Question about attraction... just curious.

SilverStrychnine

I'm 70 kilos. My boyfriend's 142 kilos.

Screw societal standards, I think he's hell sexy.

runnercheryl

My fiance has always been overweight, and obese as long as I knew him. I wasn't big when I met him - his influence is what made me pile on the pounds.

I guess I had the mentality to be obese already - that had been there since I was a very young child - but his lifestyle was the one that I slotted into, and the one that got me to obesity myself.

Now, I'm losing weight again and living healthier than I ever have in my life. I still find him attractive, and I will even when I'm smaller, but now I have the constant niggling awareness that I'm very likely going to be alone at a relatively young age. Being the healthy one in a relationship means you're likely to outlive your partner, and until I found my true motivation I was happy being obese and being aware that we'd BOTH live shorter lives and I wouldn't end up losing him early.

ludogx87

im single and do go out looking for my prince charming.......
personally i wouldnt be attracted to big big guys. sure guys who are "cuddly" and a carrying some extra weight- like me- i would go for, but the huge guys i wouldnt go near.....

***based on looks alone i mean

that sounds so awful n makes me sound really shallow and that but its the truth

intresting topic though x

chrishgt4

A friend of mine got married some years ago, and over the course of the marriage they both gained weight, he ended up at about 20 stone.

He then decided to do something about it and is now around 14 stone.

Apparently, as he lost weight he began to find her less and less attractive until eventually (not just based on that, there was more) they got a divorce.

I think there's a lot to be said for people finding others attractive who are on a similar 'level to them, not in health, but in terms of appearance. As he lost weight and looked better, his perception of others changed as well.

I think it's quite interesting because there have been studies done where people are asked to rate photos of people on a scale of how attractive they are, and it always seems that partners tend to end up with somewhere near to the same average score. But this shows the change working in one individual actually having his outlook changed by the change in his own appearance.

katherinemm31

I've seen a lot of big guys with little women which always bummed me out before I was married because as a tall, bigger woman, I liked bigger guys--easier to kiss, nicer to cuddle and I don't feel huge next to them.

My husband is about an inch taller than I am and is cuddly. He needs to lose a few pounds in his stomach, not because he's unattractive, but because he has health issues. I wouldn't want him skinny, though. I've never been into skinny, little guys.

Woooolywool

I think it's more to do with how you view yourself in relation to other people. If you are in fact a very slender person that doubts they are slim, then, you're likely to sort of feel more comfortable, maybe even more attracted to bigger people that you see yourself to be. It also works the other way around. So, if for example a girl named uhh Emily was quite a large girl, but had strong confidence with herself and her body, and viewed herself as very slender and sexy (even if society didn't necessarily agree), I think she'd then feel more comfortable with a guy that was rather trim and toned, because she viewed herself in that way...

It's been a while since I looked in to Relationship theories for Psychology, so I can't remember where I'm actually going with this. haha :')

BUT, of course personality does play the main role in all of this. It just depends on your self worth, how you think of yourself that adds to it (and that can alter through time).

That really wasn't any help, was it? haha :')

traceyjayne64

I dont think our relationship would change nomatter what size i was, we have such a great chemistry together...my hubby makes me feel like im the sexiest person alive all the time. The only thing he comments on at the moment about my weight loss is that i look so much happier in myself...i have a permanently happy face :happy:

fteale

I think most people have an inbuilt mechanism of going for the best you can. There have been experiments on this with people with numbers on their heads and trying to pair up with the highest number you can. Most people aim within their own league or one up if they can.

I do actually know quite a few couples where one is very overweight and one fit, but I would say they were probably still equal in terms of overall attractiveness (taking into account looks, weight, personality and income).

ukgirly01

Wasn't there some kind of study a few years bam that more or less said you are more likely to gain weigh if the people you live/socialise with are over weight. In this situation people stop being aware of just however weight they are becomming as they each compare themselves to each other. Don't know how true this is but could explain why you see more couples that are either overweight together of both thin.

