Unhelpful/hurtful Friends....Continued

jacksonpt

I'll admit that I didn't read most of the responses, so this has probably been said already, but...

I find that anyone who doesn't put the same priority/importance on being active and eating well (i.e. being healthy) are the ones that tend to be less supportive. People who are into this lifestyle like I am (or try to be) are the ones who congratulate/encourage me or harass me when I'm slacking.

So from my experience, it's not a gender thing, it's a "Are you in this lifestyle or not?" thing.

xo_morgan

JEALOUSY. thats it plain and simple. i always go to the gym @ nighttime when no one is there. but a few times i woke up early and decided to go in the morning. there were a bunch of women in there. all WAY bigger than me (not judging...just facts) & im there everyday so obviously more used to the machines. i had my resistance up high and the level as high as it could go...they all started making fun of me saying that i was trying to hard & i was over achieving..

I just laughed and said yup...gotta get swim suit ready. people want what they cant have. So instead of your friend getting off of her butt and making a difference she decides to sit there & judge & tell you you are working too hard.

I cant say that i havent done it. My best friend was very on with her diet. doing excellent & losing weight. i was at a standstill..eating terribly & my little green eyed monster came out to play. i would find myself saying things like...okay cool for your diet but ill eat whatever i want. Instead of being supportive i was bashing her. Im just glad i noticed before i may have said/done something to really hurt her feelings.

Girls can be competitive, cruel, and jealous. Brush it off & maybe suggest she come with you sometime.

umachanxo

I don't associate with people that try to dampen my motivation or drag me down.
If they're people that I have to be around on a daily basis, I just smile and go about my own business.

Espressocycle

Guys are nicer...
because they want to sleep with you.

Riley4ever

I think peeps of the same sex can be a bit competitive with each other (especially when trying to attract the opposite sex) and sometimes can sabotage each others good efforts not meaning to be unsupportive but it makes them feel better about their own guilt or shortcomings!

I'm at the point where I've lost quite a bit of weight and get a barrage of people (family & friends) telling me I must be there now and I mustn't lose anymore yet I'm still 5 lbs outside of the healthy range for my height. Generally though family and friends have been delighted with my progress.

michelgem

i have this "bestfriend" who always induced me into eating unhealthy foods even when I told her I'm on diet and she should support me. at first she was all excited, saying she will act like a coach but when i actually lost weight, she just keeps on asking to go to Mcdonalds or when we go shopping, she'd offer to pay for the greasy snacks she craves. she's very thin and i know she doesnt understand how i feel being with her all the time while shes flirting with varsity players and me stuck behind her back cowering in her shadow. i dont want that anymore. but she just keeps pulling me down instead of up. I stopped hanging out with her that much. we still talk though.

paperbagprincess

I find that guys will complain more if a girl COMPLAINS about her appearance. If your working at it ur trying to better urself and I guess they get that more than some girlfriends.

I get ppl saying that to me too. Saying, "oh my god, don't tell me you think ur fat!" And its not that at all. There's plently of ppl who are considered 'thin' who want to change something. Whether it's the food their consuming to feel better and healthier or ppl trying to tone up. I saw pictures of myself last yr in a bikini when I went on vacation and it was NOT attractive. So I wanna change that! Nothing wrong with it, just dont bother talking to ppl like that about ur workouts or eating habits. You dont need their negativity!

paperbagprincess

I think peeps of the same sex can be a bit competitive with each other (especially when trying to attract the opposite sex) and sometimes can sabotage each others good efforts not meaning to be unsupportive but it makes them feel better about their own guilt or shortcomings!

I'm at the point where I've lost quite a bit of weight and get a barrage of people (family & friends) telling me I must be there now and I mustn't lose anymore yet I'm still 5 lbs outside of the healthy range for my height. Generally though family and friends have been delighted with my progress.

Agreed. Same sex can always be a lot more competitive. I wouldnt get jealous of a guyfriend who lost a bunch of weight, but I would feel a bit envious if a girlfriend of mine did.

LolaGotThin

I have always been very picky about who I call my friends. As a result, I have a handful of girlfriends and every single one tells me that I'm doing great. I try to cheer them on too, because a few are also struggling with weight loss. I know I can text any one of them at any time and say, "I've lost x amount of pounds!" and they'll say, "That's so awesome!" or "Keep it up!" or "Lookin sexyyy!"
I guess I just have better friends lol.

MsMarketeer

I swear, I think sometimes girls are out to sabotage other girls! It sounds bad, but in any weight loss attempt I've made (except this recent one).. one of my "friends" has tried to mess with me about it: either in meeting up in restaurants that have little healthy food choices, or making snide comments, or in saying just what you said or to the effect of, "oh you spend ALL your time at the gym now, that's all you do" kind of thing.

