don't know who to talk to. I don't know where to go for advice.
I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm seriously considering going back to eating 300 cals/day to loose these 5 lbs.

If you have been malnourished, it can be very dangerous to your health to suddenly increase your calorie intake. When recovering from an eating disorder, calories are usually increased very gradually to allow your body to adjust, and to avoid refeeding syndrome.

I would really encourage you to see your GP about this, and get a referral to a therapist and a dietitian. It's obviously very important to work up to eating a healthier amount, but simply eating more is NOT the cure for an eating disorder. It's a complicated illness and needs specialist treatment and lots of support, both from professionals and from family and friends.

swellen

I've struggled with various forms of disordered eating for years - mostly a cycle of restrict/binge/restrict etc, as well as weighing myself multiple times a day and creating lots of food rules, and developing massive anxiety around food in general. I'm getting some help for it now and feeling confident for the future. (I'm on day 11 of not weighing myself - woot!) My dietitian eventually wants me to stop counting calories at all and just concentrate on serves/portions (ie, macros). I'm nowhere near ready for that yet but hoping to get there eventually, as the calorie counting has definitely become obsessive. Sigh. One little step at a time!

Kaelinnn_102

Oh my god. This is what I need....I literally just posted the following status, if anyone can help me with this, or just be there for support, please feel free to add me!

"Alright all, as the old saying goes, "admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery." Where do I start ? Here lately, I have been binge eating constantly. And I do mean CONSTANTLY. I've only gained back 5 of my 35 lost pounds, and for that I am so thankful, but I feel so out of control. I've done so much research over the last two weeks, and the more I read, the more I realize I have a true eating disorder. Now, I know exactly what everyone is probably thinking, "omg is she throwing up?" or the other one, "is she starving herself then gorging when she can't starve anymore?" The answer is no. Just binging and binging and binging. I've found that I have "Binge Eating Disorder". And yes, I'm sure; I have never been more sure of anything in my life. One of the most important factors in me getting better, is to have a strong support system. I have my family and my extremely understanding and loving boyfriend, but now I would love to have the support of my MyFitnessPal family. I will be pre-logging my meals & snacks the night before each day, in order to avoid a binge. I know I'll cave at times, but from here on out, I will log EVERYTHING, even my binges that are sure to come in the future, in order to hold myself accountable. But as long as I have some support, I know it will make it easier. Sorry for the long story, and for those of you willing to help me, thank you so much in advance "

anamiamem

I am in recovery from "ED-NOS" (Eating Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified). Since college I have yo-yoed, restricting so much to the point of weighing 98 pounds (I'm 5'6"). My church intervened and I went back to a 'healthy' weight. I gained weight after marrying and having four children, during which time I battled medical complications and hospitalizations. When my youngest was 4, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erethematosis (Lupus) and decided I had to get the weight off when my medical paperwork documented me as 'obese.' For the first time in my life, I lost the weight in a healthy manner--through proper eating and walking up to ten miles a day. I lost 80 pounds in about 9 months time--while under the supervision of my doctor.

About 1.5 years later, I was afraid I was putting on weight and the eating disorder reared its ugly head. I started purging. I was smart enough to know it wasn't right and got into therapy. Then I started restricting. I got down to 120..which isn't bad if you are 20, but I was 44. I changed some stressors in my life and was able to get into recovery about two years later.

Then, I got sick. I didn't know how sick I was for two years. I was out for six weeks and went from a size 4 to a size 8 in that time. Over the next two years, I ballooned to a size sixteen. I thought it was just me being lazy and that I needed to start exercising more. But it wasn't. Turns out my heart was bad and my body was naturally slowing down because my heart couldn't keep up...thus the weight. That was three years ago and I can't exericse and I'm even heavier now than then. I can't stand for more than ten minutes at a time. I can do my tread mill on 1.5 for five minutes. I hate how I look and literally do not look in the mirror. I started a medical weight loss program and lossed five pounds in five days. However, I ended up in the hospital and my doctor had to pull me off the diet (heart related, not diet related, but needed the calories for my heart to heal). That was a month ago. I've been so proud of myself that I have maintained my recovery from the ED as it would only damage my heart even more if I were to slide back. The doctor that is working with my other doctors for my weight ordered me back in therapy as this is definitely going to trigger my ED. But, I have to lose the weight as my heart can't handle the weight. And yet, I can't exercise because not only is my heart too damaged, but right now, it's inflamed (Myocarditis) from the Lupus. I'm on heavy steroids that caused 12 pounds of weight gain and I'm not getting off of them any time soon.

