Hypocrite problem

muffin_shufflin

So my best friend is being the hugest hypocrite on Earth right now. She broke up with her boyfriend after some not so good stuff went down. She now has a new boyfriend, so she's basically diappeared for the most part. Well her ex & I are going hiking on Friday. I told her about it a few days ago & she was completely fine with it. Then last night she suddenly ambushes me with questions like "Do you like him" "Would you date him" & then proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't & it'd be messed up if I did. Now before everyone jumps on me & says i'm in the wrong, let me just mention that her current boyfriend is the ex of her old best friend. And she hooked up with another ex of that same friend. So does she really have any right to tell me I couldn't date him? Not saying anything will happen anyways, it's a hike for god sakes. But IF it did, could she really tell me I can't?

ishallnotwant

I think you ladies need to stop passing that guy around. There are a lot of other men in the world. :flowerforyou: Man, he must think he's a Greek god or something to have all you girls wanting to date him one after the other.

muffin_shufflin

Lol he's by no means being passed around. That's not the point of this anyways

ishallnotwant

If it's about the friendship...may I ask how long it has been since they broke up? How would you feel about possibly losing her friendship over spending time with this guy? I do think it's important to really think it out, some people can get weird about friends dating their exes...maybe you could talk to her and ask her if she was serious when she said all of that stuff, or if it was just curiosity on her part. She could be resentful of him still after the breakup, or she could actually know something about him that makes her feel it would be a bad choice for you to date him. Not trying to put him down, but there must be some reason that he didn't last with her or the best friend before her. I kind of think I would be uncomfortable being more than friends with someone if I knew a couple of people they had dated. To me, it seems less intimate to date someone when I know one or more of my friends has shared private moments, dates, memories, etc. with them already...

ninerbuff

Women are silly when it comes to men. All men think about is....................."can she make a sammich?":laugh:


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

muffin_shufflin

You make a very good point It just annoys me that she's trying to tell me I can't when she's the one that cheated & left him. And was with two of her friend's exs. They've been broken up for months & she's completely happy with her new boyfriend. I understand the friendship part. But still.. I don't think she has room to talk.

muffin_shufflin

Women are silly when it comes to men. All men think about is....................."can she make a sammich?":laugh:


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I make a whoop-*kitten* sammich

ishallnotwant

You make a very good point It just annoys me that she's trying to tell me I can't when she's the one that cheated & left him. And was with two of her friend's exs. They've been broken up for months & she's completely happy with her new boyfriend. I understand the friendship part. But still.. I don't think she has room to talk.

I agree that she doesn't sound like she has room to talk, lol...I just wasn't sure if she is a good friend of yours, or mostly an acquaintance, which is why I thought it might be a good idea to weigh the pros and cons of the friendship vs. getting to know the guy a little better.

flyawaybyebye

Whether she "has room to talk" or not is beside the point. It sounds like the idea of you dating her ex bothers her. If you want to preserve the friendship, you probably can't date the guy, even if she's dating everyone else on the planet. If you don't care about preserving the friendship, you can date him, but it might cost you a friend. It doesn't matter if her feelings about you dating him are hypocritical or not. She still feels however she feels, and if you date him and it bugs her, it will still hurt your friendship, even if she's doing the same thing by dating someone else's ex. So, don't worry about who her new boyfriend used to date - worry about whether this guy is worth losing a friend over, and/or whether her friendship is something you care enough about to make you opt not to date this guy. That's a decision we can't make for you, and there really is no "right" answer - just whatever answer makes you happiest in the long run.

muffin_shufflin

You make a very good point It just annoys me that she's trying to tell me I can't when she's the one that cheated & left him. And was with two of her friend's exs. They've been broken up for months & she's completely happy with her new boyfriend. I understand the friendship part. But still.. I don't think she has room to talk.

I agree that she doesn't sound like she has room to talk, lol...I just wasn't sure if she is a good friend of yours, or mostly an acquaintance, which is why I thought it might be a good idea to weigh the pros and cons of the friendship vs. getting to know the guy a little better.

She's one of my best friends & I lover her to pieces. But she's kind of selfish & wants everything to go her way. Even getting in the way of a chance for other people (especially people she's hurt) to be happy.

muffin_shufflin

Whether she "has room to talk" or not is beside the point. It sounds like the idea of you dating her ex bothers her. If you want to preserve the friendship, you probably can't date the guy, even if she's dating everyone else on the planet. If you don't care about preserving the friendship, you can date him, but it might cost you a friend. It doesn't matter if her feelings about you dating him are hypocritical or not. She still feels however she feels, and if you date him and it bugs her, it will still hurt your friendship, even if she's doing the same thing by dating someone else's ex. So, don't worry about who her new boyfriend used to date - worry about whether this guy is worth losing a friend over, and/or whether her friendship is something you care enough about to make you opt not to date this guy. That's a decision we can't make for you, and there really is no "right" answer - just whatever answer makes you happiest in the long run.