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

I don't think weight is an issue here. When I was overweight, I had several boyfriends & all of them were lean. I think its a matter of personal preference & my ex boyfriends before told me that they prefer someone who has more meat than the skinny ones.

katherinemm31

I think it's more to do with how you view yourself in relation to other people. If you are in fact a very slender person that doubts they are slim, then, you're likely to sort of feel more comfortable, maybe even more attracted to bigger people that you see yourself to be. It also works the other way around. So, if for example a girl named uhh Emily was quite a large girl, but had strong confidence with herself and her body, and viewed herself as very slender and sexy (even if society didn't necessarily agree), I think she'd then feel more comfortable with a guy that was rather trim and toned, because she viewed herself in that way...

It's been a while since I looked in to Relationship theories for Psychology, so I can't remember where I'm actually going with this. haha :')

BUT, of course personality does play the main role in all of this. It just depends on your self worth, how you think of yourself that adds to it (and that can alter through time).

That really wasn't any help, was it? haha :')

Regarding me, you are right to a point. I have never felt like a slender person and have always had body image issues. I just never looked or felt slim, even when I was slim. It's almost a visual perception problem.

There have been some small, skinny guys who were attracted to me, but I always thought they were just those perverse guys who like the idea of a big woman. I've always been suspect of guys who were attracted to me anyway. Historically, it has taken me a long time to figure out when a guy is really attracted to me because I assume he isn't attracted to me at all or has issues. Not the case with my husband who has been attracted to me no matter what weight I have been. I am lucky. So is he because he has had a variety of women by being with me all this time--small, medium, large and extra large! Anyway, I ask him all the time, "What's it like having a super model for a wife?" He will say something like, "It's very hard to keep up with." He's pretty funny. I love his sense of humor!

KimmieBrie

I've always been a pretty healthy weight and never been attracted to heavier/obese men... Never minded a few extra pounds but that's about it. My husband has about 20 extra pounds on him right now and I don't care - it doesn't make him any less attractive to me - but he's my husband who I love for so many reasons aside from looks. Once you are in the relationship you accept and barely notice things that you would if you were single and looking. I've gained some myself. Too many dinners out and eating crap food is our problem.

Also attracted to people with the same interests - so a couch potato wouldn't do it for me. I don't want to be a couch potato, not that all overweight people are. I like to go outside and do activities - hiking, camping, running, snow sports, etc. In these activities I truly don't see many obese people... so it's a lifestyle attraction as well. My husband is active to the extreme. I like that he attends the gym with me as opposed to sitting home channel surfing while I go and often times he'll be the one to drag my butt off the couch after a long day. I always feel better after too. We keep each other active.

Jconner30

I dont think it would be wise for one person in a relationship to be lean and mean and the other one a fat cow - unless that is a turn on to the lean person. Fit people are hit on more by the opposite sex.

pineapple1989

Well I have been overweight for quite a few years... I was always attracted to slimmer men and all of my past partners have been slim/in between... my current boyfriend is overweight and I still find him attractive, I think for me its more about personality that weight, however both me and my boyfriend felt the same way about our extra weight and want to lose it, so we support each other and have had the same past experiences so from a health point of view have a lot in common, which I think could be a big factor when both are overweight, my boyfriend says he perfers "bigger" girls but that he is attracted to me, not my body and knows I will be happier and more confident if I lose some weight which will make me more attractive to him

Personally I go for looks and personality rather than weight as I see looks and weight as different but that could be because I have weight on me!

therealkittymao

I grew up heavy, and that psyched me out a lot when it came to attraction. I thought only certain REALLY good looking guys were attractive and if I couldn't get a really gorgeous man, I wasn't interested in anyone else (and I never dated said "gorgeous men" because I never attracted one, partially because physically I was not in shape but also partly because I had self-esteem issues). Once I lost weight, I started dating frequently and realized there is a lot more to a satisfying interaction with someone besides a physical attraction. My point of view REALLY changed once I didn't need the validation of being wanted by someone I considered to be "good looking" by society's standards. I'm attracted to a man's sense of humor as much as I am to his handsomeness (I realized I prefer men who are a little on the heavy side actually (but I wouldn't have not dated someone if they weren't, that's just my preference), and I am much more attuned to whether I am having a good conversation with someone who is funny and interesting, as opposed to just basking in their manliness or whatever. My fiance is the handsomest man in the world, and he has a nice big belly and a beardy face and I can't get enough of him! He is not Channing Tatum, and I am no Barbie Doll, but we are totally attracted to each other.

