Unhelpful/hurtful Friends....Continued

Allegra289

I had a roommate/friend last year who would roll her eyes at me or call me an overachiever when I went to the gym.....however, none of my guy friends EVER made any kind of remark like this. In fact, they were nothing but supportive, or would go workout with me. Does anyone find that it is their girlfriends that will be unhelpful, or is it just friends of the same sex that do this to each other???

busyblkgirl

I had one friend like this, not as it pertains to weight loss, but she was just truly negative energy in my life. To remedy this, I severed our friendship. It stung a bit, but I have not had a moment's regret, and I feel so much better. Personally, I think it just boiled down to plain ol' jealousy.

IveLanded

I have friends who constantly make snotty comments about my diet and weight loss. One quote that really helps me is this one "Those who lack the courage to follow their own dreams will always find a way to try to diminish yours".

hiker282

Somebody who is trying to sabotage or belittle your efforts is not your friend. Cut them out. You'll be better off without them.

Dimplybutt

I had one friend like this, not as it pertains to weight loss, but she was just truly negative energy in my life. To remedy this, I severed our friendship. It stung a bit, but I have not had a moment's regret, and I feel so much better. Personally, I think it just boiled down to plain ol' jealousy.

^ ^ ^ This is great advice for you emotionally and mentally!
People who truly love us always cheer us on and hold us up when we are down ... they are never the cause of us being down in any way. Let the friendship go, it's obviously run its course and needs to be sent on its way.

brighteyesxluv

I had one friend like this, not as it pertains to weight loss, but she was just truly negative energy in my life. To remedy this, I severed our friendship. It stung a bit, but I have not had a moment's regret, and I feel so much better. Personally, I think it just boiled down to plain ol' jealousy.

happened to me 2X. It is better to cut that person outta your life. no lie, not being mean..its true. life gets sooo much better when no one is holding you back/keeping you down...life should feel light and free like that. not like a big cloud of negativity. it just drains all the energy outta you.

MissVCI

I had a roommate/friend last year who would roll her eyes at me or call me an overachiever when I went to the gym.....however, none of my guy friends EVER made any kind of remark like this. In fact, they were nothing but supportive, or would go workout with me. Does anyone find that it is their girlfriends that will be unhelpful, or is it just friends of the same sex that do this to each other???

This is why I'm very selective and choosing my friends in general. I'm all about positivity and I do not feed into negativity.
So to answer your question NO. All my friends (guys/girls) are supportive and encouraging of me.
I saw one of my good girlfriends from college for the first time in 6 months and the first thing she said to me was "damn girl you look great, keep it up."
I wouldn't waste my time with someone who would be critical of me for making healthy choices. But that's just how i am.

Mompanda4

I am a number of female co-workers who are very negative and unsupportive. Every time they find out I am trying to loose weigh, I find cookies, cakes, cup cakes candy etc on my desk. I learned to say thank you and take it home to my hubbie for his sweet tooth. They say very negative comments. I try and ignore them and surround myself with supportive co-workers (female and male). You got to stay the course and do what's best for you.

MommyTKD

It's not just friends... there can be family members, extended family, and coworkers who do what they can to diminish your accomplishments because in doing so they feel like their negativity is the "normal". You cannot change them. You can't change your family or coworkers... but you can rise above. You don't have to give them the power or control they crave to gt you to loosen your grip on your goals.

I'm reminded of the scene in the Phantom Tollbooth where MIlo ends up in the Doldrums.... and it takes ONE good friend, Tock, to raise him out of it. Just think of MFP as your Tock. We're here for you when you need us. Not because we're related by blood or marriage, or because we work for the same boss... but because we are all here for the same goals. To be healthier.