So...all this to echo what others have said here...losing weight and maintaining recovery from an eating disorder is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I think the most important thing you can do is have support--not only from a therapist--but also from people who have or are walking in your shoes.

anamiamem

For Turnleftnow: Of course, no one but your therapist can tell you if you have an eating disorder. I never fit into a conventional category as I would restrict and purge, but not to a level to categorize me as anorexic or bulimic. My 'official' diagnosis is Eating Disorder (ED) NOS--(Not otherwise specified). This means I fall into the category of having an eating disorder, but it doesn't fit into 'their' categories. Hopefully that helps you a little bit.

blankcircles

I am ( I think). At least I know I have disordered eating behaviors. Probably why I joined this site in the first place. I am not overweight but I want to loose weight. I am at a healthy weight 5'9" 143 but I used to be 135 so that is why I started watching what I eat. Do you think this site makes you worse or better? I wish I liked the way I looked. I know I should but I just DONT. Uggghh. :frown:

AmyT78

Is anyone else here struggling AGAINST an eating disorder? It's a scary thing to let go of, and I was kind of hoping to find some more people who were trying to leave their ED behind. :] Support and all that fun stuff, yes? :flowerforyou:

I am, I struggle with overeating/ emotional eating. Any eating disorder is a scary thing to go through, so I completely understand. Therapy has helped me understand 'why' I do it and to get a better understanding on what triggers these bad habits. And medication has helped too. But in the end, its all up to me whether I do it or not.

I lost 112lbs 7yrs ago and I've managed to kept most of that weight off with watching what I eat and exercising at least 3+ days a week. But In the past 6months I've gained about 10lbs. So I know its time for me to get serious again.

Right now im trying everyday. I may not be successful everyday. But in time, I will be. If you would like to add me pls do so. We could support each other:flowerforyou: ( and that goes for anyone else who is struggling with an eating disorder, pls feel free to add me as a friend)

together, we can beat this:drinker:

Rruni1

Wow, I never knew that so many people were going through this, too. It's incredible to have so much support, and I wish the same for all of you!
I, too, have been diagnosed with EDNOS, and the most terrifying part is trying to change my thought patterns, as my psychologist is trying to do. It's been so long since I've thought about myself in a positive light that I'm not sure what it feels like anymore. It's crazy. And, of course, there are a lot of triggers that I run into throughout the day (especially on tumblr, urgh.) My biggest is probably seeing "pro-ana" posts and what not online, because they make me feel like I'm doing something wrong by trying to be healthy and get better, and they remind me that if I justtt let myself slip back a little bit, back into those destructive behaviours, then I can be as skinny as I want to be. There is where the struggle really begins for me-- keeping my head up enough to ignore things like that and not let them trigger me, because I've been doing really well with this, I think. I haven't had a mental breakdown from food in weeks so far, and I've made it a goal to eat something every day simply because I want it; not analyzing the nutritional value or the calories in it, or how much protein it has to make me fill full, none of that.

It's difficult, but having support like this is a huge help!

anamiamem

You hit the nail on the head with the thought patterns! Once it starts, it is SO hard to stop it or change it. And you are right, there are SOOO many triggers! My biggest thing right now is not switching into the old thought patterns where...I basically think about it all the time and everything in my life is about food...restricting...purging, etc. That's what I'm really fighting with this current program because I have to write down everything I eat, the calories and the protein. It's really hard not to 'trigger' that thinking and end up back there. Part of what keeps me is I had a client (I'm in a helping profession) who struggled with an eating disorder and 'pro-ana'. She negated it because she didn't fit into bulimia or anorexia but would be on pro-ana sites 17 hours a day. About a year after the last time I saw her, she was found dead one morning. It was from complications of her eating disorder. I try and think of her whenever I start to perseverate on food/dieting/restricting.

kaybelmore

I struggle with anxiety, OCD, and disordered eating (I'm told it's slightly different than an ED because it's part of OCD, evolves more obsessing over eating the 'right/healthy/clean/trusted/ect/" food and omission of untrusted foods or foods i decide are not correct and less about control and weight) I do struggle with a poor body image and an overall complex of never feeling good enough.

