I love you, you're beautiful...I'm ok with 55kg(120lbs)

CocoNuttie

Just a little background. Last year I successfully went from 144lbs to 114lbs. I wasn't big, just unhealthy and unfit. Now, I'm on my second journey to get even leaner ....and it is quite nasty. I am stressed and obsessed with calories. I'm miserable, unhappy and occupied. Last time that happened I had to stop counting as I was verging on depression.

I am already quite small but I want to be even smaller. The problem is.... honestly I don't know why.... I just feel the need to loose more weight. I'm nervous to not be losing....and i don't know when to stop. I still don't like myself in the mirror also.

Today though, my boyfriend said something that strike me....( I was getting stressed out from having a larger dinner than usual) he said it doesn't matter, he loves me, I'm beautiful and HE IS OK WITH 120lbs. He is happy for me to be 120lbs, he likes me at that weight, so I shouldn't stressed out now.

Does that sound wrong to anyone else or just me?????

He has said that many many times before (god knows where he gets the number from), even when I was heavier and it has always been in the back of my mind. I'm 118 now (it started to creep back when i stopped counting) so I shouldn't be worried but I AM. I'm starting to think that may explain my unreasonable behaviour of wanting to be smaller and smaller.....why can't he loves me at 120lb, 140lb, 180lbs or 200lbs??? Just to let you know he was the reason I loose weight the first time round. He wanted both of us to be fitter and healthier...so we used to go to gym together.

In any other way, my boyfriend of 7 years is the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. Seriously, he is caring, loving, clever, sweet and always say he love me no matter what. It just that he like being healthy and fit and like me to be so too. Only times we ever fight was when i was 140lbs and not wanting to go to gym...(my friends always say that is outrages)

Do you think he is the reason I am not happy with myself and with my look? is it unreasonable of him to want me to be fit and look good? Is it crazy of me to think that its not fair he gets to eat more than me and also wants me to be 120lbs? (I want to eat dessert every night too! but then i wouldn't be 120lbs would i??)

Sorry I babbling on for so long...just need to understand what is going on in my head...may be im just over thinking it....but please help if you can....I don't know what to do to be happy

KareninCanada

I think you might be over-analyzing it. It's entirely possible that he was just saying that to mean, "Don't worry so much, and please stop stressing out about how you look! I think you look fine as you are, or even a little heavier, and I really don't want you trying to fight your way down to a lower weight based on some misconception that I want you to."


Also, just curious whether maybe he lost someone close to him due to an obesity-related illness?