"You don't need to lose weight"

gettinerdone_

So get ready for a rant:
I HATE it when people tell me "oh my god. You don't need to diet". For me, losing weight and dieting is a personal thing. I don't exactly like to broadcast "I'M FATTER THAN I'D LIKE TO BE". If I tell you I'm trying to lose weight, or eat healthy, or diet, I'm telling you this because a) I trust you and b) I want you to try to help make sure I don't slip up.

So I have a lot of frustration when I tell a friend "no thanks, I'm trying to eat healthy" or "it has so many calories!" and they come back with a response of "you don't need to lose weight, you're not fat" or "don't count calories, its unhealthy to obsess over numbers".

Okay, so I may not be "fat". I'm slightly overweight, but not by much. And I know you mean well and are being nice or whatever when you tell me these "compliments". But honestly, if I come to you and tell you I'm trying to lose weight, why discourage me? Why put me down for making a healthy lifestyle choice? I'm making this choice because I don't want to get to the point where I am obeise, where I am already more unhappy than I already am, or when I do have serious health risks. Right now, I have a very high body fat percentage. 40% of me is made of fat. I am 40% jello, 40% lard.

What business is it for you to decide whether I count calories or not? To me, counting calories is good. Because when I'm not dieting, I'm eating around 3000 calories, sometimes more. And I'm a girl, 5'3". I understand that it is partially your business since I told you in the first place, but if a woman asks you if you like the wedding dress shes wearing, do you say no? Of course not! Some things are my decision!

So friends. I know you will not see this, but please do not discourage me from my happiness.

mollyonamission

Amen I'm in the exact same boat. Feel free to add me

rolliepollie087

I hear it a lot, too. I'm tall and my weight evenly divides. Have you told them how you feel?

captawesome

Very well said, I know exactly what you mean here. I think it's perhaps a reflex response or a polite reaction that's intended as a compliment. They may be intending the right thing but its just not going to help. I wonder what they would say if we did reply "no sorry, I'm fatter that I want to be and don't want to make it worse!" Haha, could you imagine?!

For me, I'll take it as a semi-compliment (still have trouble accepting those), say 'thank you" but still pass on whatever was on offer, or politely agree to disagree on the subject.

xraychick77

ya i get that too.

i just tell them its not dieting or about being skinny..its about being healthy.

VinaAnderson

I can totally relate. I eat pretty healthy and became a vegetarian last year and I always find myself having to justify why I eat the way I do. Can't understand why people feel they need to comment on what they think someone else should or should not be doing. If I don't ask your opinion, I don't need it.

pornstarzombie

I get it all the time. ALL THE TIME. Usually it's "Oh, but you're so tall - you're allowed to weigh more!"

No, I'm not. It's not an excuse. I can weigh what is considered normal FOR my height, but I will not weigh more than that just because I may be able to distribute it better.

I roll my eyes at them when they tell me that, and continue to order what I was going to order anyways, or just say "No thanks" if they're trying to get me to try something.

Every so often I will indulge and take a bite or some of what they're wanting me to try/eat, but I have to watch myself because I will go overboard, say "gimme!" and eat the whole tray. Or bag. Or whatever.

Being healthy shouldn't be thought of so negatively, but it is. When you say that to people, they automatically assume you're "dieting". No, I'm just trying to eat better for my body.

Misery loves company, as well. If your friends are overweight or on the fluffier side, SOME tend to not like it if you lose weight and are being healthy.

I have learned to casually ask people what kind of food will be at any get together, or what kind of eating places are going to be around where we are going a few days ahead, so I can 'plan' not what I am going to eat, but how much more exercise I'm going to squeeze in. I try to cut back calories a bit a few days prior, or even after, to help even it out.

Kymmu

I hear ya!
I'm just trying to be healthy and eat clean.
" a little cake won't hurt...." if I ate all of the crap on offer I'd join the ranks of the diabetics and various other poor folk who couldn't say no.
Jeeze it's not like we are hurting anyone when we politely refuse to eat junk!
I've become a foodie and I refuse eat poor quality food.
I'll indulge if it's worthy! Fact is it's generally not worth it!
Stay strong!