It's rough, support would be lovely.

imworthit

I too am trying every day. Some are easier than others but it is still such a struggle.

tkdbutterfly

Yes, I'm currently starting recovery for my ED. I'm actually going into treatment sometime in the next two weeks. I'm all about being supportive of others in this struggle and I'm happy to be friends with everyone. I just deleted all my pro-ana friends on here so I would love to have a healthier community around. Good luck to us all, our struggles take many forms.

Rruni1

I struggle with anxiety, OCD, and disordered eating (I'm told it's slightly different than an ED because it's part of OCD, evolves more obsessing over eating the 'right/healthy/clean/trusted/ect/" food and omission of untrusted foods or foods i decide are not correct and less about control and weight) I do struggle with a poor body image and an overall complex of never feeling good enough.

It's rough, support would be lovely.

My boyfriend has anxiety, as does one of my friends,and my brother has OCD. (I also have OCD tendencies, though not the full blown thing.) I'm sure that if you keep at it, you'll get to where you want to be. :]

Rruni1

I went to the doctor yesterday and discovered that I have gained five pounds from the last time I weighed myself. I realize that this is probably from the weight training that I've been doing, but my ED is still like "It's five pounds. I don't care. You're a failure." And the doctors were trying to tell me that I'm incredibly healthy right now, but I only took it as a failure from there. I slipped back into the thought pattern of food being evil and merely making you gain weight, and that anywhere in the double digits is an ideal weight.
But then, I went home and made myself eat.
Because I am in control, not EDNOS.

emfilomena

I am, love. I've been struggling for years, recovered once (resulting in the highest balloon of my weight ever), and unfortunately relapsed. I'm scared to recover because I don't want to put on all that weight from my body adjusting to normal eating (even overeating at times)..

I've been denied coverage for treatment by my insurance, so my only hope is recovery on my own. I went to a new specialist yesterday and I opened up a little about my ED. He doesn't want me losing anymore weight, but maintain. He put me on a diet (in accordance to my other medical problems) and I'm scared I won't be able to maintain it.. and I know I'm not ready to tackle this head on. : \

I am against eating disorders though and try to encourage others who are coming in at low-cal numbers to lose the weight "fast" to eat healthier, get more fibers, healthy nuts and protein, carbs, and fruit and veggies in. Can't seem to take my own advice.. I am adding anyone who mentioned fighting against their ED though!!

I'm also struggling with depression, anxiety, PTSD, ADD, and OCD (all diagnosed by a medical professional). My physical medical problem is gastroparesis, a digestive disorder. What can I say, got a lot of issues :flowerforyou:

jayne_mel

I've been battling anorexia now for 10 years with 9 hospitalizations and 5 inpatient treatment stays. I'm only now really startting to fight hard against this. At 5'10.5 I've been down to 104 and as hight as 141. I've really had to fight my *kitten* off for my current 114. Eds screaming at me for it though.

Changinghabits68

I have had an ED for so long but I've kept her locked up for a long time. I have always "looked" like my body was fine, I always "looked" put together. I have just recently started to "out" my anorexia and let me tell you, I was so topsy turvy with nerves and flip flopping last night as I had written in my blog post about all my thoughts and feelings. The black and white thinking, the trigger I am going through and how hard this is now that the thoughts have started again.

if anyone wants to add me, I'd be happy to add you back, I could really do with the support from those that truly understand was having an ED is like. I am working with therapists in two weekly groups right now, but must admit, I only just opened up about my ED this past week, after living in silence for about 19/20 years with it.

pureperfection

Hey! I just wanted to write a little ad of sorts here. I've been struggling with an ed ever since I was 7 and I'm not only looking for support on here but also willing to give it. An ed is serious, its painful (physically and mentally) and you just want to die. so anyone who wants help or wants to give it. Add me.

chammich

You are all amazing to post your issues with food. I know firsthand that this is not easy.

I have been overeating my whole life. I really think alot of it is my bodies chemical reaction to food. If I take one bite of something refined, I am doomed. I will not stop eating. I have learned in the last few months by doing Paleo that my body is so weak when it comes to certain foods. High processed carby foods are not my friend. Each day is a battle. I abstain from sugar, flour, and dairy. Staying away from those three things helps me regain some sanity over what I can eat.

I have not ever dealt with anorexia but from what it sounds like one needs to change to view of how food is to us. Food is a fuel, like gas is to a car. All fuel is different and reacts differently to everyone. Pay attention to how you feel after you eat.