not about weight..but about a creepy guy..advice please
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TELL YOUR LANDLORD FOR REALZ0
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You are not over-reacting at all! This guy sounds like a class A creep. You shouldn't be afraid to go outside your own apartment. I agree with the others that the first step is to look him up to see if he is a sex offender and then talk with your landlord. The police can help because he is bothering you-stalking is an offense and I definately don't think that is taking things too far. You need to be safe girly! I also agree that someone should come stay with you, preferably a large burly man but a girl would do
I don't think I offered any new advice but I hope I encouraged you to take steps to protect yourself. Good luck!!! 0 -
to add to everything everyone else has already said - log everything
keep a diary, and make a note of everything he does that's creepy
hopefully you'll never need it, but if you do, you've got it
that advice comes from having a friend that has a harassment order out against her neighbour0 -
Do not get back at him in any form. While it may be satisfying to give him a good ol' "*kitten* you" or a face full of pepper spray, if you turn around and complain about him, you've given him ammunition against you. If you really feel a need to say something to him, blatantly tell him to leave you alone, his company is unwanted. If he persists after that, then you have a stronger case.
Like the others have said, make your landlord aware of the behavior. I'm not sure what the police could do at this point given it's your word against his and unless the guy does have a record of harassment or stalking or really just anything it will be dismissed, more than likely. I'll also echo the advice of having someone stay with you for a few days, not only to give you security but to be witness to anything he does, if he'll do anything with someone around.0 -
If it were happening to me, I would first start by checking to see if he is a registered sex offender or has a record.
Speak with your landlord about what is going on, see if they can be of help.
This!
I'd check your state's database ASAP. Also, tell the landlord so that there is some kind of record, then start telling the landlord EVERY TIME he harasses you.
The jumping out at you thing is NOT OKAY. If it happens again I'd tell him (as calmly as you can) that you do not like it, that it makes you uncomfortable and that if it happens again, you are going to start reporting it as harrassment to the police. Then actually report him. SO MANY TIMES bullies like this go unchecked becase people don't actually take the time to tell the appropriate authorities. After 2-3 complaints you can file a restraining order if it persists.
Sorry you are having to go through that. We should ALL get to feel safe in our own homes!0 -
Check the sex offender registry just to be sure.
Talk to your landlord
Do not initiate contact, even to give him a good cussing.
Get pepper spray, it's a non-deadly deterrent.
If your landlord does nothing, talk to the police for advice, better yet, if they're not busy have them meet you at your apartment so he'll see them.
JM0 -
I second the suggestions of checking into his background, carrying pepper spray, getting a dog if feasible, logging everytime he does something creepy so you have a record of it, and telling your landlord the situation. You have a right to feel safe in your own home, that includes rentals.0
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everyone is telling you great adivce so please listen and by all means do not provke him in any way....Also get a whistle a very good one not a cheap plastic one...Keep it around your neck at all times when you step out your door or even go to open it...if he comes near you start blowing and don't stop until someone comes looking. Also talk with your neighbors and let a few of them know, that way they can also keep an eye out on you and him.
Please don't take my next statement wrong: Check what you are wearing (clothes) while working out--some outfits can make crazy guys crazier. I say this because I work on a college campus and some of the outfits these girls wear --well lets just say the outfits look like nothing more than tights, and not all of them are working out.
Again please don't take that staement in a negitave way....
Remember keep the whistle around your neck not in your hand
**Side note: get a walking DVD that way you can workout in the safety of your home and not have to do the stairs-then he can't watch you as much**
Also check with your local Mall- a lot of malls have what you call Mall walkers, these are people that just walk around inside the mall for exercise this is usaully before the mall opens.0 -
If it were happening to me, I would first start by checking to see if he is a registered sex offender or has a record.
Speak with your landlord about what is going on, see if they can be of help.
Not that the police can do anything because he is "creepy", but I would talk to my local police station and see what could be done - file a stalking report, have the police come out and check on you..not sure.
I would also take a picture of him (a really good photo) give it to the police and give it to your folks. Make sure his name on it and any other information about him is on it.
Do you have anyone that can come and stay with you for a few days? It might be a good idea to have someone else check this guy out. Make sure they get a good look at him and that he knows this person saw him.
Maybe get a really, big dog and train the dog to attack only him! :noway:
Hopefully, someone on MFP is with the police department and can give you some better advice.
