Sarcastic, middle aged and a grammar grouch.

Xiaolongbao

How could you not want a friend who describes herself like that?

I've been on this site about a week now and in my cruising around (and perusing the page of the one friend I do have) I've noticed that positivity is all the rage. Someone posts something and then a load of other people chime in with a "Great job". Now I don't in any way want to devalue positive support and if that stuff works for you that's great (and there are a lot of people logging some pretty impressive losses) but it doesn't quite float my boat.

I'm looking for imaginary friends (sorry, this is the internet, to me you're all imaginary) who maybe won't be quite so upbeat. It will also help if you can tolerate the odd vaguely snarky comment on your page - especially if you misuse apostrophes (I know, I should get over that peeve but it's not that hard dammit your/you're... there different words).

In short I'm 37, looking to lose a decent chunk of weight and hoping this site will help me do it. I know my search for friends must come off as a little odd but I figured I can't possibly be the only fat grouch in the world.

So if you
a) spotted my intentional misspelling above and immediately wanted to point it out to me
b) managed to read all this without assuming if you met me you'd want to punch me in the face
c) want more friends
then add me. Go on, be brave.

Xiaolongbao

Oops. I'm 38.

The sad thing is that wasn't a typo, I genuinely forgot I'm not 37 any more (and it isn't like my birthday was just last week). Maybe I should add slightly senile to my list of appealing traits.

melpix123

they're different words.
edit. ah right... just kept reading and realised it was intentional.

AvonLucyR

They are different words, and I will do my best not to praise you with my usual, "Great job", if you would like to add me. :grumble:

onewhodiets

I share some of your characteristics and I hadn't seen them articulated so well here, prior to your post, so I feel compelled to friend you. (Not that I'd particularly welcome snarky comments, but someone who intends to lose (as opposed to loose) weight is someone I can appreciate, at least in part!

yager8725

Love the post. I'm a terriable speller so you should probably skip me! P.S. I did my best with punctuation so you wouldn't gouge your eye out while reading.

jaabee11

lol, sure, friend add is on the way.
By the way, your diary yesterday sucked big time, better luck for today. Good, honest logging though.

Bikini27

I still think there would be punching and yes, I am a perky person with a wicked streak wider than my own rear. This is the only thread where I thought to myself, "Now, there is a human being." Well done, imaginary person.

infractusspeculum

Someone who doesn't feel the need to vomit rainbows all over my successes and failures? It's a miracle!

LisaCFSF

Lol, they're/there... your/you're... loose/lose... I know what you mean. I'm just a bit OCD, especially when it comes to grammar. And sarcasm is just one of the services that I offer. My favorite new shirt reads: "Ask your doctor if getting off your A** would be good for you," compliments of burpeessuck.com via Cafepress. I'm positive, but not your overly perky cheerleader type! I have a dark side of which I am very proud. If you're middle aged, then I guess I'm older than dirt!

lschuttem

haha i was immediately annoyed that you miss-spelled "there"

clewis628

Friend request is on the way.

Also, this might be nit-picking but, I believe that punctuation belongs inside the quotation marks.

DannyMussels

I don't think you're fat, or a grouch.

dr_tina

Oh, I am quite fluent in sarcasm alright! I even have a 5-year-old in training who could outwit most adults with his sarcasm. HOWEVER, I warn you...I am a dichotomy because I indeed have a doctorate degree, but I cannot spell my name out of a box, as I am somewhat phonetically challenged! I just had to look up how to spell dichotomy on google just now!! Friend me if you dare, but if you crack on my spelling, you will surely get some snarky remarks right back!

P.S. I totally hate that this sight does not put words in red that are spelled wrong like the way that Word and Facebook does! Grammer...pretty good at that because I write all the time (only with spell check fully enabled!)

Hannova

If you decide to add me, I promise that the worst you'll get out of me is "Hey! You didn't suck today!"


That's about all I can promise.

TrailRunner61

Aym awl four pawsitive reinforcement sew eye gess ewe can leeve me out. A lawt of peeple git nun at home sew thay git mowtivashun on hear. Gud luck two ewe.

TOYGRRRL

LOL:laugh: I love your post! Some of the grammar on MFP irritates and highly entertains me and my daughter to no end. Especially when folks write how they want to LOOSE weight. Feel free to add me. :drinker:

Added note: Quick disclaimer. There are times when I miss a phone correction that causes some bizarre statements. I once posted "Naked me..." instead of "Makes me..." It was hilarious and I deleted and corrected it later.

