How do I get him to understand?

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24

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  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    Seriously? Why is this post on myfitnesspal?

    It's on the "Chit-chat, fun, and games" board. Pretty much anything goes here.
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    Um, without sounding like a judgmental *****, he sounds like a total *kitten*. I don't hear any support coming from him, and it seems like he's a chauvinistic pig. You might want to inform him that it's 2012 and he can fix his own damn plate. Furthermore, if you're staying home because it's financially the best for the family, why does he have an issue with that? Sometimes it just makes sense not to work because your paycheck would ultimately all go to daycare. Does he want to pay someone to raise his kids? IDK. I was going to defend him & say maybe he's being on the defensive because he's stressed about his job/money, but then I read about you scratching his feet & *kitten*. Eff that. No sympathy here. Get a job. Keep a stash. And leave his *kitten*.
    Testify sister! My wife is my best friend! I give HER shoulder rubs! Women have the most difficult and most stressful job in the world being moms. Not only to the kids but also to husbands.(Let's face it guys, we hardly grow up!). He should let his wife/best friend grow as a person and treat her like he would want to be treated. I can't stand guys that think they own women because they have a penis!

    Can I get an "AMEN!"?
  • meeperoon
    meeperoon Posts: 270 Member
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    I dont want to sound bad to you, but reading what youve just written, its sounds kinda harsh on him!

    He has been told that his hours are cut - which to him probably makes him feel crud.
    He has to spend all week away from you and the kids - which will make him feel like crud.
    He has to spend all week relying on a friend to stay with - pressure on the friendship.
    Wife wishes there was an easy way out - He can't wave a magic wand - makes him feel like crud.
    He can't provide enough for his family right now - makes him feel like crud.
    Pressure his job might disappear altogether - stresses him out altogether - there is no back up income.

    I appreciate the fact that things are tough but when he's stressed out doing the best he can to provide for a family of five, little comments like that can set you off. I appreciate that running a household is hard work and he might not see how much you do during the day, but coming home at the weekend to get moaned at probably isn't helping him.

    He probably appreciates the fact that deep down his kids are getting a great home life and that there is someone at home all the time, he probably really appreciates all the things you do for him but with the economy the way it is at the moment, alot of pressure is on him.

    Sorry to be blunt.
  • BIGJIMMYU
    BIGJIMMYU Posts: 1,221 Member
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    Seriously? Why is this post on myfitnesspal?

    Because mental support is an important part of fitness too.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
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    Seriously? Why is this post on myfitnesspal?

    why do you care? post or don't - who are you- the board police?
  • KJVBear33
    KJVBear33 Posts: 628
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    Seriously? Why is this post on myfitnesspal?

    Yea, I agree with Cindy here........not only that, but life.......stress......friends.......ect are ALL a part of the weight loss process. You have stress and some tend to eat..........you have a bad day.........chocolate sometimes becomes your friend. Believe me you, if there is stress or if there is a problem, I think that this is a healthy way to deal with it other than eating.

    I myself am an emotional eater so I have had to find my way around that so I don't when I have those stressed moments or bad days.........
  • riverabeth
    riverabeth Posts: 45 Member
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    I totally understand!! I have been married 9 years w/ 2 kids ages 8 & 6. I work, but only part time, because like you said if I worked any more hours I couldn't afford the child care before & after school! Our income has DECREASED by 50% since last year due to layoffs & this is definitely the off season for my husbands line of work. He has always been very sweet & supportive of me, until lately. Nothing is good enough. "Are you done working out? I wanna watch t.v. THIS is dinner? I'm tired of this healthy crap." Anyways, my take on it is he is depressed/stressed & just doesn't know how to show it. Money is tight & despite his (&my) best efforts we just aren't making ends meet. I'm just trying to stay positive & keep the lines of communication open. This too shall pass!! It's hard when you cant afford gym memberships, fancy health food products, etc. But, we have to keep our heads up & do our best. We feel in love for a reason & are in it for the long haul! (Better or worse)......FYI: This is my first post, kinda just rambled/vented, but I do feel better! Sorry! GOOD LUCK!!!
  • morgansmom02
    morgansmom02 Posts: 1,139 Member
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    I would also suggest finding a family to babysit for. In my state, you can only legally babysit one family. You can charge them $20/day and be available later than most daycares. This is what I did when I was a stay at home mom, but then I found a good paying job. Good luck and I hope you figure it out!
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
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    Never mind...totally wrong reaction to financial problems.
  • electricmeow
    electricmeow Posts: 68 Member
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    Get a job that is opposite his hours...you get a job, a paycheck, don't pay for daycare, and he gets to see what it's like to care for the household while mom is away!