This minus the dog attack.0 -
Talk to your landlord by all means, he may be able to do something if your antagonist is also one of his/her tennants, but why not go straight to the police?
They can talk to him and at least mark his card for you. If the behaviour continues you then have a logged record with the authorities when you subsequently complain.
Good luck0 -
You are NOT overreacting. It's impossible to know whether a guy like this will escalate or not so its best to err on the side of caution.
The way I see it you have a couple courses of action.
After some consideration I think its probable that in the end you will have to move if you want any peace of mind. I know its unfair, a total hassle, and considering I don't know your situation--may present with huge difficulties.
BUT I would personally consider it necessary.
As I said other than that you've got two courses of actions. One would be obvious and one way or another let this guy know you are considering him real danger. I honestly don't know if that is the best option. The other way is to start taking a lot of precautions but not really let him know, find a place to move to and get the heck out of there.
Either way I would start by immediately buying some pepper spray, carry with you at all times and make sure you have it at easy access with safety off. Also I would, sadly, limit your out door activity near your complex. ALSO alert friends and family to the situation and make sure you have someone checking up on you on a regular basis. Start looking into records right away, if you know his full name search any databases for him as a sex offender, also you can look him up in area prisons websites. If he is on parole or was recently released they should still have him on record. Tell the landlord about your concerns so that he/she knows there is a creep living there. If you move you don't want this creep finding out your new address so take actions to make sure he doesn't--in other words make sure anybody who would know will know its very important that he NOT know.
If you decide to file a police report--while they may not be able to DO anything its good to have an official record. Also they will know if he has a record of ANY kind. If he is on parole they can question him with very little reason. If they do this it could very well scare him off. Also talk with your landlord to see if there is anything that can be done. These actions however will could alert this guy--he may be resentful and it may trigger him to escalate. Someone with more knowledge could tell you if you could file the report with the police while not having them inform them. I honestly don't know about all that.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Again though you should be fully aware that this kind of behavior could escalate and the danger is very real. Honestly if a man had acted in this manner towards me I would, if possible, already be looking for another place to live as soon as possible AND I might even find someone to stay with in the meantime.0 -
Please don't take my next statement wrong: Check what you are wearing (clothes) while working out--some outfits can make crazy guys crazier. I say this because I work on a college campus and some of the outfits these girls wear --well lets just say the outfits look like nothing more than tights, and not all of them are working out.
even with the disclaimer, this comment is inappropriate. Whatever she wears, is fine. Nothing she wears gives anyone the right to harass her in any way. Please do not further this victim-blaming mentality. This kind of thinking is why women tell themselves they won't report the harassment or rape they suffered because somehow their clothing means they deserved it. Nothing could be further from the truth. This creep is harassing her because he is a creep. NOT because of her clothing choices.0 -
Please don't take my next statement wrong: Check what you are wearing (clothes) while working out--some outfits can make crazy guys crazier. I say this because I work on a college campus and some of the outfits these girls wear --well lets just say the outfits look like nothing more than tights, and not all of them are working out.
even with the disclaimer, this comment is inappropriate. Whatever she wears, is fine. Nothing she wears gives anyone the right to harass her in any way. Please do not further this victim-blaming mentality. This kind of thinking is why women tell themselves they won't report the harassment or rape they suffered because somehow their clothing means they deserved it. Nothing could be further from the truth. This creep is harassing her because he is a creep. NOT because of her clothing choices.
I think I like you more and more every time you comment. This is so true, and many women think this way and it is wrong! It is NEVER the victims fault that because they were in even shorts and a sports bra something happened to them. NEVER.
To the OP. Please follow all the brilliant responses here. The only thing I would say not to do, is don't talk to him. It may provoke the situation, I mean don't even tell him you're going to report him. If he does have a record, things could get bad fast. Simply mind your business, continue your day and contact the landlady and your local police. Get pepper spray, and yes if feasible, get a big dog and have a friend come stay with you for a while. This is YOUR home, home is a place to feel safe and this d-bag is infringing on that. I would also say to speak with your neighbours even just to give them a heads up about this guy and that he makes you uncomfortable - at least that way you'll have some support in the building. Also, do not listen to whomever is saying you are over reacting. They are wrong. You feel your safety is being compromised and your feelings are 100% valid.0 -
Pepper Spray. Next time he jumps out at you give him a faceful.