I've recently been keeping those friends at a distance, because they really can't relate to how I'm living my life now. I know some people will think that's cruel, but life changes and people change, and are your friends really friends if they don't like the new and improved you?? I mean, you're making better choices for yourself, so they should be cheering you on, not bringing you down!

I completely agree! So sick of women saying "OMG, I HATE YOU!" then say, just kidding (or not). They are just so jealous because they havent put in the work I have. I lost 60 lbs and worked my butt off (literally) to do it. My guy friends? NOTHING BUT SUPPORTIVE! Even told me when I started looking too thin. One guy was so cute...said, "Okay, Stick a fork in ya, you're done (losing weight)"

Kenzietea2

The older I've become, the more I realize it is completely OK to burn bridges. I've been much healthier happier cutting out some of the negative, jealous people in my life, and I also don't regret it for a minute.

Kenzietea2

Guys are nicer...
because they want to sleep with you.

and yes, this is true. LOL

_Bob_

The older I've become, the more I realize it is completely OK to burn bridges. I've been much healthier happier cutting out some of the negative, jealous people in my life, and I also don't regret it for a minute.

people that are a drain on you are not worth giving any of your energy to. I've had nay sayers and I just don't talk to them anymore

Artemis_Acorn

Yes - I actually had a 'friend' who was going around to our mutual friends telling them that I thought I was 'too good for them now' and trying to turn them against me. I cut HER out of my life, and some of my other friends fell by the wayside because they felt a need to pick sides. I say that life is too short for this kind of drama to get you down.

Who knew that improving yourself could expose the worst in others? I'm sure someone could have told me to expect it, but on a positive note, now I know who my TRUE friends are, which is a bonus.

SewerUrchin

I've recently moved, so have no friends that I physically socialise with, although a few friends have been of the "Oh, just eat some cake, real women have curves, come on, have a beer, one night pigging out on pizza won't hurt" persuasion.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that my partner doesn't help much with my progress though. He's been known to physically stuff biscuits into my mouth. I think it's a case of him feeling that his unhealthy diet is validated if I eat the same one.

I also have a friend who's very into the whole fat acceptance movement, which is fine; it's her body, she can do what she wants with it. Unfortunately, she's also developed this rather condescending attitude that, if you're trying to lose weight, you're a vain bimbo brainwashed by society's definition of beauty. As such, she keeps smugly going on about how she's fat and happy and doesn't need to "starve herself" to feel attractive. Kind of grating.

saragato

For the most part, everyone in my life has been supportive. However, I did have a friend that flat out told me that she didn't want me to lose weight because she liked having a "fat sidekick." Yeah, that friendship ended quickly.

I had a friend like that. For all the years we knew one another I was short and overweight and she was tall and thinner, but by no means a healthy weight either. But basically I made her look good because I didn't dress to impress guys (I wasn't interested in dating at the time) and she wore clothes that were too tight and revealed too much and guys looooved her. When her last relationship ended badly she clung to that to the point she was letting her male coworkers call my cell at 9pm on Fridays to call me a hermaphrodite and ask me if I was a hooker. (I have a deep voice for a girl and I think they believed because she was as ready and willing as she was, I might be too) After I began dating a male friend I'd known almost as long as her she tried sabotaging the relationship by refusing to meet him and then turning around and telling me that I was "obviously just in it to lose my virginity" and he was going to rape and kill me. Her dumping me at a concert two months later was the breaking point. I'm asthmatic and didn't know the venue was smoker friendly and after 3 hours I was on the verge of needing an ambulance. She left me at the back of the place by the bar, got me one cup of water, then returned to where she was because she had flirted with a guy next to us all evening.

Long story short I shifted my 'role' in our friendship and she took it about as well as a 5 year old does when you take their favorite toy. I bent over backwards for that woman. The day I ended our friendship she posted on Facebook she was going to get drunk and was blaming her "need to do it" on me. Pfft, whatever.

Toxic friends are pretty much just that; toxic. If they're causing you a lot of stress, are hurting you, or just generally strain the relationship then you don't need them. Doesn't matter how long you've known them. If they can't cheer you on or be helpful, they're not worth it. Friendship is give and take.

CrazyDaisysMommy

Steer clear of frenemies! My philosophy on friendship is that it should be positive, supportive and respectful. If one person in the friendship isn't able to behave that way, then I'd rethink the benefit of having that relationship at all. At the end of my 20s I purged my life of toxic frenemies. I wish them well, but for whatever reason they were unable to be a real friend, so there was no reason to keep them around. I have absolutely no regrets.