Thanks

CuteAndCurvy83

Wish I knew what to tell you, I was in a serious relationship with a guy (we talked marriage) for 2 years before I broke it off with him, afterwards my best friend told me she thought he liked her so I pretty much just told her if she liked him, then go for it, she told me he really wasn't her type, but they remained friends, fast forward a few years, and he and I decided to give it another chance, Of course I told my best friend, she then told me she was kind of mad and upset with me because I had basically given her permission to date him those years back, and I was back with him, so I kind of took him away from her..She told me and him both over the years that he wasn't her type..Anywho it never worked out...

muffin_shufflin

Wish I knew what to tell you, I was in a serious relationship with a guy (we talked marriage) for 2 years before I broke it off with him, afterwards my best friend told me she thought he liked her so I pretty much just told her if she liked him, then go for it, she told me he really wasn't her type, but they remained friends, fast forward a few years, and he and I decided to give it another chance, Of course I told my best friend, she then told me she was kind of mad and upset with me because I had basically given her permission to date him those years back, and I was back with him, so I kind of took him away from her..She told me and him both over the years that he wasn't her type..Anywho it never worked out...

Oh boy. That's a clusterf*ck. I'm sorry it didn't work out :flowerforyou:

firesoforion

Regardless of her prior actions, I really don't think she has any room to decide who you can and can't date. They have decided they don't want to date each other (and presumably she's over it, otherwise it's a different issue), and that means she doesn't have any say over who he dates, and she sure doesn't have any say over who you date, so, well, that's the way I see it. That doesn't necessarily mean that's what I'd do in your position (and the fact that people of my opinion seem to be in the minority means you'll probably have to deal with some drama if you did, and you'd have to decide whether or not it was worth it), but I think you have every right to...

muffin_shufflin

Regardless of her prior actions, I really don't think she has any room to decide who you can and can't date. They have decided they don't want to date each other (and presumably she's over it, otherwise it's a different issue), and that means she doesn't have any say over who he dates, and she sure doesn't have any say over who you date, so, well, that's the way I see it. That doesn't necessarily mean that's what I'd do in your position (and the fact that people of my opinion seem to be in the minority means you'll probably have to deal with some drama if you did, and you'd have to decide whether or not it was worth it), but I think you have every right to...

This is what I was thinking. I doubt anything will happen anyways, but it's the principle lol

AllanMisner

Sounds like it may be your turn for "some not so good stuff went down" in your life. Enjoy!

ilookthetype

I think that "dating an ex" rule depends on the girl. My best dated my ex (he was also my very first boyfriend) and I couldn't have cared less. However, she's been hurt by all the guys who dated her, even if she did the breaking up the relationship always ended with her being hurt in some way. I'd never date one of her exes for this reason, I've always been the dumper and never was even sad at the end of the relationship, this is why she had no problem dating my ex. It totally depends on the girl and on how she feels about it. Honestly, is a guy worth upsetting your friend?

chrishgt4

If it were me, it wouldn't matter what my friend had done (within reason), I'd be on his side and wouldn't go anywhere near his ex.

Just because someone breaks up with a person, doesn't mean that there isn't still something there. Even if they see them out with a random stranger it just pangs a bit, so imagine how you would feel if your ex was off with someone you were friends with. It doesn't matter who she is dating. If she says it's ok that's one thing, but if she has a problem with it, and you are her friend, you should respect that.

If, however, you actually like this guy then you should ask her up front. You don't have to do what she says, but you should at least tell her first.

And the fact that she may or may not have done wrong isn't justification for you to do something that it seems you think is wrong. If you didn't you wouldn't be questioning it and trying to excuse it.

skinnieminniemouse

I don't think she has the right to jump to conclusions and speak to you that way when she has done it herself. But if anything was going to happen I think, as her friend, it would be better if you spoke to her about it first.

Carl01

She doesn`t sound like any kind of person I would want as a best friend as it is clearly a one sided thing for her.

Tiffa0909

Just go on the Hike and ignore her , if she can't trust you that's her problem and she has issues with what she did to her other friend.

