100 Colonoscopies

caiconCristi

Just had a colonoscopy and endoscopy done on the 5th. Was kinda of nervous and uncomfortable about it. Piece of cake!! I thought drinking the prep stuff was the hardest part! Results coming soon.

jcmurphy1

I had mine in December 2011 - next one in 4.5 years. Before the event I was REALLY nervous. What helped me get through it was this (below). I read this and I literally laughed so hard I cried. I love Dave Barry!

Jon

---

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, and then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't though of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking 'Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors.

I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

---

sassyzta

Due to a family history of colon cancer, I have already had two colonoscopies before the age of 30.

Fortunately, my insurance pays for this 100%. I didn't even have a co-pay for the doctor's office or hospital.

RobynMWilson

I am on a mission to get 100 of my MFP family to schedule a colonoscopy. My FIL is in stage 4 colon cancer that could have been prevevnted if he had payed attention and had his done. My husband had his and they removed polyps that we are waiting on results foor.

2 people responded on my first post that they were going ahead and talking to their doctoers about it.

So starting with number 3, post the number, your MFP handle and your commitment to have your colonoscopy and lets get to 100. We could seriously save some lives here.

I will join your crusade, but I need some education in this subject: Perhaps I'm not the *ONLY* one who'd like to know:
Thanks to the recent healthcare changes ( NO COMMENT) My insurance coverage will not cover this procedure- as a preventative measure-
I am *fortunate*? that I was diagnosed with disorders that WILL warrant further testings- but still ONLY in the event of a flare-up
NOT routine yearly screenings like a mammogram/pap smear.
I would LOVE peace of mind from this area too- but it seems to allude me- because it's NOT in my *power* to simply call and schedule one-
It requires my PCP to order it. And unless he detects blood in my stool, he doesn't do these and insurance won't cover them withOUT his orders.

SO, do you have any recommendations for those in the same dilemma?

Thank you...Even though I have worked "on the books' my entire life, I have NO medical insurance and it would be a great idea for me since I have IBS and dad has diverticulosis but how would I pay for it?

amandammmq

This is an excellent campaign! At 39, I am not yet in the colonoscopy range (no family indicators, no affiliated health issues), but I promise to schedule it as soon as my doctor tells me it's time! I'm good like that. :bigsmile:

ls_66

due for mine next year

Bobby_Clerici

I already rode the steel stallion:drinker:

The Doc put me under.....lol

austindog2

Due to a family history of colon cancer (great-grandmother died of it, grandfather is now cancer-free, and my mom is currently doing chemo to treat a recurrence), my sister and I are going to be scheduling colonoscopies around age 25.

I promise to schedule mine as soon as it's time! Its thanks to an early colonoscopy that my mom's cancer was diagnosed - in stage 4 - but still treatable. Thank goodness for colonoscopies!

greasygriddle_wechnage

<<<<<<

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tomorrow.

RobynMWilson

I had mine in December 2011 - next one in 4.5 years. Before the event I was REALLY nervous. What helped me get through it was this (below). I read this and I literally laughed so hard I cried. I love Dave Barry!

Jon

---

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, and then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't though of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking 'Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors.

I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

---

This is hysterical...I needed the laugh...thank you for posting!

EBakkenPacificNW

I lost my DH to Colon cancer in 2010. Diagnosed 14 months after a CLEAR colonoscopy. Most colon cancer is slow growing, this one was not.
Get those tests done and add a mammogram to the list. I am a bc survivor myself.

TrishaGuy

I am not sure if I count because I had mine 3 years ago when I turned 50. My doc says I am good to go for 10 years unless other health issues come up. Please everyone that should have one do this. I don't remember a thing that happened that day so it does not hurt. The prep. the day before when you do the cleanse is the worst part.....it is a few hours of disconfort . It sounds scary but there is nothing to be afraid of. Just do it.

amyram

Already had the pre visit, just waiting on schedualing. My mom has had a colostemy bage for 15 years.

kneasles

I'm nervous. I have mine tomorrow morning.:drinker:

stephenson2012

I have already had mine 3 times. My mom and sister had colon cancer a year a apart. For both of them, it was caught early. I promised my sister's doctor I would have one after he came out of the operating room and told us she did not have to have a colosotmy. Where the cancerous polyp was located, when he went it he was not sure. My grandfather lived with colosotmy for 15 years. I was lucky and the doctor has never found anything. My old boss waited to long, he was stage 4,

AmyMalley77

I am on a mission to get 100 of my MFP family to schedule a colonoscopy. My FIL is in stage 4 colon cancer that could have been prevevnted if he had payed attention and had his done. My husband had his and they removed polyps that we are waiting on results foor.

2 people responded on my first post that they were going ahead and talking to their doctoers about it.

So starting with number 3, post the number, your MFP handle and your commitment to have your colonoscopy and lets get to 100. We could seriously save some lives here.

I am not old enough to have to have one yet, but I went to the doctor with my mom the other day (she took a tumble down her stairs and has a concussion so I had to be with her) and found out that she is 61 and has never had a colonoscopy!!! My bestfriend's mother, like your FIL, just got diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. She never had a colonoscopy. She's only 52 years old.

So, I begged my mom to schedule hers, right in front of the doctor--who said nothing, just that he'd give her a referral if she wants one. My mom took the referral and now i have to make sure she schedules the dang thing. It's so simple to have done.

rkulik

I lost my father to colon cancer. Not easy to watch. I got my first colonscopy at 48 and I'm due in Oct for the 5 year plan. I will be going and not put it off.

Waszo

59, I will be having my 3rd one next Jan. Found polyps the first time, benign, nothing the 2nd time.

mcw1976

A colonoscopy saved me from getting cancer and most likely saved my life. Due to family history I had a colonoscopy when I was 31. I discovered that I had a genetic disease called *kitten*. I literally had hundreds of polyps in my colon and large intestine. I was told I would have full blown colon cancer by 38. Four years ago I had to have a total colectomy (removal of colon and large intestine) and I am free of any cancer.

I now have to be scoped every year for the rest of my life. I don't mind getting scoped to prevent any further problems.

PLEASE get scoped if you have a family history of colon cancer. It will save your life.

Ninatoots

I had one latley.