Curious - How did relationships change as your weight change

laineylynnfit

Well, with my ex, as soon as he began to suspect that I was eating more healthily, he would suddenly appear with ice cream, chocolates, bring home takeaway meals, fry everything - just pushing food at me at every occasion. It would work out that he would go to the kitchen and come back with a high calorie snack/meal every 90 minutes, and at every point, if I said I didn't want it, he would act mortally wounded that I should reject his being nice to me.

I'd make a perfectly nice meal, and ten minutes after eating it (or him pushing it around the plate like a two year old), he would claim to be still hungry and go out and come back with about 3 meals' worth of food.

The real lightbulb moment, as opposed to feeling suspicious he just happened to do this things if I wasn't eating as much as him, was when he offered to serve the jacket potato and beans I had been preparing, and as I glanced into the kitchen, he was systematically adding chunks of butter to the beans and melting it in so I couldn't see it there.


He wasn't particularly large, and normally dated skinny girls, but he could not stand the idea that someone might look at me. Perhaps they dumped him and he thought I was less likely to - so long as I got fatter.


It took about 6 years and nearly 6 stone to realise just how bad he hated me looking healthy.


So I eventually lost 13 stone of dead weight before I could start addressing the weight I carried myself.

Hoped you dropped him along with the lbs!

laineylynnfit

I would love it if my husband joined, he needs to lose weight, but he won't. But he told me the other day that he is making healthier choices because of me - portion sizes, going up for 2nds, should I have that - kind of choices. He says he can feel a difference in how his pants fit, which is great! He's not a scale kind of person, so the success will be measured in NSVs.

For ME - I am definitely more confident, as I lose weight, but I still have to work through a lot of issues in my mind, that will follow as the weight loss drops. even when I was smaller than I am now I kind of always thought of myself as the fat girl. It's hard to get past the mentality.

I think that a lot of it is mental. I'm sure that when I lose weight I still may see myself as my old self. That's probably why it's so hard to see the changes now

LilRedRooster

I never really lost weight actively in a relationship before I got together with my current boyfriend, and the only reason I had to actively lose weight was because I had a baby, and was not going to hang on to that extra 15lbs any longer than I had to. But it didn't change our relationship negatively. The only thing I've noticed is how he acts funny when I cut down on my food intake and don't at as much of a single meal (he makes BIG dinners, and since I like to snack throughout the day, I just don't eat as much dinner), because he worries that I'm not getting enough nutrition. He didn't insist I eat, though, because he's very respectful. We also don't have to change cooking or anything, because we both like to cook whole foods, anyway.

The only thing I've noticed about relationships and weight is that when I'm not in a relationship, I tend to be able to maintain weight or lose it much more easily than when I'm in a relationship, so as a result, I look and feel better about my overall health when I'm single, haha.

Sqeekyjojo

Hoped you dropped him along with the lbs!

He was the 13 stone I dropped first

laineylynnfit

He was the 13 stone I dropped first

Good!

aprilgicker

I have no will power. My husband has quietly tried to support me, but sometimes he says things about ways I think are fun to workout that I take negatively. Which makes me embarrassed when I do them and he is around. Things like just dance and going to a zumba class. I love to dance and before we met I would go to the dance club and dance 2 or 3 times a week without the cocktails. I would have fun dressing up and cutting a rug. Now if we go out I sit on the sidelines and watch with him. He doesn't like to dance and he does look a little silly when he tries but I have never said anything to him about it, because I want to go and dance.

Also, I have noticed that when I work the weight comes off. Which gives me lots of energy and people who are older than grade school to talk too. All in All I am happier when I have some kind of job. MY husband said onetime very quietly that he wished for the wife he married. I am 40 lb larger now and cannot get out of this fat shell. It is a vicious cycle, he works, I stay at home because its better for the kids, if I did wok it would be my check that paid for daycare and expense for my job, the same old story. I eat because I stay at home and have no life. I just keep telling myself one day I will have a life.

And by the way volunteering does not work for me. I am part of a garden club and they drain me with just 4 meetings a month. I even have tried starting my own business to wind up feeling like I am smuggle time from the home life, because the majority of it happens on the weekends. I just was not cut out of the house wife cloth. I am strangling myself slowly with the apron strings. And I don;t think he sees it. He just knows I am Fat.

laineylynnfit

You should really have a sit down with him. It sounds like you are emotionally drained and that's not good. You need to let him know that he needs to support you and maybe consider other options besides being a stay at home mom if you really want to work! You deserve to be able to do things for yourself too especially when you probably always take care of everyone else! I wish you the best!

spapsidero

My husband is just like that!! It's killing me! I asked him one day how much weight is it gonna take to lose before he even acknowledges that I have lost weight. I know he loves me just the way I am and would love me anyway I am. It would just be nice to be given a compliment from ur husband. But he's like that with everything. So I don't worry about it.

spapsidero

So to answer ur question- NOTHING changed.

woou

I'm not as attached and have lower tolerance for disrespect.

teagin2002

I have been married for four years and we have been together for close to 6. We both gained the weight together after some unfortunate things happened, then I decided I needed to lose and did everything I could to do it. As I get smaller and people started to notice he kept getting more and more insecure. I kept trying to comfort him and entourage him to workout and eat healthy with me, but he is just not there at all. Yesterday I had enough and asked him to leave, I am still very much in love with him but I just don't have the energy to fight and please him any more, especially when what ever I do to try to make him happy never works. I wish you all the best luv and just because this is how things worked out with us, it doesn't mean it's how it will with you. :flowerforyou:

laineylynnfit

Bump.. I want read this later

BrettPGH

At first I started losing a few pounds and my gf would be encouraging. Then as I started losing more and more she became less encouraging and more hurtful towards me. Things got pretty rough as I continued to slim down.

Then I started strength training. Now I'm being treated like a piece of meat and I couldn't be happier. I guess I was getting too thin for my gf's tastes but getting more cut and muscular has made all the difference in the world. She's quite the happy fan these days...

MILFaspirations

I think my relationship is better b/c of it. My husband's pretty thin and he works out and he eats mainly what I make... but he also is a big snacker and and he can pretty much eat anything, which he does.

He would always tell me to work out and get healthy before, and I would sometimes work out, sometimes LIE and tell him I worked out when I didn't. Well he kinda stopped telling me to workout..

Then on my own, I decided to get healthy and started eating right and working out.. and I can see the happiness in his eyes! He tells me he's proud!

NOW>>>> If I can just find my libido I lost back when before I had kids.. this relationship would be even BETTER!!!!!!!

laineylynnfit

My husband is just like that!! It's killing me! I asked him one day how much weight is it gonna take to lose before he even acknowledges that I have lost weight. I know he loves me just the way I am and would love me anyway I am. It would just be nice to be given a compliment from ur husband. But he's like that with everything. So I don't worry about it.

My BF is like that. He is not a very emotional person (verbally) so I have to fish for compliments and it sucks sometimes when the person you care about the most doesn't acknowledge you. I love my bf very much and I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me too but I am curious to see how things change and if they will...

laineylynnfit

bump

angela828

well my fiance loved me at my smallest (135 but "skinny fat"), my heaviest (211+), and now (148 and much more toned!) so nothing has changed with him. if anything, he has just become more supportive with my wanting to eat healthy and exercise.

my parents relationship is the same but I know how upset and scared they were when I gained and how proud they are of me for taking control and losing it.

nothing changed with my friends - again they loved me at my smallest, my biggest, and now. If anything, our relationships have gotten stronger because I am not afraid to talk about my weight now, and they can talk about theirs and we share our eating, exercising, and weight happiness/woes.