One friend does not determine or control my relationship with other individuals.

sunkisses

I think that "dating an ex" rule depends on the girl. [...] It totally depends on the girl and on how she feels about it. Honestly, is a guy worth upsetting your friend?

This. For some friends this situation is ok, but it's very clear to your best friend that seeing you date her ex (regardless of whether she's done it to someone else) would hurt her.

If you seriously want this guy, and to be honest you've got the whole "it just happened" scenario lined up waiting to shoot - but if you seriously want to date him, you need to have the decency to sit your friend down and tell her to her face. "I think I'm into [guy's name]." Don't be a puss and act like you're just going on a hike and "oops we fell for each other". Even in this post you've not yet stated that you would NOT date him. Instead, you seem to want validation for your feelings.

So be a "big girl" and handle your friend with respect. She deserves it. I've been friends with the same woman since she was a 10 year old girl (23 years now). I've never kept a boyfriend for more than 7 years. Remember who sticks around and loves you forever.

chrishgt4

I think that "dating an ex" rule depends on the girl. [...] It totally depends on the girl and on how she feels about it. Honestly, is a guy worth upsetting your friend?

This. For some friends this situation is ok, but it's very clear to your best friend that seeing you date her ex (regardless of whether she's done it to someone else) would hurt her.

If you seriously want this guy, and to be honest you've got the whole "it just happened" scenario lined up waiting to shoot - but if you seriously want to date him, you need to have the decency to sit your friend down and tell her to her face. "I think I'm into [guy's name]." Don't be a puss and act like you're just going on a hike and "oops we fell for each other". Even in this post you've not yet stated that you would NOT date him. Instead, you seem to want validation for your feelings.

So be a "big girl" and handle your friend with respect. She deserves it. I've been friends with the same woman since she was a 10 year old girl (23 years now). I've never kept a boyfriend for more than 7 years. Remember who sticks around and loves you forever.

^^ This

coliema

Jerry, Jerry.

slayerdan

Sounds about appropriate behavior for teens.....glad you brought this to the weight loss site. Maybe you should ditch them all for a whole new set of friends.

TheRoadDog

Would you be okay with her going out with your Ex?

AnnaPixie

I would never date a friends ex, and I would expect my friends never to date an ex of mine!! End of!

The moral is yours, not hers.

Good luck and enjoy the hike :flowerforyou:

muffin_shufflin

Sounds about appropriate behavior for teens.....glad you brought this to the weight loss site. Maybe you should ditch them all for a whole new set of friends.

You do realize it's in the "chit-chat" section, right? So I can post anything. If you have a problem with what sounds like my "appropriate teen behavior", you can leave the thread

And to the girl that said I hadn't once said I wouldn't date him, I didn't say it because I don't know. As of right now, no I wouldn't. But down the line, who knows? You can't help who you fall for.

Thanks for all the replies, guys

_Timmeh_

So my best friend is being the hugest hypocrite on Earth right now. She broke up with her boyfriend after some not so good stuff went down. She now has a new boyfriend, so she's basically diappeared for the most part. Well her ex & I are going hiking on Friday. I told her about it a few days ago & she was completely fine with it. Then last night she suddenly ambushes me with questions like "Do you like him" "Would you date him" & then proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't & it'd be messed up if I did. Now before everyone jumps on me & says i'm in the wrong, let me just mention that her current boyfriend is the ex of her old best friend. And she hooked up with another ex of that same friend. So does she really have any right to tell me I couldn't date him? Not saying anything will happen anyways, it's a hike for god sakes. But IF it did, could she really tell me I can't?

Hmmm where do I start :laugh: First off, go for it!
Long story short....
My wife and I started dating after my girlfriend, who she was friends with, and I broke up. It wasn't right away, bout 8 or 9 months later. She freaked out, she eventually got over it and they are back to being friends now.
We got married, going on 6 years now.

Edited to add; the ex girlfriend moved on right away to dating a handful of different guys

Antigone

You make a very good point It just annoys me that she's trying to tell me I can't when she's the one that cheated & left him. And was with two of her friend's exs. They've been broken up for months & she's completely happy with her new boyfriend. I understand the friendship part. But still.. I don't think she has room to talk.

I honestly don't think I could be freinds with somebody so petty, who clearly had no hard feelings about doing to other people exactly what she's accusing you of. I'd kick her to the curb before she does it to you.

Antigone

I should add, my husband of four years (we've been together 10 years) shortly dated a friend of mine, I set them up! Doesn't bother any of us and I'm still friends with her. If she acted the way your friend is, I'd have stopped being friends with her. I have FAR more important things to deal with, an immature jealous friend is at the bottom of that list.