Mcmilligen

One very close friend of mine of about three years has been in a "self-loathing" rut for the past while, and it has been bringing me down. It seems as if I need to be as miserable as he is, in order for me to be "normal" or supportive of what he is apparently going through on a daily basis. When really, the fact of the matter is- HE'S the one with the problem. As close as we were, I didn't see the point in putting fourth any more effort to continue the friendship. After months of him being constantly annoyed at my efforts to track my nutrition and fitness, and him brooding over seemingly "important" issues that are eating both him and myself away (he was leaning on me for advice, yet, I never once heard him ask how I was)... I had had enough. I haven't severed him from my life, but I told him EXACTLY how I was feeling. He has since seemed to cut off all contact, because to him, I seem to have "deserted" his needs. But really, what kind of a friendship is that? It seems pretty one sided to me.

So long story short: Although it is difficult, you DESERVE to have positive and loving people in your life who support you and want only the best for you. If this person is damaging, draining or consistently negative... Chances are, you will be much happier and better off without them. I know I am.

Allegra289

It is amazing how similar people's experiences are. I have plenty of girlfriends who tell me what a good job I am doing, or whatever. My boyfriend cheers me on every time I go on a long run and tells me how impressed he is. My brother, my dad, and guy friends are nothing but supportive. It was this one girl - I offered to workout with her every single time I went, but after months of her saying no I gave up. Then she started to get rude, petty, and I guess jealous. It was hard to see when it was happening but now that I've moved on I can see it for what it was.

monicaroozo

I agree that this is a lifestyle thing. Friends (and yes, even very good and emotionally supportive friends) who are not watching what they eat or do not have to watch what they eat may encourage you to slip and break your habits by splurging on that icecream with them or those extra fries. Who knows... our diets might even be making them feel guilty about their lifestyles too??

Just be strong and say thank you for the offer - or offer up an idea of a treat that can be healthy for you both!! Either way, if they are the good friends you love and trust, they will still be there for you when you really need them most.

samiam321123

I have a very hard time thinking anyone could ever be jealous of me. But that's usually exactly what it is. You are working hard and achieving your goals and some people just don't want you to succeed because it shows how lazy they are.

The people who have made negative comments to me are the people I no longer speak to. If you are going to take something positive in my life and try to make it negative to make yourself feel better then I don't have time for you.

BAMFMeredith

I had one friend like this, not as it pertains to weight loss, but she was just truly negative energy in my life. To remedy this, I severed our friendship. It stung a bit, but I have not had a moment's regret, and I feel so much better. Personally, I think it just boiled down to plain ol' jealousy.

I went through the EXACT same thing. This girl was just SO negative about everything at all times and it got to be exhausting.

I was friends with her for a long time then she lost a ton of weight (but in a really unhealthy way--I outweigh her by 40 lbs now and she has almost the same body fat % as I do!) and all she did was hardly eat and walked on the treadmill like 3 times a week, and did 5 lbs dumbbell curls. That's it. Every time I would hit the gym hard or lift heavier weights or something she always had something to say like "you're not gonna lose weight that way, you just have to eat less" or "you're gonna get all bulky like that" and stuff. It got SO annoying. Just super negative and finally I realized she's jealous that I'm in such better shape than she is even though she's so much skinnier.

She got to be a drain on my energy altogether, and we don't even speak anymore because I got so tired of her bad attitude. The way I see it, embrace people who lift you up and improve your life and make you feel good about yourself. People who do not add anything positive to your life and who drag you down aren't worth your time.

kit_katty

I agree that this is a lifestyle thing. Friends (and yes, even very good and emotionally supportive friends) who are not watching what they eat or do not have to watch what they eat may encourage you to slip and break your habits by splurging on that icecream with them or those extra fries. Who knows... our diets might even be making them feel guilty about their lifestyles too??

Just be strong and say thank you for the offer - or offer up an idea of a treat that can be healthy for you both!! Either way, if they are the good friends you love and trust, they will still be there for you when you really need them most.

Not necessarily, though I understand where you're coming from, as a lifestyle thing. My two best friends are both over weight, both want to do something about it, but don't, and they both know what I'm doing because I've told them. But when I say, hey I had a great run! Or, I've lost X pounds! They're right there for me! Cheering me on, telling me how great it is. Neither are ready to make the journey themselves (though one eats rather healthily but for some reason thinks that it doesn't matter then, how much she eats, so long as it's healthy :S) But both are there for me, true best friends.

Calipalm

Bump!
I really like ready what your guys are saying as far as positivity !

downsizinghoss

I am glad I am a guy. I had one friend make a crack about me trying to "get all fit... again" as if this was just another phase.

I just asked if he was nervous because I was going to be able to whoop is *kitten* again on the field soon.