chrissiepooh

I am an overweight person, and I've always, ALWAYS dated bone skinny guys. If they were tall and lanky they were my type. My mother who weighs over 200lbs has been married to my 150lb father for 33 years. I found the love of my life about a year and a half ago, and yes, we are both overweight, but even though I'm on this journey to become healthier and thinner, I would NEVER leave him once I got down to goal weight. I think it stems from our childhood. If you were a skinny kid you had it made. But the chunkier kids (such as myself) were so ridiculed and made fun of throughout their lives by skinnier people, that I think that we find comfort in other overweight people. I personally don't think it's the norm though. I know lots of overweight people who are with thinner mates. I'm not talking buff to the point of a body builder, but I think it's healthy for a more in shape person to be with a more robust individual because then it will motivate the robust person to get in shape...

I honestly don't agree with society because in all reality, the world in general is overweight. The majority of the population is obese and who is anyone in society to judge another person by their appearance. This isn't a mean response so hopefully you don't view it as such, but I've had to live my life full of ridicule and name calling. My weight has always been a very sensitive subject and I hope that society realizes for the most part, majority of people are calling the kettle black.

MrsSherrill

when it comes to weight, i have never been attracted to "big/over weight" guys for some reason. i just didnt find anything attractive about it and i guess it made me feel as if they didnt care about themselves. on the other hand, i have never been attracted to really, really, really fit guys either. big bulky muscles like bodybuilders do not come off as appealing to me either and is unrealistic as you will never look like that forever since we are human and do age. i like guys in between, not only because i am built that way but because of my lifestyle as well. I fet if i were to date an overweight guy i wouldnt have as much in common with them like working out and going to the gym together and doing outdoor activities. and they would probably find me sexy regardless so i would probably become lazy and gain weight too. On the other note, i felt like i wasnt attracted to big muscular guys because well, sometimes i like being lazy or eating bad. I felt like a super fit guy would critisize everything about me, my weight, and my diet if i didnt work out as hard as he did or eat as healthy as he did. plus i didnt want to live my life in the gym like most of them do. So i always dated healthy guys, guys who like to workout but also like to relax and eat bad sometimes but doesnt let themselves go because i like to do the same. so i guess we are drawn to those whom are similar to us or are somewhat like us. of course when we date, it all comes down to things like personality as well as deeper things like morals and values that that person has (at least to me that played a big role) but with all that said, you can never "get to know" someone that close if you are not somewhat physically attracted to them so i do think that looks play a major part in dating or relationships. for the first time seeing someone you might not be attracte to them but once you get to know them you become attracted to them and vise versa.... well to me, both have to be there. yes, looks first - then the rest because of course its the outside that is what determins what the next move is and if we are willing to let them into our hearts and our body. regarless if we want to admit it or not, its just the way it is.

jankleberry

I was overweight when I met my OH, he wasnt. I hope he found and still finds me attractive.

xoSundaydrive

My boyfriend was in love with me at my highest weight, and finds me attractive. Also there is a lot more smaller guys out there than you think that find bigger gals attractive and vice versa.

KJVBear33

For me, I'd LIKE to say size doesn't matter.......but in all honesty, it kind of does too. I wouldn't date anyone more overweight than I was certainly........but I wouldn't want to date an overweight guy to be honest. On the flip side, that certainly doesn't mean that I would want to date a guy with rock hard abs with a passion for keeping his body like that to the extreme either that thats all they talk about or are passionate about.

I'd like to date someone who is in the middle of the two extremes........who sees himself and says that there is room for improvement and wants to improve, but doesn't let it be his life's passion.........who is not too pudgy, but not too skinny/muscular/ what have you.

All in all.......the only guy I would care about is a guy who would find me attractive.......who doesn't care about size or anything like that........who generally thinks that all women, in their own ways, are attractive. I've been fortunate enough to come across two guys like that........unfortunately for me, one I broke up with and one became an *kitten*.........but I don't think, because of those two people, that all guys that have this quality are going to be like that.