And along the way, if you refuse to join them, the negative people in your life MIGHT just decide to change.

abibearxo

What really annoys me about your girlfriends is that you tell them your going on a diet and want to lose weight and they get all defensive about it and say that your pathetic instead of actually encouraging you and supporting you! I have one girlfriend that is super supportive and i have another which argued with me because i wanted to diet! I don't really think guys encourage you that much as one of my guy friends call me ridiculous and tell me I don't need to lose weight. It's really not what i want to hear. I want people to support me and if i go to some of the fatty foods in a store to pull me away and take me to the fruit stall or something!

bluenightfires

I am very lucky my best friend and I are doing this togeather we where the worst for incouraging each other to eat unhealthy now we help to eat better

milkandtea

For the most part, everyone in my life has been supportive. However, I did have a friend that flat out told me that she didn't want me to lose weight because she liked having a "fat sidekick." Yeah, that friendship ended quickly.

NorseMaiden

I am very lucky my best friend and I are doing this togeather we where the worst for incouraging each other to eat unhealthy now we help to eat better

I am also very lucky that my best friend and I are doing this together!! We used to bring out the absolute worst eating habits in each other...it used to be that the only time I would cheat on a diet was when I was in her company...however I am very proud to say that this time around we're going to beat this extra weight!! And I know that together...we can accomplish anything!!

On a side note I work with a woman who rolls her eyes daily when I talk about my progress or food menu. And I can honestly say that she's doing it because her previous weight loss attempts have failed and she's jealous of my commitment.

chrystee

I had a friendship that was draining. She wanted "the best" for me, yet was hurtful and jealous of everything. When I was actually successful at weight loss, she actually made some crazy comments.. She wasn't even overweight!

I have friends now that would never do that.

ARMom8251

One quote that really helps me is this one "Those who lack the courage to follow their own dreams will always find a way to try to diminish yours".

I love this quote its perfect, and its one I needed today!!

CherrySunday

I swear, I think sometimes girls are out to sabotage other girls! It sounds bad, but in any weight loss attempt I've made (except this recent one).. one of my "friends" has tried to mess with me about it: either in meeting up in restaurants that have little healthy food choices, or making snide comments, or in saying just what you said or to the effect of, "oh you spend ALL your time at the gym now, that's all you do" kind of thing.

I've recently been keeping those friends at a distance, because they really can't relate to how I'm living my life now. I know some people will think that's cruel, but life changes and people change, and are your friends really friends if they don't like the new and improved you?? I mean, you're making better choices for yourself, so they should be cheering you on, not bringing you down!

HorrorChix89

My family is like this. I get made fun of for working out, walking, or going to the gym. They're always trying to shove food down my throat or go out to buffets. My mother only brings home pizza, hot dogs, or other things that takes less than 10 minutes to cook. I'm stuck buying my own food and when I do it gets eaten within a day or so making me have to go buy more.

She even said it's better off if I just get a tummy tuck, quick and easy. I really want one since the only problem I have is my stomach and sadly you can't spot reduce (which sucks balls btw). So I'm stuck on this pointless weight loss journey to try to lose in 1 area while I'm hating all the food I'm eating and I hate that I can't even go out with my family because they all eat like cows.

Allegra289

Thanks for all the responses! We don't talk anymore, just for the record, and I've moved out. The two girls I live with now are both in good shape and eat well, and when I told them about my fitness goals they said nothing but good, helpful things about what they do to workout or what is a good workout, etc. So it is great having that encouragement. We also get meal ideas from each other. I think my former friend was jealous....it was weird because she would imply that I wasn't fit enough to play soccer with her friends who "workout all the time" even though I workout very often and have been playing soccer forever! If I turned down something she would roll her eyes or something. Really annoying. However everyone else in my life have been nothing but supportive and great, so it is an isolated incident.

chrystee

My choice in life now is to find people that i admire and want to emulate and get rid of people who I wouldn't.

Buddhasmiracle

Everyone, male and female, I know is very supportive of my life's endeavors, including my focus on weight loss and fitness. At work when a bunch of us go out for dinner, and we are choosing a place to go, someone will say, "what works best for you, works for us," or ask me what my preferences are. Same thing at the Church(where there are a number of vegetarians) I attend, which seems to have alot of "food based" activities and fund raisers. I am very fortunate to have such good people in my life.