Kaddyshack21

Someone who doesn't feel the need to vomit rainbows all over my successes and failures? It's a miracle!

Just wanted to say I have been on here for 4ish months. Hands down this is my favorite post......ever!!!

deanaimee

Loved this post! Good job!!!!

greasygriddle_wechnage

Oh, I am quite fluent in sarcasm alright! I even have a 5-year-old in training who could outwit most adults with his sarcasm. HOWEVER, I warn you...I am a dichotomy because I indeed have a doctorate degree, but I cannot spell my name out of a box, as I am somewhat phonetically challenged! I just had to look up how to spell dichotomy on google just now!! Friend me if you dare, but if you crack on my spelling, you will surely get some snarky remarks right back!

P.S. I totally hate that this sight does not put words in red that are spelled wrong like the way that Word and Facebook does! Grammer...pretty good at that because I write all the time (only with spell check fully enabled!)



site

delilah47

OP - I see you have (almost) the same attitude as I do when it comes to friends and the purpose of having friends here on MFP. My profile tells it all. I don't really want the responsibility of having to pamper and shower people I don't even know with undue praise about stuff any live person would be expected to do anyway. My real time friends are fulfilling/responsibility enough for me. Ya, I guess I'm a grouch.. not a grammar grouch, just a grouch.:grumble:

lgibbons9990

My grammer is grouchy...not my best feature, but if you are middle aged at 38 that I am older than old...but I read all the way through your post and found it quite refreshing, so friend me if you like...if not, your loss.

sleepytexan

That title describes me.

JustKat2020

Before we can move forward I would need to know just how you feel about the Oxford comma. If you are completely opposed to the use of it we could have an issue before we even have our first (imaginary) interaction. I simply couldn't be (imaginary) friends with someone who harbored such hatred over a poor innocent comma. Now if, in general, you feel a sense of ambiguity towards the use of said comma than we can proceed.

sharcando

Enjoyed your post! I'm also a grammar freak ~ perhaps not so much out here on the internet ~ as so many people seem to let it ride. Found your post refreshing and I too possess a half-empty, rather than half-full kind of attitude :} I'm a bit older (and more jaded for sure), but think we might find some interesting support out here! I just came on here about a week ago as well, and hope to post at least a more regular food diary out here next week . . . documentation, documentation, documentation ~ can't say it doesn't smack you in the face when you see it in writing, you know?
Hope to see you out here again.

LemonSnap

Someone posts something and then a load of other people chime in with a "Great job".

Was placing punctuation outside the quotation marks also deliberate? Subtle.

PALady4JC

Very refreshing! I'm glad to "meet" a new imaginary friend who doesn't want to always be nicey-nice in cyberspace. I'm not grouchy; I tend to relish sarcasm (giving and receiving); and, oh, don't get me started about grammar, punctuation and spelling! :explode:
As for being your friend, I don't care all that much about you really, so if you choose not to "friend" me (when did friend become a verb?!), I'll not shed any tears.

PALady4JC

Excellent!

Xiaolongbao

Thanks for all the replies, especially if you made me laugh.

First I must come clean and admit I'm a horrible speller. I cheat all the time and google words. When I forget and misspell them I try to blame it on autocorrect (apparently autocorrect isn't actually a word). That or I blame being Australian. "No, seriously, that's how we spell it in Australia."

I should have known I'd be setting myself up for failure by implying I'm some kind of spelling/grammar queen. But that's ok, I can take the knocks. Due to my inferior education I didn't realise there was a rule about where the punctuation goes in quotation marks (don't blame me, I teach maths - and yes, that 's' belongs there) but thanks to wikipedia I find that there is a difference between the British/American style so I'm going to claim to be using which ever style it is that does it the way I did it. Thus, I'm right. I'd be more specific but the article mainly just confused me.

Thanks for all the friend requests. I look forward to being abused (in cyberspace, lets keep this clean people) by many of you.

Xiaolongbao

Thank you. I'd pretend to feel sad about yesterdays diary but I can't even begin to tell you how good that guacamole was.

I'm also secretly hoping that the number I logged was an American portion and that the Japanese chain serves smaller sizes.

Xiaolongbao

Oops. I thought I could reply to individual comments but it just put my reply at the end and now I look like a crazy person talking to herself.