    This.

    But also, 100/wk per child, 75/wk for oldest? So 275 a week so you can work? That means you could very well be working 30 hours a week just to keep your kids in daycare....but not actually contributing toward the actual costs of living that need to be addressed? Daycare is out of the question! Sure, maybe you can do a little bit of work, even a retail job 12 hours a week to pay for the groceries maybe....but what he is suggesting is totally out of line and counterproductive. Sounds like he may have some narcissistic tendencies if he's not seeing how out of line he is...not only between you two, but having no problem putting your kids through daycare unnecessarily!
  • rrcaudill
    rrcaudill Posts: 87
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    Thank you for all of the advice so far. I wasn't going to go into deep details of our relationship, but something keeps urging me to. We were separated for a little over a year about 3 years ago. Since then, he has been with 4 or 5 escorts. I have blamed myself for being overweight and not having a lot of time for him because of the kids and forgiven him. He still texts and calls girls he finds online and now my head is spinning. I know it's not a healthy situation for the kids to be in, but it's so hard for me to just kick him out today because of the kids. I can't stop shaking and crying this morning. He works nights, so he got in at midnight and went to bed at 2 and probably won't get up until around 2 this afternoon. That's what he does on the weekends...stay awake all night and sleep until afternoon. :(
  • wrenn08
    wrenn08 Posts: 1
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    You need to seek counselling to get over your need to be a victim. If I let someone treat me like that I would be too ashamed to admit it. He is abusing you because you allow it. Stand up, walk out and show your children that you have some self respect and dignity.
  • meeperoon
    meeperoon Posts: 270 Member
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    Right!!! Now I understand better forget my last post. He is an *kitten*.

    And you should tell him so!
  • kappyblu
    kappyblu Posts: 654 Member
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    :flowerforyou: Sorry you guys are having a rough time. Since his pay has dramtically declined, you may qualify for help with daycare so you can look for a job or even go back to school which they can also help with. Contact your local SRS and see what you can do.

    In the meantime, he is obviously frustrated about his hours being cut back and is taking it out on you. This of course is not okay. Is he normally a reasonable man? Hopefully you guys can have a calm conversation and tell him that you are frustrated as well. I pray you get through this difficult time hon. I think that riverabeth gave some good advice.

    And it is totally okay to post this on MFP. We are all here for support and problems like these MOST DEFINITELY contribute to stress which contribute to struggles with weight loss for anyone.

    Stay strong. :flowerforyou:
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
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    Thank you for all of the advice so far. I wasn't going to go into deep details of our relationship, but something keeps urging me to. We were separated for a little over a year about 3 years ago. Since then, he has been with 4 or 5 escorts. I have blamed myself for being overweight and not having a lot of time for him because of the kids and forgiven him. He still texts and calls girls he finds online and now my head is spinning. I know it's not a healthy situation for the kids to be in, but it's so hard for me to just kick him out today because of the kids. I can't stop shaking and crying this morning. He works nights, so he got in at midnight and went to bed at 2 and probably won't get up until around 2 this afternoon. That's what he does on the weekends...stay away all night and sleep until afternoon. :(

    Well, now there's a whole new dimension .... if half of what you're sharing is true, then that changes everything.

