Parents calling their kids fat

esperluette

When I was younger, my mom harped on me about my weight to the point that it created a severe emotional-eating issue. I know now as an adult that it was coming from a place of love not hatred, but it still hurt. When I became an adult (prior to my weight loss and therapy), it got worse because I got fatter. After I decided to lose weight for myself and no one else and got therapy to deal with the emotional eating, I explained to my mom how hurtful it was and why I had an emotional eating issue. It was a difficult conversation with lots of tears, and her being hurt. I made sure she understood that I have no hard feelings, but that she needed to know so she quit pulling that crap with my daughter. She is really good now about being a supportive cheerleader instead of harping. In fact, since she ended up putting on some weight herself, I am now her motivation and cheerleader. A few times she slipped with my daughter, and I made sure she understood that was not tolerated.

Now from the mother-side, my daughter is overweight because of poor parenting on my part. I just wasn't paying attention to teaching her good nutrition, and I let her eat whatever. Part of it also comes from my ex-husband who didn't work (while I worked 80+ hours a week to support us...damned lazy *kitten*) was the one who always prepared the meals for two years. That was 3 years ago now, but the go-to staple was ramen noodles and hot dogs.

I am now teaching her to eat healthy, be active, and have fun losing weight without talking about being "fat". We have addressed the weight problem, and the health issues associated with being overweight. She is 11 so she understands and we work at this together. She has now lost 18 lbs since the beginning of the year just by watching intake and being active. I bought an XBOX 360 with Kinect so we can work out together. I look foward to our nightly dance-offs. I don't restrict her food, just encourage her to make healthy choices. All the food in the house is acceptable as any treats such as chips or candy are purchased in single serving sizes only, and we only have pop as a rare occasional treat.

One can address weight concerns without degrading a person...it is all about approach.

I hope to to use my struggles to raise healthy kids like you're doing

becoming_a_new_me

I hope to to use my struggles to raise healthy kids like you're doing

I hope that she is healthy I know I try very hard to encourage and support her.

ashvegas99

I'm really sorry. I know exactly how you feel.

My parents have always criticized my weight. My mom has always been heavy and my dad is at a healthy weight. After we went dress shopping for one of my school dances, my mom told me to do crunches because my belly was big. My dad also called my mom and I chubby and it really hurt my feelings. The sad part was whenever I cried and was hurt, they would get angry and act like all they were doing was help me. The only thing they helped me do was have really poor self esteem. They never tried to teach me good habits on their own, just criticize me.

I have been in and out of WW twice because I didn't lose weight for myself. I felt so good when I lost weight the 2nd time. I felt like I finally had their approval. Then I moved out and packed on 70 lbs because I shied away from my diet and felt guilty. I also had someone in my life that was happy with the way I looked no matter what. So I decided this time, that the only person I'm doing this for is ME. Not my parents. No parent should be allowed to tell their kid that they are fat. Instead, make yourself a better example by eating better and exercising without saying a word.

likearadiowave

It's a great way to destroy their self-esteem, foster eating disorders and be a really verbally abusive parent.

Parents, don't do this. I promise that society and people in it will do a great job of trying to destroy them. You don't need to help.

tmm_0127

Is your mother a big woman? Sometimes parents will say things like that to their family members as a defense mechanism "Well I should call her fat before she calls me fat," even though you wouldn't call her fat.

It could also be a weird backwards way of letting you know she's concerned about your health (although ... 25 inch waist jeans? is she blind...?).

I went a long time without eating much in the 6th grade because I had pneumonia and it kiiilled my appetite, but afterwards I became an eating machine like my body was trying to compensate. I hadn't gained any weight, but my dad walked over and said "slow down, hungry hippo." It's stuck with me a long time, and after several other comments similar to that one, I started hiding when I ate. My parents were never home for dinner anyway (but after a whole day without eating I'd generally binge when I got home as fast as I could before anyone got home), and I would also throw my lunch away at school because I didn't like it when people saw me eat because, even to this day, I feel like people are judging me. "Wow, she's eating THAT?" Even recently I made a salad (A SALAD) and made a light tuna salad to go on top of it instead of dressing - I made it with one small can of tuna, no mayo, and put the whole thing on the salad (it fit into one salad bowl, it wasn't like it was a heaping mess or anything, this also compared to the chipotle burrito bowl he was currently eating for dinner with chips and salsa) - and my dad said "you're going to eat all THAT?" I don't think he means it .. not the way I take it, anyway. I've spoken to him about it, but my dad is as tactless as a person can be and will never learn how much it hurts my feelings. Even when I lost a lot of weight he would say things like "do you have a tapeworm or something?" instead of something positive. *shrugs* Who knows why people say things like that. @_@

iorahkwano

She must think I'm obese with my 29" waist...

Just comment back with how old she got

anayoureallihave

To everyone saying not to sugarcoat it and that it will help your kids. DON'T.
If you think they're getting bullied about their weight already (or even if they aren't) they're probably already struggling with body image issues and having their OWN parents calling them fat just makes it untolerable.
I, personally, don't get bullied in school about my weight (I'm 15, I made an account to share my story and to warn parents and/or potential parents). But one night during dinner, she made a snide comment about me gaining weight. Little did she know, I was already struggling with anorexia and bulimia and was trying to recover. I barely got through that night, I purged my dinner and cried all night. A couple nights later, she did it again and I've had full blown anorexia (with bulimic tendencies) ever since. My mum is my motivation to continue my anorexic lifestyle. If you don't want your kids to turn out like me, do NOT say anything to lower their self esteem.