PeaceLoveVeggies

Jealousy is a *itch*. Tell your "friend" to suck it.

Darkskinned88

My male friends are always down to go to the gym or play ball but...the diet not so much. But thats just how we are, if we out and you order a salad the insults will be fast and merciless

delilah47

In my past, which has been a lot of years, I have always had more men friends than women. In MY PERSONAL experience I find men less likely to stab you in the back.

Bretto

I think you need to weed them from your Friend garden, for truly they are nothing more than a weed in your life.

yeager06

I would eliminate the firends that are not supportive... Obviously she is jealous of your dedication to being fit... maybe invite her to join you... or consider finding a new friend. No one should surround themselves with people like that.

lizzybethclaire

I have always believed that guys make better friends than girls. Girls can be very petty especially when they are jealous. I find that the guys at the gym nicer than some of the girls. Your friend sounds jealous. Maybe you can invite her to the gym.

scarrletti_girl

I had a roommate/friend last year who would roll her eyes at me or call me an overachiever when I went to the gym.....however, none of my guy friends EVER made any kind of remark like this. In fact, they were nothing but supportive, or would go workout with me. Does anyone find that it is their girlfriends that will be unhelpful, or is it just friends of the same sex that do this to each other???

yes i agree that is sssooooo true girls are mean sometimes

padraigin67

I had one friend like this, not as it pertains to weight loss, but she was just truly negative energy in my life. To remedy this, I severed our friendship. It stung a bit, but I have not had a moment's regret, and I feel so much better. Personally, I think it just boiled down to plain ol' jealousy.

This...... I too had a friendship of 25 years that was negative. I always felt guilty for doing or having what she didn't cause that is how she made me feel. I severed that friendship last fall and have felt happier and better about myself. My husband commented that I seem lighter and had more energy. Some people are not happy unless everyone around them are as miserable as they are.
Don't let her get to you. I have other women friends that are not only happy that I am losing weight. They are asking what I am doing and what they need to do. Some have joined some have not. 85% of my support has come from MFP friends. Good luck!!!

yoovie

I find my girlfriends are usually the first to offer an excuse to get me out of it, or agree to go with me and then bail, or tell me i dont need to go anymore cause im perfect, or tell me to just skip dinner.

I find that my guyfriends offer me a ride there, to borrow their playlist, to get new ideas on working muscle groups, and offer to spot me or help set up a game.

BOYS LOVE.
GIRLS HATE.

and the world goes round.

misticache

What really annoys me about your girlfriends is that you tell them your going on a diet and want to lose weight and they get all defensive about it and say that your pathetic instead of actually encouraging you and supporting you! I have one girlfriend that is super supportive and i have another which argued with me because i wanted to diet! I don't really think guys encourage you that much as one of my guy friends call me ridiculous and tell me I don't need to lose weight. It's really not what i want to hear. I want people to support me and if i go to some of the fatty foods in a store to pull me away and take me to the fruit stall or something!

That really is crazy! You simply need to change the wording from I need to go on a diet to: I really need to find something more satisfying to eat or I want to maintain my health and eating that ^$%& isn't going to do it.
Hope this helps!

But yep I'm guilty of saying that stuff to really skinny people because honestly I find it annoying when they say they need to go on a diet. Because in reality you don't need to diet you just want to stay healthy. Diet just seems so idk excessive? It makes us fat people feel like you are actually putting us down when you say it like that. If they are your friends though they should be supportive of you know matter what your wording!

amysj303

I am not really friends with boys, I have always been more comfortable around women. All my friends are nice about my efforts and take an interest in what "plan" I am on at the moment. I am always trying different things like Couch to 5k and 30 Day Shred then a few T-nation workouts like the KISS workout and the Sexy Female training and then the Jamie Eason plan.
I can't imagine anyone telling me I was pathetic for my efforts, I would really have to wonder what was wrong with a friend who even implied that?!