    Ask yourself, is this the type of relationship you'd want for your daughter? Is this the role model of what you want your children to see how a marriage should be? If you'd be happy for her to be treated in this manner, then do what you've been doing. If you would say, "No! She deserves better than this," then you need to reevaluate your current situation.
  • badgerbadger1
    badgerbadger1 Posts: 954 Member
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    This is why we don't have three kids.
  • BIGJIMMYU
    BIGJIMMYU Posts: 1,221 Member
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    Thank you for all of the advice so far. I wasn't going to go into deep details of our relationship, but something keeps urging me to. We were separated for a little over a year about 3 years ago. Since then, he has been with 4 or 5 escorts. I have blamed myself for being overweight and not having a lot of time for him because of the kids and forgiven him. He still texts and calls girls he finds online and now my head is spinning. I know it's not a healthy situation for the kids to be in, but it's so hard for me to just kick him out today because of the kids. I can't stop shaking and crying this morning. He works nights, so he got in at midnight and went to bed at 2 and probably won't get up until around 2 this afternoon. That's what he does on the weekends...stay away all night and sleep until afternoon. :(

    He sounds like a spoiled mommy's boy that never grew up. He is trying to keep you under his thumb. Put it this way...what kind of an example is he being for your kids? Your boy(s) are getting the message that men are the boss and your daughter(s) are getting taught to be subservient to men. This is none of my business but since you put it out there. My son and daughters BOTH do laundry and BOTH take out trash. No gender bias in my house. My son respects his mother and daughters respect me. Put it this way, r u happy? R your kids? No? Then make it so. Whether you stay with hubby or not. You can't live unhappy all the time. No wonder your self esteem is taking a beating! Whew! Sorry about that! Just had to vent. I will be quiet now! Just can't stand guys like this!
  • kappyblu
    kappyblu Posts: 654 Member
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    Oh wait. He is flirting and calling other women?????? DO NOT do what I did and put up with that crap for 14 years! You and your kids deserve to be treated better than this. Stand tall. Call legal aid (every county has one) and talk to them. It was a rough road for me, but I made it. I had 4 children with my ex husband (including a newborn) and got my divorce which I didn't have to pay one dime for, went on assistance, went to school and got a degree. It wasn't easy but in the end, that door that closed on my marriage opened up so many windows to so many wonderful things. Don't tell him what you are planning. Discuss it with a lawyer (legal aid) first. Don't give up. You and your children deserve to be happy. ((((HUGS)))) :flowerforyou:
  • KJVBear33
    KJVBear33 Posts: 628
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    Thank you for all of the advice so far. I wasn't going to go into deep details of our relationship, but something keeps urging me to. We were separated for a little over a year about 3 years ago. Since then, he has been with 4 or 5 escorts. I have blamed myself for being overweight and not having a lot of time for him because of the kids and forgiven him. He still texts and calls girls he finds online and now my head is spinning. I know it's not a healthy situation for the kids to be in, but it's so hard for me to just kick him out today because of the kids. I can't stop shaking and crying this morning. He works nights, so he got in at midnight and went to bed at 2 and probably won't get up until around 2 this afternoon. That's what he does on the weekends...stay awake all night and sleep until afternoon. :(

    I say unacceptable on his part!! Honestly, you DO NOT need to feel for him nor blame yourself sweetie.........HE is in the wrong, not you. And if you DO want to be in this marriage with him, I agree with everyone else here.........seek professional help. Tell him that texting and calling OTHER WOMEN is NOT okay by you. YOU have nothing to be sorry for.........YOU did not do anything wrong. He is totally and completely in the wrong. Personally, I wouldn't have forgiven him for that.

    Again, from a naive perspective, BUUUUUUUTTTTTT.......you are supposed to be there for your partner one hundred and ten percent. You stick by them through thick and thin, struggle to understand each other when you two are at odds, and you do stuff for each other. That is what it is all about. And all I see him doing is take, take, take........
  • Classalete
    Classalete Posts: 464 Member
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    Seek professional,real life counseling.

    Didn't read OP.

    ..but anytime first reply leads off with a sentence like this.

    Win.

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