McMommyx3

I get the eye rolls if I say I'm dieting, but I try not to say it like that, sure I'd like to lose weight, but it is more about eating healthy & I dont think friends should be discouraging anyone from being healthy! But, like the old saying "misery loves company" I think most people want others to eat like them so they dont feel so bad LOL

nahralynn

I have to agree that I think people tend to say that thinking of it as a compliment because they said you were skinny! However not everyone has the same idea of 'healthy'. To them it could be the skinny factor, to you eating better. I wouldn't get upset over it or anything though. Also I think when people say those things they could be worried. If they see you as already thin .. and you are trying to get 'thinner' in their eyes .. they could wonder if you have some kind of body issue disorder or something. Again, perspective. If someone says those annoying words to you maybe you could inform them a little more into what it is you want to accomplish, obviously you told them because as you said you trust them .. so just enlighten them a bit more about the healthy goals that you have.

Kymmu

I have to agree that I think people tend to say that thinking of it as a compliment because they said you were skinny! However not everyone has the same idea of 'healthy'. To them it could be the skinny factor, to you eating better. I wouldn't get upset over it or anything though. Also I think when people say those things they could be worried. If they see you as already thin .. and you are trying to get 'thinner' in their eyes .. they could wonder if you have some kind of body issue disorder or something. Again, perspective. If someone says those annoying words to you maybe you could inform them a little more into what it is you want to accomplish, obviously you told them because as you said you trust them .. so just enlighten them a bit more about the healthy goals that you have.

You are right, when you explain (again) they usually lose their 'fight'. Maybe somewhere inside them they know they should be doing the same - who knows? I eat right because I want good health.

ColetteKent

This is EXACTLY how I feel. I'm in the same boat. I'm not "fat" but I'm definitely not at the weight I should or want to be. The fact that you're here, watching your health, despite what your friends say, is a wonderful step. Keep up the good work! Feel free to add me and we'll help keep each other on track.

Emily_Katherine

I try not to cite healthy eating or weight loss when I decline food from someone, because it can seem like a criticism of their choice - even though you don't mean it that way - especially if you are slim and they are not. That may be why they are responding defensively. A simple "No thank you, I don't feel like fries with extra gravy today" or "They look delicious, but I'm too full for a cupcake" should suffice in most cases.

bcattoes

When people tell me "You don't need to lose weight" when I refuse some offered food, I simply reply with "I will if I eat that."

BAMFMeredith

I'm right there with you girl. I am about 30 lbs overweight, but I distribute my weight VERY evenly, so often people don't believe me when I tell them how much I weigh. But my body fat percentage is somewhere around 30%. NOT COOL. I'd like it to be around 20%. It's SO frustrating (however complimentary) when people tell me to stop obsessing because I look great or whatever. I appreciate they compliment. But it's also frustrating because they don't understand my struggle, and telling me I look fine as I am isn't exactly motivating or supportive.

So instead I just tell people "I'm really focusing on being healthy right now." That usually does the trick. That generally gets a response like "good for you!" Or "I wish I had that kind of focus." A lot more helpful than "oh you're fine."

As long as you remember you're doing this for YOU, you're on the right track

hollythehutt

I hate that. My family have the chance to do it quite a lot, as I, although chubby, am probably the slimmest of them; so they constantly use, "if you think you need to lose weight, what about me?". I've explained to them that I think I'm too fat but have no aim to dictate their weight, that it's my diet and their weight doesn't really come into it, but it never works...

w2bab

I couldn't agree more! I told my sister yesterday that I'm trying to get down to where I did 7 years ago (when I lost 83 lbs and weighed 180) and she told me 20 lbs or so would fine, but that I shouldn't get "gaunt" like I was before because I "looked like death warmed over". I'm 5' 7", 180 is not gaunt, and I was wearing size 8 pants comfortably because I busted my a** for 15 months to get there. Don't you just hate it when people try to sabotage your efforts, even if they don't intend to be mean?????