While carrying a weapon is good in concept, close range (aka not a gun) weapons are more likely to be used against you as a woman. It is very easy for even a weak man to overpower the average female.
I recommend also contacting the police. At least they will have record of his behavior toward you. Maybe record the phone call as they might not keep the record (even if they say they will).
My school is located in "crazy land." You can't walk a foot off campus without some creepy guy being there. I was used to being stalked by guys, but last year one of them sexually assaulted me. I was very fortunate to come out both alive and std free.Please don't take my next statement wrong: Check what you are wearing (clothes) while working out--some outfits can make crazy guys crazier. I say this because I work on a college campus and some of the outfits these girls wear --well lets just say the outfits look like nothing more than tights, and not all of them are working out.
Again please don't take that staement in a negitave way....
Ps: The police told me that this is a myth. I was wearing baggy clothing and was told I was a target because I wasn't dressed in sexy, tight clothing. They recommended wearing tighter clothing that is more difficult to remove since "time is of the essence" during a sexual assault taking place in public. Also, it can make a woman seem more confident. Confident women are more likely to fight back and be loud.
Good luck! Also, please don't open the door unless you know who it is...he can easily push his way in and hurt you.0 -
I would not approach him if I were you. I know this is going to sound a bit extreme but I would approach the police and ask them to run his record. They may even offer to talk to him about his behavior. And if it turns out he has no record, who cares! I think as females we have to listen to our intuition and stop trying to be polite. Either way this should let him know your not going to stand for this, and then he will also know that the police are now aware to.0
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You would be surprised of how many people ask a rape victim what they were wearing. Come on people ( or should I say Ignoramis) 1 in 6 women will be the victim or have an attempt of rape in their lifetimes and it has nothing to do with what they are wearing. I wonder if the lady who wrote the earlier post would not feel as bad for a rape victim if she saw that the victim was wearing a short skirt. LAME!0
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smith and wesson 44 by your bedside will make you feel a lot better...
ask that girl in OK that shot and killed the guy breaking into her room a month or so ago... while she had 911 on the phone. it was all over the news.. her husband had just died...0 -
This is another reason why we're friends.
Please don't take my next statement wrong: Check what you are wearing (clothes) while working out--some outfits can make crazy guys crazier. I say this because I work on a college campus and some of the outfits these girls wear --well lets just say the outfits look like nothing more than tights, and not all of them are working out.
even with the disclaimer, this comment is inappropriate. Whatever she wears, is fine. Nothing she wears gives anyone the right to harass her in any way. Please do not further this victim-blaming mentality. This kind of thinking is why women tell themselves they won't report the harassment or rape they suffered because somehow their clothing means they deserved it. Nothing could be further from the truth. This creep is harassing her because he is a creep. NOT because of her clothing choices.0 -
You are NOT overreacting. It's impossible to know whether a guy like this will escalate or not so its best to err on the side of caution.
The way I see it you have a couple courses of action.
After some consideration I think its probable that in the end you will have to move if you want any peace of mind. I know its unfair, a total hassle, and considering I don't know your situation--may present with huge difficulties.
BUT I would personally consider it necessary.
I agree with the above. Everyone has given really good advice, try it! But in the end, if you still feel TRAPPED and that you are NOT SAFE... MOVE! Your security is of the utmost importance, if you do not feel safe in your own home the best thing you can do is move.
Do not provoke this guy. Do not cuss him out or make any gestures that seem to annoy him (rolling your eyes). If he does something to make you feel uncomfortable, you need to firmly tell him, make a note of it and make sure you tell someone else everything that happens.
Sorry, I do not mean to scare you but in this day and age you cant really trust anyone, especially when they give you that 'vibe' - afterall that is what alerts us to *possible* danger. Follow your instincts and do what is right for you! Good luck.0 -
Ps: The police told me that this is a myth. I was wearing baggy clothing and was told I was a target because I wasn't dressed in sexy, tight clothing. They recommended wearing tighter clothing that is more difficult to remove since "time is of the essence" during a sexual assault taking place in public. Also, it can make a woman seem more confident. Confident women are more likely to fight back and be loud.
Good luck! Also, please don't open the door unless you know who it is...he can easily push his way in and hurt you.
Very interesting information and a good thing to aware of.0
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