LauraLouIsReady

I have actually SAID that to skinny people before and never realized it could be taken like that! So THANK YOU for the insight. I will certainly be more encouraging and offer support.



Good luck on your weight loss adventure and healthy lifestyle living!!! You can do it!

Carrot1971

I get the same thing. "You dont't look like you need to lose any weight. You are skinny enough". I take it as a compliment and respond by saying "thanks but you know howyou feel in your own body. My body is telling me I need to lose weight!

maryrr88

I feel like I could have written this. I am at a healthy weight for my height (5'8") but I am at the high end of the range. I have a small frame so I look chubbier than someone at the same height & weight with a larger frame would look. I'd like to lose some weight so I feel more comfortable about myself. Really the only people who tell me I don't need to lose weight, couldn't maintain being that small, etc., are my aunt & grandma, but it is still discouraging. Hang in there & ignore the haters!

dargytaylor

I hear it a lot, too. I'm tall and my weight evenly divides.

ditto!!

We may not 'look' over-weight.......but (at least for me) I have a high percentage of body fat....not even sure what it is, but it's UP there :sad:

It's about what makes us happy......on the inside and out!!

snaus70

I've found the same reaction when I say I want to lose a few pounds or am trying to stay with healthy foods. But for some reason saying "I'm just not that hungry, I had a late/huge lunch" or "I'd love to have some but that kind of food gives me such bad gas!" always seem to quash any arguements!!

birdieintx

Yes! Thank you for this topic. I get people all the time saying, but you're so thin! You look great, etc. And compliments are nice and all but still. I am very long limbed and while my arms and legs look thin I carry all my weight in my stomach hips and thighs. So unless those people have seen me naked and not clothed to disguise my flaws, they have no idea how unhealthy I really am (was, I'm getting better!)

It also seems silly that society would think someone who is perceived to be thin or actually is thin doesn't need to exercise or eat well. Again my mantra for the year fits: There's a differnce between skinny and healthy!

Rodentranger

I feel you. I'm technically at the lowish end of the weight range for my height, and my BF% is "normal". But I'm not toned, and I don't like the way I feel in my clothes. I get tired of people saying "You're so skinny...blah blah blah." Yes, I am height weight proportionate. But I'm not HEALTHY and I'm not toned. Making better eating choices is part of changing that. So, yes, I will pass on the fast food, and I will have my burger wrapped in lettuce instead of a bun.

EmCarroll1990

Same here. I've just stopped talking about it around people who don't understand.

cmeade20

That drives me crazy too. Usually when some one offers e something and I decline and say it's garbage or too high cal or something I get "please you don't need to lose any more weight". I often respond with wellI'd like to not gain it back if that's alright with you. I probably sound like a b*tch but personally I think it's rude to concern yourself with others diet choices.

oceanchristy

Same here. I've just stopped talking about it around people who don't understand.

^^ Agreed. I get it a lot too - people that thing they are telling you what you want to hear by telling you that you dont need to lose weight, but really all you want is them to be realistic about it.

niightwind

It drives me nuts. I am legitimately over weight and don't consider it healthy. When people tell me "you don't need to lose weight!" I get very frustrated.

annie7hudds

When people tell me "You don't need to lose weight" when I refuse some offered food, I simply reply with "I will if I eat that."

Love that quote!

I hear it all the time too.
Yes, I know I am tall. However it doesn't mean that I want to weigh the same or more than my husband!

i want to be a skinny minnie - and it is up to me how I look. Whether that is fat or thin, it is up to me.

Grr....

stacymama5

I too get the same comments and DITTO to all of you. At least my husband is being very supportive and I have my friends on MFP, so to all of you THANSKS!!!

swthrtsmrf

Rant on! I love it. You are very right it is not their business. They just need to support you!